9. James
James
“ I love you.” I say to the mirror. Shaking my head I try again.
This shouldn’t be so difficult to say. I know what I feel for Emily and it’s not just like. We’ve been inseparable for the last year. She shows up to my games and I show up to her recitals and concerts. When she’s lonely in that big house of hers, she begs me to stay. Or I invite her over to mine while my parents and brothers treat her as if she’s already part of the family. And in most cases she is.
I square up to the mirror again. “I love you.”
A pounding on the bathroom door has me jumping out of my skin.
“Open up casanova,” my little brother, Malcolm, demands from outside.
Being the second oldest of five, means my younger brothers have gotten to witness every stage of mine and Emily’s relationship. After we hit the six-month mark in our relationship, my parents finally stopped teasing me. And up until a few months ago, I didn’t think we could have any embarrassing conversations. That is until the birds and the bees talk.
While Emily and I are in no rush to get to that stage in our relationship, my parents made sure to get the talk out of the way. I shudder remembering that conversation.
Nine Months Ago
A knock on my door pulled me from my homework.
“Come in,” I replied without looking up from my work. Turning around I see both of my parents enter my bedroom. They’ve given nothing away with the looks on their faces and it kind of freaks me out. “What’s up?”
“Honey, it’s time we had that talk,” my mom stated.
I look at the back of my dad’s head as he closes the door and then avoids my line of sight before sitting next to my mom. “Um, what talk?”
My dad looks all around my room until I see my mom nudge him. “The birds and the bees.”
“Do we have to?”
“No.” My dad.
“Ben!” My mom scolds him. “Yes, James we have to. As embarrassing as this is for you, your Dad and I do not want grandchildren anytime soon.”
I held my hands up in surrender. “Woah. We haven’t even made it to that point in our relationship. It’s a big step for both of us.”
“You both are virgins?” My mom coos.
“Yes…”
My dad looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here having this conversation. Well tough luck for him as he’ll have this conversation three more times.
She slaps her hand on my dad’s thigh with uncontained glee. “Okay, well we’re gonna start off with some basics. And then I’ll give you some sites to learn from.”
I cover my face in pure mortification as my mom goes on about erections and the clitoris.
Whipping the bathroom door open I see Malcolm standing against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.
“It’s about time lover boy,” he huffs as he pushes past me into the bathroom.
I roll my eyes before walking back to my bedroom. Plopping down on my bed, I pick up my phone and see a text from Emily.
Emmy: Gloria is making spaghetti. Dinner and a movie?
Me: You’ve got yourself a date.
I decide to tackle some homework before heading to Em’s. I’m halfway through my chemistry lesson when my phone rings.
“Hey, big brother,” I greet Brandon.
A huff of laughter slips out. “Hey, shrimp. So I heard from someone that you’re planning to say three important words tonight.”
“Who did–I’m gonna kick Malcolm in the butt.”
Brandon barks out a laugh. “I would’ve done the same thing if I were him.”
I sigh into the phone. “You never said those words to a girl?”
“That would require me to have a girlfriend. So no. But I’m happy to take my cues from you.”
“I’m honored. When are you coming home next?”
Brandon is on a full-ride scholarship at Bellmore University in Tennessee. He was a walk-on for the golf team so his bread-and-butter lies in his brain.
I hear the flipping of a page on the other end of the phone. “Um, it looks like Thanksgiving in a few weeks. Do you think you can carve out some time for your favorite brother?”
“If I must,” I say off-handedly.
Brandon and I talk about small things. While my brother and I aren't close as we’re opposites in every way, he’s still one of my favorite people to talk to.
It’s only when I look outside to see the setting sun that I need to head to Emily’s. “Hey, Brandon I’m heading out to dinner. It was good talking with you.”
“Oh yeah. Those three little words are threatening to burst free. Good luck, buddy.”
I leave him with a teasing quip and throw on a clean pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Padding down the stairs, I let my parents know I’m eating dinner next door as the nerves of those three little words begging to be set free cause me to stumble over my feet.
I give a cursory knock on Emily’s front door before letting myself in. Kicking off my shoes, I pad my sock-covered feet into the kitchen and see two of my favorite girls chatting merrily by the stove. Quietly, well as quiet as I can, I take a seat at the island and watch their familial interaction. The relationship between Emily and Gloria is that of a grandmother and a granddaughter. They’re both so comfortable in that dynamic that I never want to interrupt these moments between them.
Emily must catch me out of the corner of her eye and an innocent smile with a soft blush covers her face. Coming around to where I’m seated, she wraps her arms around my shoulder and gives me a quick kiss. “Hi.”
“Hi, baby,” I respond with a quick kiss back to her. “It smells great Gloria.”
“Thank you, sweet boy. It’s just about done.” She announces before giving the food a couple more stirs and then shutting the burner on the stove off.
We each serve ourselves before taking a seat at the kitchen table. Chatter and laughter are ever-present when it’s the three of us. Emily’s smile never dulls when she realizes her parents are nowhere in this house.
When our bowls are clear, Gloria shoves us out of the kitchen telling us to go put on a movie. With minimal protest and some light towel swatting, we listen.
“What movie tonight, my Emmy?” I ask as we meander down the hallway to the movie room. My arm is slung around her shoulder and her body fits next to mine like a missing puzzle piece.
“ Sweet Home Alabama ,” Emily states, shocking the shit out of me.
“Really?”
Our steps are muted when we cross into the carpeted room. “Yeah. I really want to watch one of the best romantic comedy movies to ever exist.”
“Is it really the best?” I counter, ready for a debate.
She whips her body around, taking me by surprise, and sternly points her finger at me. “James Michael, don’t you dare question this ruling.”
“Scouts honor. I would never.”
I find the DVD in the genre-specific drawer, because yes Emily is organized like that, and pop it into the DVD opening. Grabbing the multitude of remotes, I walk back to the loveseat that Emily is already curled on. I turn the lights down to set the mood for the movie and curl her body into mine.
Two hours later and I have been schooled. It was a cute movie—one about a second chance between a boy and a girl who were childhood sweethearts. I can see why Emily loves it.
“So what did you think?” Emily asks me as the credits roll.
“I can see why you like it.”
“It’s the charm of Josh Lucas,” she dreamily says.
My eyebrows hit my hairline. “Do you have a crush on him?”
“He is dreamy,” she starts. “But my crush is sitting right next to me.”
“I love you.” I blurt out. “Wow. I did not mean to say it like that.”
“I love you too,” Emily says with a smile.
One year after asking her to be my girlfriend, the idea of love, which was painted to be this fictionalized ideal that wasn’t graspable, no longer terrifies me. Being with Emily has been a whole new experience. Although I feel she’s older for her age with how she lives in this house. She also makes me want a sort of domesticity that being in this house temporarily provides.
And if I imagine harder than possible, I can see it all. The house, the kids, the love; all spilled out into a space that we create as our own.