47. Emily
Emily
T wo months. It’s been two months without Adam. Oh, I’ve seen him every morning for school drop-off. And every single day my heart aches with the need to be with him. To run my hands through his shoulder-length hair. To stare into those forest green eyes that are identical to his son’s. To trace the tattoos that cover his body.
I miss him more than words can explain.
In these two months without him, I finally started seeing a therapist. It was long overdue and the girls told me exactly that.
The sessions have been painful. We went back to the beginning. Back to the root of my issues. My parents, their abandonment and neglect during my childhood. We talk about James and how, because my parents weren’t around, I developed an attachment style relationship with him. Did I confuse attention with love? No. I loved James. No one can dispute that.
I’m packing up my things at the end of the day when Melissa stops by.
“Hey, stranger,” she greets me when she’s at my door.
“Ugh, I miss having my classroom across from yours.” I tell her as I go to hug her.
“Ditto. So how’s life?”
I move back to my desk and blow out a breath. “It’s going. How are you and your beau?”
“We’re good. We finally set a wedding date.”
“That’s incredible,” I tell my friend with a forced smile.
“Thanks. Tell me how you’re really doing.”
“Like I wanna cry every second of every day. But I can’t,” I say as emotion takes over and clogs my throat.
Melissa looks at me the way a mother would comfort a child. “Is there any way you could fix it?”
“Maybe,” I whisper.
I get home from work an hour later with a large pepperoni pizza and a bottle of wine tucked firmly in my grasp. I’m walking up the stairs when I see my girls waiting for me in front of my door with two more pizza boxes and a bottle of tequila.
“What are you three doing here?”
“Getting you out of your funk,” Kam declares.
They move aside when I hold up my keys to unlock the door. We all meander inside and head towards the kitchen.
“I’m not in a funk,” I argue back when I set the food down.
“You’re so in a funk!” The three of them yell.
I turn and dump my bags on the chair in the living room and turn towards my girls. “I don’t know what I feel.”
“You’re me in college,” Kamryn says and pours us all chilled shots of tequila ignoring the wine I bought.
Sarah claps her hands which makes me jump. “That’s who you remind me of.”
I move to the kitchen and pick up a shot glass, downing the tequila with barely a wince. Kamryn eyes me warily and I motion for another shot.
“So, I’m in a funk,” I admit after my second shot.
“We know, sweetie. That’s why we’re here.”
I bend over to take my heels off. Anything to keep my hands busy. “I miss Adam. But I’m still working on myself and I heard that he has his court hearing in December. How selfish would I be if I just waltzed back into his life after turning it inside out?”
Jax gathers the boxes of pizza and places them on my dining table. The greasy, delicious smell of pizza beckons me, and I wander to the table and sit. I pick up and chew a slice while the girls take their seats.
“Did you know Mason went to visit Adam at his restaurant?”
“No. When?” I ask Kam.
She puts her half-bitten slice of pizza back in the box and dusts her hands off. “About a week after you two broke up. Mason said he was cold towards him. Which I didn’t think was possible with the way he fawned over him when they first met. But what Mason could tell was that he’s miserable without you.”
I stare into the box of pizza hoping it’ll give me my answer. The traitorous slices give me nothing.
“I don’t even know if he’d want to hear from me,” I whine. I know that’s far from the truth. But I keep seeing his look of defeat that day when I called us off. I vowed to never be the person to put that look on anyone’s face. Yet I did with the man I’m head-over-heels in love with.
“Oh, she figured it out,” someone chimes.
My gaze is unfocused as I think of the steps that are five in front of me instead of the one I need to get to first. “I need to go to his restaurant.”
“Atta, girl,” Sarah says from next to me. “Jax put the pizza in the fridge. We’re going to help Emily get her man back.”
We get to Monty’s and I tell Sarah to park her car next to Adam’s truck. We get out of her car and the girls walk forward but my feet won’t move.
“Em?”
“I’m nervous. And this also feels like a full circle moment for him and me,” I say and pace in the parking lot.
Kamryn rounds back to me and loops her arm through mine. “I know it’s hard.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re wearing the ring,” I note as I look down at the rock on her finger. Mason finally proposed to Kamryn in the house he bought for them a couple of months ago. We all knew it was coming. We just weren’t sure of when.
“I am. And you could too,” she pleads. By her side, I didn’t realize we were walking until we stopped at the entrance. From here I can’t make out a crowd. And I’m assuming that since it’s October that it’s not busy. “Em, life is easier when you have someone in your corner. Helping you fight the bad days and cheering you on through the good days. We both know it’s not easy, but Adam loves you. He wouldn’t be the one if he didn’t let you remember James in a healthy way. He wouldn’t be the one if he didn’t love you, and he does.”
I turn to look at Kam and I see Sarah and Jax waiting for my next move. I untangle myself from Kam and stand in front of the door.
With a deep breath, I open the door and look for the man who still owns my heart. I wait for my eyes to adjust to the dim lighting and then I see him. Standing behind the bar like he was just a year ago. Only this time it’s utter confusion on his face.
“Hi,” I greet him and the mostly empty restaurant.
Adam says nothing, but his eyes say everything. I miss you. I love you. Why did you push me away?
“Okay,” I murmur and move a step closer to where he’s at. “I got scared. I hate change. And so much change was happening that I needed to find my footing on the ground before I ultimately destroyed everything in my path. To do that, I needed less in my life.”
His eyebrows fly to his hairline and I’m realizing how that sounded.
“No, Adam,” I plead and walk closer to the bar. “You are more. You are the more in my life.” I wait and see for my words to process. And when I see that they have I continue. “I’ve been seeing a therapist. We dug deep. It was painful. But it really does go back to my parents. And how I developed an attachment style relationship with James and I didn’t want that to carry over to you. To us. So I needed to re-evaluate my life before you and I could finally ride off into the sunset. I love you. I am in love with you. I see the future with you and Dylan. I see more kids–our kids. Adam, I love you. And if I need to go through change like a butterfly, then I’d rather do it with you.”
I finish my speech out of breath. I glance around and see I’ve gathered the attention of those in the bar. And I wait. Wait for Adam to acknowledge all that I’ve said. Wait for Adam to move from behind the bar. I wait. Now I know what rejection feels like. So with as much dignity as I have left, I send him a half-smile, tap on the bar, and walk out the door.
The girls are waiting on pins and needles when I come out and I just shrug. I’m about to open my mouth to tell them what didn’t happen when I hear the door open behind me.
“Emily!” Adam shouts as he runs towards me.
“Adam, I don’t really feel like reliving–” I’m cut off when he kisses me; a breath-stealing, heart-stopping, earth-shattering kiss. Our lips meld together and all of the tension flows out of my body. He teases my lips with his tongue and I open to him, gladly. His tongue dances with mine and I feel like I can’t get close enough to him. My hands slide into the back pockets of his jeans and I hold him to me. No inch of space threatens to separate us.
The girls whooping behind us disrupt us from our reunion.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him when our lips are no longer mashed together. “If it’s any consolation I was an absolute mess.”
“That does make me feel slightly better. But all is forgiven, baby,” Adam drops his forehead to mine. “Just promise if you run, you take me and Dylan with you.”
“Deal.”
Throats clearing behind me has our attention pulled to our friends. Adam wraps his arms around my shoulders and rests his head on top of mine.
“So since we delivered her here, do we get a drink?” Sarah asks.