Chapter 5
DUKE
“I don’t have shit to lie about, Ne. I can’t believe you on this type of time and I haven’t seen you all day man. Why am I wakin’ up to insecure shit?”
I had to flip the script.
It was necessary.
My heart was racing out of my fuckin’ chest.
Mahogany knew.
She knew something.
She checked the fuckin’ bank statements.
Had to. Because what the fuck was this? We were cool and then all of a sudden, she come home on some staring at me in the dark, asking me questions shit.
I wasn’t in the mood. Today was rough. Very rough.
The last thing I needed was for her to come home on bullshit.
All day, I thought about laying up with her ass.
Wanted to bury my face between her legs.
Couldn’t remember the last time I tasted her.
It was weeks ago, for sure. Before her birthday.
I needed some. Needed to bust a nut like crazy.
I was stressed.
Shit with moms and Ms. Rochelle wasn’t going well and I needed it to.
Earlier, moms went to Ms. Rochelle’s house to grab Diary, and they got into it.
Said she didn’t like the way Ms. Rochelle questioned her.
She didn’t trust my momma. And shit, to be honest, I wouldn’t neither.
Moms was a stranger—Ms. Rochelle was just trying to figure her out.
Shit was crazy though, for real because they got along just fine the first day.
Fucked me up when moms called and said they got into it, so Diary stayed home.
Seemed like nothing in my life was going right.
It was fucked up. I was fucked up. Trying my damnedest to make this work without having to tell my fuckin’ wife.
But… seemed like that didn’t matter. She knew.
She had to know. Ain’t no way she was standing in my face, grilling me about something other than that.
Unless she thought I was cheating. I prayed to God she thought I was cheating.
“Who is Diary?” She asked in a low, chilling tone. Loud enough for me to hear her. Low enough to hear the pain behind the question.
So much for praying to God. What the fuck?
“What?” I asked, the blood in my veins turning cold.
Did they turn cold? Or did they dry the fuck out? She shouldn’t have known that name. How did she know that name? My first thought went to my momma. She opened her fucking mouth.
She didn’t say anything. Just stood next to the bed, over me, looking down at me.
The moonlight hitting her from the window showed me how flat and empty her expression was.
The expression was familiar. Reminded me of the times in the past where she’d ask if I was cheating and…
I’d lie. She was waiting for that. The lie.
And I couldn’t give her that. I’d grown, remember?
But I wasn’t ready to give her the truth either.
So, I stayed dangling in that silence in the middle, waiting for her to respond to my what.
She didn’t though. She just walked away.
Shoulders slightly slumped, heading to the bathroom.
I ran my hand over my head with a low deep breath, hoping she didn’t hear the stress between my vocal cords when I asked what.
When she walked into the bathroom, I sat up and went for my phone, checking it to see if my ma said something.
I couldn’t believe she’d betrayed me like that.
What the fuck was her problem? We got into it a little earlier, about the Ms. Rochelle situation, but was it bad enough for her to call my wife with business that wasn’t hers to spill? Fuck no.
Swallowing, I sat the phone down and looked towards the bathroom.
I could see her shadow at the vanity. I leaned over a bit and caught her reflection in the mirror.
She was staring right at me. Scared me so bad, I flinched.
Her expression was different. Cruel. Hateful, for real.
Mahogany had never looked at me with so much hate in her eyes.
What the fuck was I supposed to do?
I didn’t know. So… I stared back at her. Except my expression didn’t mirror hers. It was softer. Pleading. Telling. She… she knew who Diary was. Knew I knew who Diary was, but I couldn’t tell her. Not with words I couldn’t.
After staring at me through the reflection for a couple more seconds, she looked away. Turned the water on and ran it over her hands, her head down, looking down into the sink. Right after, she was back at the doorway, walking toward me.
“Ducati,” Mahogany softly called out to me, standing directly in front of me, in between the small space between my legs.
I clenched my jaw, looking up at her. “Yeah baby?” I somberly replied.
“Diary. Who is she?”
Her voice was leveled. Calm. A little too calm for the look she’d just given me. Although she didn’t seem threatening, I felt threatened.
I swallowed.
“I don’t—”
Before I could get the ‘know’ out, her wet hand went across my face.
I said I wouldn’t lie to her, and I wasn’t going to.
I was going to say ‘I don’t know why you asking silly questions and you just got home.
Did you eat? Did you see the kids?’ shit like that.
I wasn’t going to lie to my wife. Just… wait. Just… withhold.
Her wet hand against my cheek stung like fire.
She didn’t hold back. Mahogany hit me with everything she had.
Hit me so hard, the slap was echoic, and my head went jerking to the other side.
She didn’t stop either. Before I could register what the fuck happened, she hit me again. This time with a closed fist.
“I said… I told you not to fuckin’ lie to me!
” She yelled, jumping on me like a wild animal.
She pounded on me, her fists raining down on me with so much hatred that I wondered if my wife ever loved me.
I shielded myself. Took the beating because I deserved it.
Let her get off on me because although she hit me hard as fuck, I could take it.
And nothing hurt more than her knowing the truth.
After about thirty seconds or so, I’d had enough. I grabbed her and flipped her over on the mattress, pinning her arms above her head. With my face in hers, I yelled, “Chill, Ne! Stop!”
She was a maniac. Kicking, biting at me, trying to get out of my grip.
“I—
“Ma?”
My head jolted up towards the door.
Gabe.
“Go to bed, G,” I yelled, through deep breaths.
The doorknob rattled. “Ma!” He yelled, in a panic. “Mama!”
“Yeah,” Mahogany answered, out of breath. “I’m—I’m okay, baby. Go… Go back to bed.”
“Uh, uh,” he refused. “Open the door ma. Please open the door.”
“Didn’t I just tell yo lil ass to go to bed, nigga?! Get away from the fuckin’ door, G!” I yelled, tightening my grip around Mahogany’s wrists. She was steady trying to get out of my hold. Maybe to answer the door. Maybe to punch me in my throbbing eye again. I didn’t know, so I wasn’t letting up.
We didn’t do this.
Not anymore.
Hadn’t gotten into it like this since Aubry was little.
The last time she was like this, it was after finding out I was cheating for the first time.
She went ballistic. Showed me a side of her that I didn’t know existed.
She even went as far as spitting in my face.
If it was one thing Mahogany had it was a mean streak.
A lethal ass right hook too. Shit might’ve not landed like it would had she been a nigga, but it landed.
My eye was blurry as hell. Face stung, ribs hurt…
she was a fucking maniac when she was mad. This mad at least.
“Get the fuck off me, nigga,” she said in a harsh whisper before biting at my nose, missing.
“Mahogany. Chill man, you hear him at the door. Chill.”
“I don’t give a fuck. I hate you! I hate you so fuckin’ much,” she cried. “Get off me, Duke!”
“Ma!” Yelled Aubry. “Dad!” The doorknob rattled again. “Man… What is going onnnn!?”
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
“Nothin, ‘Bry. Just… go to bed. Please. We just—”
“Mama!” Aubry yelled, ignoring me. “Open the door!”
“I just heard her tell him to get off her. Ay. I swear to God, bro,” Gabe threatened without actually threatening.
I looked down at Mahogany… pleadingly. I needed her to chill.
I really, really needed her to chill. We didn’t do this in front of the kids.
The last time we argued in front of the kids, they were younger.
Too young to remember. Well… Gabe and Spark were.
Honesty wasn’t here. Aubry was about ten.
She remembered. We might not have fought but she had to remember the arguments.
Back then, we weren’t as private. We didn’t start to really shield them from the drama until Bry was around eleven, twelve.
“Listen!” Mahogany yelled, before trying to head butt me. “Go to bed y’all. Everything is…” She paused and tried again. She was bugging on me, and I hadn’t even admitted or said shit about Diary. Did I need to though? “Everything is okay. Please go to bed. I love y’all.”
It was quiet on the outside of the door before they grumbled and said I love you too. Instead of hearing both bedroom doors close, I only heard one. Which told me one of them hadn’t moved. I knew exactly who.
“G.”
“Yeah dad?” he called out. “I’m just—I want to see my momma.”
“I’ll see you… I’ll see you in the morning, baby. Okay? I promise I’m okay.”
She bit at me and then looked up at me with heavy fire in her eyes. She wanted to kill me, and I felt like if I let her go, she would try.
Finally, I heard him walk away and shortly after his bedroom door slammed. He was pissed but I didn’t give a fuck. I was checking his little ass about that shit tomorrow. Fuck he thought this was?
“Ne—“
“Fuck you bitch,” she spat. “Get off of me!”
With that, she bent her knee and kneed me in the stomach. I didn’t let up. I kept a mean hold on her. However, I did loosen it just a bit. I went from aggressively holding her, to holding her with love that I hoped she could feel. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want any of this shit.