Chapter 38
Seven and a Half Years Ago
Garrett followed Becca upstairs to her childhood bedroom that looked and smelled like they were still in high school. She
turned, closed the door behind him, and smiled. Was she thinking what he was thinking? That they’d both lost their virginity
here, in her bed, on Becca’s sixteenth birthday?
All these feelings were filling him, feelings he only had when he was with Becca.
All the other women he had been with were games. Fun, satisfying, interesting . . . but he didn’t feel this wonderful and
terrifying pressure in his chest when he was alone with them. He didn’t feel hot and cold and happy and sad all at the same
time.
Becca sat at the end of her bed and patted the space next to her. He dutifully sat down, then took her hand because he needed
to touch her.
“I’ve missed you,” he said. It was the last thing he planned to say. “Dinner was nice.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
He touched her face, pushed her soft, wavy blond hair behind her ear. “Do you think . . . has too much happened?”
“I think we should take it slow.”
He nodded. “Slow. But moving forward.”
She smiled, kissed him lightly. “I’ve never stopped loving you, Garrett. I just didn’t know it when we were nineteen.”
“I hurt you.”
“We hurt each other.”
Garrett remembered their fight. Rather, Becca’s fight. He stood there and listened to every complaint she had about him, things
he said and did and didn’t do, and he took it. Then he’d said, “If you don’t love me, just go.” And she left.
That was when everything changed for him. When he no longer cared about what other people thought. Becca didn’t love him,
so nothing else mattered. He had fun. He did whatever he wanted. His moral compass—the love of his life—didn’t love him. He
had no moral compass of his own.
“We’re different people,” Becca said. “That’s why it worked so well, but I didn’t see it until I no longer had it. Seeing
you again after four years? Wow. Everything came back. Every feeling, every dream. Back then, I guess I wanted you to fight
for me. Which was dumb. We had everything, and I thought you didn’t care enough. That if you cared, you would have fought
back, in some twisted belief that your willingness to argue would prove your love.”
“If you didn’t love me, what would be the point? What would I be fighting for?” Garrett said. “I don’t show my feelings because
I really don’t have the . . . well, intensity that other people have. But I love you. I have always loved you. You make me
feel things I don’t feel with anyone else.”
“We go slow. I’ll visit you in February like we talked about, then I graduate in May. If nothing has changed, if we still
feel the same, then we can talk about the future.”
Garrett grinned. It felt dopey on his face, the genuine joy that wanted to burst out of him.
He liked to have a plan, a schedule, something to look forward to.
“Okay.” He kissed her. It was old and new, familiar lips he hadn’t touched with his in four years.
“I want to make love to you,” he whispered in her ear, then nibbled on it.
“Me, too,” she said with a breathy sigh. “But my parents are downstairs. Anticipation is half the fun, right? When I come
out in February, it’ll be like the first time.”
He hugged her. Garrett wasn’t into spontaneous bursts of affection, but with Becca, it felt right.
Garrett was packed and ready to leave the next day. He didn’t have many things—he didn’t really care about stuff. He liked
nice things; he liked living well and having a state-of-the-art gym to work out in, good food and drink, nice clothes. But
he didn’t need any of it, and wouldn’t miss it when it was gone.
Audrey came over. He had been dreading this, because he liked Audrey and the last two months had been a lot of fun. More fun
than he’d had in a long time. Maybe ever. Audrey was fire and heat and together they were combustible. The sex was honestly
the best he’d ever had. He would never tell Becca that, but that was okay. Because with Becca it was more than sex.
Garrett explained that he wanted to check out Scottsdale alone, see if he even liked the job. Then maybe she could come out
and visit in a few months.
It wouldn’t happen. While he didn’t come out and tell her he was breaking it off, she had to have known.
“I understand, baby,” she said. “I have some projects to wrap up, anyway. Call me when you get settled?”
“I will,” he said, knowing he wouldn’t.
She walked over to him as she pulled her dress over her head. She was completely naked underneath and he immediately became
horny. Audrey did that to him. Every single time.
“To hold you over until I can make it out to Arizona.” She put her perfectly manicured hands on his chest and pushed him down to his bed.
She didn’t have to know this was the last time, he thought.
He rolled her over so he was on top. “How much time do you have?” he asked with a low growl and a smile.
“I have until dawn. And I don’t need much sleep.”
“I have to be at the airport at seven in the morning.”
“Want a ride?” she asked suggestively and bucked her hips.
“You drive me wild,” he said, and meant it.
He barely got his cock out of his jeans before he plunged into her.
By dawn, they were both exhausted and completely satiated.
By the time he landed at Sky Harbor Airport in Arizona, he was only thinking about Becca.
A week later, he learned that Becca had gone missing while driving back to college after Christmas break. He was shattered,
as if he had been made of glass and someone dropped him.
Two months later, Audrey came back into his life. He was still broken, feeling a pain deep inside unlike anything that he
had felt before. Audrey fixed him. She gave him what he needed—sex, fun, games. He told her he loved her. And he did, in his
way.
But no one could replace Becca.