Chapter 7 #2
Would have been nice not to give a damn tonight.
Would have been nice to live someplace outside of my head.
But… I didn’t. Not because I didn’t want to cheat on Duke.
But because if I was to cheat, I would want it to be worth it.
Would want it to be with him . Judah might’ve sufficed, if I saw him but the fact of the matter was that…
I was tired of settling . Even if he was here, I’d probably just nod, finish my drinks and leave.
Ju did a good job, but he couldn’t do what he did, with clothes on, with clothes off and my whole pussy in his mouth.
Sighing, I turned back around, picked my second drink up and ignored the party around me.
Got lost in that fantasy again. Sometimes, I was foolish enough to think it could be what my sister experienced.
A soul tie. She talked about feeling. About connection.
She found her person here too. Was pegged with questions similar to mine.
The difference between her experience and mine was vaguely different.
She had him. Experienced him. Was connected, truly.
Felt like I only thought what I experienced with Armani suit was soul deep because I wanted what she had.
Not literally. Just… wanted to experience soaring on solid ground.
Wished I could have had that with my husband.
Because I wanted it, every year around this time, I psyched myself out to believe it was something more.
Every year, I thought, this year would be the year.
To do what exactly? Fall in love with another man? While I was still, miserably married?
I was a mess. Now. Tomorrow, when today was over, I’d be me again. Sane with the delusional thought of him far from my mind.
Sliding my purse in front of me, I fished around it to pay Angel. He wasn’t here. Like always. That was a good thing. I was here to watch… barely did that… not to cheat. I was trying. We were trying. Always fucking trying.
When I pulled into the driveway, Duke was pulling in too. I looked over to the time and it was close to eleven-thirty. Way past the time he gave me. I didn’t have room to talk shit to him about it, but I planned to.
Grabbing my things, I got out of the car, staggering just a bit.
Those Manhattan’s had me off my ass a little.
I had to put the car on cruise control. And by the looks of things, Duke was drunk too.
He hadn’t turned my way once. It was almost as if he didn’t even notice I was there.
I slammed the car door and everything. Still nothing and he was parked right next to me.
With dipped brows, I tapped on his window and finally he gave me something.
Flinched, and quickly turned his car off.
When I heard the doors unlock, I opened his. “Damn nigga?—”
“My bad Ne, I’m fucked up,” he interrupted, with his head tossed back against the headrest. “Them niggas, bro.”
I sized him up.
“What time is it?” He asked, with his glossy red eyes centered on me.
With a frown, I said, “Eleven thirty. You said before ten.”
“I just said I’m fucked up, too, Ne. Damn, I lost track of time,” he snapped.
“I bet you did. Because you don’t give a fuck,” I snapped, slamming his door shut.
A second later, he opened it, slammed it again, and followed me up toward the house. “I said I was sorry, Mahogany. Shit. It’s been a long ass day. I wasn’t even late. Fuck you trippin for?”
I looked over my shoulder at him, staggering like crazy and sighed.
He could barely walk; he was so fucked up.
Because I wasn’t as heartless as I might’ve come off as, I stopped, waiting for him to get to the stairs, and helped him up.
It was more for the kids than it was for me.
It was well past bedtime, but if this nigga walked into the house, falling around, he’d for sure wake them and I was in no mood for mommy mode.
“My bad, Ne, I’m sorry,” he said. “Sorry for bein’ late… Sorry for everything. Damn don’t hate me man.”
He was drunker than I thought. Smelled like a fucking distillery, slurring over his words.
It was a blessing he made it home in one piece.
Tank and them stayed deep in the hood—we were out in the suburbs, a good twenty-five, thirty-minute drive from them and that’s with the freeway.
You’d think he would’ve drank responsibly.
Probably didn’t want to. Maybe therapy was harder on him than I thought.
“What have you been drinking, Duke? My God,” I complained. It was almost as if he wasn’t helping at all. Damn near all of his body weight was on me.
“My bad. My bad,” he continued to repeat.
I put him against the house, unlocked the door, and helped him inside. It was like the blind leading the damn blind. Good thing I didn’t go for that third Manhattan.
Once we got inside, I was out of breath. He made his way to the foyer bench, sat down, and beckoned me, signaling for me to come over to him.
“Come here Ne, come here real quick,” he slurred, with his head leaned back against the wall.
Sighing, I closed and locked the door, took my heels and jacket off, and walked over to him.
Was I still upset about earlier? A little.
However, after my trip to Pandora’s, earlier didn’t seem like it was that bad.
It was alright. He unintentionally pissed me off at therapy, went to see his boys and got too drunk.
I went to a sex club and got buzzed, and a little— a lotta —horny. It was okay. He was cool. We were cool.
“What?” I asked, standing in front of him.
He slid his hands up my hips, gripped my ass, and then grabbed me by the waist. “I said come here.”
Pulling me forward, he sat me on his lap. I straddled him and gripped his jaw, urging him to open his eyes. He barely could.
“You stink,” I told him.
He lightly laughed, his slightly closed eyes on mine. “Yo’ ass been drinking too.”
“Not as much as you.”
I was uncomfortable. Just a little. It’d been a while since I sat on his lap. There was a time where Duke and I couldn’t keep our hands off one another. Time and bullshit really put a bridge between us.
“Had to,” he said sliding his hands to the front of my body, where he softly caressed my nipples through my shirt, hardening them almost immediately.
I bit my bottom lip and cooed a little. My nipples were so damn sensitive. Especially at his tongue. Duke knew me. Had eighteen years of experience. So, he knew just what it took to get me going. Which was little to nothing. Tonight especially.
He massaged my nipples, leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. I groaned, wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my body into his. He wrapped his arms around me, deepening the kiss, with a firm grip on my ass cheeks. I moaned into his mouth and began to gyrate my hips.
“Shhh,” he said, reminding me about where we were.
Slowly, he lowered his lips from mine to my collar bone, making a trail of kisses from there, to my shirt, where he bit my nipple through the thin fabric, driving me insane.
I moaned with my lips pulled into my mouth, stifling it.
I was so got damn horny; it made no sense.
It’d been a minute since I’d been fucked.
I needed it. So bad. With thoughts of him roaming freely through my mind, I needed it more than ever.
Being so horny, riled up because of him and that club brought me back to my first night at Pandora’s.
Then I was horny and played with pussy because Duke was too tired to fuck me.
Thank God tonight it was a different story.
Thank God, tonight, he wanted it just as bad as I did.
I had a very, very aggressive appetite. I would thank Pandora’s, but I was like this before then.
A freak for him, and him only. However, after the lying and cheating, I pulled away and he stopped trying as much.
I wondered if that was because he couldn’t deal with the rejection.
Wondered if tonight he took the liberty because he could feel the sex I picked up from Pandora’s, on me.
Whatever the case, he gave me what I needed.
Not completely. Didn’t make me feel the way he did but it was good enough.
It didn’t take long for the thought of his hands on me to cross my mind.
I moaned, remembering the way he felt. The tingles.
That heaviness I wanted to drown in. When Duke lifted my shirt, pressed my titties together, and kissed me through my lacey pink bra, I thought of him too.
Wondered if he’d be as slow. Wondered if he’d bite me hard enough.
Wondered if a stranger… the stranger I couldn’t seem to get off my mind…
would know the roadmap to my body, too. He had the roadmap to something .
Couldn’t quite put a finger on it. It made no sense, to think of a man I only met once, five years later, every time my husband fucked me.
Licked me. Sucked me. The only reason I came as hard as I did, when we did was because of him .
Because of that yearning. That… longing.
Wanted him so bad, I was on the brink of cumming already.
“Come on,” I urged, grabbing the sides of his face. “Fuck me. Right here.”
Duke was drunk-drunk. Felt like he got drunker with each passing second.
And me? I was sobering up. Was only inebriated by desire.
I was like an animal every fucking time and it never had anything to do with them.
Who I laid with. Who I let inside of my body.
Always had something to do with him . Always put his face, his touch, his smell…
on them. For five years straight. Couldn’t cum properly without it.
It was crazy. My obsession. Felt like I was obsessed with a ghost.
“Hold… hold up,” Duke complained. “ Shit .”
He was drunk as fuck. Room probably spun every time he closed his eyes.
He had a hard time keeping them open too.
Dick was hard as hell though. And that was all I needed.
I climbed down from his lap and immediately went for his waistband.
Hungrily, I undid his belt. My mouth salivated at the thought of his veiny dick touching my tonsils. Couldn’t wait to swallow him up.
Finally, I got the button unclasped and the zipper undone.
I didn’t pull his pants down, just dug into them and pulled his dick out.
It was beautiful. Duke’s dick. Veiny, and toffee toned, a couple of shades lighter than he was.
And I loved it. I did. Truly. Without the thought of Armani suit, Duke could make me cum.
He had that roadmap, remember? But tonight?
Tonight I needed an earth shattering, knees buckling orgasm that only the thought of him could get me.
Slowly, I eased all nine inches of Duke’s dick down my throat.
He grabbed the back of my head and grunted, clenching his jaw muscle.
His eyes were wider now. Locked with mine.
I stared back but it wasn’t Duke that I saw.
It was Armani suit and he was fucking beautiful.
Duke too… but this… this wasn’t about him.
Tomorrow, I’d still be mad about him leaving.
Tonight, I didn’t give a fuck because Pandora’s did to me what only Pandora’s could do.
Woke up a sleeping beast, jolted awake only by the thought of him .
I didn’t know who I was when I thought about him.
You ever wanted something so bad? I mean…
it was tangible, but not quite? You had come close to it, maybe.
But right before you could sink your teeth into it, it just…
vanished into thin air? Life felt incomplete without him .
Like something was missing. Like… I’d die a sad death if I died before experiencing that again.
Just… that. It wasn’t so much the person but the feeling. And my God, I needed it.
So, I went back.
Like I went back every time.
Scrambled through my thoughts and found it. That feeling. A piece of it. What I got, was merely it. But good enough.
I sucked Duke like I loved him with my whole heart.
Like I was nineteen again. Like… he was perfect in my eyes.
Like… I wanted to be his wife. And when it hit the back of my throat, I gagged.
Needed more spit. He loved it wet and sloppy, and I loved it too.
I sucked his dick so good that I had to stop to tell him to quiet down.
He squirmed, gripped the fabric of the bench and bucked his hips.
I urged him to. Wanted him to fuck my face like the dick hungry slut I was.
And he did. Pushed his dick to the furthest place in the back of my throat and I took it all, with a smile and a leaking pussy.
Before he could cum, I pulled back. Eased off it a little.
Sucked him slower, snatching bits and pieces of a soul that already belonged to me.
Except, I wished it was his I was snatching.
Pretended it was. Wanted to punish him for leaving before I could get his name.
So, I teased Duke the same way I’d do him .
Sucked him slow. And then I picked it up a bit.
Pulled It from my mouth and tapped it against my smiling face with spit rolling down my chin.
“Shit, Ne. Fuck you trying to do to me?”
Ain’t got shit to do with you, nigga.
I smiled. “Fuck you.”
Literally. Figuratively.
I shimmied out of my bottoms, held onto his shoulders and straddled him.
My kids were sleep and the walls in the house weren’t thin, so I didn’t hold back.
I gyrated my hips and bounced up and down on his dick like it was the real thing.
Duke sat there, hands on my waist, lightly moaning, while I drove him crazier.
With my head tossed back, I put my lazy eyes on the ceiling and fantasized about another man with my husband’s dick buried balls deep inside of me.
It didn’t take long for either of us to cum. I came first and he came right after.