17. Ren
Chapter 17
Ren
M y heart had run away from my brain.
No, that wasn’t it.
My dick had taken control of everything, and all logic had been lost.
Everything felt confusing and tangled. My emotions were in a whirlwind. Sometimes it seemed like I couldn’t differentiate between real and pretend.
It had been about a week since my time with Piper. We’d seen each other each morning before I left for work.
We shared quiet conversations and stolen moments, yet my insecurities lingered like shadows, whispering doubts into my mind.
Despite our daily interactions, I found myself pulling back a little bit, afraid that she would break things off if I pushed her too hard for more.
I knew my feelings for her were real, but I’d trapped myself in a labyrinth of my own making. I needed clarity, but my body was driven by desires that overshadowed reason, and I was stuck in a tug-of-war between my heart, head, and primal instincts. If I didn’t get my shit together, it would tear me apart along with any possibility I had to be with her.
Each moment with her felt more real than the last, pulling me deeper into a space where I almost didn’t know how to act around her.
We needed to talk, that much was clear. But I didn’t want to scare her off. She’d been through a lot and was still stuck in a terrible situation.
I wished Paige hadn’t suggested we pretend to date each other. I should have said no and asked her out the proper way. Then maybe this would be real right now. Then maybe I’d spend my nights with her, naked, buried inside of her sweet little body instead of alone in my bed, wondering what I should do.
Maybe I’d be with her right now, instead of in my car driving to meet Jake, where hopefully he could help me sort out the mess in my head. How could I live without her now that I’d gotten a taste of what I wanted?
As I pulled into his driveway, I tried to steady myself. I knew this conversation could go one of two ways. Either Jake would confirm my fears, or he’d help me find a way forward.
I took a deep breath and stepped out, the cool evening air grounding me momentarily.
Violet greeted me at the door with a hug. Jake was already waiting for me in the living room, a look of concern on his face.
“I can see it all over you, man,” he said, leaning forward, his eyes searching mine. “You’ve got it bad.”
I ran a hand through my hair, frustration bleeding into my voice. “I’m a mess. I don’t know what to do. One minute, everything feels perfect, and the next, I’m drowning in doubts, and I’m afraid I’ll scare her off.”
He nodded, taking a sip from his mug of coffee. “You’ve got to stop overthinking it. Just be genuine and follow her lead?—”
“There’s something you don’t know.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Go on.”
“We were pretending. Paige suggested I bring her as my date?—”
“Ahh, I get you. Is that why you’re back on the RSVP for the gala this weekend? By the way, thank you for that. I did not want to go.”
I ran a hand down my face, embarrassed. “Yeah, I went to Twilight Tavern after the last dinner and ranted about it. Paige suggested Piper go with me, and I jumped at the opportunity.”
“Treat it like it’s the real thing. Show her you’re there for her, no matter what. Use the gala as an opportunity to show her how you feel. Or at least show her how a man should treat a lady.”
I took in his advice, rolling it over in my mind. “Alright, it couldn’t hurt, right?”
I was ready to face the truth. I wanted Piper, not just as a fake girlfriend, but as the real deal.
“It’s been a long time for you, hasn’t it?”
“What?”
“You know, dating, falling in love, all of it. You’ve been alone since Tabby died.”
“I was alone when she was alive, too,” I blurted.
“Yeah, she was so sick for so long?—”
“I mean—” I closed my eyes, finally ready to tell him the truth. “We never loved each other. I mean, we did, but not romantically.” I continued, feeling the weight of my confession. “But now, with Piper, I feel—everything. I haven’t felt this way in years, maybe ever.”
A shocked expression settled over his features before he bit out, “Damn it, Ren. Why didn’t you tell me? You know I wouldn’t have judged you.” He ran a hand down his face, nodding as his eyes filled with understanding. “You’re too good for this world. Tabby’s husband ran off. That’s why you stepped in. My god, I’m sorry I didn’t figure it out back then. I could have helped. You didn’t have to marry her?—”
“I wanted to. She deserved to be taken care of. She deserved love and protection. She was my best friend. She deserved the world and it fucking sucks that cancer robbed her of it.”
He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. “You gave her everything you could. But now it’s time for you to find your own happiness, and it isn’t easy, not when you’ve spent your life taking care of everyone else.”
I looked down, taking in his words. He was right. My whole life, it felt like I was living for other people. My family, Tabby…
Could I really allow myself to pursue something for myself for a change? The thought of it was exhilarating.
“I want to be happy,” I confessed, feeling a surge of vulnerability. “But I don’t know if I remember how. Actually, I don’t think I ever knew how.”
He smiled. “You looked happy when you were talking about Piper. Feelings are real, even if the circumstances are not.”
“Okay, but she’s not ready, I know that. Also, what if she doesn’t feel the same way about me? What if she doesn’t want to go with me anymore?”
“She does!” Violet rushed into the room. “I only heard the last part, I swear. I wasn’t trying to listen in. She still plans on going to the gala with you. She asked me if Jake and I were going.” A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “We shopped for a dress together. We filled up carts all over the internet. She ended up borrowing one of my dresses, but I won’t tell you what it looks like. It’ll probably be bad luck.”
Jake and I exchanged glances, then he laughed. “They aren’t getting married, not yet anyway.”
“She likes you, Ren.” Violet placed a soft hand on my shoulder. “I’m not saying anything more than that. But please go with your gut and be patient, okay?”
“I don’t want to give up on her, but she told me straight to my face she doesn’t want to date anymore, and she’s never falling in love again—ever.”
“She’s been hurt. It’s self-protection, okay? Listen, she likes roses, red and pink, just like the ones she grows on the side of her house. And she has a good heart, just like you do.” Her eyes bored into mine. “I have no idea why I would tell you any of this.”
I chuckled. “Gotcha. I’ll give her the most expensive bouquet of roses I can find. Is that a good plan? And I’ll check out that yarn store across from the post office.”
“Perfect, and a box of mocha truffles from See’s couldn’t hurt either, just saying,” Jake added. “The two of them are obsessed with those.”
I nodded, feeling a glimmer of hope. “Thanks, Vi. I’m going to take your advice and go for it. Should I pick up some truffles for you too?”
She shrugged lightly. “I mean, if you want to keep your best brother-in-law title.” A satisfied grin lit up her face. “I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds. I’m just sorry I wasn’t the one to make this match. Having a new baby threw me off my game. Paige and I will have to grab some coffee and compare matchmaking notes.”
“She wasn’t trying to matchmake us,” I protested.
“The two of you are only perfect for each other, but okay.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure you’re right.” Her laughter was not convincing.
I thought it over, trying to recall the night Paige suggested we fake date each other.
Jake laughed softly. “Just be yourself and let things happen naturally.”
I sighed, feeling the weight of uncertainty and the fear that I’d push too hard again. “I just hope she feels the same. It’s hard not to overthink everything.”
“Trust me, Ren. She’s thinking about you, too,” Violet assured me. “Just take this one step at a time.”
“I can do that.”
We said our goodbyes, and then, as I started my car, I decided to stop at the local flower shop on my way home, hoping they’d have some peonies or at least something pretty and pink to give her. I was in luck. I chose a bouquet of red and pink roses mixed with daisies and baby’s breath and headed home. The drive felt longer than usual, my mind wandering with thoughts of Piper.
Pulling into my driveway, I saw her knitting away on her porch, wrapped in a gorgeous baby pink floral caftan that matched the flowers. Her presence brought a sense of calm, as if the sight of her could chase away all my doubts.
“There’s my golden girl,” I called out as I approached.
She looked up, a warm smile spreading across her face when she spotted the flowers I was trying to hide behind my back.
“All I’m missing is the green mask.” Her smile lit up her entire face. It was all I could do not to sprint up the porch steps to get to her. “Whatcha got back there?” She set her knitting to the side and eagerly slid forward on her porch swing.
“Someone may have mentioned that roses were your favorite.” I held the massive bouquet of fluffy pink and red roses out to her, smiling as she reached out to snatch them, holding them to her face to inhale deeply.
“They are. Thank you. You’re too good to me, I love them.”
“You’re welcome.” I sat next to her on the swing and swiped up her knitting. “I don’t know what you’re working on here, but I like it.”
“It’s definitely an original, right?”
As I settled next to her on the swing, our thighs pressed together, sending a spark of warmth through me. Her scent enveloped me—floral and sweet, just like the bouquet I had given her. It was intoxicating. I couldn't help but steal glances at her. She was so beautiful, with the sun casting a golden hue over her features, making her look almost ethereal. The way her eyes sparkled with delight and her smile radiated warmth made my heart ache. I wanted to reach out and touch her, to pull her close and never let go. But for now, I was content to simply be in her presence, enjoying the feeling of being close to her.
“Yes. Original. Exactly,” I answered as I finished the row she was working on. “Is it a scarf?”
“I don’t know.” Her nose crinkled up adorably. “Do you think it looks like a scarf?”
“It could. Eventually,” I teased.
“Then it’s a scarf. Maybe I’ll give it to you for your birthday. Someone may have mentioned that it’s coming up.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yep. How was your day?”
“It was… enlightening,” I replied. “Got some good advice from Jake and Vi.”
“They’re excellent when it comes to that,” she agreed. “What kind of advice?” she asked, curiosity lighting up her beautiful face.
“Mostly about enjoying the small moments and not stressing too much about the future.” I looked at her, feeling a sudden rush of affection and wishing she were mine for real. “You know, like this moment right now, with you.”
She smiled softly, her eyes shining in the early evening twilight. “I like that. We should do more of this. Sitting out here is everything I hoped it would be when I bought the place.”
“We definitely should,” I agreed, feeling warmth spread through me. I returned the knitting to her lap and leaned back in my chair. “What’s your plan for tonight?”
“Well, I didn’t have any plans at all until you walked onto my porch looking all sexy and bringing me my favorite flowers.”
“Ahh, and now?”
“I plan on kissing the hell out of you. If you don’t have any pressing engagements, that is.”
“I think our plans are in alignment,” I teased, reaching forward to touch her cheek, feeling the soft warmth of her skin. She leaned into my palm, her eyes fluttering closed for a moment.
She tilted her head slightly, her lips parting in anticipation as I closed the gap between us, pressing my lips gently against hers.
The kiss was slow, deliberate, and filled with the promise of many more moments like this. I knew all I had to do was be patient.
“I love this with you. You make me feel—” Her eyes brightened with unshed tears before she blinked them back. “Well, you make me feel again. And I didn’t think I would. I thought Richard had killed the last bit of love and hope I had left in me.”
“Me too, Piper. I never thought I would ever feel this way,” I admitted, brushing a stray hair away from her face.
“I’m glad you came over tonight,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.
We sat together in companionable silence, the only sound the distant chirping of crickets and the occasional rustle of leaves in the breeze.
She slid to the side, patting the spot next to her on the swing.
The stars twinkled above us, casting a soft light over the porch. Her fingers intertwined with mine. “Maybe we should make this a regular thing,” she suggested softly. “Just me and you, right here.”
“And another kiss?”
“Obviously.”
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and drew her into my side, kissing her temple, then resting my head against hers.
“I don’t know what to do with you, Ren,” she whispered. “I want so much, but I’m afraid that I?—”
“Don’t be afraid, sweetheart. I have all the patience in the world when it comes to you. No need to rush things.”
“This is different. You and me, Ren. This is everything, and I just need some time, so I don’t mess it up.”
“I know, baby. Anything you need.”
We sat there, letting the night envelop us as the gentle sway of the swing matched the rhythm of our breathing.
A small smile slid across her lips before she raised her face to mine and wrapped her hand around my neck, pulling me down to meet my lips with hers in a reassuring kiss.
At first, it was slow, like before, but then a quiet little moan vibrated from the back of her throat, and I pulled her closer, unable to resist.
No one had ever kissed me like Piper. The earth moved when her lips were on mine. She didn’t just make me feel good, she made me feel like I had somewhere to belong. Everything felt right whenever I was with her.
“I think you’re going to change my life, Ren.”
“I hope so,” I whispered. “You’ve already changed mine.”
She pulled away slightly, her gaze locked onto mine as if searching for reassurance. “Tell me we have a real chance.”
I brushed a stray strand of hair from her face, my fingers lingering on her delicate jawline. “We do. As long as you want me around, I’m here.”
“I know I have no right to ask this of you, but can you promise me something? Promise you won’t hurt me.”
“I promise,” I affirmed, sealing it with another kiss. “I’m not the hurting kind of man, golden girl. I don’t have that in me.”
She buried her face in my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist to hold me tight.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.”
We stayed like this, holding each other, letting the sky grow dark as we rocked together in the swing and watched the night fall over the street.
It was late when I went home, and I fell asleep dreaming about her.