CHAPTER FIVE
ZINZI
I kept my head down and tried to pretend the world didn’t exist. Not an easy job when the object of my unaffection kept staring at me from the library in the row three across from mine at half an hour before the building closed for the night. A Wednesday night, when we weren’t supposed to be near each other anyway.
As per usual, Dex decided to play by his own rules, not mine. Just like he did last Friday night. Because it wasn’t until a solid hour until after he left that I realized we hadn’t had sex.
Let me tell you straight: Zinzi was not okay.
I mean, that was the whole point of our deal, right? He came around. We played, we teased the shit out of each other. We drove each other insane. Sometimes we tried new sexual stuff we hadn’t before because even though we were both rough as hell together, Friday night with Dex was a safe—if orgasmic—space. We came, we fucked and he left.
End of story.
Only this time, he turned up, I came—a lot —and then he left.
With me satisfied. And also unsatisfied. Because I wasn’t aching and I wasn’t burning.
Because even after all the orgasms he could possibly provide for me between the hours of nine p.m. and midnight on a Friday night, I still felt empty.
He didn’t come either. My blissful, Dex-induced haze told me that much, too. He held off for me, and I had no idea what to make of that. None of it was part of our deal.
Play, fuck, come. Leave.
Repeat exactly one week later.
We had been onto this good thing for just over two years and now…
Dex Breaker changed the rules we played by. My damn rules, and I wasn’t happy with that. Not one bit.
To top it off, he had spent the last two hours, I had counted both, every single minute that passed, and gotten very little work done in the interim, while he watched me with love lorn eyes like I was the object he focused on.
During the wrong day of the week.
And I was done.
I pushed back my handwritten assignment—I was a pen and paper draft girl—and shoved my chair across the tiled flooring at the same time as he rose. I froze in place. Dex grinned as he made his way across to my table, resting his perfectly formed ass against the corner, still giving me enough room to breathe, the courteous asshole.
“Are we going?” He walked his fingers across the table top, over my mostly blank page—also courtesy of him—and up my bare arm. Those same rough, inked fingers slipped under the strap of my tank top and tugged lightly.
My body flushed on demand. I hated the reaction he had pre-programmed into me.
“I still have work to do?—”
The library ten minute warning bell for closing time echoed through our floor, the lights flickering twice just to rub the point in.
Okay, so I don’t have thirty minutes left, after all.
“You were saying?” The grin never left his face.
“You knew what time it was,” I grumbled, stacking my books together and shoved them into my postie satchel next to my laptop that he held open for me.
Also, courteous.
“What are you, going for extra brownie points this week? It doesn't count if it doesn’t go in,” I said somewhat pointedly as one page slithered to the floor and ended up beneath the desk I'd been working at.
Dex snorted, bending way too lithely to collect the runaway paper. “Why does this have my name doodled all over it and is decorated with little stabby knives?” he asked idly, onyx eyes glinting as he passed my page up to me from a kneeling position.
One hand rested on the seat I’d been working on, the other, once free of the rogue paper, slid up my thigh to rest just below my hip.
I swallowed. “I was feeling particularly violent.”
“And now?”
“I could employ a different weapon.” I planted my boot between his legs and lifted the toe just enough to graze his balls through his black jeans.
Dex bared his teeth in a feral smile. “I knew I loved you for a reason, Zin. You’ve always got my best interests at heart.” He stayed in that position for a moment longer after dropping a little love bomb of his own while I glared at him.
“Keep testing me, big boy. You already screwed up my study session.” I pushed the words out through clenched teeth and by some grace I didn't know I possessed, managed not to remove his ability to bear children. I mean, being annoying didn’t get him there—quite—but it was a close thing.
“Just keeping an eye on my girl.”
I opened my mouth to object that I was not in fact his girl, or anything else, and that the agreement we had was limited to one night a week alone, when he rose fluidly to tower over me, planting his hands on either side of the desk. One braced behind me. Dex’s breath brushed my lips, and that was the breath I breathed in when mine evicted from between startled lips.
“You—”
“Ready to go?”
His eye hit glitterball territory, the dangerous sort, as he drew back just far enough to let me inhale untainted air.
“I would have been done an hour or more ago,” I snapped, slinging my bag across my chest and stepping around him.
Only the strap never hit my chest. I grabbed for it, and spun on my heel to find Dex adjusting my satchel over his own chest. He patted the bag at his side as I gaped at him.
“Like I said, ready to go? I’ll walk you back.”
“I really don’t need it.” I’d started this conversation with snark and I saw no reason to stop now.
Dex’s turn on sweetness confused the hell out of me. We’d never been these people—or him this person—who waited for me after my silent, solo study sessions into the night avoiding my roommate and her random hookups, the campus social scene, or any sort of human connection at all. And now, he had a hostage.
I eyed my bag and twitched my nose. “You know I’m gonna need that back.”
“As soon as we reach your dorm. After you.” He waved me out of the stacks, his heavy, regular footfalls on the worn tiles an odd comfort at my back.
My stomach flopped over at the concept. Damnit, I liked the fact that he was there way too much.
“You know, you don’t have to do this,” I started as the automatic doors to the library’s broad front opened. I waved to the librarian on duty over my shoulder as I started down the steps. One of the fourth year students. I couldn’t remember her name.
“Bye, Dex,” she called far too brightly for this time of night.
“Bye, Elizabeth,” he tossed back. I could hear the smile in his voice, for feck’s sake.
“You don’t have to be so indecently happy. I mean, does she go by Liz or Lizzy when you screw her midweek? Is that what you gave up to haunt my table tonight?” I groused, unable to stop the reflux burning my throat.
Yup, that’s what we were going with. Reflex.
Dex cast me an amused sideways glance as he caught up with me. “I don’t have a clue. Her name tag read Elizabeth, so that’s what I called her.” He shrugged.
“Yeah, you’re a regular Darcy.”
“Nah. I don't have the hair to pull that off.”
I shortened my stride, surprised he caught the reference and decided to throw an extra test out, because my personal asshole factor was high tonight, and I was low on caffeine. “Which version?”
Dex’s head tipped to one side. “I’m partial to MacFayden. But also, Colin Firth did it better. Preference?”
“Nineteen ninety-five.”
“Ah, we agree.”
I nodded, then caught myself and scowled. “Don’t rig your answers to suit me.”
“I would never.” Dex held out both hands in defense.
“And protect my laptop.” The hands went back to my bag. I smiled. “Good boy.”
“I can be trained.”
A snort left me. “Not likely. You, housebroken? Come on.” I nudged his shoulder with mine, and looked up when he didn’t budge. His gaze was fixed at a point over my head. I adjusted my view along the dimly lit path that forked between my dorm and his, wrapping my arms around myself. I wished I'd brought a jacket. “Distraction,” I muttered.
“Yeah.” Dex ran his fingers through his hair and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, tugging me toward the path that led away from my room. “Fancy a drink?”
“At this hour?” I flicked my wrist over to check my watch where I wore it facing into me. “Dex, it’s?—”
“Not even ten thirty,” he said smoothly. “Remember how we met?”
“At the bar during orientation week?” I raised both eyebrows. “Weren’t you pissed as a parrot and I had to tow you around as your guide for the day? I watched you puke on four campus plants that have since died,” I reminded him.
“One has resurrected,” he proclaimed proudly, steering us in the direction of the bar.
His fingers massaged my bare shoulder. I soaked in the warmth of him and let him, pretending the flirty librarian hadn’t bothered me at all.
It’s just one drink.
“No, it died,” I muttered, tipping my head down so my hair covered my face, and my grin.
“It’s alive and well. I can show you right now,” Dex protested.
“I replaced it.”
“What?” He stopped and turned me to face him.
“I bought a new one. I figured we shouldn't have killed four plants in one day and I felt guilty. So I replaced one. It’s all I could afford. I’m not a rich kid like some people.” I bit my lip, but my grin wouldn’t stay hidden, even with my hair curtain.
Dex dropped his arm and rocked back onto his heels, his face the picture of a stunned mullet. “You bought a plant and you never told me?” he blinked. “I thought for years that thing lived on.”
“From the power of your acidic spew.” I clapped one hand to his chest, and he winced. I paused. “What happened to you?”
“Cracked rib,” he muttered, and closed his eyes like he hadn’t wanted the admission to slip out.
“How?” I raised both eyebrows, some of my humor fading.
“Beau Bennett. Fighting.” He held up a hand. “Just…don’t ask. I got it checked at the hospital on Saturday.”
“Saturday.” I counted in my head. “That’s four days ago.”
“Yeah.”
And we don’t have the sort of relationship where you could have messaged me and told me.
“Who drove you home from the hospital?” I said finally.
“I walked.”
I closed my eyes, fighting back the dual wave of anger and terror that sickened me on so many fronts. I told you so wouldn't fix anything right now, but something else might. “Are you on painkillers?”
“Yeah, but I haven’t used them.”
“Good.”
“Why?”
“It’s my shout tonight.”
Dex stumbled along my hallway. I couldn't tell who giggled worse—me, or him.
Distraction achieved.
I hadn’t meant for either of us to get riotously drunk with my Friday night entertainment, or dance on the tables, but hey, not all things went to plan.
Certainly not my not when he cornered me against the doorframe to my room as I finally managed to free my keys before something along those lines happened. His hips pressed to mine, holding me in place. Not hard like he would if he was about to start something. My confused gaze met his—more discombobulated than ever when his hands cupped my cheeks and he lowered tender lips to mine.
Lips that tasted of hops from the last craft beer we shared.
“What are you doing?” I murmured, a little stunned when he drew back. His large hands still cupped my jaw, and his thumbs brushed the sides of my throat gently.
“Kissing you.” Dex dipped his head before I could reply.
His lips brushed mine, then his tongue sought entry—but in a sweet, gentle kiss that blew my mind from the sheer tenderness of his touch. He tipped my head back for better access and my body moved with him because we knew this man, trusted him intimately even if I’d never admit to it with anyone else.
A soft sound slipped from my lips. He answered with an approving one of his own as he delved deeper, still with that same sensuous, tender kiss that lifted me against him like I floated on air or some stronger emotion that I didn’t want to admit to right now.
Oh so slowly, Dex drew back, leaving our lips grazing gently against each other in an undeniably intimate caress that would have left me shivering any other time. Only tonight, he’d stolen my ability to react. I sank into the warmth of his hands where they cupped my face. His scarred, calloused palms were a familiar strength I rested against as I struggled to pry dozy eyes open.
He came into view when I blinked languidly. The shiver that wracked me started at the base of my nape and rippled along my spine in slow motion. I trembled in his hands as he made a second approving noise low in his throat, and managed to turn the key in the lock that my hand had forgotten it held.
“Let me come in,” Dex murmured in a low voice. “Let me look after you tonight, Zin.”
Hell, even his voice was sexy, deep and raspy like that.
“I— What day is it?” I leaned back, swaying in his hands.
The corner of his mouth crooked up. “Does it matter?”
“It should.” My brain wasn’t braining. “I’m sure it’s supposed to.”
“It doesn’t. Not anymore.” He leaned in to kiss me again, pushing my door open with his boot.
“Are you home, finally? I was going to call the cavalry. And you—” Margot, my roommate, popped her head out of the doorway just as Dex maneuvered us inward. We got stuck in a strange three-way, one body headed in the opposite direction to the rest of us.
“Margot?” I twisted in Dex’s arms, and he let out a snort.
“Isn’t it the wrong day for the big guy to visit? I’m not vacating.” Margot planted her feet firmly on the threadbare carpet that formed our threshold.
The same one that Dex crossed the last Friday night after we didn’t fuck. After all those orgasms. The night he broke my rules.
On Friday.
I turned accusing eyes to him. “It’s not Friday.”
Margot crowed triumphantly. “Not getting kicked out of my own room tonight, sucker!” She wandered off across to her bedroom, her job done, leaving me alone with Dex.
I slid my hand beneath the strap to my laptop satchel and tugged it over his head, ignoring my pounding heart, the way my breath refused to stay in my chest and the fact that I had to get up onto my toes to achieve my mission at all.
“Give. It. Back,” I muttered, though he offered up no resistance whatsoever.
“It’s yours.” Dex spread his hands, leaning just inside the door jamb, and crooked a finger. “Come here.”
“Nu uh.” I retreated inside my room a few steps. “That’s a really bad idea. Why don’t you take your fighting, cracked ribs, your vendetta with the Allstars Captain—” I told him not to go after Beau, even if I hadn’t mentioned the head of the Kingsman frat by name, “—and head on back to your mafia roommate. Isn’t he home by now?”
“Yeah. Brought a pretty little thing with him.”
“Good, why don’t you share? I’m sure you like that.” I turned away and stopped, the force on my arm holding me in place.
I looked down at his giant hand wrapped around my entire shoulder, his palm warm but not half as welcoming as his embrace had been a second before when he had kissed the hell out of me. Scars and ink decorated his knuckles. I studied each then looked over my shoulder and found his gaze.
His teeth bared. “Would you like that? Me sharing a girl with someone else? Fucking away with Falcon when you weren’t there?”
I shrugged, refusing the image of the Italian sex bomb that was his housemate when it tried to pop into my mind, deflecting from the point he tried to make. “I never liked the mafia type. They spend too much time looking in the mirror for my tastes.”
“You know what I meant. What if I went back to the library and found the librarian for the night? What was her name…Elizabeth?”
I hissed through my teeth and yanked my shoulder free of his hold. He let me go, opening his hand. I stumbled, forward clutching my bag. A feral sound that echoed his own ripped from my lips. I wasn’t sure what hurt more—my heart, or my pride.
“Do whatever you like, Dex. I’m not your girlfriend or your keeper. We just fuck, remember? We just happen to be good at it together.” Maybe if I said it enough times, I’d believe it.
His gaze hardened impossibly. “We are good together, Zin. We could be better.”
“Could we?” I raised an eyebrow. “Not if you’re considering hooking up with someone else.”
White teeth flashed again. “That was your fucking—” He snapped the end of his sentence off, breathing hard. “I swear, Zin. There’s no one else I want but you. Fuck, there hasn’t been anyway but you since we met. Not fucking once.”
My stomach dropped. Any other girl on campus might want to hear that declaration, but to me it felt like prison bars of a pretty variety. All promises simply ended up with a pedestal I had to climb with a fucking steep drop to tumble from on the other side.
Usually onto a blade of my own making. Literally.
“Maybe you should browse more. See what’s out there before you make a one sided decision like that. Good night, Dex. Shut the door behind you.”
I turned away so he didn’t see the first tear fall.
Silence was the only thing that filled the space at my back. For a long moment, I thought he’d left. Then those same, heavy footfalls I liked in the library following me padded closer. His fingertips grazed the line of my shoulders, beneath my hair. I thought he might say something more, then his touch disappeared, the door shut and he was gone.
No, Dex wasn’t the one to see my tears fall, but Margot did.