34. 34
34
Chastity lay on the pillow next to Barrett’s, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest, his body utterly relaxed and depleted. Her core ached from a long night featuring multiple rounds of sex.
No, not sex.
By the end, there had been something more. Something that felt intimate and gentle yet powerful in a strangely unknown way.
There had been something that felt like love .
The prospect of love… real love… true love… made her overjoyed and sick to her stomach simultaneously. She was in a free fall, unsure where she would land and what her ultimate destiny might be. Tears welled as she thought about a future with him, trying to balance pleasing another person and discovering herself at the same time, a delicate balance, to say the least.
She wondered about the medication her therapist had suggested and felt a swell of guilt.
Barrett had chosen to be with her as she was, but what if she decided to take the medication to balance the intoxicating mania and devastating lows?
What if it changed her?
What if she became something he didn’t recognize or like ?
Would she be the same person?
Would it be fair to drag such a new relationship and a caring man through it all?
Would it be fair to show someone one side of you, to let them fall deeply for that person, only to radically change later?
He hadn’t yet seen the endless hours of sleeping, the depression that impeded her basic ability to function some days. He hadn’t watched her scrounge her way out of a crushing level of debt, debt she put herself in with impulsive spending to temporarily alleviate bouts of sadness.
The psychiatrist said it would take time to dial in the medication and that it would be a challenging few months getting started.
Would this gorgeous man, who could have his pick of any woman in a thousand-mile radius, stick around to see her through it all?
She thought back to the look in his eyes when he was inside of her in the shower. It wasn’t the look you give a one-night-stand, she should know. It was more .
Laying back, she peered through his skylight at an endless sea of stars, feeling jealous of them all. Stars didn’t have an impossible decision to make. They could merely exist .
Tears drenched the pillow as she turned back to his sleeping face, memorizing every inch of his face. She had made her decision. And it was the hardest thing she would ever have to do.