Chapter 13 #3
“Maddie,” I began as I watched her nibble.
“My—I mean Alexander?”
I smiled at her. “Why do you eat so little? Are you still uncomfortable with me?”
She sighed. “I wasn’t allowed much to eat. He—Father—had strict instructions as to what I was allowed and how much. It was always the end bits, the slightly burnt, or the leftovers.”
“You will have only the best. Always. I want you to eat until you are satisfied. And anytime you want something, ask for it,” I said earnestly, leaning toward her.
“I never want you hungry. And if there is something you desire, make it known. The servants want to make you happy. I want you to be happy.”
She blinked, turning her head so I would not see the tears in her eyes.
“Your life is different now. You must cease being afraid, for nothing will harm you. I will not allow it. Do you understand?”
She lifted her glorious gaze to mine. “I do. I will try. I wish to please you.”
“Then eat.” I paused. “And remove your gloves.”
“But people will see. I was never allowed to remove my gloves. Father forbade it.”
“Your father is no longer here and never will be. And if they see, let them. Your scars show you survived something. Do not allow your father’s warped transgressions against you to color your decisions going forward. Besides, I have an idea.”
“An idea?”
“There is a healer in the village. She makes things—potions, ointments—like your friend’s mother did.
When I burned my hand last year, it was her salve that gave me relief.
Even my physician agrees with her methods.
I will take you to see her. Perhaps she can help diminish the scars and dull some of the stiffness they cause. ”
I had noticed her grimace a few times when using her hands, and I didn’t like it.
“We will go see her tomorrow. But I would like you to try no gloves in my presence. They do not offend me except that the person who inflicted the wounds should be punished. But not you.”
She hesitated, meeting my eyes in a silent plea. I nodded in encouragement. “Trust me, my wife.”
I waited until she peeled off her gloves, shutting her eyes as the warm air drifted over them.
She lifted her hands, rolling them gracefully, allowing them to feel the sun and breeze for the first time in what I imagined was a long while.
I smiled at the innocent tableau in front of me and marveled at her bravery in doing what I asked.
Then she picked up a jam puff and ate it, allowing herself to enjoy it. A hum of pleasure escaped her mouth, and I wondered what noise she would make when I kissed her.
I wanted to find out.
I moved closer, still holding her hands. “Will you tell me, Maddie? Why your father treated you as he did?”
She lifted her shoulders. “I do not know. He was never a warm or affectionate father. He never spent much time with me except to show me off at gatherings. I spent most of my time with my momma. But I didn’t fear him.
They met when she was staying here, having fled Paris.
From what she always said, he swept her off her feet, married her, and she stayed here in England.
I thought they were happy. I remember balls and parties and Momma looking beautiful.
” She paused, as if in thought. “About two weeks after she passed, I was pulled from my room and taken to the servants’ quarters.
My clothes were changed, my life thrown into chaos.
I was informed I was no longer the daughter of the house.
I was a servant and would be treated as such.
” She paused, a faraway look in her eyes.
“My father punished anyone who tried to help or protect me. The servants did what they could, making sure to teach me everything I needed to know. Shielded me from some of the more difficult tasks when my father wasn’t around.
When he was, he was the hardest on me. Any infraction was noted.
I was punished often. My rations were always smaller than anyone else’s.
At first, they all tried to give me more, but as time wore on and the servants changed, I simply became what he wanted.
A servant with no name or dowry. No hope of a better life.
” She slipped her hand into mine, the shock of her touch surprising me. “Until you, Alexander.”
I stroked her skin, feeling the scars on her flesh as if they were mine. Hating her story and knowing she wasn’t telling the entire truth. She was still afraid—or perhaps too traumatized by the past.
“Thank you for telling me,” I murmured, touching her cheek. “For trusting me.”
She smiled, the hesitancy of it once again bothering me. I wanted her to be free and open with me. I wanted her smiles, her laughter. With a start, I realized I wanted to give her mine.
She leaned into my hand, and I cupped her cheek.
“You are so beautiful, Maddie.”
“Father told me I was ugly.”
“Your father, as we determined earlier, is a cad and a bastard.”
Her giggle made me smile.
“Tomorrow, we shall go into the village and see the healer. And the dressmaker.”
“But I have new frocks,” she protested. “You purchased them for me when we were married. And you ordered Constance to procure some from London.”
I shook my head. “I did, but Constance convinced me to purchase only a few and that we should venture to London in the future and you will have a complete new wardrobe from the best modiste in the city. But I wish you to have everything you desire or need right now as well. I want you to have all of it. I want you to eat. Sleep. Relax. I want your body strong and healthy.” I paused.
“Not right away, but we will want to entertain. When word reaches the ears of those in London that I have married, we will have guests. Perhaps a ball.” I smiled at her.
“I will dance with my wife wearing a beautiful gown, only outshone by her own loveliness.”
She blinked and looked down. Then she raised her eyes to mine and studied me as if she was unsure how to take me. “You are a gift, sir,” she whispered. “One I am not sure I deserve.”
“You do,” I assured her. “And I am happy you are here with me.”
“Thank you.”
The air around us changed, grew warmer. My gaze dropped to her mouth. Her full lips I wanted to kiss.
Her breath caught as our eyes met and locked. Her mouth opened slightly, and I lowered my head, giving her the chance to move or protest.
She did not.
I pressed my mouth to hers, feeling the softness of her lips underneath mine.
She gasped softly as I wound my arm around her waist, pulling her to my lap and cupping her head. I kissed her again, tracing the seam of her lips with my tongue and sliding inside as she opened for me.
I teased her tongue, coaxing her to kiss me back.
I felt a tremor go through her, and I held her, exploring her thoroughly.
Licking deep into her mouth, smiling as she kissed me back, tentative and soft, then slowly responding to my ardor.
She was sweet and perfect. She tasted of lemonade, jam, and pure Madeleine.
She grew bolder, sliding a hand around my neck and playing with the hair on my nape.
Her full breasts pressed into my chest, and I longed to lay her on the blanket and undress her, expose her to the fresh air and my mouth.
But I knew it was too soon and it would overwhelm her.
Frighten her. I had no wish for that to happen, so I slowed my kisses until I drew back, staring down at her, liking what I saw.
Her cheeks were flushed, the pink spreading down her neck and chest. Her breathing was rapid, her eyes shut. One hand fisted my shirt, the linen crushed in her fingers. She opened her eyes, the bottomless pools of blue filled with wonder and what I hoped was passion.
“You stopped,” she whispered.
“I had to, Maddie mine.”
She frowned.
“I do not wish to frighten you.”
“You did not. I liked it.”
I smiled, running my hand along her cheek. “As did I. What I want to do to you would frighten you very much, I fear. But we will take our time. Get to know each other. And I will teach you everything.”
“There is more?” she whispered.
“So much more, my darling girl. And I will show you everything. And you will tell me what you like and what you don’t.”
“And you will do the same?”
I laughed quietly. “I doubt there is anything you can do I will not enjoy, but yes, my love. I will tell you too.”
I pressed another kiss to her tempting mouth. “But for now, we will enjoy the day and our new closeness, yes?”
She nodded.
“Let us take a walk. Maybe we can find more flowers for my mantel.”
“You like them?”
“I do. In fact, I expect fresh ones all the time now.”
She smiled eagerly. “I can do that. I love to work in the gardens. Father thought I hated it, so it became one of the tasks I had to do every day. But I loved being out and away from his sight. And I loved to grow things.”
“Then we will get the gardener to give you a plot and help you.”
She threw her arms around my neck, holding me, her emotions getting the better of her. I hugged her back, loving her affectionate nature.
She drew back, smiling at me. “Thank you.”
I pressed her hand to my lips, turning and kissing her scarred palm.
“You are welcome, my wife.”
We strolled, coming to the edge of the property. I stared across the barren land, shaking my head.
“It is so overgrown,” she said with a frown. “Your land puts it to shame. Who does it belong to?”
I sat on a large rock, drawing her beside me. “Me now. I won it back from your father.”
She turned to me. “Oh?”
I sighed, unsure how to explain. “That part of the land was my mother’s favorite spot. We would ride and play there. I loved her dearly. She was an incredible mother. Warm and loving. She even made my father smile.”
“What happened?”
“She held such affection for that piece of earth that my father purchased and gifted it to her from the original owner of Milton Manor. It was quite barren aside from the orchard. She added gardens, trees, and she planted and shared her crops with the village. She was so loved by so many,” I explained.
Maddie slipped her hand into mine, and I held it to my chest.
“One day we were there—over in the orchard.” I indicated the remains of what had once been a large planting of trees. “She climbed too high, trying to get the apples she saw. She fell out of the tree and broke her neck.”
“Alexander!” she gasped. “How horrible!”
“My father went wild. Burned down the orchard and crops. Built a fence that has long since fallen over. Gave the land to your father over a card game.” I lifted her hand to my mouth and kissed it.
“He never got over her death. He stopped living. Stopped being my father. He drank and gambled. Put us in debt. Sold pieces of this estate that were not entailed and other land he had purchased himself. Then he died, and I inherited the mess he left.”
“And you won the land back.”
I nodded. “I had a head for figures and farming. I always loved the endeavors. Both of them. I worked and toiled along with my tenants. Slowly made back the monies he lost. Bought back the missing land, piece by piece. I couldn’t care less about the town house in the city, but I have had it refurbished, although I spend little time there. I prefer it here.”
“Your other land?”
“I sold some of the unentailed. Bought back others. Gave my farmers a chance for a good life. This estate brings in a tidy sum monthly. Others do as well. I have invested in the future. No son of ours will have to toil to get back what he inherits.”
There was silence, and I realized what I had said.
“Does that shock you, Maddie? Thinking of children with me?”
“It fills me with joy,” she stated quietly. “I have little knowledge of the workings of such things…” She trailed off, only to speak again. “I know of animals.”
I smiled at her hesitant confession. “I will teach you, Maddie. We will do this slowly, and you will learn. I do promise you it is far more enjoyable than…animals,” I teased.
I was rewarded with her blush.
“What is it you wish to do with the land?” she asked, refusing to meet my eyes.
“Bring it back the way my mother loved. Your father ignored it. Refused to sell it to me. It was only through the card game I was able to get it back.”
“What if you did not win?” she asked, her eyes wide. “He cheats! I know this for a fact.”
I laughed at her candor. “I was aware. We had someone in his house who told us how. We fixed it.”
“So you cheated as well?”
I shrugged. “I did. Once he informed me he wanted me to take you, I knew I had to win. I wanted you out of there.”
“Why?”
Her question caught me off guard. “I do not know,” I admitted. “I kept catching sight of you, and I was intrigued. When I saw you fully, I was shocked. Horrified. Intrigued.”
“Because I was ugly?”
I shook my head. “No. Because you were the most beautiful, sad thing I had ever seen. I had to act uninterested because of your father. But I was desperate to help you. The distress in your eyes reminded me of someone I knew when I was younger, and I wanted to stop that fear.”
“He thought to complete his vendetta against me—for whatever it was. To have you ruin me.”
“I know. I have—” I drew in a deep breath. “I have a reputation as a cold, unfeeling man. A rake, if you will. But as soon as I saw you, I could not do that.”
“Why?” she asked again.
“Because somewhere deep inside, I knew instinctively you needed me. And perhaps I needed you as well.”
“Thank you.”
I bent low and kissed her, pleased when she kissed me back with no hesitation.
“Thank you,” I murmured against her lips.