Chapter 16
if you love something, let it go
Saige
"Saige?" Elias whispers my name against my lips before his meet mine, fingers running through my hair. "Time to get up, baby. We have to go in twenty minutes."
"What?" I panic, sitting up.
"It's okay—I packed your things for you. You slept through the alarm, and you just looked so perfect and peaceful; I didn't want to disturb you."
So, we're leaving—back to real life.
Being here with him felt good. It was nice just to exist in this city, in this room, away from the rest of the world. When we go home, I know it won't feel the way it does now.
It won't be easy like this.
I'm already getting that twisted feeling in my gut, and I don't want it. I want to hold on to this—to how it felt last night when he took care of me.
Not once did I think of how wrong it was. Not even when he cut me and licked my blood from my skin.
Which reminds me of the giant hickey on the side of my throat. I'll have to wear my hair down for a while.
Shit—I almost forgot. "What about Dax and Nolan?"
Elias sighs. "They're okay, but—"
"But what?!"
"Nothing. They just didn't get him. He wasn't where he was supposed to be. They don't know where he is."
I release the breath I'd been holding and drop my head into my hands. I'm relieved in more ways than one. I'm glad they're okay, but also, I didn't want them to do it. I don't want any of them to get hurt or caught, especially not for me. I couldn't bear it.
"So, what do we do now?"
Elias shrugs. "I don't know. Try again; try something else. Or—"
"Or there's my plan."
"Hard no, Saige. Or…we leave. We remove ourselves from the equation."
My heart pounds. Maybe he's right. What if this is the only way to get Miles out of our lives without anyone getting hurt?
It'd be selfish of me not to go.
"Saige?"
"I said I'd think about it!" I snap.
"Okay." He squeezes my thigh. "Come on, we have to get going."
I dress and brush my teeth, and then we take an Uber to the airport. After a long wait in security, we make it to the gate with little time to spare, and I finally get a text back from Nolan.
NOLAN Are you at the airport?
Yeah, just got to our gate. I miss you.
NOLAN Get away from him and call me.
My heart stops. Does he mean Elias?
He probably just wants to know how the trip went. Maybe he's worried Elias pissed me off, or he knew he would ask me to move here with him, and he wants to see where my head's at.
But the truth is, I don't know.
I look over my shoulder, worried he'd seen the text, but he's buried in his own screen, his arm around my shoulder, the fingers of my left hand threaded through his.
"I'll be right back," I tell him. "I'm going to the washroom."
"Okay."
I get up and head down the terminal, looking back at Elias before passing the washrooms and finding a secluded corner out of sight to make the call.
"Saige?"
There's panic in his deep voice. "Hey," I say softly. "I heard what happened."
"Don't worry about it; that's not what I want to talk about. Are you with Elias?"
"I mean, he's back at the gate; you told me to get away from him. What's going on?"
"Let me ask you something," he says. "Did you see Elias that night?"
"What night? What do you mean?"
"When you were attacked…did you see Elias in that alley?"
"Umm…I don't know. I heard him."
"You saw him or you heard him?"
"I don't know. I think I saw him."
"I need you to be sure."
"Nolan, I can't be sure," I tell him. "I was falling in and out of consciousness. I don't remember much about that night at all—only being dragged down the alley by my foot."
"So, you never saw Elias with the person who attacked you?"
"No. But I heard his voice after the van drove off."
"How long after?"
"Nolan, I can't answer these questions; I don't know! Why are you doing this to me right now?"
"The police think he did it."
"Oh…I know. So does my mom; that doesn't mean anything. They don't know about Miles."
"Saige, he did it. It was Elias."
"What…why…" I scoff. "Why would you say that? Don't say that."
"Baby—"
"Why are you doing this?"
"I'm so fucking sorry, baby. I really am."
"No, stop. He didn't do it. This isn't like you; you can't just say things like this when you don't know if they're true or not."
"He rented a van, Saige."
"Who? What are you talking about?"
"The day before Halloween, Elias rented a white van from Evo. He could have pulled it around the corner, ditched the mask, and then come to your rescue."
I can't breathe. It feels like something is crushing my lungs, but then… "No. You're wrong. I saw a white van parked outside the townhouse the night before. Elias and Dax were both with me. It couldn't have been him."
"Hold on."
I wait while he repeats what I'd told him to Dax, waiting for his confirmation.
"I mean…no," I hear Dax tell him. "She told us she saw a man wearing a mask in a white van, but I didn't see him. I checked the camera, and it didn't look like he had a mask on. It looked like just a guy delivering packages."
"Well…Nolan and I saw him outside the pub that night the two of you went to a party and didn't come home."
"Did you hear that?" Nolan asks him.
"Yeah, but I didn't see him all night," Dax says. "We walked in together, and then I saw him again around three in the morning before we fell asleep in the living room."
"He…he loves me," I say, tears pooling in my eyes. But I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince.
"The police searched the house this morning," Nolan says. "They found a gun in his closet…with blood on it. They think it's going to be your blood. They took some hair from your bathroom and the water bottle beside your bed."
I slide down the wall onto the floor. "No…he didn't…" I pause, catching my breath. Elias did this to me. And I didn't see it. I let him convince me that he saved me, and now, I have to go sit next to him on a five hour flight, knowing he almost killed me when he thought he couldn't have me.
There's something very wrong with him. He needs help.
"What am I supposed to do?"
"Just get home," he says. "Don't tip him off. And don't piss him off. I hope they're wrong—I really do—but it looks bad, Saige."
"If he did it, then it's not his fault," I sob. "He's just sick."
"…Yeah. Yeah, you're right, baby. But if he's sick, he still needs help."
"Nolan—" Before I finish the sentence, they call for my flight to begin boarding. "I have to go. We're boarding."
"Don't tell him, Saige. Just be good. I'll see you when you get home."
"Well…what about Elias?"
"Dax's dad says they're going to arrest him."
"Nolan, no…what if they're wrong? They could be wrong, right?"
"Yeah. Of course. They could be wrong."
But I hear it in his voice. He doesn't believe it.
"Have a safe flight, baby. We love you so much. We're here for you."
"I love you, too…bye."
I stuff my phone into my pocket, taking a few deep breaths to steady myself before I head back toward the gate.
When I turn the corner, I almost run into Elias, waiting outside the washroom.
"What the hell, Saige? Where'd you go? I was starting to freak out."
He's insane. He's actually fucking crazy. He can't love me.
I hate this so much.
A part of me knew; I shouldn't be surprised. But I liked the idea that he was crazy only for me—that he wasn't a monster, he was just my monster.
"Nolan called. I just wanted to talk to him for a minute. I'm sorry."
"I don't need you to be sorry for—are you okay? What happened?"
My lower lip trembles, and I fall into him, wrapping my arms around his body.
He's so big and warm, and he smells so fucking good. Why does he have to be insane?
Another part of me thinks I can fix him. If I'm good, then he won't have to be like this. We can move to Toronto, he can play hockey, and he'll be happy. He's been really happy.
But I bet that's what his dad thought, too.
"Saige, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," I lie. "I'm just really glad everyone is okay. And I'm glad I came here with you. I had a really good time with you—you know that, right?"
"What's going on? Am I dying or something?"
"What? No. Why would you say that?"
"I'm kidding. Come on—it's time for us to board."
He kisses me before taking my hand, and we walk back to the gate.
When we get to our seats, I can't stop staring at him. I know I called him a monster—my monster—but he doesn't look like one. My eyes move from his stubbled jaw to the brown hair just barely curling at the ends, sticking out from beneath his Vancouver Canucks hat.
And in this moment, I'd swear he's one of the most beautiful things I've ever looked at. I decide I'm going to remember him like this—as mine.
I place a hand on his cheek, guiding his green eyes to mine.
His brows pinch together as he studies me before kissing me quickly. "Are you still drunk or something?"
"Maybe."
"I'm going to get some food," he says, pulling a menu from the seatback in front of him. "I'll get you something, too. Something carby."
I take his hand, resting my head against his shoulder, breathing him in before closing my eyes. They don't warn you.
They don't warn you that some monsters hide in plain sight—that they draw the attention of everyone in a fucking room with pale green eyes and a million-dollar smile.
That their touch can be both heaven and sin at the same time, and it's fucking addictive.
That they can be vulnerable and cry against a stranger's chest.
That they'll tell you their obsession is love, and eventually, you'll start believing it. You'll feel it, too.
Someone should have warned me.
"Love you, Saige," my monster says, lacing his fingers with mine.
I love you, too, I think.
The flight from Toronto is somehow both the longest and shortest of my life, anticipating what will happen next. Will they come for him at the airport? Will the police board the plane when we get to the gate, or will we find them parked in front of the house when we get home?
My mom is going to be so mad at him.