Chapter Fourteen
I stared at the spell for a few more minutes and memorized it as I glanced up at my dad, who reminded me of an inflatable bounce house at this point.
His jowls alone were big enough to swallow me whole, and every time he breathed, the windows rattled in their frames.
Twobble dropped a half-empty salt pouch on the ground.
“Tell me again why we have to do the incantation with exactly thirteen scoops of salt?” I asked. “Is that some weird number-lore or Twobble-lore?”
“Weird number-lore,” he answered with a frown. “Don’t you know by now that goblins don’t waste time for funsies? Twelve and the whole spell goes kaput, and fourteen and you might as well make soup.”
From behind the safety of the porch, Stella snorted a laugh.
“Do you think this is going to work?” I asked my vampire friend.
“I say never say never,” she remarked. “It’s worth a shot. Stonewick has had monstrous wolves and the occasional enraged gargoyle, but a bus-sized bulldog? That’s new territory.”
“He’s surprisingly calm,” she mused.
“Well, might as well make it happen. Hopefully, I don’t triple his size,” I muttered more to myself than anyone.
Twobble snapped his fingers dramatically. “Hence the lumps of salt. That’s why I was counting them. If you humans would just listen to me.”
“Right, yes, lumps, lumps,” I cut in, scooping the salt from the pouch and dumping it around my dad. “We’ll do it by the book.”
“Looks good,” Twobble said with a slow nod. “Real good.”
“Perfect. Right. Here we go,” I said, staring at my dad and pointing my wand at him.
If it made him nervous, he didn’t show it, and then I began my chant.
By starlit thread and subtle spark,
We cast aside the giant’s mark,
An image of my ex popped into my head, and I shoved it right out and kept going.
Release the swell, restore the frame,
No longer large, revert the same.
On all fours,
Make his mane half the size
But don’t let him rise.
If a bark happens
Let it spark,
Until the end when he
Appears
I stared at my dad, waiting for something to happen.
A bark, a roll, a tree lick, and…nothing happened.
His big eyes met mine, and disappointment filled me to the brim.
“It’s okay, Dad. We’ve got this. I’ll try again.”
But before I could start again, my phone buzzed in my coat pocket.
My stomach flipped at the sight of the message.
Celeste calling.
My daughter rarely called me at 11:00 a.m. unless something was seriously amiss.
Probably just a small meltdown over dad’s girlfriend or flight disaster.
I answered the call and held up a finger to silence Twobble, who was mid-lecture.
“I’ll take this. Be right back.” I stepped away from the group, pressing the phone to my ear.
“Hey, Cel,” I said softly, hoping my voice sounded calmer than I felt.
“Mom?” Celeste’s voice came out in a hushed but frantic tone. “We have a problem here. Dad is… well, he’s barking.”
I blinked. “Barking? Like… at a dog?”
“No, he is the dog…barking.” Her voice was high with alarm. “On all fours in the living room, barking at the sofa in the B&B. I think he just tried to bite it. His girlfriend got so freaked out, she ran out the front door, screaming.”
My heart nearly leaped out of my chest. “He’s…but…”
I swallowed, put the phone on speaker, and returned to my friends.
Oh no.
My mind raced when I remembered what had accidentally popped into my head during the incantation.
Or should I say who popped into my mind?
Could I possibly have tethered my ex-husband to this spell?
Celeste didn’t know about any of this magic, so I couldn’t exactly relay what might have just happened.
Although she’d probably get a kick out of it. We had the same sense of humor, and this was funny, right?
“M-Mom?” Celeste whimpered through the phone. “He’s, like, howling at the ceiling. I tried to talk to him, and he growled at me. He can’t speak words. He’s doing… dog noises.”
“Cel, sweetie, calm down. Let me think. Maybe he has food poisoning.”
“How am I supposed to calm down?” Her voice cracked. “He’s drooling everywhere, and now he’s sniffing the coffee table. I’m worried he’ll pee on the rug or something!”
A hysterical laugh nearly burst out of me, but I bit it back.
This was not funny.
Well, maybe a little.
“Can you lead him to the backyard? Maybe the cold will snap him out of it?”
“Are you kidding me?” she squeaked. “He’s 6’2” of pure dog-brain.”
That was being generous.
“Mom, I can’t just push him outside! He keeps barking at me, and it’s not English, Mom. He’s talking dog.”
I raked a hand through my hair, fighting the urge to cackle like the witch that I was.
Man, this was exactly what I needed. Sure, we had to figure out how to shrink my dad still, but I wasn’t so sure we truly needed to rectify whatever was going on with my ex.
“Did he eat anything funny? Drink anything out of the ordinary?”
“I don’t know. They were kissing a lot, and then he just started nipping at her.”
“Okay.”
“And then when my boyfriend glanced at me, we heard the first bark.”
“Listen, I’ll call you right back,” I said. “Don’t do anything drastic, okay? I will see if I can sort this out from here.”
“Sort what out?” Celeste demanded. “You’re like a million miles away, in that weird little town. Dad is drooling like a rabid retriever in the living room, and you’re going to hang up on me?”
I cringed. “I know, I know. Just try not to panic. Put a blanket over him if you can. I have a hunch it’s an allergic reaction.”
“Seriously?” she squealed. “Could I have inherited it?”
“Doubtful.”
She made a strangled whimper but agreed.
I ended the call and laughed as Keegan kept trying to slide the grin off his lips.
“This is worth every magical spell you’ve botched,” Stella congratulated me. “Think about it. They’ve all led you to this momentous moment.”
I chuckled and shook my head, glancing at Bella. “Do you have any ideas? I don’t want Celeste to think her dad has gone off the deep end.”
“Well, he did that when he cheated on you,” Keegan said flatly. “Maybe don’t rush to fix this.”
I laughed as his gaze caught mine, and I knew how lucky I was to have such amazing friends.
“Did anything odd happen to you during the spell?”
Groaning, I nodded and pressed my lips together. “Alex popped into my head.”
Keegan pressed a palm to his mouth, obviously biting back laughter.
“That’s—” He coughed. “That’s unfortunate.”
On the other hand, Stella threw her head back in a loud guffaw, quickly muffled into her coat sleeve.
Bella let out a half-yip, half-chuckle, hugging her arms around her ribs.
“Humans are something else,” Twobble said, shaking his head.
“Look,” I said, scowling though laughter threatened to bubble up, “Celeste doesn’t know about magic. She thinks I moved to Stonewick to work at the tea shop after the divorce.”
“Well, isn’t that what you did?” Stella asked.
“That had been my plan, but things have come up.”
“Your incantation hopped, skipped, and jumped into your ex’s mind. It won’t be hard to change, especially since he wasn’t the intended recipient,” Bella explained.
I glanced at my dad, who looked extremely pleased with everything.
“Here’s an important question, though.” Twobble brushed his hands over his chest and looked up at me. “Do we really need to fix this? Is it really all that bad?”
“Yes, we fix him,” I snapped, though a giggle escaped. “I can’t leave Celeste stuck with a barking Dad, can I?”
Stella patted my shoulder. “We certainly can’t unless we’re going for petty revenge. But let’s be the bigger people, yes?”
“Overrated,” Twobble hummed, and I chuckled.
Keegan cleared his throat and shook his head. “Okay, we’ve let it go on long enough. I’ll take over and turn him back.”
I stared at Keegan. “You can do that?”
“Of course. I’m a warlock.”
“Right. I forgot how handy you were.”
My phone buzzed again, Celeste’s name glaring at me.
Keegan closed his mind and recited something under his breath just as I answered the phone.
“Mom,” Celeste started and then stopped.
I heard Alex talking in the background, asking where his girlfriend went.
“Never mind. He’s back to normal.” She moaned into the phone. “I’ve probably just scared away my boyfriend. He’s out wandering the neighborhood for fresh air.”
“If he can’t handle a little hiccup now and then, he’s not the one for you.”
“Mom.”
“It’s true, but I love you, and I’m sure he’ll come around.”
“I hope so, but I’m ready to return home.”
“When will that be?”
“Two more days and then classes start again in a week.”
“I love you, Cel. Please call me if you need anything else. I’m sorry I wasn’t that much help with the case of the barking dad.”
She chuckled. “It’s just nice to hear your voice.”
“Yours too.”
We hung up, and I glanced over at my friends.
Stella wiped a tear of laughter from her eye. “I’ll never get over the image of your ex-husband growling at a couch.”
“Oops.” I smiled wider.
Keegan laughed.
My father stirred and barked a rumbling roar, reminding me he was still our next big problem.
Right. The fiasco continues, I thought, half-laughing at the mental whiplash. Gideon might lurk in shadows, my dad might remain supersized, but at least we’d dealt with the barking ex-husband meltdown. A small victory in a comedic war.
Nova closed her notebook with a snap, looking between us. “All right, team. Dad is next on the fix-it list. Let’s see if we can figure out exactly how many lumps of salt we need… or if we can hunt for a simpler method.”
Keegan groaned with mock despair.
Twobble huffed. “No one respects the lumps, I see.”
“I do,” Bella quipped. “At least when they’re sugar lumps, not salt lumps.”
Stella clapped her hands. “Focus, everyone. Let’s rescue your dad from the life of a gargantuan dog.” Then she eyed me slyly. “Unless we want to keep him for comedic intimidation against Gideon?”
That mental image…my dad bounding down the street, flattening shadows left and right—nearly made me giggle. But I shook my head. “He’d be unstoppable, sure. But let’s not get carried away. I’d rather see my dad at normal bulldog size, thanks.”
“And we want the orchard to survive,” Nova pointed out drily.
“Precisely,” I agreed.
We filed outside, scroll in hand, stepping around my dad’s giant paw. He stirred, blinking at us with that same big-brown-eyed curiosity, as if to say, Did you fix the barking man fiasco? I reached up to pat his muzzle. “Don’t worry, Dad. We’re working on you next. I promise it’ll be less complicated than my illusion's meltdown with Alex.”
He snorted, a warm gust blowing my hair askew. Over my shoulder, I heard Twobble rummaging around in the hamper for the lumps of salt again, Stella humming a comedic tune about illusions, and Bella stretching her arms, preparing synergy one more time. Keegan set up the circle, while Nova re-inked the necessary lines.
I stared up at my dad’s enormous face, feeling a swirl of both exasperation and fierce love. Sure, the spell had jumped states and turned my ex-husband into a drooling canine, but at least we saved him—and we’d do the same for my dad’s predicament. Stonewick might not be the peaceful refuge I’d pictured post-divorce, but it had given me friends, a magical synergy, and funny fiascos that were ironically healing.
I inhaled the crisp air, letting the laughter of moments before echo in my mind. Despite the meltdown, despite Gideon’s looming magic, everything felt a little brighter. My father was alive. Celeste was safe, albeit traumatized by a barking dad. Alex might be humiliated, but he’d get over it. And we, with lumps of salt and incantations, were about to attempt another fix.
Nova beckoned me to the circle, a wry smile tugging her lips. “Ready for round two?”
I exhaled, bracing myself. “Ready.”
Together, we’d turn chaos into progress. And if the spells backfired again, we had good company, a sense of humor, and a backyard big enough to hold my dad for the foreseeable future.
With that thought, I raised my wand, focusing on the synergy lines scrawled in the snow, a tiny grin playing at my mouth. The day was still young, and Stonewick always had a knack for surprising me. But if I’d learned anything from the fiasco with Alex’s barking meltdown, it was that magic might be unpredictable. Yet with friends and a bit of resilience, we’d handle whatever came next.
“Well, that did not go as planned.” Twobble grimaced, scratching his head.
“Round two, here we come,” I said, laughing, feeling lighter than I had in weeks.