Chapter 23
Sunday
I relax deeper into the pillow, the feel of something warm caressing the nape of my neck.
Without opening my eyes, I reach up to feel what I’m wearing, and a small smile touches my lips when I finally realise what it is.
Jason’s sweater, that he helped me slip into last night. Right before we watched my favourite show from the back of his truck, with the snow-covered pines to keep us company.
I peek down beneath the quilt, admiring his clothes on me as I slowly wake up.
I don’t usually sleep in a lot of layers but, now that I’ve recovered from my cold, I can see how an extra shirt might be exactly what I need during this winter.
Or maybe there’s something else that I would rather get wrapped up in… something that Jason was one thread of control away from giving into last night.
I purse my lips to hide my smile and then I lift myself up onto one elbow, the steep mountain and the snowy evergreens outside the large window making my chest swell with wonder.
I’ve missed this – being so immersed in nature that it feels like I’m a part of it.
The rightness of waking up to the gentle rustle of deer treading through the forest, the silence of last night’s snowfall blanketing everything else from comprehension.
My mind flickers back to the thought of my house down in Nashville, the beautiful mansion that I admired but that never truly felt like a home, and as if the Universe can sense the path of my thoughts, my phone suddenly stirs on the bedside cabinet, vibrating to life as a new notification pops up on the screen.
There are five missed calls and three texts from an unknown number, and I tap on the messages warily before relief spreads through my chest.
He signed his first text with Riley so that I would know who the messages are from, and it’s actually sweet to hear from him again seeing as we’ve been friends for over ten years now.
I breathe out a quiet laugh as I read through his messages, so over-the-top with Nashville-isms that I roll my eyes with amusement.
I tap out a reply to congratulate him on his album release, and to tell him that I totally appreciate his concern but he doesn’t need to check up on me. I explain how his manager helped clear up the ‘secret relationship’ articles, just in case she hadn’t told him seeing as his schedule is off-the-charts chaotic.
Besides, to Riley another article isn’t really a big deal. If anything, it’s beneficial, keeping him constantly in the spotlight, whereas for me it was nerve-wracking because I had nothing to gain from the attention. I’d already sold the bar, so all the article did was drag my name – painting me out to be something that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Seeing as the press somehow caught wind of our friendship and twisted it into something so beyond what it is, I tell him that it’s probably for the best if we keep a little distance for now, but that I still think he’s a rockstar and can’t wait to hear his new songs on the radio.
Then I toss my phone back onto the cabinet, push down the sheets and hop out of bed.
I tie my hair into a high ponytail as I descend the stairs, my bare feet padding quietly when they hit the hardwood, and my eyes instantly fall to the bare coat hooks by the front door, telling me that Jason must have already left for work hours ago.
Although, when I glance through the stunning floor-to-ceiling front window, I can see clear as day that his truck is still out there on his drive.
Intrigue lifts my brow, curiosity settling in my stomach as I tilt my head to look at it.
His truck is still here… but there are other tire tracks in the fresh snow.
Did one of his guys pick him up to take him to the site today?
I blink at the large black vehicle for another long moment before brushing it off, low-key impressed with my own detective skills.
Because like, really, why else would Jason’s truck still be here?
Surely it’s not so unimaginable for the crew to hitch a ride every now and then.
I’m about half a minute into scoping out his cupboards when my attention suddenly flashes to the kitchen counter, and to the large black rectangle lighting up as it vibrates.
I stare at it without blinking before glancing over my shoulder toward the front door.
Jason went out… and he left his cell phone at home?
Should I… ignore the messages? Or should I check them, in case it’s something important?
I keep my eyes focused on the boiling kettle until I can’t take the incessant buzzing any longer, snatching Jason’s phone up so quickly that I accidentally punch my knuckles against the counter.
And then my jaw is dropping to the hardwood as I scan through his endless scroll of messages.
The earliest ones are from really late last night, from the guys on his team discussing their plan of action for this morning.
Then there’s one from his brother, informing him about an urgent call this morning. And the fact that they’re going to be doing roof-work in the snow.
And if that wasn’t bad enough? The next texts are from a woman .
Okay, so honestly, could this get any worse? First there’s the idea of Jason doing risky construction work up in the snow, and then there’s the idea of a sexy small towner asking him to ‘fix up her porch’.
And from the amount of kisses on that message I know that it isn’t just her porch that she wants seeing to.
I narrow my eyes at the name Halle – which, annoyingly, is really cute – my blood thundering as I wonder if that’s the job that Jason went to this morning. If that’s why his truck is still here – because maybe she picked him up on her way to, like, a lingerie store, and now they’re screwing in the backseat while I’m wearing his stupid sweater.
But it’s the most recent thread of messages that have my heart halting in my chest.
Because, as soon as I read them, I know exactly where Jason will be.
They’re SOS messages from Phoenix Falls’ search-and-rescue department, stating a situation up in the mountains and then dropping logged coordinates every couple of minutes.
My heart pounds as I stare down at the numbers, not knowing if they’re the coordinates for the people getting rescued or if they’re the coordinates for Jason – logging his position every so often just in case he is the one who becomes injured.
No. There’s just… no way that he went out to do a mission and didn’t tell me about it. Right?
I mean… did he know about it last night? Was this the job that he knew he had to get up early for? Or did he really only find out about it this morning, dropping everything else so that he could rescue campers from the mountains?
The snow-covered mountains, that are dangerous at the best of times.
I drop his cell to the counter and then I’m racing to the back porch, throwing the door open and letting the snow-chilled air blast my cheeks.
My eyes flash straight to the wooden structure that Jason’s snowmobile has been parked beneath, the tracks in the snow leading north and leaving me looking at nothing but an empty shelter.
His snowmobile? Gone.
His cell phone? Still on the kitchen counter.
My right eye? Twitching, because I can’t believe that he would put me through this shit again!
I grab a pillow from the outside couch and bury my face into it, screaming. Birds flutter from deep in the evergreens, flocking away from my emotional outpouring.
Then I slap the cushion back down on the couch, chest pumping quickly as I stare at where the snowmobile is meant to be.
Perfect. Just perfect. Not only did Jason spend over a decade of his life doing the one profession that I both admire and fear above everything else, he then went straight into mountain search-and-rescue in one of the most snow-covered states in the continental US.
And, on top of that, after he finishes up his perilous ride in the mountains, he’ll go straight to scaling a roof in the worst winter conditions possible.
Oh, and when that’s over, he has a gorgeous small-town hottie to bang, most likely over that porch railing that he’s about to fix up for her.
I storm straight back into the kitchen, my cheeks on fire as I quickly mount the stairs.
We parted ways once before because I couldn’t bear to see him get hurt and, more than a decade later, I still feel the exact same way.
I’m still that seventeen-year-old girl who lost the father-figure she always dreamt of having, who realised that loving something with your whole heart doesn’t mean that it won’t get ripped away from you.
And when it gets ripped away? It feels a million times worse than if you hadn’t felt anything at all.
Even that night of our prom, when Jason told me he would back out of joining the Army, that he wouldn’t go to military college and put me through that stress, I knew that I couldn’t be that person. Hell, my own brother was still going to go to military college – so who on earth was I to tell him what to do with his life?
I’m a strong believer in people following their dreams and, if those people are meant for you, they’ll find their way back to you. I would never be the person to stand in the way of what someone wants, and because of that moral standing, I think Jason fell in love with me even more.
But now? Now that I’m older and financially settled, I want to settle down. Whether that’s in Nashville or Phoenix Falls, I want a partner and a family.
And if I’m lucky enough to have children, I don’t want them to go through the pain of loving their father, only to lose him when they least expect it.
I won’t have them feeling the same pain that I endured.
So the second that I’m inside the guest bedroom, I shove all of my belongings back into my little carry-on, because I can’t stay in this house for one more day knowing that Jason’s career is always going to have me feeling like this – feeling too much because my feelings for him are too deep.
And this is exactly why Nashville was so good for me. Because the relationships I formed there were shallow – casual and fleeting. Nothing like this bone-deep worry to find out if he’s still okay.
I pull off Jason’s sweater until I’m wearing nothing but my underwear, and then I’m slipping on my shirt, my jeans, and, the second that I get down those stairs, my trusty cowgirl boots.
I toss my carry-on into the back of Casey’s truck and kick the vehicle to life.
I’m not waiting around for another unhealable heartbreak.