Chapter 10
DUKE
“Dad—”
“Why you not dressed yet, Honesty? I left the clothes on the bed?—”
“I don’t think mommy is coming,” she said, twiddling with her braid. “She called us and said?—”
“Listen,” I interrupted, looking around her room, trying to find the clothes I put out for her. “She coming. Alright baby? Where yo’ dress at? I put it right on the bed.”
Shit was crazy. School ended about two hours ago and I was still trying to get the kids dressed in a fresh pair of clothes.
Had to because Mahogany still hadn’t come home from work yet and the party was scheduled to start in an hour and a half.
I wasn’t even sure if she was coming home or not, to be honest. Last night, shit got bad.
Mahogany flipped on me. Accused me of cheating, called bitches, put her hands on me and everything.
She was out of it. Heartbroken over nothing because I wasn’t cheating.
Hadn’t cheated in years, remember? The shit I was on had nothing to do with cheating, but I couldn’t come out and tell her that.
Couldn’t tell her the woman I cheated on her with two years ago was dead and the little girl she had was supposedly mine.
Yeah, E was gone. About two hours after Rochelle called me with the news of her declining, she hit me with a text, telling me she was gone.
I was… devastated. Both because Erika deserved better and because my entire life was about to change.
I would be solely responsible for a child I didn’t want.
I was caught between a rock and a hard place.
Conflicted because either way it went, my marriage was threatened.
On one hand, I thought, fuck it, let her think I’m cheating.
The latter was better than the truth. In my opinion it was at least. Felt like I might’ve had a fighting chance with the cheating.
I really didn’t know what she would do if she found out about the baby.
At least I knew what to expect from the suspected cheating.
“Mommy told me to put it up because the party was canceled. Is… is mommy okay? She said she’d be back tomorrow and?—“
“She what?” I sighed, tossing my head back. “Listen, mommy is just… she’s running a little late. I think work ran over.”
“She wasn’t at work when she called. She was in the car and?—”
“Aubry!” I shouted, steady trying to find the dress I sat out for Honesty. “Honesty! Find your dress and slip it on for me baby girl, okay? The party starts in two hours, and I still need to fuck with your hair, aight? Help me out a little.”
“Okay daddy,” she somberly said, walking away over to her dresser where she pulled the dress out from the drawer. “I can fix my own hair,” she mumbled.
I glanced over at her and placed my hands on my waist with a deep sigh.
I was losing it. Between what was going on with my marriage, I had to manage grief.
Yeah, I was grieving. Mourning the loss of my old side bitch.
Fucked up right? In my defense, she wasn’t a regular pass around ass bitch.
I spent quality time with her. Fucked with her heavy.
Sometimes, I even thought I might’ve loved her; we were so tight.
She wasn’t on thee pedestal, but when it came to women I cheated on my wife with, she was on that one.
Above them all. Feeling a way at all about her death made me feel like shit.
Like I was actually cheating on Mahogany.
So yeah, I was hurt. Imagine trying to manage devastating news while your marriage on the verge of ending over some shit that wasn’t true?
I was shook. But something in the back of my mind told me we would be alright.
Might’ve been delusion or shit… my ego. Either way it went, I knew I couldn’t lose my shorty.
She meant more to me than anything in the fucking world.
If we could get past this, I would figure some shit out with Diary if she ended up being mine.
Which shit, I knew she was. Didn’t need the paper, remember?
That shit killed me, honestly. Being so confident without the paperwork.
I just needed clarity. Put a rush order on that shit and everything.
A nigga was scrambling trying to figure out how to work that into my life too. Already. Without the results.
Stress was bubbling over.
I didn’t know where my wife was. She wasn’t at work.
I just told Honesty that because hell… what else was I supposed to say?
That I didn’t know where she was or if she was coming to her party or to the crib at all?
I stopped by the job earlier with a bouquet of roses to surprise her and her assistant, Tamia, told me she hadn’t come in for the day.
I called, called, and called but got nothing but the voicemail.
She… shit was falling apart. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on with my life, but the shit was crumbling.
Couldn’t really imagine what life would be like if it crumbled completely and I was left without my wife.
Had a couple ideas. Could see myself walking through the doors of a brand-new house, to an empty home with no love attached to it.
Sparkle wouldn’t be meeting me at the door with hugs and kisses.
I wouldn’t be able to peek my head in Gabe’s room for a couple games of 2K.
Wouldn’t be able to sit and check in on Bre.
Wouldn’t be able to play a couple rounds of UNO with Honesty whenever I wanted.
Life would be fucked up. I would be miserable and unhappy, dreading home the whole way there.
That’s what I saw in the cards for me. Just…
misery and a lot of nights spent crying my dumb ass to sleep.
I dragged my hands down my face with a low growl. “Aubr?—”
“Yes, daddy?” Aubry answered, standing in the doorway with a frown on her face. “Why is the DJ pulling up? I thought the party was off. Mom called and said?—”
“The party ain’t off!” I yelled, sizing her up. “That’s what you wearin’? Look man, find something else to wear. Today yo’ momma birthday and you wearin’ black leggings and a big ass shirt again. Don’t you got something nice? Shit man, I gotta find clothes for all of y’all? You damn near grown.”
Instead of answering me, she just gave me a weird look and walked away. I was no Mahogany. Couldn’t handle this as swiftly as she could. I told myself I was having a hard time because I was stressed but I knew it was?—
“Daddy. I can’t fit it,” said Sparkle, showing up in the doorway.
“And I don’t even like dresses,” Honesty mumbled, making her way out of the bedroom to change in the bathroom.
I followed her with my eyes, tempted to say something to her, but instead I addressed Sparkle’s issue. Didn’t want to. Had been hard as hell to look her in the eyes but she was my daughter, and I was in charge, so I had to swallow what I was going through.
“Yeah, it is a little short,” I said, tugging on her dress. “What size you wear?”
She tilted her head to the side. “Huh?”
I lightly laughed and ran my hand over the top of her head. “Never mind. Ay, look I’m going to find?—”
“Can I pick out my own clothes daddy!” She excitedly asked, jumping up and down as usual.
With my mouth turned down, I shrugged. “Yeah, go for it. Show me before you?—”
Before I could finish my sentence, she ran off.
Standing, I rubbed my forehead and took a deep breath.
Tossing my head back against the bedroom door, I sighed again, fighting the urge to cry.
Hell yeah, I was on that type of time. I didn’t know what I was doing.
She told me to cancel the party but because I refused to believe she wouldn’t come, I didn’t.
As the time continued to tick down, I was worried about how I was going to handle all of these muthafuckas when they came expecting to see Mahogany.
I got ahead of myself.
Was afraid to cancel it because shit… what would I say to them?
She didn’t feel good? She wasn’t in the mood?
If she didn’t feel good, her people would come by, checking on her.
If she wasn’t in the mood, she’d piss a lot of people off.
We had family coming from Ohio, service providers and shit coming.
“Dad,” Gabe said, interrupting me from my thoughts. “Where my momma at?”
Last night, while we were at it, Gabe walked in on us arguing. Scene looked sketchy as fuck because Mahogany had just knocked a wine bottle on the floor. He was worried and had every right to be so instead of checking him about his tone, I let it slide.
I looked down at him. “At work?—”
“No she not,” he interrupted with a deep frown. “What happened last night? You hit her?”
“Lil’ nigga what?” I snapped with wide eyes. “What you just ask me, G?”
“I asked if you hit my momma,” he repeated, glancing over his shoulder before stepping forward. “Did you?”
I laughed. Lil’ nigga was tripping, wasn’t he? Stepping to me like I wouldn’t knock his lil’ ass out.
Pushing up away from the door, I stood over him.
Gabe was fourteen and already about five, seven.
I didn’t give a fuck about how tall he was, or if he’d get bigger than me or not, checking me about his momma—my wife wasn’t gone fly.
I respected how he wanted to protect her, but he didn’t need to.
I had her. Would never put my fucking hands on her.
The most I’d ever done was choke her ass up when she was tripping, or we were fucking.
Other than that, nothing. And last night I had done neither.
I wanted to put my hands on her bad as hell because she got reckless as hell with her mouth and mushed me in my face a couple times.
But I let it slide because shit, I deserved worse.
“Nah, I didn’t hit your momma, G. I would never?—”
“Where she at then?” He asked, his face softening to a sad expression. “It’s her birthday and she ain’t even here. Something happened. You gotta tell me the truth. Because last night ain’t sitting right with me, dad.”