CHAPTER TWELVE
Clem
Three Years Ago
The sound of her giggle had my inside clenching hard and my pussy throbbing. I wanted to be the one to make her giggle like that, to draw out her smiles.
Taking the last of the bottle of Jack Daniels into my bedroom, I shut out the melodic sound before I did something stupid.
Write down your feelings.
My therapist’s voice echoed through my alcohol-infused haze. It had taken a few sessions to really open up about my infatuation with my twin brother’s girlfriend, but now it was all pouring out of me.
My anger with AP was dissipating and I was able to be around them but I had my limits.
Pulling my old school book from my bookshelf, I sat down at my desk and put pen to paper. A love note, one she’ll never see, and then I’d be done. I would wait for my time with her, or I’d find someone to take my mind off her…doubtful, but it could happen right?
Dear Amity,
I love you.
I think I’ve loved you since the moment you smiled at me in school when I pushed stinky Rachel Armitage into that mud puddle for hurting you.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my brother. More than life. But there’s a pull to you I can’t ignore and so I’m writing this so I can stop imagining what it would be like to be yours.
Hell, I already know I’ll never stop imagining that. It’s debilitating at the best of times, but being in your orbit is mind-blowing. I love seeing you smile. The way your blue eyes light up, like the ocean’s surface on a sunny day. I get lost in them almost daily and I don’t mind it at all.
Fuck, Am. I don’t even know what to say.
I’m jealous that he gets to hold you, to take you out and show you off as his girl. I want that. I want to be able to scream that Amity Gage is mine.
Funny thing is…I saw you first.
If I hadn’t introduced you…if I’d made my move…but we both know I wasn’t sure of myself then. It came later.
You made me realise it, actually.
It’s always been you. You make me brave. You make me want to try everything I’ve ever dreamed of. Like I don’t have to care what others think of me.
Fuck it hurts that you laugh at his stupid jokes but you don’t see how much I want to be the one to make you laugh. To have your lips on mine, have my arms around you.
I’ll probably never give this note to you. I doubt you’ll see me the way I see you.
But I just wanted you to know that I’d give you everything you ever wanted. I would give you the world if you let me, and show you off because you are everything.
Let me love you, Amity. If I ever got the chance, I’d love you more than anyone ever could. I’d be all you ever needed.
I’m yours.
If you’ll have me.
Clem.
I put the pen down, looked down at my scrawl and scoffed.
I’d never give this to her. As I heard her melodious chuckle outside at something AP said, I pushed back the threatening tears and folded the note up and put it in my bookshelf between two books and moved over to my bed, drinking my Jack and hating my life.
Tomorrow, I’d be better.
Tomorrow, I’d be her friend, and would stop wishing it were me she was looking at like I’d hung the moon, and be a better sister to AP.