Chapter 20 #2
Enoch’s gaze dropped to her hands on the table, then lifted back to her face. In the soft light from the window, the planes and angles of his features seemed even more chiseled, as if carved from stone. But there was a vulnerability in his eyes, a rawness that made her heart ache.
He exhaled, a long breath. “I don’t know how to let someone in, Mandie. How to...care for someone, and still prepare to lose them.”
Mandie’s throat tightened. She could hear the old pain in his voice, the wounds that went soul-deep. “You’ve lost someone before.”
Enoch’s jaw clenched, a muscle ticking near his eye. “My mother, when I was a boy. And my father, in a way, when he left us here and went back to England.”
Her chest squeezed. She wanted to reach out and place her hand on his, to offer comfort. But something in his expression made it seem like there was more.
His gaze turned distant, focused on some point beyond her.
His throat worked, like he was fighting with himself over whether to say the rest. When he spoke, a rasp roughened his voice.
“I was to be married once, but she was taken too. Her entire family, in a wagon accident.” His eyes hardened as he flicked them back to her.
“Mrs. Wang’s husband when his heart gave out.
And most recently, my older brother, leaving me to take on a life I never wanted. ”
His tone had lost all softness by the end, and his eyes flashed. “It took me a while to learn not to get too attached. But I’ve finally taken the lesson well.”
Her heart cracked at the pain in his words, the raw anguish beneath his hard gaze. How could one man bear so much loss, so much sorrow, and still stand tall? Still find the strength to care for his family, his land, even if he tried to hold himself apart?
She reached across the table, slowly, giving him time to pull away. When he didn’t, she laid her hand over his, feeling the roughness of his knuckles, the strength in his fingers. “I’m so sorry, Enoch. I can’t imagine the hurt you’ve endured.”
He stared at their joined hands, his jaw working. “It’s in the past. I’ve learned to live with it.”
“But you haven’t learned to live beyond it.” She gentled her tone, willing him to hear her. “You’ve closed yourself off, thinking it will protect you. But all it’s doing is keeping you from the thing you need most.”
His gaze flicked up to hers, wary. “And what’s that?”
“Love.” The word hung between them, soft but unyielding. “Connection. The knowledge that you’re not alone, even in your pain.”
Enoch’s hand tensed under hers, but he didn’t pull away. “I have my family. My brothers.”
“And they love you. Fiercely. But you hold even them at a distance. Always the strong one, the caretaker, never letting them see your own hurts and needs.” Mandie swallowed. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, Enoch. You’re allowed to lean on others. To let them help carry your burdens.”
He looked away, his profile stark against the light from the window. “I’m not sure I know how.”
She squeezed his hand. “You start by trusting. By taking small steps, one at a time. Like you did today, letting me come with you, even though it scared you.”
His gaze swung back to hers, surprise flicking in those blue depths. “I wasn’t…”
A small smile tugged at her lips. “I could see it in your eyes. The hesitation, the way you nearly said no. But you took a chance, even if it was just to stop my pestering.” She let the grin out a little.
“And look what happened. We faced down a cougar together. We made a pretty good team, don’t you think? ”
Something softened in his expression. “We did. You…surprised me out there. The way you charged back swinging that branch.”
She huffed a laugh. “I couldn’t leave you to face that beast alone. I had to do something.”
“You might well have saved my life.” Enoch’s voice came low. His hand turned under hers, his fingers curling around her palm. “Thank you, Mandie. Truly.”
Her heart swelled at his words, at the rare openness in his gaze. She loved this side he so rarely showed—the man beneath the stoic exterior, the one who felt deeply and cared fiercely, even if he tried to hide it.
She wanted to see more of that man. To know him, in all his strengths and vulnerabilities.
But it would take time. Patience.
He’d built his walls high and thick, and it would take more than one conversation, one near-death experience, to breach them fully.
For now, this was enough. This small step forward, this moment of connection.
She smiled at him, letting her fingers twine with his. “You’re welcome. I’m just glad we both made it back in one piece.”
“More or less.” Enoch glanced at his bandaged arm with a wry twist of his lips.
Mandie chuckled. “Nothing a little time and care won’t mend.”
She could only pray the same could be said for his heart. Given time, care, and God’s grace, surely even the deepest hurts could heal.
She gave his hand a final squeeze, then pulled back. As much as she wanted to linger in this moment, she had work she should attend to.
She stood, smoothing her damp, muddy skirt. “I should change out of these wet things.”
Enoch nodded, his gaze following her as she rose. “I should do the same.” He glanced down at his bare chest, and he seemed to come back to himself.
He pushed to his feet and followed her out of the kitchen, then down the hall toward their separate rooms.
The fire popped in the hearth as Enoch stared into the flames, his bandaged arm stiff at his side. The house had finally quieted, and he was fairly certain Mandie lay asleep in her chamber.
But his body still couldn’t rest.
Footsteps sounded from the kitchen, and James ambled into the room, a piece of cornbread in his hand. His younger brother sank into the chair opposite him, then studied him as he chewed. That glint in his eye made Enoch’s neck itch.
At last, James swallowed and spoke. “I heard you and Mandie in the kitchen. Sounds like the two of you are getting along.”
Enoch tightened his jaw. He didn’t want to say it, but the words came anyway. “I almost lost her today.”
James stayed quiet a moment as he chewed. But then he swallowed, and his tone came out matter-of-fact. “She’s safe. You chased the cat off.”
“This time.” Enoch snapped the words, then forced his tone to soften. “But what if I can’t next time? What if—” He stopped. He didn’t need to say the words for his brother to know his meaning.
James leaned forward. “You’re falling for her, aren’t you?” Enoch wasn’t about to answer that, but of course James pressed on. “And it terrifies you because you’ve lost too much already.”
Enoch’s hands balled into fists. “I can’t do it again, James. Losing Charlotte…it broke me. And then Will. If I let her in and she’s taken too…”
James raised his brows. “You think keeping her at arm’s length will hurt less? You’re already past that point.”
He clenched his fists tighter. He wanted to haul back and slug his brother. James might be right, but he didn’t have to be so smug about it.
But Enoch forced himself to keep still.
He was past the point of falling for her. Every glance, every touch from Mandie pulled him deeper.
Today, when she’d faced the cougar with him, he’d known it—he’d fight anything to keep her safe. “I don’t know how to love her and not be afraid,” he admitted, voice rough.
James nodded. “Maybe you don’t have to. Maybe the fear’s part of it. But she’s worth it, Enoch. You know that.”
Enoch swallowed hard. He wasn’t sure he could face that truth. Not yet. Maybe not ever.