Chapter 4
CHAPTER 4
MEKAYLA
“ H e makes me nervous.”
“I think you’re scared, Mekayla.”
I frowned at Keonshay as we enjoyed lunch. Yesterday was an intense train wreck. Jacob had seen my demons surface, and I hated that shit. When I left Nome, I drove straight to my counselor’s office so she could calm me down. I was so worked up I probably would have scared LaTee. My heart had gotten involved in his story, and I felt so sorry for him. However, that shit brought my trauma front and center. My abandonment issues were speaking loudly. It was why I never let anyone get close to me.
I had told Keonshay about him. She was the only person I talked to about shit like this. She was six years older than me and much wiser. I knew she would hit the nail right on the head. I couldn’t let her know that immediately though. “Scared of what?”
“Being abandoned. Being in love. Trusting someone other than your siblings, Mama, and Daddy.”
I knew she was speaking of Mr. and Mrs. Moses and not Mercedes. Shay’s father was deceased, and mine might as well have been dead too. I took a deep breath and slowly shook my head. “Shay, the man is gorgeous, and he wants to soothe my demons. I can see it in his eyes. He wants to be with me, but I can’t allow that shit. I can’t be all in only to be left alone again.”
She grabbed my hands as we sat at Fuzzy Taco, waiting for our fish tacos. “Mekayla, you have to let go of the past to truly enjoy the present. If you feel something for this man, what’s wrong with getting to know him? What’s wrong with feeling his affection? Try to live life without fear of the unknown. Is he a fuck boy? Is he a thug? Is that what has you hesitant?”
I shrugged my shoulders. Jacob’s business was his business. It wasn’t for me to tell anyone, not even Shay.
“Well, what does he do for a living?”
“He’s a mechanic for his family’s business. He works on farm equipment.”
“He’s a country boy? You didn’t tell me that! What type of business does his family have?” she asked, propping her chin on her hand.
I rolled my eyes, knowing she was about to flip her lid. “Henderson Ranch and Farms.”
She frowned. “The ones that have rice and shit in the stores?”
I nodded. She grabbed her tea and sucked the shit through that straw at record speeds. I rolled my eyes again. “I don’t need to see your skills, Shay. Save that shit for Kace.”
She almost choked as I chuckled. “Heifer!” she said when she calmed down. “Are you serious? They were just on TV talking about Nome. Who is WJ Henderson to him?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. His mama is Jenahra. She has long gray hair.”
“Oh my goodness! She was on the news too! It’s like eight siblings. WJ is the CEO. So he’s his uncle. Mekayla, I’m not just saying this because of who they are, but if he seems like a good guy, there is only one way to find out more. You have to let your guard down and talk to him. You won’t turn into who you once were. That version of you is long gone.”
“Shiiid, I don’t know. With the right situation, she may reemerge. I don’t wanna see that stupid ass girl in my adult life.”
“She wasn’t stupid. She was hurting, acting out of pain. She felt unloved and unwanted. That isn’t who you are now, boo. You know just how loved you are.”
I nodded and took another deep breath as the worker set our food on the table and told us to enjoy. After saying grace, I began eating, letting my mind drift to Jacob. He’d texted me this morning, wishing me a great day. He was really trying to find a way in. That card he gave me was beautiful. That man poured his feelings all over it.
I closed my eyes for a moment as I recalled the words.
I’m so sorry, Ms. Chatmon, for not being considerate of your time. Although I had a lot going on, that’s not an excuse to not communicate. I hope that doesn’t ruin our working relationship, because I don’t know what I would do without you… not just as a therapist. You know I want more with you, but until I can convince you of that, I have no choice but to just wait to see you three days a week. I find myself not wanting to get better just so you can keep coming… so I can keep seeing you. Please find it in your heart to forgive me and give me a chance.
Glancing up at Shay, I grabbed my phone and responded to his message. Thank you. You have a great day also.
We had a session tomorrow, and I already knew after this discussion with Keonshay, I wouldn’t be able to hide my attraction to him.
“Mekayla?”
Keonshay and I both looked up from our food to see a man standing over our table. I frowned as I realized it was my father. He’d aged and not like a fine wine. The nigga looked like he was damn near dead. “Hello, Stacy,” I said, doing my best to remain calm.
“Stacy? Is that how you address me?”
“Is that not your name?” I asked.
“I’m your father. You should call me dad.”
“You should have reminded yourself of those details when I was a kid. If you haven’t realized it, I’m a grown woman… Stacy.”
I rolled my eyes. I hated him and his name. Old female ass name. When I felt his hand on my shoulder, I stood and took a step back with a frown on my face. Keonshay quickly stood from her seat and got in front of me. “Don’t touch me. You have no right to put your hands on me.”
He looked like I’d hurt his feelings, but I didn’t give a fuck. He should have come at me better. He barely knew who I was. He said my name like he wasn’t sure if it was me or not. I should have told him he was mistaken so he could have kept walking. I hadn’t seen his ass in twenty years. He didn’t even show up to my high school graduation. Even after not seeing him for three years, I expected him to show up that day, at least. Mercedes was there. She’d finally gotten herself together.
“Is there a problem over here?”
I turned to see the lady that brought out our food, standing there like she was ready for whatever. I understood that stance very well. I found myself fighting quite a bit my tenth-grade year. My reputation had preceded me, and I found myself constantly trying to defend the person I had become. I had changed.
“I just want this man to leave me alone, ma’am.”
The lady looked over at him, and he lifted his hands. “I apologize, Mekayla… for everything, baby.”
I frowned slightly. I didn’t expect him to apologize. Keonshay grabbed my hand as I allowed the tension to leave me. I stared at Stacy for a moment then looked away. He approached but stopped short of being in my space. “I know your mom and I could have done so much better by you and Zhori. I’ve changed, Mekayla. I would really like to get to know the woman you’ve become.”
“Does Zhori talk to you?”
“No. He thinks I just want to be in his life to benefit from his money. I just… I missed out on so much. I don’t want to miss out anymore. Please.”
I glanced at Keonshay, and she gave me a soft smile. Stepping toward Stacy, I grabbed his hand and closed my eyes. I supposed I was already feeling soft hearted since we were talking about Jacob. Stacy benefitted from that, because he caught me at the perfect time.
“Okay. What’s your phone number?”
He smiled so big and was about to touch me. He stepped back and asked, “Can I hug you, baby girl?”
The lump in my throat appeared out of nowhere as I nodded. He practically collided into me, causing the tears to run free. I could feel Shay rubbing my back in a circular motion as I broke down. My daddy lifted me in his arms, because I was about to drop to the floor. He sat on a bench and set me next to him, continuing to hug me tightly.
“I’m here now, baby. I should have never left you. Damn. I fucked up so bad.”
I finally composed myself and looked up at him. He gently wiped my tears from my eyes. “Thank you for that, Daddy.”
When I called him Daddy, he pulled me back into his arms. While I knew we had a long way to go to get to know one another again, I had craved him for a long time. I wanted him to rescue me from Mercedes, but he never did. I had released forgiveness a long time ago for him abandoning me. I’d even released forgiveness for Mercedes. I just didn’t have a close relationship with her.
He released me, and I turned to Keonshay. “You remember Keonshay, right?”
“Yes. I’m sorry for not speaking, Keonshay. How are you?”
“I’m good. Thank you.”
He turned his attention back to me and smiled. “For the record, I knew it was you. I just said your name like that because I couldn’t believe that I’d finally run into you. Beaumont isn’t that big.”
I chuckled. “I lived in Nashville for almost ten years. I moved back about eight years ago.”
“Wow. How did you end up in Nashville?”
“I went to Fisk University. Keonshay and her husband helped me tremendously. I even got an academic scholarship.”
“I’m so proud of you, baby girl. What do you do?”
“I’m a physical therapist,” I said, allowing my mind to travel back to Jacob.
I would be seeing him in the morning, and I couldn’t wait to release my doubts and fears. My daddy hugged me again. “That’s amazing, baby. Here’s my phone. Save your number in there and then call yourself so you’ll have my number. I can’t wait to start getting to know you.”
I did as he said. I could see him in my peripheral, smiling the entire time. This felt so good. I was glad Shay and I had been talking because there was no way I would have accepted him into my life before that. Maybe I needed to have another talk with Mercedes. She was really trying, but I hadn’t been. If I could give him another chance to get things right, then maybe I could afford her the same opportunity. I just hoped neither of those decisions bit me in the ass.
When the door opened, and Jacob’s uncle from last time was standing there, I smiled slightly. He stepped aside as he stared at me. “Hello, Mister Henderson,” I said.
“What’s up? I see you in a better mood today.”
I bit my bottom lip, trying to restrain a smile. “I am.”
“Good. I thought I was gonna have to rough yo’ lil ass up.” He chuckled before I could say anything. “I was actually somewhat impressed, and that shit don’t happen often. His punk ass sitting on the couch waiting for you.”
“You aren’t staying?”
“Naw. I just wanted to make sure you got yo’ ass here on time this time.”
I slowly shook my head and made my way to Jacob’s family room. He smiled when he saw me. “How you doing, Miss Chatmon?”
“I’m good, Jacob. How are you?”
His eyebrows lifted. “Jacob, huh? So I can call you Mekayla?”
“Yes.”
“Damn. Okay.”
He stood from his seat and shook my hand. I stared at him a little longer than I intended. I could only imagine his long arms wrapped around me. He was so much taller than me, and I loved that shit. I was only five feet four. Before I could pull away, he pulled me in his arms. When I slid my arms around his waist, I felt him shudder. I quickly pulled away and smiled at him then sat. He did the same on the couch across from me.
“So how were the past couple of days?”
“Hell, until now. My knee has been killing me, and my ankle hasn’t been any better. Surprisingly, my ribs hadn’t bothered me as much.”
“So what changed?”
“What’chu mean?”
“You said it’s been hell until now.”
“You’re here, letting your guard down somewhat.”
I smiled slightly and looked at my notes from two days ago. Before I’d gone into the diner, I’d written down what areas I touched that caused him to flinch or wince.
“How were the past couple of days for you?”
I looked up at him and smiled. “They were a bit rough until yesterday afternoon.”
“What happened yesterday afternoon?”
“I saw my dad for the first time in twenty years. I still can’t believe I saw him, and I can’t believe that I agreed to get to know him again.”
His eyebrows lifted, probably in shock that I had revealed so much. “Damn. Well, I’m happy for you. Were y’all close before?”
“No. Actually, I wasn’t close to either of my parents. Neither of them should have been parents back then. He gave me the apology I didn’t realize I needed.”
“That’s good. I wish my biological father was alive to apologize for shit he did. Then he could go back to hell where I know he is.”
I stared up at him with a slight frown on my face. I thought the man I had met at the hospital was his father. Seeing my confusion, he said, “He’s my stepdad. He and my mama got married when I was eighteen.”
“How did your father die?”
“He got shot and killed. Sometimes, I wish I was the one that had done the honors. He was an evil muthafucka and showed my mother just how evil he could be almost every day. When I was seventeen, I had had enough. I told my mama if he put his hands on her again, I was gon’ fuck him up. I mean… I didn’t say it like that, but my point was made.”
“Wow. We have a lot of traumas between the two of us. Maybe that’s why our spirits feel drawn to each other, like you said the other day.”
He nodded then his head snapped up as I chuckled. “You feel that shit too? I’m not alone in this?”
I shook my head then stood to start working on him. Instead of keeping my mouth shut, I asked, “Do you know who killed your father?”
“Yep. My uncles walked in on him fucking my mama up. He’d broken her nose, bruised her ribs, and was probably gonna kill her for trying to leave him. They beat the brakes off his ass, then my mama shot him.”
“Wow. I’m sorry. That’s a lot to deal with.”
“Yeah.”
I rubbed his ankle and turned to stare at him. He’d closed his eyes and laid his head against the couch. There was a frown on his face. “Jacob, is this hurting?”
“Naw.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Just talking about that nigga puts me in a fucked-up mood. That was why I changed my last name to my mama’s maiden name… Henderson.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You good.”
I should have never asked questions about his father, because he remained quiet for the rest of our session, similar to how I had retreated a couple of days ago. My plans were to tell him that he could call me. Maybe this moment was supposed to happen so I could see that neither of us were ready for what he was trying to embark upon when we first met.