Chapter 17
batman returns
Saige
It took just under an hour for Nolan's Jeep to pull into the parking lot. Dax jumped out and ran through the door, lifting me off my feet and into his arms, and he didn't set me down until we got to the car.
I told them what happened while I laid against Dax's chest in the backseat, his arms wrapped tightly around me for the entire drive home.
Home. Where I live with Elias. Now, I have no idea where he is. Dax's dad called during the drive and told him the police found Elias's car abandoned on the side of the road, and they're now searching the surrounding forest for him.
But it's freezing in the mountains, and he doesn't even have his bag. He doesn't have food.
I shouldn't have let him go. What if I killed him?
"Do you think he'll be okay?"
"Yeah…of course," Dax says. "He's Elias. He'll be fine."
But I wasn't asking him. I expect Dax to say that, whether he believes it or not.
"Nolan?"
"I think Elias is the last thing you should worry about," Nolan says. "I don't care what happens to him."
I shake my head. "You don't mean that."
"He had a gun in his closet with your blood on it. He could have fucking killed you, Saige. And I let you go with him."
"Maybe he didn't do it. Maybe it's some kind of mistake."
"Then why'd he run, Saige? Why'd he put your life at risk like that?"
"He let me out," I tell him. "He didn't mean it—he's just sick. He loves me."
"Saige—" Nolan starts.
"Hey," Dax interrupts. "Maybe we should just go easy on her. She's hurt."
"I'm not hurt. I'm fine."
"Yeah," he says. "You're right, baby. You're gonna be fine. We're going to take care of you."
Fingers run through my hair as I stare out the window at the snow-covered mountains and wilderness.
Is he going to be fine? Who is going to take care of Elias? And after everything, why the fuck do I care? What is wrong with me?
When we pull up to the house, a police car sits at the end of the driveway…just in front of my stepdad's car.
"Alex is here?"
"Well, yeah, Saige. Elias is his son; this is all over the news. He texted me just after we left the house."
I shake my head. "I can't go in there—I have to go back to the dorm."
"No," Nolan says. "This is your home, Saige. We're going inside."
He gets out of the car, and Dax and I follow him up to the house, entering through the front door.
An officer sits on the chair in our living room while Alex waits on the couch…beside my mom.
My heart sinks, and instantly, I drop Dax's hand.
"I-I don't know where he is," I tell them. "I'm sorry."
"Why were you with him in the first place?" my mom asks.
"I just…I…"
"That's what I thought." She huffs, incredulous. "God, Saige. How could you be so st—"
"She's not stupid," Nolan interrupts. "We don't know where Elias is, and it's been a long day. She's tired."
"I need to speak with her," the officer says.
"Not without a lawyer," Dax tells her.
"Sweetheart…" the officer starts before Dax interrupts her again.
"She's not your sweetheart."
"Can she not speak for herself? If you know where Elias went—if he told you anything—you need to tell us. He could die out there."
"Good," my mom murmurs.
"Carrie, how could you say that? He's my son."
"He almost killed my daughter! Twice!"
"He—" I almost say he didn't do it, but decide not to waste my breath.
Besides, I'm not sure I believe it anymore.
"He's not a bad person," I tell them instead.
"He's just sick. I don't know where he is, but you can't hurt him.
He needs help." I pause, turning to my mother.
"I don't want you guys to fight about us anymore, Mom. Please, stop."
"Thanks for caring," Dax says, "but if you all could kindly get out of my house now, I'd appreciate it."
"Fine," my mom says, standing. "Let's go, Saige."
"Um…I'm not going with you. I have class…"
"Your professors will understand. Clearly, this isn't a safe place for you, and I can't trust you to make good decisions regarding your own safety anymore."
"Saige, I think we'll all just feel a lot better if you were at home," Alex adds. "We can bring the dog, too."
"I'll get the locks changed," Dax tells them. "I can have someone here in a few hours. We have a security system; I'll change the passcodes, too. She'll be safe here."
"Why would she stay here?"
"I've been staying here…for a while…"
She narrows her eyes, the wheels turning in her head as she looks from me to Dax. She saw me holding hands with him, but I'm sure she knows I was just in Toronto with Elias, too.
And I don't think she thinks I went as his friend…or his sister.
"Saige…" she cautions. "You need to get in the car."
Nolan drops down into the armchair. "She doesn't have to," he says before gesturing to the officer. "You're the cop—you tell her. And then you can get out of our house, too."
"She is an adult," the officer says, shrugging. "She doesn't have to go."
"You're not in trouble," my mom says, her tone softening. "I'm not mad at you. Please, come home with us. No one's fighting. We just want you to be safe."
I shake my head. "I'm sorry. I love you, but I'm not going. I'm staying here."
"You're making a huge mistake."
"Let's go," the officer says, ushering them both toward the door.
My mother's expression shifts to something between shock and disgust. "What did he do to you?"
I drop my gaze to the floor. The truth is I don't know what he did to me, but I know there's nothing I can do about it now.
"I'm sorry," I say again.
"Then I'll find a hotel near campus," my mom says. "I'm not leaving you."
"I appreciate that. But I'm fine."
She pulls me into an embrace I'm too tired to return. "I love you, Saige. I don't blame you for this; I blame myself."
"Mom, you didn't do anything. But I need to go…lie down." It's not really true, but I need her to leave. I need them all to leave.
"I'm going to call you. And I'll text you. I'll be back tomorrow."
"Yeah…that sounds good."
"Okay," she says, wiping her eyes. "I'll see you soon."
Then, she releases me and walks out the front door.
Alex stops in front of me next. "I need to talk to you."
"I'm too tired right now. I'm sorry. If I knew where he was, I'd tell you. I don't want him to get hurt."
He sighs, and frowning, follows my mom out the door.
"You still need to come in for questioning," the officer says.
"I'll bring her tomorrow evening," Dax says. "With a lawyer."
The officer leaves, and Dax closes the door behind her.
"Okay. I am going to call a locksmith, and then I'm going to change the codes to the alarms, order some food, and get a new phone for you. What do you want to eat, Saige?"
"I don't think I'm hungry," I tell Dax.
"You have to eat something, baby."
"Let's get pizza," Nolan says. "She likes jalapeno and pineapple."
"Sounds good."
Dax walks away with his phone, and I lie down on the couch with my head in Nolan's lap. "Is this okay?" I ask him.
"Yeah, baby, it's fine."
I pull the blanket from the back of the couch over my body just as Arcadia jumps up next to me. "Hey, puppy," I whisper as I throw my arm around her and bury my face in her fur.
I bet she misses Elias, too. She's going to be so confused if he doesn't come back.
"Do you really think we should lock Elias out of the house?" I ask Nolan. "What if he shows up here—cold and starving—and he freezes to death?"
"What if he shows up here in the middle of the night and stabs you to death in your sleep?"
"Nolan—"
"What, Saige?" he snaps. "What? I know, okay? I know you love him; I loved him, too. And I know I'm being harsh, but I need you to understand, baby. I said you'd be safe here, and I mean that. I'll do anything to protect you…even if it's from Elias."
"What if—"
"He did it, Saige," Dax says. "I'm so fucking sorry, princess, but he did. I mean, what do you want to do? Do you want us to leave a bowl of food and some blankets out in the yard for him?"
I know he's joking, but…maybe.
"I'm just saying, if he didn't—"
"If he didn't, then he'll understand," Nolan says. "If this is all a big fucking misunderstanding, and Elias loves you, then he'll understand that we had to do it to keep you safe. Just in case."
"Part of me wishes I would have gone with him. Maybe I could have helped him."
"How?" Nolan asks.
"I could have convinced him to turn himself in."
"Saige, Elias is smart," Dax says. "He's not going to let himself get lost in the woods and freeze to death. He'll find a place to stay—an empty rental home or a barn or something—and I've seen him make a fire myself. He used to sleep in that burnt down cabin all the time."
"Do you think he hurt Isla?"
"I don't know. I don't know what to think."
"Just try to rest, okay, Saige?" Nolan says. "I know you're scared and confused…and I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it's going to be okay."
I think of the way he washed my hair and held me last night; I remember when he wrote I love you, Saige on the side of my coffee cup and told me he knew how to take care of another person. He took care of me.
But he's hurt me, too. He sent me those fucked up messages and says he likes it when I'm scared.
He enjoys leaving bruises on me. And he likes to play with knives.
I don't think I should tell the police that.
My replacement phone arrives just before the locksmith finishes. After I get everything set up, I check my messages everywhere, but there's nothing from Elias.
Not that I fully expected him to find a phone out in the wilderness, but you never know. If he did, that would mean he'd found shelter, and he isn't dying of hypothermia right now.
Shouldn't I want that, though, after everything he's put me through?
No. He's sick; he needs help.
But isn't that what he meant when he said I'd have to make it stop?
Dax changes the passcodes for the alarm system and the garage door before we all lie down in his bedroom—me between the two of them, Nolan on top of the covers, and Arcadia on the bedroom floor.
Hours pass, but I can't sleep.