Chapter 17
PERIS
“Don’t let him do this to you, Peris,” Gabe’s voice echoes through the door.
“You don’t know shit!” I shout back, bottle dangling from my fingertips. I haven’t touched it yet, but fuck do I want to. I want to blur and muddle and make it all just… disappear. The very thought of another man touching him makes me sick.
But… I also don’t want to forget. I want this anger, this pain. This burning, aching sensation that has taken over my entire body.
I feel alive for the first time in years, and it’s unlike anything I remember.
Of course, it’s because of him.
He comes traipsing back into my life, wreaks his fucking havoc, and then dips just when it gets hard. Typical Abel shit.
Only this time, I’m not letting him go. I know where he is this time, and I refuse.
The knocking sounds again, and I growl loudly and yank the door open. I shove the bottle into Gabe’s chest. “There, I didn’t fucking drink any. You happy?”
He stares down at the bottle he’s now clutching, then looks back up at me. “Yes, actually. Thank you.”
“You’re fucking welcome,” I snark back sarcastically. “Anything else you need?” I add just as I start to close the door in his face.
“Your mom’s on her way,” he adds quietly with a wince, and I tense.
“Why?...”
“Because I was worried.” He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, and I furrow my brows.
“Why the hell are you acting so strange again? What did you do, Gabriel? You’re a terrible liar, you know.” I add the words with a snap and cross my arms over my chest.
Gabe huffs out a long sigh and crosses his arms, tucking the bottle against his chest. “Abel told me he called you,” he says eventually. I freeze.
“That little…” Motherfucker. I can’t finish my sentence because my throat has closed off unexpectedly, and it’s suddenly pretty hard to breathe.
“Peris, take a breath. It’s okay.”
“It’s not fucking okay, Gabriel. None of this is.” I yank my fingers through my hair and pull on the strands.
“No. It’s not. But that’s why Elise is on the way. Maybe there’s something she can do…”
“There’s nothing she can do. There’s no proof it’s him, Gabe. And it’s certainly not the first time he’s called.”
“What?” Gabe exclaims, dark eyes shooting wide open.
“Well, what the hell was I gonna do about it, anyway?” I lean back against the wall, feeling defensive at his outburst.
“I don’t fucking know, but you should have said something! How long has this been going on for?” he asks accusingly, and I don’t like that.
I don’t like it at all.
“Don’t fucking talk to me like that. You have no idea what it’s been like. I’ve just been trying to survive, Gabe,” I snap, eyes cold and pinned on the side of his face. He winces, and I know I’ve gotten through to him.
“Look… I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying… fuck. I’m sorry.”
I don’t answer him for a while because my throat has closed off, and I can barely even breathe. But when I finally can, I murmur a choked, “I know.”
“Let’s go downstairs and wait for your mom to show up. I’m sure she’s gonna bring some food with her, and I’m fucking starving,” he says to lighten the mood a few minutes later, and I push off the wall with a wet snort.
“All you care about is food,” I mutter as I follow Gabe down the stairs, and he throws his head back with a laugh as he rubs his belly.
“I’m a growin’ boy. I’ve gotta eat.”
“Yeah, dude. Sure,” I acquiesce.
By the time Ma makes it to the house, Gabe, our roommate, Michael, and I are practically passed out on the couch with a movie playing for background noise.
“I brought food!” Ma announces when she walks in, and Gabe jolts from his spot, practically springing to his feet to help her into the house.
“Here, let me get that for you.”
“Aren’t you a doll. Thank you, honey.” She leans forward and kisses him on the cheek as he takes the slow cooker from her and disappears into the kitchen. The smell of roast wafts through the house, and I groan. Oh, how I’ve missed Ma’s cooking.
When Michael sees Mom walking toward me, he gets up with a groan, stretches, says hi, and then makes himself scarce.
“I sure know how to clear a room,” Ma says as she drops down beside me, and I snort.
“It’s me, not you,” I tell her, and she rolls her eyes as she takes part of my blanket and covers up with it. She curls up next to me and looks over at the T.V. I follow her line of sight and watch the screen for a few minutes in silence.
“He’s been calling me,” I finally admit.
“I know.”
“How…?”
“Because I know you. I’ve just been waiting for you to tell me. How long?”
“Since Abel left.”
“Even after the no contact order was put in place?”
I nod. “Even then. They haven’t stopped. But they’re not very frequent. Once every couple of months. Just enough time for me to start to let my guard down, and then, he’s calling all over again. It’s like he doesn’t want me to relax.”
Mom reaches out and squeezes my arm. “That’s exactly what it is, baby.”
“I know.”
“I wish there was something more I could do.”
“You’re doing everything you can. I’m sorry I’ve been so…”
“Don’t apologize to me again, Peris. We’ve gone over this, and I’ve forgiven you. I want to move on, okay? Try to forgive yourself.” Ma squeezes me again before pulling me into a half-hug. I tower over her small frame, but she doesn’t care. “I love you, Peri. Don’t forget that.”
“I know you do, Ma. I love you, too.”
“You better,” she teases and pulls back with a grin. I narrow my eyes. “Now, when were you going to tell me about a certain someone coming back into your life so… permanently?”
I throw my head back and groan loudly. “I’m gonna fucking kill Gabe. Seriously. Commit murder.”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic. You knew I’d find out sooner or later.”
“Yeah, when I decided to tell you. Not when he deemed it best. The fuck.”
“Well, if we would’ve waited on you, we’d be waiting a century.”
“That’s not fair.”
Her lips quirk into a grin. “Maybe not, but it’s true. You like to keep him all to yourself. You always have.”
“I don’t need you perceiving me that well, Mother,” I complain loudly, and she laughs.
“Just speaking the truth, honey. So… how is he?” she asks softly, and I sigh. I wish I could tell her more.
“He’s… well. He’s good. He’s Abel, and you know how he is. He really hasn’t changed much, believe it or not. He’s just more fiercely independent and stubborn…”
“Oh, boy. I can only imagine,” she chuckles, and I roll my eyes.
“Yeah. And he’s… well, he’s… he’s beautiful, Ma.” As soon as the words leave my lips, I flush at my admission and pinch my lips shut, but Ma just smiles softly at me, eyes creased from how big it is, and my heart swoops.
“Beautiful, huh?” she says, and I cough.
“But we had a fight, and I don’t know what’s going to happen.” I admit to her the painful truth without the actuality of it.
“A fight? About what?”
“I can’t really say,” I tell her, and she nods, accepting it easily. “But it’s something we can’t agree on, and I know I can’t get past it, and he won’t stop doing it, no matter what.”
“So, you’re sort of at an impasse.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, baby, you’ve gotta decide what’s more important to you. Having Abel… or not having Abel.”
“It’s really not that simple,” I complain, and she shakes her head fondly.
“It is, Peris. It really, really is.” And then, she reaches up to rake her fingers through my hair, and I drop my head onto her shoulder as I absorb her words.
Is it really that easy? Do I just… accept Abel and all his disgusting parts?
Can I do that?
Can I stand the thought of letting other men touch him, have him, take him, as long as he comes home to me? Loves me?
Fuck. My breath stutters, and I blink against the burn in my eyes.
“I don’t know, Ma,” I say after a while.
“It’s okay to not know. Just… think about it. For once. Don’t be rash.”
I snort softly but nod against her. “I will.” Because what other choice do I have?