Chapter 13 #2
I sucked my teeth. “I don’t give a fuck about that situation.
But you layin’ here telling me you can’t get used to this with me because it’s a fantasy.
What else am I supposed to think? You’re conflicted.
Being pulled into two different worlds. I get that.
I’m not trippin. I’m just looking for a little bit of clarity. ”
“Clarity about what?”
“Clarity about you. About how you feel. About why you keep running away from what makes you feel good. About why you complicate shit that’s already complicated that don’t need any more complicating. I say… fuck it… get used to it. I want you to. I want you to get used to more than just this.”
She went quiet for a couple of minutes. I did too.
Wondered what type of thoughts were running through her mind.
Wondered why I’d decided to let mine spill.
A part of me wanted Mahogany to know. A part of me wanted to keep it concealed.
Not because I was afraid of anything but because it was pathetic.
Where I stood. What I wanted. With her being married.
It was crazy. I wasn’t the type of nigga to play second to anybody but there I was, ready, willing, and open to it.
Just for the sake of this. Feeling her skin against mine.
Smelling the scent of her perfume. Listening to the sound of her voice.
I liked Mahogany. I liked her a fuckin lot.
“It has nothing to do with him,” she mumbled. “Not completely…”
“You don’t want to talk about it.”
“I don’t,” she paused. “But I don’t want you to think it has anything to do with…
he’s not important. I just don’t get this, Crescent.
I—” she paused and took a deep breath. “I was with a man for more than half my life and I didn’t get this.
I’m not talking about the cuddling. I’m not talking about the caressing.
I’m talking about everything. It feels good…
Too good. Too good to be real. Too good to be authentic.
Just… too good for me to get used to. That’s all I’m saying. ”
I got it.
She’d been hurt. In the ways that I used to hurt women.
It was obvious. She didn’t have to say what she’d just said for me to recognize it either.
I saw it before. Felt it on her. In every fleeting glance.
In those sad ass pictures of her and her husband.
Mahogany was wounded. And because she was wounded, she was complicated.
Complicated in ways that would make it hard to be me with her.
I was genuine and intentional in the way I handled her.
Because I saw that on her. Deceit. Pain. Unhappiness.
“I’m telling you, you can get used to it. With me you can at least.”
She giggled, shook her head, and said, “I can’t. You don’t understand. And that’s okay.”
“How about this,” I said with a pause. “I’m giving you permission to let go. I’m giving you permission to get out of your head and allow me to give you this. You don’t have to worry about shit with me.”
“Crescent,” she paused. “We just met.”
“Fuck that supposed to mean? I like you. You like me. We vibe. Time don’t mean shit when there’s chemistry and we have a ton of it.”
“Do we? All we do is fuck,” she pointed out.
I slapped her on the ass. “All we’ve done lately is fuck. But we talk… a lot. If it was only pussy between you and I, you wouldn’t be here. You would’ve been gone ten minutes ago.”
It was the truth. I didn’t lay up with pussy.
With pussy I was only intentional in one way.
With pussy I had one agenda—to bust a nut.
With Mahogany, I wanted to indulge. Wanted to dive deeper into her psyche.
Wanted to get closer. Wanted to listen to her.
Wanted to get to know her beyond the physical.
She propped her head up again and we connected, eye to eye. She didn’t shy away. Didn’t look anywhere but in my eyes. Stayed connected like that for a good two minutes before she finally said something.
“What makes me special? I’m married. You want something serious with a married woman?”
“What I want is for you to get out of your head and to enjoy the moment. Fuck that ring. You don’t give a fuck about it. You did. At one point. Me? I never gave a fuck. Not before I met you, not after.”
“Before you met me?”
“Yeah, before I met you,” I said with a deep breath. “You hungry?”
I didn’t want to talk about before I met her.
I didn’t want her to know that before I met her, I took a dive through her social media.
Didn’t want her to know I plotted. Yeah, I plotted.
When I first laid eyes on her, I wanted her.
Didn’t give a fuck about that ring then because like I said, I could see the misery on her.
Could read between the lines of every anniversary and happy birthday post. It was generic.
Posted because she felt obligated. There was no love behind it.
No real love anyway. Not the type of love that put a twinkle in her eye.
Not the type of love that kept her out of the arms of another man.
Had I noticed something different maybe I would have respected it.
Maybe I would have played by the rules and kept it all business.
Maybe… but Mahogany was alluring. She was inviting.
She was intoxicating. With her body up against mine and the scent of the vanilla on her skin filling my nostrils, I thought nah.
I wouldn’t have given a fuck either way.
I wanted her, and when I wanted something, I went after it, regardless of obstacles. Fuck ‘em.
“What do you mean—”
Before she could finish her sentence, her phone rang.
She grunted and looked over at the kitchen island where her phone sat.
“I hate that phone,” she mumbled. Turning over, she got up and sat on the side of the couch.
I watched her. The way the sunlight creeping through the blinds hit her dark chocolate skin made me want to go for round two.
She was glistening. Glowing. Her skin, supple.
The ringing stopped and started again, right after.
“Don’t answer it,” I told her, watching as she hesitated.
“Could be my kid's school. I need to check at least,” she said through a heavy sigh, standing up.
I watched her ass jiggle as she walked away. Dick immediately bricked. I hoped like hell it wasn’t the school. I needed to eat. And I didn’t mean food.
“Hello?” She said, answering her phone, sounding puzzled. “Yes, this is she…”
Whatever it was, was important. So, instead of lying there with my dick on brick, I sat up and grabbed my phone.
I had a couple of missed calls from my pops.
Brushing my hand down the back of my neck, I contemplated calling now, or later.
Because he hadn’t texted, I figured it couldn’t be that important and decided to wait.
“What?” Said Mahogany. “What happened? Oh my God. Okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Thank you.”
When she turned to look at me, she had this look on her face. One that mirrored confusion, sadness, and worry. Something happened. It was an emergency and I hoped it wasn’t one of her kids.
“You cool?”
“Um… yeah. I’m cool,” She hesitated to say, scratching her head. “I need to go.”
“Alright. You sure you okay?”
With furrowed brows, and tears in her eyes she said, “I don’t know for real. He was in an accident and… I don’t… I don’t know how to feel.”
“Oh.”
I didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how to feel either.
I understood the look on her face. The sadness.
The confusion. The worry. She might have said she didn’t care about the marriage anymore, but she did.
She cared about the nigga and probably would for the rest of her life.
They were together for damn near twenty years, of course she gave a fuck.
If she didn’t she wouldn’t have had tears in her eyes.
If something changed about the situation for real, she wouldn’t be rushing to check on him.
I was bugging.
Getting a little jealous. Did I have the right to be though?
He was her husband. Regardless of where they stood today, legally she was still his wife.
As I watched her grab her things, I thought like yeah…
it wasn’t just legally. She was emotionally tied to the nigga too.
Of course. Of course she was nigga. I was tripping.
I brushed my hand down the top of my head and shook it. I was tripping, for real. Wasn’t the jealous type. Never had been. Never had been in a position where I had to be jealous. Never put myself in one. This shit was different and I didn’t like it.
“I’ll call you. We’ll—we’ll talk. We’ll finish today’s work,” she said after grabbing her MacBook from the office.
Before she could head for the door, I grabbed her. Wrapped my arms around her and told her to be careful. I didn’t know what else to say.
When she walked out, I stood there a minute, watching as she ran to her car, to run to her husband.