7. Noah #3
Once at the facility, I make my way inside.
By now, I know my way around this place by heart; I even know most of the staff.
It fucking sucks being on such a personal level with them.
Knowing that Nurse Jackie’s daughter just had a baby boy that weighed eleven pounds, and that Doctor Daltonsen is going through a divorce after finding out his wife has been cheating on him for the past three years with their son’s best friend.
But after five years of coming here every week, they’ve become a form of family to me, and if it weren’t for their support, I’m not sure I’d make it out of here on two feet most days. It’s not like I can talk about it with my friends, since none of them even know she exists.
It’s not that I wanted to keep it from them, but at that time, my career was finally picking up, which meant the media was shining its bright light on me, and I didn’t want them around her. I didn’t want the focus to be on her, so I kept it to myself and told no one. Not even Gabe.
“Hi, Noah!” Jannice waves from behind the nurse’s station.
She started working here when Trinity was transferred and has been by her side ever since. She’s a few years older than me, but that hasn’t stopped her from trying to take her shot from time to time, although I’ve shut it down every time. I have no intention of messing around with the staff here.
“Hey, Jannice. How is she today?” I stop by the counter and rap my knuckles against the surface.
“She’s good, always an angel.” She smiles up at me practically with hearts in her eyes.
“Good to hear. Well, I’ll head in. See you later, Jannice.” I wave to her as I walk to Trinity’s room.
Stepping inside, I close the door quietly and look around the room for anything out of place, anything different. But it’s always the same. No one touches anything in this room except for me.
I walk up to the side of the bed and reach up with my hand, pushing dark strands of hair out of her face. “Hey, little sis.” Lowering, I kiss her forehead while closing my eyes, breathing her in for a second.
She doesn’t smell the same anymore, not like I remember. Instead of the outdoorsy scent she carried from spending so much time in the woods or hiking, she now just smells… clean. Sterile. Like someone who’s been washed over and over but never does anything to pick up other scents.
Pulling back, I let my hand glide down her arm to her hand, where I give it a tiny squeeze. I wait for her to squeeze back, for a sign that she’s still in there… but she never does.
I let go and sit down in the chair beside her bed, watching her. I never know what to say when I come here; it feels odd talking to someone who will never answer me. But some part of me still hopes that hearing my voice will maybe help her wake up.
I stopped begging, though. I used to. I used to beg and plead for her to wake up, to give me a sign that she would come back to me.
But after the first year passed, where all she did was lie there, motionless, I understood that day would never come.
So, I’ve just been holding on, for the both of us.
“Remember that girl I told you about? The one with the funky colored hair that changes all the time and the fiery attitude. Last week, I told you she started working for me and Gabe. But I wasn’t sure how that would go since she kind of hated us.” I chuckle.
“Well, it’s going pretty great. She’s been spending a lot of time with us, and it’s been really nice.
We laugh and have fun. I think I’m finally getting somewhere with her.
” I stop and look down at my hands, unsure what to do with them.
They ball into fists as I think about what I witnessed this morning.
“Well, I thought I was. But now I think she might have a boyfriend or something...” I lean farther back in the chair, my head dropping back as I close my eyes. “I saw her this morning with some guy. Clearly, he had spent the night with her.”
I work my jaw as I remember the way he had his hand on her back, the way he hugged her and held her waist. “I’ve never felt so jealous in my life. I hated seeing them together.” I let out a breath. “I don’t know what to do, Trinny. I could really use your advice right now.”
I open my eyes and bring my head back up, looking down at her tiny form. She’s twenty-five now, yet she still looks nineteen. It’s as if she stopped aging the moment her accident happened. Or maybe it’s just me who can’t see the difference.
I stand from the chair and walk around the room to the dresser. Above are photos of my family, me and her, her and Dad, and some with all three of us. I pick up the one with my father hugging us both. It’s the last picture we have of him before he died. Just a year before Trinity had her accident.
“She hugged me yesterday, which is new. She’s not much of a hugger, and she even held my hand a few times, so I think those are good steps in the right direction. Don’t you think?” I look back at the sleeping beauty in bed.
With a sigh, I put the framed picture back down. “She’s beautiful, Trinity. I wish you could see her. I think you two would get along. She’s only a year younger than you, after all. Plus, she seems adventurous and wild, like you are… like you were.”
I walk back to the chair and take a seat once more.
“Veronica’s always so fierce and stands tall, like she could walk through fire if need be.
She looks like a badass, with her full sleeve tattoos, all her piercings, and colorful hair.
Can’t forget the colorful hair. And before you say it, yes, I know, she’s not my usual type. ” I laugh to myself.
“But I think it’s all fake. I think she’s just putting on a show to hide who she really is inside. Kind of like what I do to protect you. I’m just not sure what she’s trying to protect, and from whom.” I sigh.
“I won’t be able to stay much longer today, sis. Veronica isn’t feeling well, and I don’t want to leave her alone for too long. She’s a bit stubborn like you and still came in to work, despite it being her day off,” I say, chuckling before gazing down at my sister.
She looks so much like our mother; sometimes it hurts to look at her. She doesn’t deserve to look like such a horrible person. But nonetheless, my mother was a stunning woman, at least from what I remember before she abandoned us, and my sister took all her beauty.
“I wish you were here, baby sis. I wish you could see how my life turned out, all the amazing friends I’ve made. They’ve really become my family. You’d fit right in with all the girls in our little group.” My head drops as I rest my elbows on my knees.
“I wish you could have seen me play, Trinny. Just one game. That’s all I would have wanted… I miss you, Trinity. I miss hearing your voice. I miss hearing you laugh when I’d try to cook us dinner on those late nights when Dad was stuck working.” A broken laugh falls from me.
“I cooked for Veronica yesterday. Let’s just say it was horrible and likely won’t happen again. But she didn’t care, just said she was proud of me. Like you used to say every time.” I feel my throat clogging with emotions and decide I’ve had enough for today.
I stand from my chair and lean over her body, kissing her forehead. “I gotta go now, sis. I’ll be back soon. I love you, Trinity.”
I leave her side reluctantly and walk out of the room with a heavy heart. Like I do every time.