Chapter 12 You Win Some, You Lose Some
you win some, you lose some
Saige
Iwake before sunrise the next morning, forgetting where I am until Elias's scruffy face brushes against my neck, and then I remember that it's his hard chest against my back, his arm wrapped around the front of my body.
His version of love scares the shit out of me—in fact, I'm not even sure you could call it that. But here I am, anyway…because he's my monster. I run my fingers through his hair.
Maybe I made him like this, too.
I crawl out from under him, watching him stir and then settle before slipping out of the dark room.
I head straight to the bathroom downstairs, pulling my hair into a bun before getting into the shower and scrubbing my body under its spray, cleaning the dried cum from my thighs, thinking of all the fucked up shit Elias said to me last night.
Don't you want to be a good sister for me?
Shame washes over me, but the more I think about it, my pussy squeezes and my clit throbs. I drop the loofah and slide my fingers through my wetness, finding that pulse. I think of Elias, groaning while fucking his thick cock into me, telling me what a good girl I am for letting him use my pussy.
I rub faster as the pressure builds, leaning my head against the shower wall when I come, my toes curling against the bath mat. I bite my cheeks to keep quiet as the words replay in my head. I know you need it just as much as I do. You're being such a good girl for your big brother…
I come so hard that I do it again before getting out of the shower.
I'm so completely fucked.
I get ready for the day and then head out to the kitchen, where the three of them stand around drinking coffee, laughing like all of this is normal.
Maybe it is normal…for us.
"Morning, baby," Dax says.
"I need coffee," I tell him.
He grabs a mug from the cabinet and hands it to me before stepping aside.
"Who's making breakfast?" Dax asks.
"Not me," I tell them. "I made enough breakfasts for you guys for disposing of a body that—as it turns out—you didn't actually get rid of. And I have to go see him in class today."
"Not for long," Nolan says.
"To be fair, you could have killed him better," Dax adds. "I'll cook, though."
Dax makes everyone breakfast while we sit around the table, watching the news. Once it's ready, he sits beside me and pulls me onto his lap.
"We're still doing this, huh?" I ask.
"Always."
"I have some news," Elias says. "I got an email from the head coach at Toronto Central University. They want me to play with them next semester. He wants to fly me out to meet him and the team."
It's like my throat closes up when he says it; I can barely swallow my food. "Well…are you going to go?"
As his eyes meet mine, he smirks at my obvious distress. I fix my face, meeting him with annoyance.
"Don't worry, Saige. I got you a ticket, too. We'll leave Sunday morning, and come back early Monday, so Coach won't notice I'm gone."
I shake my head. "No thanks, I don't want to go. I like it here."
"No, this could work out," Nolan says. "I think you should go, Saige."
"What? What do you mean?"
"I mean that gives me a window to take care of Miles while you two are far the fuck away from here. Just in case anyone were to make the connection."
"Well…what are you going to do?"
"You don't need to worry about that."
"You know, plausible deniability and all that, right, Saige?" Dax mocks.
"I don't like it," I tell them. "I still like my plan better."
Dax scoffs. "What plan? The sloppy self-sacrifice? Yeah, no. Fuck that."
"But if something happens to you, I'll die."
Nolan smiles before reaching out and touching my cheek. "That's sweet, baby. But nothing is going to happen to me. I'm just going to take care of this for you…for my family."
"It's actually a good plan," Dax adds.
"We're all on board, Saige," Elias says. "If I have to tie you up until Sunday to make sure you don't do anything stupid, let me know. I don't think any of us would have a problem with that."
"I'm not going to do anything stupid," I grumble.
"Good—then we all agree," Nolan says. "Saige will go to Toronto, and I'll make sure this is all over when you come back."
I don't like it, but I don't argue—that doesn't mean I won't between now and Sunday.
After breakfast, Nolan leaves for the gym. I go to my room, take out my laptop, and look over my history notes, even though I don't really need to. I'm ready for the test.
Not long before I need to leave, there's a knock at the door. And Dax doesn't really knock.
"Come in."
Elias walks into the room and sits beside me on the bed. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing," I tell him, closing the laptop. "Just going over a few things."
He takes my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. "Saige—"
"Don't do it." I shake my head. "Don't say something terrible."
"Terrible like what? Like how much I love you?"
"You're catching on."
"Can I walk with you to class? I'll feel better if I walk with you. Full disclosure—if you say no, I'm still going to walk with you; I'll just walk a little bit behind you, which I don't mind at all."
Elias grins, and I bite back a smile.
"You can walk with me. Don't do any of this shit, though." I gesture toward our hands.
"What shit? You mean hold your hand?"
I nod, and then grab his chin, bringing my lips to his. "It's disgusting," I whisper before kissing him.
"Hmm…what do you call this, then?"
"Repulsive."
Elias slowly presses his lips to mine again, his tongue carefully exploring my mouth until I pull away.
"I have to go. Come on. No more of this sick shit."
I jump off the bed, grab my coat and backpack, and then head for the door. Before stepping outside, Elias wraps an arm around me, pulling me back.
"Just a little bit more of this sick shit," he says before kissing me again. "You're so fucking beautiful."
I make a face. "Is it out of your system? I thought we had an agreement."
"No, not even close. I'll never be able to get you out of my system," he says. "I thought you'd figured that out by now."
I think I'm starting to.
The rest of the week passed slowly, my nerves constantly on edge. I tried to focus on my classes as much as I could, but found myself zoning out the way I did at the start of the semester, when I thought I was a murderer.
And when I went to psychology and had to face the man who started all of this, I sat in the back, taking notes while Elias stared him down, not bothering to take out his laptop.
But Miles never did or said anything. Although we're sure he's the one who slashed Dax's tires, he hasn't tried anything—not since that night. I don't feel as if I'm being watched the way I did before.
I wonder if maybe he's decided to let it go—that it's gone on long enough, and he needs to move on.
But I know he's dangerous. I know what he did to his fiancé, and we can't take that chance.
He deserves it.
Elias's team is away this weekend, playing in Windsor and Winnipeg, and with Nolan following Miles, I've been going to the gym with Dax.
It's better than staying home. Even if I haven't ever lifted, and my entire body hurts from just two days of this.
"Sumo squats, Saige," he says, running his hands up the inside of my thighs and pushing them further apart. "Spread your legs, baby. That's better."
"I think you're enjoying this too much," I tell him before I start the next set.
"Oh, I'm definitely enjoying it," he says. "Lower, baby. Drop your ass nice and slow…there you go. Form is important."
"You know, I really don't feel like I'm getting proper instruction. I'm starting to think you aren't really a personal trainer—maybe I should report you."
"Yeah? Who would believe you over me?"
"My other boyfriend."
Dax laughs. "Yeah, you're right. He definitely would."
I rack the bar, and Dax presses his body against mine. "I think that was a successful training session, baby. I might have to tell Elias I'm replacing him."
I scoff. "Yeah, well, that won't be a problem, will it? He's moving to Toronto, isn't he?"
Dax laughs. "I don't know—are you?"
"What? No."
"He's not going anywhere without you, Saige, and I think you know that. So, unless you're leaving us—"
"I'd never do that."
"Then you have nothing to worry about. So, if that's what's got you all stressed out and checking your phone every five seconds, you can let that one go."
"That's not why I'm checking my phone. I'm worried about Nolan."
"Ah, well, then, now you know how the rest of us feel every second we're not with you and that guy is still walking around, wasting oxygen." He leans down and kisses my neck. "Trust me, Saige. We've been over it, and it's a good plan. And Miles isn't nearly as dangerous as he thinks he is."
I frown. "I'm not so sure."
"Well, you know I would never risk Nolan, don't you?"
"Yeah, I guess so…"
"We have this under control. So, you just relax…you're going to take a trip with your big brother since you miss him so much, and when you come home, all of our problems are going to magically disappear."
I do miss him. And I fucking hate admitting it—even to myself.
At first, I was relieved when I found out he wasn't playing at West Pine this weekend because it meant I wouldn't have to be there.
I wouldn't have to worry about my stepdad seeing me or my former friends calling me a brother fucker all while said brother expects me to act like his girlfriend—to wear his name and number on my back and hang on his arm, like he said.
I don't want to do any of those things, so I was thrilled I'd get to, at the very least, put it off for another week.
But he's been different. Not softer, not gentler, but warmer—a version of himself I thought was a lie before. Now, I'm not so sure.
Now, I miss it, and I just wish he'd come back already.
"Can we go home now? My legs feel like they're going to fall off."
"Yeah, baby, I'll take you home. Let's go."