35. Tanner
Chapter Thirty-Five
Tanner
No easy landing
Our crew had an unexpectedly busy day. We found out we were scheduled to fly out to a large wildfire in the northern central part of the state for two weeks.
Meanwhile, earlier that same day, there was a fire about an hour outside of town.
Some campers had decided it was a smart idea to set off fireworks. Never a smart idea in the wilderness.
By the time I got back to the station, I was weary, along with the rest of my crew. Only then did I check my phone and see Ava’s text.
Me: Sorry for the long delay. I was out dealing with the fire. I’ll pick up pizza. Text me in the next few minutes if you’d prefer something else.
Ava: Pizza’s perfect. You know what I like. :)
My lips curled into a smile. I was in my truck when her reply came through and leaned my head back against the seat for a second and let out a breath. I didn’t want to tell her I'd have to leave in a few days.
I knew I was falling in love with Ava. Not only was I shocked, because I had thought I was immune to love, but I was terrified.
When I swung in to pick up the pizza, I was waiting at the counter after I had paid, when I heard my name.
“Tanner.” I glanced over to see Laney.
“Oh. Hey there.”
“Every time I’ve texted, you’ve been busy.” She smiled too brightly. “Do you have time to talk?” she asked.
“I’m picking up pizza to go.”
“Oh.” She tilted her head. “We could sit down for a few minutes.”
The guy behind the counter reappeared. “Gonna be about ten more minutes.”
Laney’s brows lifted. I silently groaned. “We can chat while I wait.”
“That would be great. Thanks.”
I was uneasy sitting down across from Laney. She smiled a little forcefully again. Even though it had been a few years since we’d had any conversation beyond passing greetings, I knew her well enough to know something was up.
“How are you?” she asked.
I took a quick breath. “Doing well. You?”
“Well, uh, okay.” She twisted a napkin between her fingers.
“What’s up, Laney? I sense you want to talk about something. Can we just get to it?”
She let out a quick sigh. “I miss you, Tanner.” She moved to reach for my hand, where it rested on the table.
I slid it back. “Laney, we’re not together.”
“I know. But I’ve realized my mistake.”
“What do you mean by your mistake?” Unease slid down my spine, a cold sensation.
“I didn’t realize how good we had it.”
My mouth actually dropped open. “Excuse me?”
“I didn’t. I should have known better.” She swallowed. “I didn’t recognize just how good we had it, and now I do.”
For a moment, I remembered how I’d felt when we broke up. Back then, for about six months after the breakup, I would have given a lot to hear her say this. I would have wanted her back. But now?
I did a quick heart and body scan. I felt a flicker of satisfaction at her words. I wasn’t going to pretend I didn’t. But I didn’t want another chance with Laney. I didn’t even feel any attraction to her.
I shook my head. “Laney, we’re not getting back together.”
“Tanner.” She leaned forward again. “We were high school sweethearts. That’s not something everyone gets.”
“Plenty of people have a high school sweetheart,” I said evenly. “Laney, what happened? Why are you doing this? Just be honest.”
She hesitated. “It’s not going so well for me in Seattle.”
That tracked. A lot of people from Alaska went to Seattle in search of something bigger.
“It’s expensive,” she continued. “And I have to find a roommate now because my boyfriend was cheating on me. You would never do that.”
“I wouldn’t,” I agreed.
She searched my face. “I thought it was going to be different.”
“So you came back to the place where you felt trapped and asked the guy you thought was boring to take you back?” There wasn’t even any bitterness in my tone.
“I know how it looks, but what’s happened has caused me to take a long look at myself and see what matters,” she said quickly. “I didn’t mean some of the things I said.”
“I’m still the guy you knew,” I said. “But I’m not the same, and we are not getting back together.”
“Because you’re with Ava?”
“I am with Ava. But even if I wasn’t, we wouldn’t be getting back together,” I said.
Laney blinked, tears gathering in her eyes. I felt a stab of guilt, but I couldn’t soften this.
“What you don’t want,” I said carefully, “is the hard part. You want an easy landing. But you would be unhappy again. You know that.”
“I don’t.”
“You do, you just don’t want to face it.” I leaned back slightly. “We had what we had. It’s over. We’re not going to get back together, and this isn’t what you want. You’re going to figure your life out. Maybe that means Seattle. Maybe it means here or somewhere else, but it doesn’t mean me.”
She was quiet for a few beats. “Are you sure?” she whispered.
“Oh, I’m sure.”
Just then, the guy at the counter called my name.
“I’m going to grab my pizzas and go.” I stood. “I wish you the best, Laney. I do. How long are you going to be in town?” I asked.
“I’m using some leave,” she said.
“You’ll figure it out.” I paused. “I’m still your friend, but not your close friend.” With that, I walked away.