4. Ren
Chapter 4
Ren
M y mind was a tangle of thoughts, and all of them were, what the fuck?
Had I flirted with her? There was no doubt about it; I had.
I couldn’t recall the last time I’d been so charmed by a woman. Unlocking my door, I went inside, kicking it closed behind me as I fought the urge to take out my phone and immediately text her.
I couldn’t shake her image from my mind. She was adorable in that pretty caftan and worn-out robe, with a hint of green face mask lingering on her skin. She was enchanting.
I liked her already, and that was unlike me.
I moved to the kitchen and refilled my water bottle, sipping slowly to steady my nerves.
But was it?
I had been alone for so long that I felt I barely knew myself anymore. Even in my marriage, toward the end, I had been alone. Tabby had been so ill?—
The memories of our past crept in, uninvited and persistent. I’d lost myself in the routines of caregiving and the isolation that came with it. For so long, all I had was work and Tabby. Now, I was free, and the concept of a new beginning was both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.
I went to the living room and collapsed onto my couch, attempting to rationalize my feelings. I glanced at my phone, the temptation to send a text growing stronger with every passing second.
My thumb hovered over the screen, but I knew better than to rush into anything—the entirety of my work was comprised of extricating people from marriages they’d rushed into, for fuck’s sake.
I put the phone down and picked up my book, hoping to distract myself, but the words blurred, replaced by the memory of Piper’s lovely smile and green-tinged cheeks. The blush beneath the mask was undeniable, and I wanted to figure out all the ways I could make her do it again.
“Get your shit together,” I muttered to myself, slamming the book shut with a curse. It was absurd to feel this attracted to her when we had barely spent any time together. I needed to ground myself in the present, in the new reality that I was beginning to build, not get wrapped up in a woman.
The minutes ticked by, but the restless energy persisted. Maybe a change of scenery would help. After a quick shower, I got into my car and drove off to find somewhere to clear my head.
Figuring it was as good a time as any, I decided to head to my old apartment to grab the last of my things. I’d been putting it off. I had some clothes left in my closet to collect, and I was still contemplating getting rid of a few odds and ends.
The drive was exactly what I needed. Being on the road gave me space to think and reflect on everything that had happened over the past few years. Portland had always been a place of memories, good and bad. And now, it was going to be my place of transition.
Arriving at my old apartment, I was instantly hit by a wave of nostalgia. I moved through the rooms methodically, gathering the last of my things, each a relic of a life I was determined to leave behind—or at least not allow to hold me back anymore.
I let the exhaustion I had been feeling lately wash over me as I sat mindlessly on my old couch, not realizing how tired I was until my head hit the cushion. My thoughts flowed between Tabby and Piper as I drifted off to sleep, finding it strange that each had become a symbol of my past and present. So far, Piper was like a tiny spark of hope, and maybe it wouldn’t amount to anything, but it felt good to think about her, so I let my mind wander.
I awakened to the early morning light and the sound of my stomach growling like crazy. The steady hum of traffic outside and the occasional chirping of birds were quite a change from the peaceful sounds of Loganberry Lane the night before. I rubbed my eyes and glanced around the room, feeling the weight of the past pressing down on me. Yet there was comfort in knowing I was closing this chapter, that I was finally ready for it.
My eyes landed on Tabby’s old desk, the one piece of furniture I had long avoided confronting. It held the echoes of her presence, the hours she’d spent there, working, living, and ultimately dying. The weight of grief settled on my shoulders as I picked up one of her journals. How could I bear to part with it?
I found a box in the corner and began filling it with her belongings—her favorite pen, which I had given her after we graduated from college, and a framed snapshot, taken by my mother, of the two of us as children. On the brink of tears, I steeled myself. These items were essential; they were part of the past I didn’t want to forget.
Recognizing this as another step toward closure, I taped the box shut. I had to honor my past to move forward into the future; I understood that now.
I would leave the couch and the empty desk for the movers to take away. Shouldering the duffle with my clothes and clutching Tabby’s box to my chest, I took one last look around before leaving and locking the door behind me.
The drive home was quieter than the trip to my old apartment, likely because my thoughts weren’t racing around in my head anymore. I pulled into the garage and went inside. I set the box containing Tabby’s belongings on the kitchen table, feeling the weight of what it signified along with a newfound sense of clarity.
Gazing out the window, I saw Piper step onto her porch wearing that same ratty robe as yesterday but with a different caftan beneath it, black, with multi-colored flowers in a random pattern. God, she was gorgeous, even when actively trying not to be.
Seeing her there, I felt a strange mix of anticipation and comfort, odd but welcome. I decided to get some breakfast and make coffee. As the aroma of coffee and toast filled my kitchen, I couldn’t help but glance out the window again, watching Piper as she seemed to be absorbed in her own world as she worked on her knitting, what she was working on, I couldn’t tell. Maybe someday, it would turn into a scarf.
I sat on my couch to eat, convincing myself I wouldn’t watch her from the window like a creep, even though I knew it was a lie. I shouldn’t observe her this way, but she was wearing her ratty robe, so her ex must be on the way with her dog, which worried me. Telling myself it was a valid reason, I kept the curtains open to keep an eye on her despite my better judgment.
After my first sip of coffee, I saw him pull into her driveway and frowned when I noticed he didn’t have Cody with him.
What the hell was he up to?
I watched as she walked over to him with a forced smile that she couldn’t quite make sincere.
They exchanged a few words, and her body language made it clear that the conversation wasn’t going well.
I set my coffee on the end table and walked toward the window, ready to intervene if necessary. I strained to catch snippets of their conversation, wishing I could open the window. She waved her arms to the sides in frustration while he remained smug-faced as he watched her lose her temper. The tension was palpable, even from here.
My heart sank as I watched him thrust a piece of paper into her hands before turning on his heel and walking back to his car. She stood there, staring at the paper, her face a mask of confusion and hurt. She was frozen in place, and I felt an almost overwhelming urge to rush over and offer comfort, advice, or anything to make her okay.
But I hesitated.
Instead, I moved away from the window.
This was not my business. He was gone now, and she was in no danger. Which meant if I kept watching her, I’d be nothing more than a nosy neighbor and possibly a creep.
A soft knock echoed from the entryway as I returned to my coffee, trying to forget what I’d seen.
I froze, heart pounding in my chest, before cautiously moving toward the door. Slowly, I opened it to find her standing there, clutching the crumpled piece of paper. Brimming with tears, her eyes met mine, and for a moment, words failed me.
“I’m freaking out. I didn’t know where else to go,” she whispered, her voice cracking with the weight of her emotions. “Violet has a new baby, and Paige would not be rational about this. I can’t talk to her right now. And you’re just so—never mind. I’m sorry to barge in on?—”
“Shh, no apologies.” I stepped aside. “Come in.” I invited her in without hesitation. She rushed through the living room and slumped onto the couch, the paper falling to her side as I moved to join her. “What happened? What can I do?”
She took a shuddering breath before answering. “Richard said he’s considering suing me for custody of Cody if I don’t talk to him about Dana and everything that happened.” Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks as I reached out and gently squeezed her hand.
“Ownership,” I blurted as I defaulted to what I knew best rather than pull her in for a hug like I wanted. “In Oregon, it’s ownership and not custody. Pets are considered property. Do you have any receipts, vaccination records, vet bills, anything that you paid for?”
She nodded. “I have a few things. But he’s saying that since he was the one who signed all the papers at the shelter, he has the primary claim.”
I frowned, thinking through the legal implications. “It could be complicated. But having any records at all could help you,” I reassured her. “Let me help you find a good attorney who specializes in these cases.”
She looked at me, her eyes filling with hope. I would not let her down. I’d get her that damn dog back if I had to fucking steal him myself.
“Thank you,” she breathed. “I’m sorry to intrude like this. You barely know me. I just?—”
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m glad you came to me.”
“Okay. Uh, yeah. This isn’t awkward at all.” She wiped beneath her eyes with the sleeve of her robe. “I’m a mess again.”
“It’s understandable. God, I’m sorry—” I came to my senses and offered her a tissue box from the coffee table. “Here, take one. Where are my manners?”
“Manners? No, where are mine? It’s not like you were expecting guests, let alone a freaked out, crying one. I’m sorry for barging in on you like this.”
I smiled gently. “Don’t worry about it.”
She took a deep, trembling breath and looked around. “It’s really nice in here. You have good taste.”
I chuckled, not sure of what to say. “Thanks. I was going for cozy and comfortable.”
She nodded. “Yeah... I just wish Richard would show some compassion. Cody loves both of us, but I’ve always been the one to take care of him. He’s going to be so confused. I know he’s a dog, but he needs a routine. He needs me . I don’t understand why he’s doing this. Why now?”
I rubbed a hand down my face. “Probably because of me. Of us. At the bar. He thinks we’re dating.”
“But that can’t be it, we broke up, and he’s with Dana now. I have been completely clear with him. He still wanted me to be friends with Dana, but I told him I needed time. He told me he understood that.”
“Yeah, but having another man around made it sink in. You’re moving on. And you don’t need their friendship or whatever he’s trying to get out of you. Plus, if he’s friends with Paige’s ex, he knows I won’t let you take his shit.”
“Crap. That makes sense. So, he’s punishing me,” she deduced. “And Cody, too, by extension.”
“It seems that way.”
“I was pissed at him before. He hurt me, but I could have moved past that and gotten along with him for Cody’s sake. But now I hate him.”
“I don’t blame you. This is a shit thing to do.”
“He’s a selfish prick, just like Paige said. And don’t even let me get started about Dana and what a manipulative little witch she turned out to be.”
I didn’t answer. It seemed like she needed to get this off her chest. Listening was the best choice. I nodded at her to continue.
“She was right. I told her I hoped things would miraculously work out, and she said she’d give it a week. She’s always right. He is such a dick.”
“I’m so sorry.” I could see the frustration written all over her face.
“I just don’t get why he has to make everything so hard. It’s like he wants to control me or at least control the situation—the one he caused by the way. The sad part is, I would probably still be with him if he hadn’t cheated on me. I knew he was wrong for me, and I let him move in. I let him move into my childhood dream house! What is wrong with me?”
I reached out to touch her arm. “There’s nothing wrong with you,” I said softly. “You wanted to believe in him. That’s not a weakness.”
“But look where it got me. I’m stuck picking up the pieces while he’s just out there using Cody as leverage and being an asshole. He told me I have to be available to talk at all times, and I have to be reasonable about Dana, or he'll sue me and?—”
“Wait, has he sued you? Or is he threatening to? Can I see the paper? You’ll get through this, no matter what. I’ll help you get Cody back.”
“I can’t believe this is happening. He wants me to listen to reason .” She waved her hands around, making air quotes. “Basically, he is going to hold Cody hostage unless I do what he wants and be nice to Dana because she feels bad—” Her face flushed with emotion as she vented, every word dripping with hurt and betrayal. Then suddenly, she stopped. Her eyes widened in realization, and an awkward silence fell between us.
“What an ass,” I finally said. “You don’t deserve this. I promise I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
“Oh god. I talk too much.” Her eyes slammed shut as if by closing them, she would disappear. “I warned you. Oh my god. I am completely mortified.” She snatched the paper from Richard, stood, and bolted toward the door. “I am so sorry. I have to go.”
I got up to follow her, but the door slammed shut before I could say anything more. The weight of her presence hung in the air. She needed time and she needed help, and I hoped she would let me be the one to give it to her.
I sighed heavily, feeling helpless. Not knowing what else to do, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone.
Quickly, I typed out a message to her.
Me: Hey, I hope you’re okay. Can we talk later?
I hesitated for a moment before pressing send. I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. But I didn’t think I had the right to chase after her.
The three dots appeared instantaneously, but a return text never came. I knew she must be feeling vulnerable; how could I make her understand that she had nothing to worry about from me? I would never judge her.
I grabbed my keys, deciding to head to Coffee Cabin. I needed more coffee and didn’t want to just sit here doing nothing.
She texted back while I was still driving. I pulled into the parking lot and answered her, telling her she had nothing to be embarrassed about.
Who hasn’t lost their shit from time to time? I’d be a liar if I said I always kept my cool.