Chapter 8 #3
“She’s only fifty-seven. She’s too young to be going through something like this.
I feel like it’s not fair. I think about her life coming to an end and there are things I haven’t even accomplished yet.
I’m scared she’ll never get to see me walk down the aisle or be here to hold her first grandchild,” I admitted.
A shiver rolled down my spine at my admission. I hated talking about my mother’s condition because it made everything more real.
“I can’t even lie and say I feel you because I couldn’t imagine goin’ through some shit like that with either of my parents. Hell, my dad being in prison has been hard enough for me. Even as an adult you never stop needing guidance, so I feel for you. What about your dad? Has he been here for you?”
“I don’t know my father. Don’t know his name or even what he looks like.
I used to ask my mother about him all the time when I was a little girl, but she’d talk in circles.
I don’t know if she doesn’t know who he is or if he’s even a decent guy.
Honestly, I stopped caring after so long.
I haven’t mentioned him in years. I’ve accepted the fact that it’s a part of myself I’ll never know. ”
“No disrespect to your mom, but that’s one thing about the older generations that I don’t understand.
They will go to their graves with secrets that need to be unveiled.
I get being embarrassed about your past, but I believe everyone should know who their family is.
If for nothing else, know who they are so you’re not out here reproducing with a long-distance cousin or some shit.
I hope she gives you that information though. You deserve it,” he countered.
I agreed and felt the same way as Shane.
I thought it was unfair that my mother went so many years holding onto information that affected me as a person.
I didn’t even know if my dad or his family lived in Gwendal.
I only assumed they did since my mother had been born and raised here.
She and my grandparents had lived in Chicago for a few years, but that was when she was a child.
With her days being numbered, I could only hope she’d tell me what I needed to know.
I didn’t care if I found him and he’d passed away. I just wanted to know who he was.
“I feel the same way. Tell me about your parents. Outside of your mother being one of the kindest people I know, what’s she like?” I questioned.
“She’s one hell of a woman. Since my dad has been away, I’ve seen her overcome so many challenges. Challenges I don’t think I could’ve faced. She refuses to divorce my father and always tells me she has a strong feeling he’ll come home one day.”
“She mentioned he’s in prison for something he didn’t do. You mind telling me what happened?”
Pulling a blunt from his pocket, Shane lit it and took a few pulls before speaking.
“He was set up. They said he was driving with two bricks of coke and five hundred thousand in cash on him. I’m not gon’ lie and say my dad wasn’t out here, but he’d never be that damn sloppy.
He didn’t make mistakes like that because he knew the game inside and out.
Only thing is, we don’t know who planted the shit.
My dad was never in any trouble and was as careful as he could be in his street dealings.
Shit has been a mystery no one has been able to solve. ”
“What about his lawyer? What are they saying?”
“That nigga ain’t been no help either. My uncle Dennis said he’s the best of the best, but we ain’t seen no results yet.
It’s like we’re paying the nigga, but he’s just letting my pops waste away in that place and I don’t like that shit.
I’ve been thinking about taking shit into my own hands, but my uncle is the one with all the connections.
I’ll be patient for now, but time is only passing,” he expressed.
When he offered me the blunt, I didn’t hesitate to take it.
“You smoke?”
“I used to smoke all the time with my best friend. I still do whenever I’m with her, but I don’t smoke often because I never buy it. Allen leaves blunts here and there around the house and I take a few pulls.”
“How’d a woman like you even get involved with a nigga like Spinna?”
“He was different,” I recalled as I looked toward the lake.
“He came into my life when I needed someone the most and showed me genuine love. He swore up and down that he never cheated on me before Serenity and I believe him. That man damn near lived in my skin before he got involved with her. Now, I can’t stand the sight of him and am counting down the days to when I have my shit together.
Luxe Addiction and my mother’s health are at risk if I leave him right now.
He’s holding my livelihood over my head and that’s why I can’t leave. ”
“I figured it was something like that. You remind me a lot of my mother. You’re a fighter and I couldn’t see why someone like you would stick around for the fuck of it.
That’s all I was saying the night I took you to my mom’s house.
I knew there was more to the story. You’re the only person who knows your situation, so I can’t judge you.
Hell, I got my own life shit goin’ on than to be holdin’ the mirror up to your face. ”
“I appreciate you for not passing judgment. People always have it figured out until it’s them in the situation.”
Wrapping his arm around me, Shane pulled me closer to him and placed a kiss on the side of my temple.
Talking to him felt better than going to therapy.
I felt free to be open and share things I’d never tell anyone outside of Jade with him.
Having someone who cared about me was different.
Not having a lot of family and only one true friend made me feel isolated most of the time.
It was good to know people like Shane existed.
Prayerfully, my mess of a life would straighten itself out and I could live happily ever after.
Even if Shane and I never made it out of the friend zone, he was leaving a mark on me.