Make It Hurt (West Pine Bullies #1)

Chapter 1

no one gets what they deserve

Saige, two years ago

I've always been afraid of water. Cold, dark water, like the salty, black abyss beneath me now—so still, it's like a deadly sheet of glass. Like I could fall in, breaking the surface, and I'd just keep falling forever.

But I know that isn't true. I'd hit the water and shatter into a million pieces, and when I opened my mouth to scream, the sea would fill my lungs as the cold all but paralyzed me. Then, eventually, there would be nothing. And that eventuality would probably take far longer than I'd like.

The thought makes my throat seize up.

My steering wheel shakes with a lane departure alert, causing my heart to drop into my stomach.

I swallow hard, correcting the wheel with unsteady hands before wiping a tear from under my eye.

The bridge from mainland British Columbia to Aurora Cove doesn't seem that long until you're on it, and then it's long enough to get lost on, like I am now—lost in the fear of the abyss, of the unknown.

Stuck replaying memories from the last year in my head, wondering how I could have misunderstood. A year that ended in a dark back corner of a café about an hour ago when he said, yeah, I don't really think I can do long distance.

And then, when the shock and the anger turned into a knife in my gut, and I knew the tears were inevitable, I stormed out, passing his car before I got to mine, briefly making eye contact with my best friend, sitting in the passenger seat, who laughed before she ducked out of sight.

That long distance is the forty-five minute drive from our neighborhood in Vancouver to Aurora Cove I'm making now.

It's a good metal playlist with the windows down for someone like him and time alone with my thoughts with a side of thalassophobia for someone like me.

We've driven further for music festivals and house parties.

I don't know how I fell from the love of his life to lower priority than a shitty keg of beer. I wonder how long it will hurt. They warn you that you can actually feel it—a broken heart, I mean. Still, I was wholly unprepared to feel like this.

Fighting the irrational urge to turn the wheel to the left, with sweaty palms and what feels like a weight at the center of my chest, I finally hit the isthmus I'm supposed to call home.

To say I was shocked when I found out my mom married her boss on a business trip would be an understatement.

But I'd known they were dating for a while, and Alex seems like a nice enough guy.

Still, it's just been the two of us since my dad left and moved to Toronto.

The idea of leaving the only town and school I've ever known and moving in with him and his son, whom I've never met, is daunting, to say the least.

And to say I've handled this well or with any kind of grace would make me a fucking liar. I've yelled, screamed; I've treated her like shit. Now my heart hurts, and I want my mom.

I take a deep breath, slowing the vehicle as I roll through the unfamiliar streets of downtown Aurora Cove.

It rained earlier, and fog lingers here in a way that it didn't on the other side of the bridge, hindering my vision.

I choke back another sob, catching my reflection in the rearview mirror.

Mascara and eyeliner bleed from my eyes down to my jawline in deep, dark streaks.

I went extra heavy on the cat eye tonight; I was supposed to watch his band play at a club they've been trying to get into for a while, and now I just look ridiculous.

Before I can pull the sleeve of my hoodie over my wrist and wipe it away, I hear someone shouting.

I look up at the road just in time to slam on the brakes, coming to a screeching stop in the middle of a crosswalk. The guy I almost hit slams his hands down on the hood of my Honda Accord, causing me to jump.

"What the fuck?!" he shouts.

"Sorry," I say through the open window. "I'm so sorry."

"You could have killed me! You could have killed my dog!"

"I know—I didn't see you. I just…"

As he walks around the passenger side of the vehicle, I realize my mistake and panic. I shouldn't have stayed this long; I shouldn't have engaged him.

I should have rolled the fucking windows up.

I try to do that now, but without taking my eyes off of him, and my fingers must find the wrong button, because as I push it, the window doesn't budge. He reaches through the open space, unlocks the door, and opens it.

I almost hit the gas before realizing the light turned red, and cross traffic is making its way through the intersection. There's a car waiting behind me now, too, effectively trapping me.

I throw the car into park, jumping out of the vehicle and into the street as he climbs inside.

"Come on, Arcadia," he says, patting his leg until the Boxer jumps into my car and onto his lap. Then he turns, looking at me, and adds, "What are you doing? Get back in the car!"

"What do you want from me?" I yell back.

"I just want a ride—it's not far. You almost ran me over. The least you can do is give me a ride."

I get a better look at him now that he's inside the vehicle with the dome light on and find him far less menacing than he was a minute ago.

His voice is deep, he's enormous, sure, but he can't be much older than me.

He's wearing a short-sleeved shirt with Royals Hockey written across the front, and he has a soft cast on his right arm.

Damp brown hair sticks to his forehead, and he pushes it away from his face as green eyes framed with dark lashes meet mine, a puzzled look on his handsome face.

The dog in his lap wears a pink studded collar and stares at me, too, as she drools on the center console.

Yeah, he doesn't seem so bad.

He's sad, too.

It just pops into my head. I can't put my finger on why I've come to that conclusion, but I know it's true. I don't know why the handsome giant I almost ran over is sad, but I can feel it. I can see it in those green eyes; they look heavy, and maybe a little glazed over, like he's been drinking.

A horn blares, and I realize the light has turned green. Gesturing an apology to the truck behind me, I get back into the car. The truck pulls around me, still laying on the horn, before I can get my seatbelt buckled.

"Um, okay," I say, cancelling the route on my GPS. "Where do you want me to take you?"

I turn to him, waiting for an address, but instead, he says, "Just go straight here. I'll tell you when to turn."

And then I smell that he's been drinking. I nod and put the car in drive.

"I'm Elias, by the way."

"Saige."

"Watch for stoplights and pedestrians."

"Yeah, I got it. Thanks."

"Where are you from?" he asks.

I could tell him that I'm moving here—that I'm starting at Aurora Cove on Monday, but I don't. I don't know where the instinct to lie comes from, but that's what I do. "I'm from Vancouver. I'm just here visiting my mom."

Elias's dog climbs onto the center console and licks my face. "Arcadia, no," he says, pulling her back and hugging her to his chest. "Don't get mad at her. She's just a baby; she doesn't know better."

A pretty big fucking baby, I think. "I'm not mad."

"What were you doing in here? Just fucking crying?"

"Um, yeah," I tell him. "Pretty much."

"Well, Saige, life is terrible, and everyone will disappoint you, eventually. Might as well get used to it."

I know. "I don't want to get used to it."

Elias shrugs, pulling a flask from his pocket. "Your choice. It feels better once you do, though." He takes a swig before holding it out to me. "Want some?"

"What? No. I'm driving."

"Smart," he says, gesturing toward his arm. "Smarter than me, apparently. Turn here."

We continue down this second road in silence for quite a while, past where downtown evaporates into neighborhoods and then into forest with houses few and far between. "You said it was close. How much further—"

"Slow down," he says. "It's coming up on the left."

"What is?" I ask, surrounded by nothing but trees and darkness.

"There!"

I hit the brakes and make a sharp left turn, realizing I'm driving on gravel, not an actual paved road, into the forest.

His house must be back here. "Is this your driveway?"

"It's my hiding spot," he answers.

Suddenly, I feel nervous again.

The gravel drive ends at what appears to be the remnants of a burnt-down, dilapidated cabin. I put the car in park, and he opens the passenger door. "Well, Paige…"

"It's Saige."

"That's what I said. It's been fun, but—"

Before he can finish the sentence, Arcadia jumps out of the car and runs into the woods. "Fuck," he mutters, slurring his words a little now. "Arcadia, no!"

He stumbles out of the car, closing the door behind him, and chases after the dog.

Placing my hand on the gearshift, I almost leave.

Almost. But I get a bad feeling in my gut—like I shouldn't leave this drunk guy out in the woods alone, chasing after a puppy, and that whatever happens afterward would be my fault.

So, I turn off the engine and run into the dark forest after them.

I can't see more than just a few feet in front of me, but still, I move swiftly, keeping my hands out and dodging trees. "Elias?" I call out. "Arcadia!"

It isn't long before it unfolds in front of me—that deep, dark nothingness that's given me an uneasy feeling for as long as I can remember. All the air leaves my lungs as my feet slip over the precipice, nothing but void visible below, but I know exactly what's down there.

I can hear the water.

An arm wraps around my waist and pulls me back just before I go over, and I fall hard onto the rocky forest floor, seeing stars behind my eyes before I open them. Breath heaving and shaking with adrenaline, I sit up and shuffle away from the ledge until my back hits a tree.

"Oh, my god. Shit." I almost died. I almost fucking died. I think I'm going to pass out.