4. Harlow
CHAPTER 4
HARLOW
Jefferson Riley is the most aggravating person I know.
This has been true for a very long time.
And last night was not the first night that I’ve had a hard time falling asleep because I’m replaying something he did or said.
He’s such an ass. He always thinks he’s right. And he’s great at everything. And everyone likes him.
But he’s so fucking…optimistic. It’s like he thinks the world is actually a happy place and everything always works out for everyone if they just believe hard enough and work hard enough and have a positive mental attitude.
God , that’s annoying.
How the man doesn’t understand that there are people all around him who are dealing with a lot of hard shit and that just thinking and hoping isn’t the way to solve problems makes me nuts.
I pull in a deep breath.
Okay, that’s not entirely fair. I know that he knows there are people who have it tough.
He’s smart. I know this. But he sure doesn’t act like it sometimes.
Like with this whole thing about Zach.
He thinks Zach wants me back. So what? What business is that of his? And he doesn’t need to protect me from Zach. I want nothing to do with Dr. Nelson. Ever. I’ve been over him for almost a decade. And I’m thoroughly offended that Jefferson Fucking Riley doesn’t believe that.
But he wants to make Zach sad.
Yeah, well, I get that. But he didn’t need to pull me into his little revenge plot or whatever this is.
Jefferson and Zach have always had such a weird relationship. They were magic together on the football field. Even as someone who completely resents the sport and my small town’s obsession with it, I knew that. I didn’t hate it as much back when Jefferson and Zach were the town’s golden boys. Hell, for almost a year I was in love with one of them— not Jefferson. Never Jefferson—and I showed up to every damned game just like everyone else.
Over the course of three seasons, one Friday night at a time, on various fields all over the middle of Nebraska, the Sapphire Falls Miners won one game after another until they’d given our town one near-perfect, and two perfectly perfect seasons and two State Championships.
And it was mostly due to the Dynamic Duo of quarterback Jefferson Riley and wide receiver Zachary Nelson.
Jefferson and Zach’s sophomore through senior years were the best football seasons Sapphire Falls has ever had.
To hear people talk about it, even now ten years later, you’d think they’d cured cancer or landed on Jupiter.
I’m so caught up in my internal rant that I don’t see him until his hands wrap around my upper arms and he brings me to a stop with a chuckle.
“Hey, there. I was looking for you.”
And while I don’t want to see either of the Wonder Twins, this one is the one I most don’t want to see.
“Oh, hi, Zach.”
“I understand you have the week off,” Zach says, still hanging onto my arms.
I step back, shrugging out of his grasp. I start to ask how he knows that, but then realize it doesn’t matter. This is Sapphire Falls. He could’ve asked pretty much anyone he knows who knows me. Which is everyone.
“I do. Festival week. Plus the big wedding next weekend.”
He grins. “Perfect time to come back. Lots of great memories of the festival.”
I am not taking his bait. Of course, there are lots of good memories of the festival. For every single person in this town. Every festival. I am not going to let him think that the festival before his senior year when he first, finally paid attention to me was somehow special to me.
“Yeah. I can’t wait to see everyone. It’s going to be fun.”
He nods, his expression softening. “I have high hopes.”
“Well, I’d better go. I’m on my way to the bakery.” I know my mom and Adrianne are elbows deep, if not shoulders deep, in baking for the wedding and the festival, but they’ll still definitely have muffins and scones ready for breakfast.
I love my job, of course, but being only on call this week is a break I’ve been looking forward to. It’s a beautiful summer morning and the walk from my house over to the bakery for breakfast and coffee is perfect.
I love sitting in my mom’s bakery and chatting with her and Adrianne. Who happens to be Jefferson’s mom. I forgive her for that, since she’s also Graham, Carver, and Ginny’s mom. Three out of four ain’t bad.
“Can we talk for just a minute?” Zach asked. “I was looking for you. I could buy you breakfast.” He gestures to his left, my right.
We’re standing on the sidewalk along Main Street, right in front of Dottie's Diner. Which not only means it’s the second best place for breakfast, but also means there are several people sitting inside, looking out the huge window, watching the two of us talking on the sidewalk.
I don’t think the majority of the town knows what went on between Zach and me. Our “romance” was short and secretive, thanks to him, and ten years ago. I very much doubt that anyone inside is looking at us and thinking, ‘oh, look at the exes’.
However, they might be looking at us and thinking, ‘oh Harlow and Golden-Boy-Turned-Doctor-Zach are talking, isn’t that interesting’.
My mom will know about this before I get to the bakery.
I just turned twenty-five for fuck’s sake, but everyone’s acting as if my single status is a huge concern. And interest.
It’s absolutely not. I love my life, and if and when I find a guy to settle down with, it will be at the right time, the right guy, and they’ll all love him.
But it will not be fucking Zach Nelson.
“I don’t really think there’s anything for us to talk about, Zach,” I tell him honestly.
“That’s because you don’t know what I have to say,” Zach says earnestly. “I need to apologize. And just tell you about myself. I’ve changed.”
I don’t care.
I realize looking at him now that all the reasons I had a crush on him were legit.
I was young. Things like good looks and being great at football and being beloved by our entire town, were perfectly fine reasons for a fourteen-turning-fifteen year-old girl to develop heart-eyes for him.
Fourteen- and fifteen-year-old girls are a little gullible, and easily won over by things like flirtatious charm and good looks, which I have to admit Zach still have.
Plus, give me a break, our town is small. There weren’t a lot of choices.
But looking at him now, I really don’t care. He could have won a Pulitzer Prize for science. He could have saved four thousand rescue dogs. He could be running for President. Of anything, really. I wouldn’t care.
“Zach, I really am?—”
“Please.”
I sigh. He’s going to keep doing this. He’s here for a week. Apparently he thinks I’m one of the reasons he’s here. I should probably just get this over with. Yes, I really want one of my mom’s orange scones. But I can have one of those almost anytime. The sooner I get this conversation with Zach over, the more peaceful my week is going to be.
“Okay, fine,” I say, gesturing at Dottie's.
“I was thinking maybe we could get some food to go and find somewhere a little more private.”
Yeah, that is not going to happen. I am not talking to Zach by myself. I need other people around. Not for my safety, but to keep me from screaming at him. Or stabbing him with my fork.
“I think it would be better in public.” I turn and open the door to Dottie's without waiting for him.
I hear him sigh but he follows me inside. Like he had a choice.
“Hey, Harlow. Hi Zach,” Deanna, Dottie’s daughter, who is now running the restaurant, greets us. She’s obviously surprised to see Zach but pleased.
I keep from rolling my eyes. He still has everyone fooled about what a great guy he is.
He’s really fortunate that I never told my dad some of the shit he pulled.
My heart rate kicks up a little thinking about that. There were a couple of times I almost told my dad. But I kept it to myself for a number of reasons. Not because I thought my dad wouldn’t believe me. Probably because I knew my dad would .
And besides being a protective father, he’s also the town cop. He would’ve gotten involved on a personal and professional level. Zach would’ve been in huge trouble. The football team would’ve been in huge trouble. It would’ve caused a huge rift in town.
Now ten years later, I realize that those are not good reasons to cover up someone’s bad behavior, but again, I was a young girl who did believe that some of it was her fault.
Swallowing against the sick feeling in my stomach at the memories rushing at me, I follow Deanna as she leads us to an empty booth. There aren’t many. It’s busy in here, as usual.
Both Zach and I are greeted by nearly everyone in the building. We both smile, wave, and do the expected, “Hi. Good. How are you?”
Finally, we slide into a booth on opposite sides.
“I’ll bring coffee for you,” Deanna says to me, knowing my usual. “How about you?” she asks Zach.
“Hot tea, please.”
Yuck. Right there I know nothing could ever happen between us again.
I pretend to study the menu, even though I know it by heart, and am absolutely getting French toast. I don’t normally come to Dottie's for breakfast unless I’m with my parents and siblings. Dottie's is usually a lunch thing for me. But when I do come, it’s her French toast and a side of bacon.
“You look gorgeous,” Zach tells me, setting his menu down.
I’m wearing a basic green scoop-necked tee, denim shorts, and sandals. My hair is pulled back into a loose, low pony, and I have no make-up on. I look up. “Thank you.”
“Seriously. You’ve always been beautiful, but you’re gorgeous now. The last ten years have been really good to you.”
This is also stupid. It’s not as if it’s been ten years since he’s seen me at all. His parents lived here in Sapphire Falls for the first three years after he graduated, and he was home for holidays. He even tried to see me during a couple of those trips. He’s also breezed into town here and there over the years for homecoming, or the festival.
It has been a couple of years I guess, and I assumed he was busy with medical school and his residency, but I haven’t changed that much.
Maybe he’s fishing for a return compliment. That’s not going to happen.
“Thank you. I feel good. I’m really happy.”
Deanna returns with my coffee. Black, straight up, a little cinnamon on top. She sets hot water and tea bags next to Zach. “You want lemon or honey?”
He shakes his head. “I’m good.”
“I know what Harlow is getting, what can I bring you?”
“Denver omelet, wheat toast.”
Deanna doesn’t bother writing it down but says, “I’ll get it out as soon as I can.”
The moment she’s moved off, Zach leans in and says, “I don’t want to beat around the bush.”
I sit back and brace myself. “Okay, good idea.” Let’s get this over with.
“I want you back. I’ve thought about you constantly over the past ten years. I’ve changed. I am successful, settled. I know what I want. And it’s you.”
I stare at him. That is…appalling.
Even if I was interested in him, how the fuck does he know that he wants me? It’s been ten years. I hope we’ve both changed a lot in ten years. He doesn’t know me anymore. And I’m insulted that he thinks he might.
“I’m not interested,” I say simply, hoping that’s enough.
“I know that things in the past were…complicated.”
I tip my head. “I’m not sure that’s the word I’d use,” I tell him. “I think it was pretty simple really.”
He frowns. “I know there was a big gap in age. And experience. I think that made it complicated.”
“Which part?” I ask. “The part where you didn’t take ‘I don’t want to have sex yet’ seriously, or the part where you thought that my youth and inexperience meant that you could emotionally manipulate me with guilt and the threat of other girls who would give you what you wanted. Or was it the part where my inexperience also meant that I hadn’t ever drunk alcohol so getting me wasted was really easy, which made getting a lot further physically also really easy. Or the part where because I was young and in love for the first time you thought that it would be easier to get me to forgive your cheating?”
I stare at him across the table. There is humiliation and regret washing through me for sure, but there is also anger. So much anger. And pride that I can stand up to him now, say these things, admit these things, and not let him sweep it all away the way he did before.
“See?” I ask, my voice amazingly calm. “That’s a whole lot of use of the word ‘easy’. Which is the opposite of complicated.”
I cross my legs and rest my folded hands on the table. “Or was the complicated part that I had something to hold over your head for the rest of your senior year that could have ruined everything for you and you had to constantly think of ways to keep me in check so I wouldn’t tell anyone about the time you roofied my drink and tried to rape me?”
His face has gone pale and he sits back as well. “That is not what happened.”
“Hmmm, I’m pretty fucking sure it is. And I think you know there are some people who would back that up.”
“Harlow, I was…young. Stupid. Desperate to have you back.”
“Jesus Christ, Zach. You have to know how horrible that sounds.”
“I was in love with you.”
I laugh. I didn’t back then when he’d say that. My poor little in-love-for-the-first-time heart would cry every time. But now, I can laugh. “I really hope in ten years you’ve learned what love actually is.”
“I was a dumb kid. I’ll admit that. I didn’t treat you right.”
My eyes go wide. “You think?”
“But I don’t think we remember those days the same way.”
“It’s not my fault you’ve justified it all somehow in your head, Zach. I know what happened.”
He leans in, dropping his voice to a loud whisper. “Why would I drug you? We’d already had sex. It’s not like I needed to force you.”
I lift an eyebrow. “Because I’d changed my mind about ever doing it again after you cheated on me? Because you were an entitled asshole who couldn’t handle being told no?”
“Be honest. You’d stopped saying no and it wouldn’t have taken me much to persuade you,” he says.
And there’s a little smirk pulling the corner of his lips that makes me want to slap him.
I’m not a violent person. I’m not. I don’t slam doors and throw things and yell.
Very often.
I’m cool and calm. I know that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. I work fucking hard on my honey.
But this guy… I wish I had a fly swatter right now.
“I’d told you never, ever again after I found out that you had sex with Madison.”
We’d been at a party after I’d given him my virginity thinking that would keep him with me forever, believing that was the last thing we needed to really cement our commitment. Because that’s what he’d fucking told me. Over and over. And yes, I was younger, inexperienced, and madly in love with this fucking asshole.
I’d found out two days before that party that he’d cheated on me again , and that us sleeping together had done nothing to strengthen his commitment to me.
I don’t know if he’d thought forcing me into sex again would make me more amenable to getting back together, or if it was just a control thing, or what.
I don’t care.
I do know that he gave me a red solo cup, I’d drunk half of it, started feeling weird, and told Graham.
I don’t remember anything after that, but I was at Graham’s house, in his bed when I woke up, and Graham assured me that Zach hadn’t touched me.
And I hadn’t been alone, or really even near, Zach Nelson again.
My friends had been like little bulldogs, protecting me. Any event where Zach and I would both be present—and in a town like ours, there were many—there was always someone with me.
But I didn’t really need them. Zach kept his distance. He didn’t try to get me alone. He didn’t call or text or email.We would make eye contact from time to time, but he’d look away quickly.
I’d stupidly thought maybe he was regretful.
But slowly, over the years, I’d started caring less and less about how Zach Nelson felt about…anything.
“I’ve thought about you so much over the past ten years, Harlow,” he says, starting again with a new tone of voice. “I made mistakes, I’ll admit that. Can’t we try again? What we had was special.”
I actually feel a shudder go down my spine. I was special to him, I believe that. Because I was submissive. I was easily manipulated. I put him on the highest pedestal. A lot of people thought Zach walked on water. Lots of girls thought he hung the moon. But no one believed all of his bullshit. Not like I did.
“Look, Zach,” I finally say, feeling tired. “I’m not interested. At all . I’m not the girl you used to know. I actually don’t think you’d like me very much now.”
He sits forward again, looking serious. “I sincerely doubt that. I want to get to know you. I want to see how you’re different. I want to fall in love with you all over again.”
Fucking yuck .
Geez, he doesn’t even have the decency to take five minutes to reflect on the huge, serious topics we just put out there between us.
“I don’t care,” I tell him. “I’ve moved on.”
I totally have. I never think about Zach.
Well, almost never. I do have kids on my caseload that make me think of the really poor decisions I made, the people I didn’t tell about them, the help I didn’t get. I had so much love and support around me, and I still didn’t tell my parents or lean on my friends’ parents, or my teachers, or counselors. I didn’t even tell all of my friends. But the friends who did know were solid. They got me through. I don’t know what would have happened if Graham hadn’t been there for me that night. If I hadn’t been able to let him take care of me.
I assume Graham told Sloan and Margot what happened because they were the soldiers around me after that. But we never actually talked about it. Still, I knew I could tell them. They’d love me anyway. They’d believe me.
The kids I work with often come from situations where they have no one. Or feel like it anyway. They don’t have the support network I had and so I’m very empathetic to the choices—and yes, mistakes—they make. And I do everything I can to make sure they know I’m a safe space for them, someone they can tell anything.
“ Please , just give me this week. Just spend some time with me. I think you’ll see that I’m an even better version of the guy you fell so hard for before.”
God, he’s so full of himself. I actually used to find that confidence attractive.
Remembering how easily and fully I fell for all of this makes me sick now. That, along with the confident look on his stupid face makes me certain I could stab him with a fork.
I can absolutely say no to this guy. No question in my mind. But…
I want him to suffer.
Just like Jefferson said last night.
I want Zach to be miserable.
I want him to not only know he has no chance with me but to be sad.
I totally get where Jefferson is coming from.
It might be one of the very few things Jefferson and I have in common, but yeah, I’m on the same page with him here.
“I’m so not interested in getting to know you again,” I tell Zach. I should just leave it at that. I should just lean on my own self-confidence and willpower. I can do that. I can resist him. For sure.
But…what would make Zach even more miserable than just my ability to say no to him?
Me being with someone else. Someone he hates.
“I think I can convince you otherwise,” Zach says, giving me a smile that I’ll bet works for him ninety-nine percent of the time.
I really like being the one-percent exception.
One thing I do know about Zach that has always been true, he’s very used to getting his way. Things fall into place for Zach Nelson. He’s very rarely wanted something he hasn’t gotten. And he’s not above lying, cheating, and manipulating to get it.
This could be a very long week.
I don’t worry about succumbing to his “charms”—at the end of this week I will not be back together with Zach—but avoiding him is going to be impossible and having this conversation over and over is going to be exhausting.
“I’m with someone,” I say.
Jefferson will still go for this. I know it. It was his idea, and he was disappointed I wouldn’t go along with it last night. Sure, when he first opened his stupid mouth, it was with the idea Graham and I would fake it. But our friends seem to think that Jefferson and I can make this believable.
I can fake being with Jefferson for a week.
I could do anything for a week if it makes Zach Nelson sad.
And Jefferson deserves it. Zach was a huge dick to him too.
Did I ever think I’d care if Jefferson got his revenge? No. But it will make this all the sweeter.
Zach frowns. “Someone told me that last night, but he didn’t say who it was and no one in town seems to know anything about you dating anyone.”
Of course he’s asked around.
And of course they’ve all said they don’t know.
“We’ve been keeping it under wraps,” I tell him. “We’re both from here and everyone knows us. We wanted a little privacy as we were figuring out if it was going to go anywhere.”
“But now you’re willing to tell me?” Zach asks, clearly suspicious.
“Seems that you have a direct interest.” I shrug. “I’m not interested in you. I wouldn’t be anyway. But no, I’m not willing to spend any extra time with you and I don’t want any attention from you this week. My boyfriend and I are happy, and I don’t want you messing with that.”
“Who is it?”
I shouldn’t say before I talk to Jefferson again. There are maybe a couple of other guys I could talk into faking this with me if he decides to be a jerk and not do this now.
“You’ll figure it out soon enough.”
“Zach!” someone calls from the back of the diner.
He looks over and his face lights up as he lifts a hand. “Be right back.” He slides out of the booth to go say hi to whoever it is.
I take a deep breath and slump in my seat as he leaves. I didn’t even realize how tense I was.
I pick up my cup and take a long, fortifying draw of Dottie’s coffee. It’s way stronger than what my mom and Adrianne serve. The farmers who come in for breakfast and gossip—heavy on the gossip and light on the eggs and toast—demand “real” coffee. I grin as I take a second drink. I agree with them.
I look out the window at the town square across the street. Preparations are already starting for the festival.
The festival is an annual event. Carnival rides and games roll into town. Booths for everything from food to crafts will outline the square. The two biggest being the dunking booth and the kissing booth, both of which raise money for local projects. There’s also a petting zoo and any number of other crazy, fun, whatever-we-can-come-up-with-and-stuff-into-this-square activities.
Sapphire Falls’ summer festival is famous and people plan their entire summer schedules around it.
It’s why Kaelyn and Carver decided to put their wedding on the Saturday of the festival. Everyone will already be in town and there will be plenty for everyone to do around the wedding. The ceremony will be a simple thirty-minute diversion, in the gazebo right in the center of the square so that everyone who wants to be a part of it can be. Then everyone will have fun at the biggest wedding reception ever. There will be one booth where wedding cake and other wedding themed treats will be served, and they're sponsoring the street dance this year as their wedding dance. But it will look just like every other year with the portion of the street right outside Dottie’s blocked off, picnic tables pulled out, lights strung up from the fronts of the buildings to poles in the square, and a live local band.
The games and rides and everything will continue to run during the dance, and everything will just blend together into one big party.
It will be perfect.
As I’m imagining the whole scene, Jefferson walks by, blocking my view.
And I find myself leaning over and knocking on the window before I even think through what I’m doing.
He stops and looks in. He’s clearly surprised to see me waving at him. But as soon as I mouth, ‘Help me’, he pivots toward Dottie’s front door.
A minute later he arrives next to the booth. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“What’s up?”
“I need you.”
His brow lifts. “Oh?”
“Yeah, we’ve got a little prob?—”
Zach returns just then, before I can finish my sentence.
So I do the only thing I can—I grab Jefferson’s hand and pull him into the booth next to me.