Chapter 13
LAUREL
In the afternoon, I found myself on Calvin’s sofa.
The baby was okay when he wasn’t screaming. He flapped his arms, chubby fingers reaching for the rainbow bear plushie I waved above his face. It was like playing with an uncoordinated cat. He never managed to catch it, but it didn’t matter to him. He squealed as if it was the best thing ever.
“He’s not demanding when it comes to the level of entertainment, is he?”
Calvin snickered. “Not at this age, no.”
“Cool.”
A dollop of bubbly drool formed on Ray’s bottom lip as he giggled.
“Eww, little dude. You’re slobbering like a drunk.”
The baby managed to grab the plushie and shoved the head straight into his mouth.
“And I’m done.”
I sat back, wiping my hands on my T-shirt. It seemed I didn’t get any baby drool on me. Phew.
Smiling softly, Calvin picked Ray up and cuddled him to his chest. The baby could barely hold his head up yet.
I imagined cuddling him myself, and… Nope. Not going there. Calvin loved me, but he might reconsider if I dropped his kid on his head.
“So you’re quite okay with the surprise bundle here, huh?”
Calvin’s eyebrows drew together. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know. It’s not like you planned to get knocked up by a guy you just met.”
My friend let out a laugh. “No. But it’s like that with bear shifters. I told you.”
“Oliver Klondike. The guy from the town hall. He’s preggo, right?”
“Yes. He’s bonded to Frey, our mayor.”
“And he got knocked up on the spot too, right?”
“I guess. But he and Frey knew each other from before. Oliver had a crush on him growing up, but then he went away to college. When he came back, the bond between them became obvious.”
“I still think it’s crazy. You sniff a bear shifter, and your insides go gaga, and you just can’t control it?”
Blushing, Calvin gave a shy smile. “It’s really powerful. The heat is intense, but on top of that, there’s this yearning. I can barely describe it.”
I smirked. “Try.”
Calvin rolled his eyes. “It was all I could think about during the heat, okay? Having a big belly, feeling full. I fantasized about lactating, but in a really sexual way. It was freaky. I literally felt my womb like an empty space in the middle of me, aching. The desire overtook everything else. And since Barclay felt the same…” He shrugged, his cheeks reddening further.
“We went with what felt right. The breeding was such a relief.”
Huh. It sounded hot. But the slobbering consequence squirming in Calvin’s arms put a damper on the fantasy. “It’s like that for all bear-shifter mates?”
“I guess. There are contraceptives that work, and many couples opt for them during their later heats. But from what I’ve heard, most omegas have a kid from the first one.”
“Most? Not all of them?”
Calvin shrugged. “You’d have to ask Hunter about this kind of stuff.”
The baby shifted again, ogling me with his mouth open. He was cute; I had to give Calvin that. I patted his head, and he laid it on Calvin’s chest, giving me a toothless smile.
“And you and Barclay are having sex again, or is that part of your life over now?” I asked.
“Laurel!” Calvin spluttered. “Of course it’s not over. My sex life is just fine, thank you for your concern.”
“I just wonder, you know, with tiny cockblocker here, how do you do it?”
Calvin ran his hand up and down Ray’s back. “My son sleeps fourteen hours a day. With breaks, but it adds up.”
“Aren’t you exhausted all the time?”
“I’m tired but not all the time. Besides, I like sleepy sex.” He squinted at me. “What’s gotten into you?”
I shrugged. I always assumed babies meant an omega’s life was over, but Calvin seemed fine.
“Sorry, man. I didn’t mean for it to sound like a jab.”
“It didn’t. Are you okay?”
Those guileless eyes of his. Ugh. They seemed to poke at my brain cells, luring out shit I would never tell anyone else.
“Am I difficult?” I blurted.
Calvin tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“Am I closed off and snippy? Obnoxious, high maintenance. Do I give the impression that I don’t care about people?”
My friend gaped at me. “You’ve always had my back, Laure. You’ve never once let me down. You’re my hero. Of course, you care.”
“I care about you, yes. But maybe I’m an ass to other people that I don’t know like I know you.”
“You’re not. You can act a little distant, true, but that’s understandable when everyone wants something from you all the damn time.”
I slumped against the sofa’s backrest.
“I don’t have any friends, Cal. There’s nobody but you. I don’t trust anyone, and nobody trusts me. And I think it’s my own fault.”
“Barclay is your friend, and Hunter, too.”
“They know me through you.”
“And Sam?”
“He works for me. And he’s fed up with me.”
“Sam likes you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have stuck around.”
Poor Sam. Did the guy have a private life at all? It was proof of what an ass I’d been to him that I didn’t even know if he was dating anyone.
“His last birthday, I had him order his own present,” I told Calvin.
“Because you were on tour, doing five concerts in three different countries every week.”
I let out a helpless laugh. “It was less than that, and stop defending me!”
“You’re too hard on yourself.” Calvin expertly adjusted his grip on the kid, holding him with one arm, and brought his cup of tea to his lips. Ray chewed on the plushie’s head, soaking it in spit. He was adorable, but eww. That poor plushie.
“I haven’t written a song in ages,” I said. “I can barely look at my guitar. I left it at the chalet.”
“That’s good. You need to…” Calvin gestured with his tea mug, frowning as he searched for words. “Cleanse your mind, replenish your energy, and recharge your creativity. It’ll come back once you’ve given that genius brain of yours a chance to rest.”
“But what if it doesn’t come back? What if I end up being a friendless, talentless has-been fit only as tabloid fodder?”
“Stop it, Laurel. That’s nonsense, and you know it.”
I paused at Calvin’s strict tone. “I’m throwing myself a real pity party, aren’t I?”
“Yes. What brought this on? You’ve had creative crises before, but what’s with the guilt?”
Damn it. I couldn’t tell Calvin it was Monty’s fault. And Jordy’s. Not that Jordy said much to me, but I could tell he agreed with Monty, even though he’d objected to the delivery.
Two random alphas told me I was being an ass, and instead of sending them to hell, I was having a meltdown.
Because I’d been acting like an ass for real.
I had everything. Money, this face, health, fame. Everyone wanted to be me. Luck and success had been smiling at me since I was seventeen years old, and I’d been spitting in their faces.
And now I was sitting here, feeling sorry for myself.
Infinitely patient, Calvin was waiting for my reply.
“Since I’ve been staying at Monty’s and Jordy’s, I’ve gotten to know them better.
They live a simple life, you know? Monty has his business, but he doesn’t make a big deal out of it.
They just work, run through the forests for fun, and they’re happy.
Sure, Jordy has that mysterious dark side going on, and who knows what he got up to before he came to Beauville, but he’s doing great, isn’t he?
You only have to see him at the pub, in his element, nodding to the beat, smiling at people like he’s genuinely glad to see them.
He gets to be himself, and he likes it, you know what I mean?
I swear, it’s like he makes love to those beers with his looong fingers.
The patrons talk his head off like it’s therapy, but he’s chill. Doesn’t bother him at all.”
Calvin didn’t say a word, his face blank. So I kept talking.
“And Monty’s like his own sun. He owns half the town, but he’s so generous, and everyone here loves him. He’s like a character from a children’s book or something. And I’m looking at all of that and wondering, how come they’re so happy? What’s their secret?”
Still, Calvin didn’t respond in any way. He just stared at me. Did I talk about Monty and Jordy too much?
I waved toward the baby. “You’re happy because you’re in love and procreating.”
Blinking, my friend cleared his throat. “I am happy. Barclay and Ray are a big reason, yes. But I’m looking forward to going back to work, too, and I love living in Beauville. The mountains, the town, the people.”
“See? You even love your job.”
“But you love your job, too,” he said hopefully.
“Do I? I don’t know anymore. Maybe I was just good at it and loved the accolades.”
“You adore making music, Laure. We both know that.”
“Why can’t I find the joy in it anymore?”
Calvin frowned. “Find the joy?”
“Sorry, I keep repeating what Monty told me, but that asshole had a few good points.”
“Monty? I find that hard to believe.”
I had to chuckle, but then I shook my head.
“You can make fun of his yapping all you want, but he’s smart as hell. When you listen to the stuff he says, and there’s a lot, I agree, he has a point here and there.”
“Are we talking about the same Monty? The one who annoyed you from the first moment you met him?”
I shrugged. “He didn’t annoy me that much.”
“Laure, do you…like Monty?”
I was about to say that Jordy was objectively hotter, but I caught myself just in time. “I like them both. I want to be them when I grow up.”
It was supposed to be a joke, but Calvin was staring at me like I had grown another head.
“Maybe they could be your friends,” he said, sounding uncertain.
If this “friends” deal included them rimming me through three orgasms, then yeah. I was game.
“Look, I’m only saying that people around here seem to have some secret formula for how to enjoy life even though it objectively sucks most of the time. I need to figure that out.”
“There’s no secret formula, Laure.”
“I must be missing something. Sometimes I have this feeling, like I have it right in front of my nose, but I can’t seem to grasp it.”
After squinting at me for another minute, Calvin hummed thoughtfully.
“When you figure out what went down when Jordy first came to Beauville and ended up in jail, you have to tell me.”
It felt like he was thinking something other than what he was saying.