Chapter 2 #2
“Why me?” I managed to break my silence, tired of hearing my heart drum in my chest.
“Why not you?” He combated, standing tall, dangling in the air, my air, as if he belonged there.
“Because, I’ve said no, already.”
“But, you didn’t mean it,” he assured me as if he knew my heart.
“What gives you that idea?”
“The fact that I’m still in your home and you didn’t call the police on my Black ass the minute you saw me at your doorstep,” he reasoned, and he was right.
“Calling the police on a Black man is the last thing on my list of to-dos. I’d never recover if their fears outweighed their better judgment and sworn confessions to protect and serve…
and you end up with a bullet to your head or knee to your neck until you could no longer breathe.
That would never happen on my watch, and not because of me.
“So, me not calling the cops who’d possibly be intimidated by those stakes you seem to be walking on or the bulkiness of your chest has nothing to do with you but everything to do with the fact that I can better protect myself than they can.
They’re hunting our Black men for sport, Fohr.
I’m offended that you’d even mention a call to them. ”
Holding his hands in the air, he nodded. “You’re right.”
He placed the last piece of banana in his mouth before crossing his hands at his center.
“Kit?”
“Please.” My chest rattled as I calmed the intense vibrations of my body. “Please don’t call me that.”
“It’s your name.”
“I know.” I nodded, rubbing the moisture from my forehead. The heat was now seeping through my pores.
“Then tell me… Kit. What should I refer to you as?”
“I don’t know. Anything. As a matter of fact, can you please leave my home? I’m not feeling my best. Maybe it’s the rain that made its way inside or something I ate, but I’m not feeling well.”
“You’re deflecting.”
“I’m asking you to leave,” I mustered the strength to push out. “I really don’t want you here.”
Staring back at the defeat on his handsome face, I almost took back every word that I had planted, but I couldn’t. He needed to leave. He needed to remove himself from my home. He needed to remove himself from my head.
The last time a man had an effect on me that was even remotely close, he ruined me. My refusal to put myself back in harm’s way had nothing to do with Fohr and everything to do with the woman I had become. I was protective of her, and for good reason.
It had been years of piecing her together and digging her out of the hole she was left to die in. This was personal. And, spending any amount of time alone with this man would diminish every effort I’d made to secure her.
“Have I said anything to upset you?” He questioned, immediately rushing to aid wounds that he hadn’t caused.
“No. I’m just not interested. I’ll send the money back once it settles in my account, and if you’ll have me once this is all over, I will continue with my duties. Until then, goodbye, Fohr.” Head bowed, I gnawed the corner of my bottom lip as the words flowed from me.
Confliction was my plague at the moment.
I’d remembered feeling the butterflies and rapid changes in heart rate so many years ago.
It had all led to a pit of lies and heartbreak that I drowned in for so long I don’t even remember the moment when I pulled myself out. It was all a blur, a painful one.
“I can’t remember being in a place where I wasn’t welcomed but something tells me that it isn’t the case here.
However, I’ve been asked to leave, and that’s what I’ll do.
The money is yours to keep for your services over the years and for the length of this difficult time.
Your comfort is my highest priority and unfortunately, I can’t responsibly continue to employ anyone who I make uncomfortable.
“You’re shaking right now and I haven’t done or said anything to upset or harm you.
That raises flags for me, Kit,” he hissed as he continued to drench me in unbearably painful words.
“My bad. I won’t call you that, again, but that only solidifies my decision.
I’m unable to use your government. I’m not sure what’s up with that or what’s up with this, but I want you to feel good in my presence or absence,” he spoke with his hands and lips.
I listened intently as he read me for the filth that I was. Admittedly, he hadn’t done a single thing to upset me. Not even showing up at my door caused budding anger, truthfully. It was just him. His presence.
The way it made me bubble inside, and I hated it.
Hated him for having the ability because it had been years since anyone had it.
Not since my last. And, I’d sworn that he would be my last. I promised myself, and I refused to break that promise by jeopardizing my heart and sanity by staying with a man that I was implausibly attracted to, even at first sight.
“Goodnight, Fohr,” I repeated, unable to conjure any more words. My brain and heart were already working against one another and the thudding of my lady parts didn’t help much. My body was at war with itself, truly.
“Goodnight, Ki–” He paused after only a step as if he’d forgotten something. “Goodnight,” Fohr readjusted his words.