Chapter 25 #3
On my way out of the kitchen, Auntie Shanny stopped me.
She placed her hand on my chest and said, “Hey nephew... Listen... if you need anything you just let me know. Help with the obituary. Help with the arrangements. You... you just call on me and I’m there.
You hear me? Y’all don’t have to go through this alone. ”
I nodded, thanked her, and moved around, to head back to the living room. Before I got there, I stopped and looked over my shoulder at them. Taking a deep breath, I sipped from the glass.
“Ay, about how much longer y’all gone be here?”
They were loud, but I was louder and stopped all conversation. They looked between each other before looking back at me.
“We don’t know. You want us to go?” asked Uncle Mo. “If you want us to go, we can leave right after this pizza, nephew,” he sadly said, holding his plate up.
I didn’t say anything; just headed back to the living room where Reign’s eyes immediately centered on me.
She was sitting next to Lu at first, trying to get her to eat.
When I walked in, her attention shifted and it annoyed me.
Fuck was she still here for? I wanted her to go just like I wanted everybody else to go. Rah’s ass included.
He was quiet. Sitting on the other couch, circling the rim of his glass with a pensive stare too.
Moms was his favorite auntie. Shit, she was everybody’s favorite auntie.
He wasn’t doing anything. No laughter. No reminiscing.
None of what the rest of the family was doing, but I still wanted him gone.
I just wanted it to be us. Definitely wanted Reign out the mix.
She didn’t have a purpose to be here. She didn’t belong here.
Didn't matter that moms fucked with her heavy.
“When you leaving?” I asked Reign.
“Stop Cres’,” whispered Luna, laying her head back on my shoulder. “Let her stay. I... I want her to.”
“For what?” I scoffed.
“If y’all want me to leave, I’ll leave,” Reign spoke up.
“Good,” I said, taking a sip of my drink.
“Ain’t gotta leave, sis. Ignore that nigga,” Orion said, sitting forward to grab his pizza from the plate. “Ain’t bothering nobody. Got food. Supporting and shit... you smooth man.”
I clenched down on my teeth with flaring nostrils and cut my eyes at her. With a sad look on her face, she looked away from me and at my siblings.
“Okay,” she said before pushing up from the couch. “I’m about to take pops his food. I got him some wings...”
“He don’t want no fuckin’ wings,” I said.
She sighed, walked by me and said, “Don’t matter. He still needs to eat. Just. Like. You. Especially with that drink.”
I didn’t say anything. Just took another sip from my cup and leaned back against the couch.
“Stop being mean, Crescent,” Luna mumbled. “Mommy would appreciate what she’s doing.”
I didn’t respond to Luna either. Just continued to sip from my cup.
Until it was finished. I got up, poured another one and sat back down, eyes centered on the pizza.
I did need to eat. Didn’t want to eat it because she got it.
I had a ton of pent-up resentment towards Reign.
Wasn’t it obvious, though? Her being here didn’t give me comfort.
Her being here just reminded me of the lack of comfort she gave back then.
Back then she didn't give a fuck. Maybe she didn’t have the capacity to.
Maybe she was so fucked up that she couldn’t be there for anybody.
I mean... I was too. I was fucked up. I was bad.
But I was there for her. I was barely there for myself, but I always made sure she was straight.
You know how many times she asked if I was good?
You know how many times she tried to feed me?
Asked if I ate? Gave me a hug? Listened when I told her not to play the videos on the big screen? Never.
Reign didn’t check on me. Reign didn’t do anything.
That house was like a cold ass prison during a time where I needed it to feel like a little bit of love.
It would never hit the same after Nova, but I at least wanted to feel like she gave a fuck.
I guess because I seemed okay and had the ability to check on her, I was good.
If she had taken the time to come upstairs, she would have seen me laid in fetal position, hugging one of Nova’s stuffed animals, crying myself to sleep most nights.
If she gave a fuck she would have realized just how hard it was for me to be there for her, knowing she was responsible for the accident.
But... she didn’t pay attention to any of it.
Yeah, she lost a child. But I did too. We lost Nova Ray.
Her being the mother didn’t triumph anything. Nova came from me, too.
After about an hour and a half, the house was quieter.
All of my uncles and aunties left. Reign stayed.
Rah too. He’d moved upstairs with pops. Reign was sitting across from me, eyes on my plate of pizza, quiet.
Luna and Orion had eaten. I hadn’t. They were asleep.
Luna, with her head steady resting on my shoulder.
O with his head tossed back against the couch.
I didn’t know what time it was, or how long we’d been sitting in the same spot.
I hadn’t checked my phone. Probably should have, since I had a couple of meetings today.
Probably should have, to at least let Gail know what was happening.
Rah said he called in, told them I suffered a loss, but that wasn’t enough.
As the boss, I should have been the one to deliver that call.
But I hadn’t touched my fuckin’ phone. Not since I called 911 to grab moms.
“Crescent,” Reign called out.
“What?”
She sighed, stood up, and snatched the plate off the table. About thirty seconds later, she returned with it, sitting it in my lap again, the heat from it warming my legs up.
“You want me to feed you?” She asked.
I sucked my teeth. “Man, what?"
“Because that’s what I’m going to do if you don’t feed yourself.”
I huffed. “Yeah... aight.”
“We’ve been sitting here for hours. You haven’t eaten once, but you’ve refilled that glass three times,” she pointed out. “You know you need to eat. Like... literally know that if you don’t you will be throwing—thank you!”
In the middle of her talking, I picked a slice up, bit into it and tossed it back onto the plate. Reluctantly, I chewed. Swallowed. Picked the piece up and did it again. From the corner of my eye, I could see her smiling.
“Don’t you got somewhere to be?” I asked, tugging on my itching ear.
“I do. Right here.”
Shaking my head, I said, “Why you give a fuck? You didn’t give a fuck before.”
She sighed and scratched at her head. “I give a fuck because I do. I wish you would—”
“You wish I would what? Get over it? Let it go?” I paused. “Fuck out of here.”
“Ain’t the time or place...” she mumbled. “Ain’t the time or the place...”
“Ain’t the time or place for what, Reign? Hm?” I asked. “To talk about how all of a sudden you Ms. Supportive but at the time I needed you most, you couldn’t be?”
She didn’t say anything. Just stared at me with tears in her eyes and a quivering bottom lip.
A couple of minutes later, she jumped up, snatched her purse from the table, and walked off.
Think I ran after her? Said anything? Apologized?
Nah. I didn’t move a muscle. I bit into the pizza again and watched her leave.