Chapter 10 #3
When I got to the restroom, I used it, washed my hands and fixed my lip combo.
Walking out, I bumped right into Crescent.
Was I surprised? Hell no. I was expecting it.
I knew he would follow. Not because I’d added a little umph to my stride but because he wanted to talk to me.
I knew because I wanted to talk to him too.
“You still mad at me?” He asked, looking down at me.
I rolled my eyes. “If I was mad I wouldn’t have spoken to you.”
“Yes you would’ve. Because you did.”
I sighed. “Ain’t nobody mad at yo ass, Crescent. You just…”
He stepped forward, practically pinning me up against the wall by putting his arm on the wall behind me. “I just what? Don’t want to conduct business over a computer screen.”
“You have virtual meetings.”
“Not with you I don’t,” he paused and licked his lips. “We’re not at work right now. I don’t want to talk about that shit.”
“You asked if I was mad at you. You did want to talk about it,” I shot back, locking eyes with him.
“You been throwing them back; you smooth?” He asked, changing the subject.
I wanted to throw something else back.
“How you know? You in my business, Mr. Carter?”
He lightly laughed and pulled his bottom lip into his mouth. “You drove?”
“No. You worried about me getting home safely?”
With raised brows, he said, “Actually, I am.”
“My sister drove. I’m fine.”
“Hell yeah you fine,” he complimented, sweeping his browns over my body.
I blushed, looked away, ran a hand over the back of my neck and giggled. Giggled. Like a little ass girl who’d never heard she was pretty.
“Thank you, Crescent.”
He stepped forward, closing the space between us. “You got room for one more? Remember... you owe me a drink."
I drew back. “I owe you a drink? You owe me an email.”
“Didn’t I just tell you I didn’t want to talk about work? And yea you owe me a drink. First meeting… I invited you out for a drink. You declined. You still owe me. And look… we end up at the same bar. Funny how life works, ain’t it?”
Life worked funny as hell. Crescent had no idea. If he knew just how funny life was when it came to us, he’d be blown away. Like me.
“Sure is.”
“So, what up? You lettin me buy you a drink?”
I told him yeah. It was harmless. Him sitting having a drink with me.
A couple of weeks ago, before everything, when I was still in my head about what we did, I would have declined.
Would have probably asked my sisters to go to another bar.
But fuck it. I really did miss being in his presence.
Missed smelling the scent of his cologne.
Missed hearing his deep baritone and his wild, unbiased take on things.
Seeing Crescent tonight, was at first jarring but satisfying immediately after.
It was in the way he looked at me. He made me feel seen and not in a way that felt judgmental.
He looked at me as if he was truly looking at me.
Who I was. Not just on the surface. It was in the way he felt.
Standing in front of him, practically chest-to-chest, I really wanted to close the space and kiss him.
Finish what we started in that elevator last week.
I know, I know. Ridiculous. But I couldn’t stay mad at him for long.
He was magnetic. His aura. His energy. He made me want to leave the bar completely.
Crescent made me hungry. Felt like he could be just the escape I needed.
Reluctantly, we parted ways. I left the hallway, and he went into the men’s room. I wondered if he went in because he actually had to use it or if he was giving me the opportunity to go out first not to raise suspicion.
“So, look, I owe Crescent a drink,” I said, sitting down. “They’re going to come—”
“You owe him a drink? Your client?” Hazel sucked her teeth. “Bitch you trying to be fast and you got a husban—”
“Fuck my husband,” I said through a harsh whisper.
I’d had enough. I couldn’t help myself. I was so tired of her mentioning that nigga, bro. I didn’t want to hear about being married. Didn’t want to hear about no fuckin’ husband.
“What?” Hazel said, drawing back.
“You heard me,” I snapped. “You so worried about me being married… y’all want to know what my husband did? Hm? While you keep bringing him up? Huh Hazel?”
Sienna cut in, “Mahogany—”
“No… shut up, Sienna. I’m tired of you giving me looks, trying to talk about the shit too. My husband… the nigga y’all can’t stop reminding me of? He had a fucking baby on me, okay?”
They went quiet. I know I said I didn’t want to talk about it. Said right now wasn’t the time or place but fuck that. Hazel was getting on my muthafucking nerves. Sienna too. I didn’t want to keep being reminded of that fuckin’ nigga.
“Now please, leave it the fuck alone. Fuck Ducati. Keep bringing that bitch ass nigga up to me if you want to. I don’t want to talk about it, neither. So let it be.”
Looking away, I put my eyes on Crescent and decided, fuck it.
I didn’t want to do this anymore. Be with them.
Sit and have drinks with them. After spilling my tea, the energy shifted and who wanted to be around that?
Awkward looks of pity. Questions lingering in their eyes.
All of which I wanted to avoid. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, but I couldn’t help it.
“Look… I’m leaving. I’m going to—”
“No, you’re not,” Sienna said, as if she could really stop me.
“Yes the fuck I am. This is exactly why I didn’t want to be bothered. Y’all could have left me at the house.”
“You mad at us because we care?” Hazel asked, with a frown. “How in the hell does that make any sense?”
It didn’t make sense. I was leaving because I was embarrassed. I was leaving because I needed to escape. I was leaving because I wanted to be with him. He made me feel good. He wasn’t a reminder. He made me forget.
“I just need a minute,” I said before grabbing my bag.
“Do not follow me. Both of y’all have my locations.
Sienna, I’m not going to ask you to cover for me because there’s nothing to cover me from.
Do what y’all want to with the information I just gave y’all.
Tell momma and them... I do not give a fuck anymore. ”
With that I got up and headed over to where Crescent and his boys were. From behind, I heard Hazel tell Sienna not to worry about it. But apparently she didn’t listen because she was on my heels.
She grabbed my arm. “What are you doing?”
“I just told you what I was about to do. Let me go, Si,” I said through teary eyes.
I wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was buzzing and high and just wanted to enjoy that.
“You crazy as hell if you think I’m about to just let you leave with that man and you’re like this.”
“I’m like what?” I asked. “How am I, Sienna?”
Sienna looked off, sighed and shook her head. “Listen… You’re not leaving.”
“No. Tell me… How am I? What am I like? Huh? Broken? Fucked up? Hurt? What Si? Speak your mind.”
She frowned. “What? Mahogany. You trippin. You off an edible and a few drinks and you’re… you just not yourself right now. You don’t need to be leaving with him. Why can’t we just go back to the bar? And have him buy you a drink? Why you trying to leave all of a sudden? Especially after you just…”
This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have in the middle of a crowded bar.
I especially didn’t want to have it with him sitting a few feet away.
I was fragile and at any given minute I could fall into a fit of tears.
I didn’t want to do that here. I didn’t want to do that ever.
I just… I really wanted to move on with my life.
When I said I was tired, I really was. I was ready to get to the good part.
To the part where I was finally happy, rejoicing as Mahogany Mills.
One hundred percent. No mask, no hang ups, no trauma beating down my back.
Just me. That felt lightyears away. But what I did have was the moment and in the moment I wanted to feel good.
And if that meant spending time with Crescent then so be it.
I wanted to so bad. There was this pull in his direction that I couldn’t ignore. It was almost as if the universe was pulling me toward him, urging me to run away. So, what if it’d only be for a couple of hours? I wanted it. I wanted it so got damn bad.
I didn’t say anything. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away.
“Mahogany. You—I’m not trying to do this right now—”
“Then stop,” I cut in. “I’m fine. Just… let me be, okay? Let me fucking be.”
I understood why she felt the way she felt.
I understood completely. And if the roles were reversed I would have been the same way.
I had been Sienna. Years ago. When she went missing…
got a little too quiet, I was on her ass just as much as she’d been on mine.
It was funny, being on the receiving end, pushing her away.
She didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds before looking off. I looked over my shoulder, and she was looking at Hazel who was shaking her head, watching us. Looking away, we met eyes again. She sighed, stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me.
“I want a conversation. I want… something, NeNe. Something other than the bullshit you’ve been giving me.”
“I can’t give you the conversation you want, Sienna. Respect the fact that I do not want to talk about it.”
“But you need to.”
“And I will,” Pausing, I shrugged. “In therapy.”
Some conversations were better had outside of the family, and this was one of them.
Why would I want to sit up with my sister, talking about all of the times I’d been a dumb ass for a man who they thought was my knight in shining armor?
While some women might’ve felt comfortable enough to, I didn’t.
I didn’t think I’d ever get that comfortable with them.
Showing my scars, putting it all out there… it just wasn’t for me.
Sienna pulled away from the hug, nodded, and said, “I understand. Listen… I love you, okay? Keep that location on and call me as soon as you get home.”
“Me too,” said Hazel from behind.
Turning, I nodded and pulled her in for a hug too. “I will.”