Chapter 21 #2
“I am. The day my mom passed, she said something about not being able to meet her grandson. I thought she was speaking in general, so I skipped over it. Honestly, I forgot she said it until I read the letter she left for me. According to her, she knew I was pregnant around Christmas. Based on the last time I had a cycle, I must’ve gotten pregnant when we went to Pleasant Springs. ”
“You told me you were on birth control though.”
“I was. It slipped my mind to take it on several occasions and the thought just slowly faded. Are you mad? I promise I didn’t do this on—”
“Celeste, don’t piss me off. I know good and well you didn’t do shit to trap me. Hell, you need to be askin’ if I trapped you. I’m happy as fuck right now. Are you keepin’ it?” I quizzed.
“I planned to. No other option crossed my mind.”
“Good. Keep that shit that way. You don’t know how good it feels to have a say in a decision like this. It’s your body, but I would love to have a little one with my soon-to-be wife,” I admitted. “Wait until we tell my momma. She gon’ lose her shit. When did you find out anyway?”
“I took a test a few days ago. I wanted to tell you that night, but you didn’t get in from the studio until like two in the morning.
Plus I wanted to sit with my emotions for a couple of days.
As far as your mom, I think she already knows.
When I kept falling asleep, she told me she knew a pregnant woman when she saw one.
She said I had a glow that only came when a woman was carrying.
I ended up telling her I was pregnant, but let her know I hadn’t told you yet. ”
“Her ass gets on my damn nerves. Every time I look up, she doin’ somethin’,” I said, half joking.
Deep down, a nigga was nervous as hell about becoming a father.
I remembered all the times I’d run to my dad and wondered if I could uphold the title.
I was excited as hell to be going through this with Celeste, but I was afraid of failing at such a big role.
All I knew was I’d be there. I didn’t care if Celeste and I didn’t make it as a couple.
Only death would keep me from being in my child’s life.
“How are you feelin’ about all of this? I know it’s a lot emotionally, but is there anything I can do to keep you from being overwhelmed?” I quizzed as I lay next to her.
“Not as of now. I want you to know I thought about reaching out to my father. I’m not sure when, but I at least want to meet him and see what he looks like.
Forming a relationship with him will be determined after our initial meeting.
I’m not expecting much to come from it, but I would like to know who he is.
He’s been a mystery my whole life,” she said.
“Okay. I figured you’d come to that conclusion.
I agree with you. I think reaching out and havin’ a conversation would be a good start.
Like you said, it’ll let you know what direction to go from there.
I have a feelin’ everything will work out in your favor though.
The fact that he was an active father says a lot.
Not to speak down on Cora or anything, but he was forced into this situation.
You were a child and had no voice in the matter.
You’re grown now and can speak for yourself,” I let her know.
The day of Cora’s funeral, Celeste read the letter her mother left and hadn’t been okay since.
Her silence was so bad that I took it upon myself to read the content.
I wasn’t doing it to invade their privacy, but I needed to know how to be there for my lady.
I couldn’t do that if I didn’t know the cause of the problem.
In my opinion, she should’ve waited a few days to open the letter.
The only reason I didn’t speak on it was because I understood the need for her to feel close to her mother.
I’d yet to experience losing a parent, so I was trying my best not to pass judgement on the small things I would’ve done differently.
I had yet to read the letter Cora left me, but that was only because my attention had been on work and making sure Celeste was good mentally.
Celeste wouldn’t say it, but part of her still felt like Cora was all she had in this life.
I didn’t take offense, because in a sense, it was true.
Before Allen or I came into the picture, it had been the two of them for Celeste’s entire life.
They’d gone through the toughest times together and those memories outweighed everything that came after.
“You saying that makes me feel better about the situation. I keep playing different scenarios in my head about how our first meet up will go. I’ve thought about good and bad outcomes. I’m in my thirties and about to have a baby of my own. I don’t like fearing the unknown.”
“That’s normal. Now watch, none of the scenarios you thought will be how any of this plays out.
I think the only reason Cora left you his information is because she knows deep down, he loves you.
If he was just some nigga from around the way, she would’ve taken that information to the grave with her. ” I stated.
“That makes sense. Jade said the same thing when I talked to her. I just hate that she had to pass away for me to get his information. Surely, me and my father could’ve had a relationship that she didn’t have to be a part of.”
“Like I told you before, I think people do what they think is best at the moment. A lot of the time it’s not until later in life when you reflect that you realize your mistakes.
I’m not tryna compare apples to oranges but think about your decisions.
Have you ever made a choice then later realized you should’ve handled the situation differently? ”
“I have.”
“Exactly. We all have. I’m not saying your mother was right about keeping you from your dad, but you have to really look at her point of view.
From the outside lookin’ in, you’re only seeing your mother’s selfishness in the situation.
Take a moment and really try to place yourself in your mother’s shoes.
At the end of the day, her feelings were valid.
She loved a man who didn’t love her back and she was hurt.
She was living her truth by being upset at the situation and you just so happened to feel the effects of her decision.
It’s fucked up that it happened that way, but all we can do is move on from here.
I’m not saying move on as in get over it, but let’s not dwell on the past and focus on what we can do from here.
Being stuck in your mother’s past won’t do anything for Celeste’s future.
Cora loved the hell out of you at the end of the day, and you know that. ”
This was the part of Celeste I had to be delicate with.
Often, I felt like we had the same conversation in different ways.
Celeste had deeply rooted insecurities, and rightfully so.
The two people who were supposed to love her had made choices that made her question her self-worth.
She didn’t take the time to realize none of this shit was her fault.
She had no say in any of her childhood trauma.
My baby was a boss who ran her own business and did that shit well.
I wanted her to look in the mirror one day and see the person I saw.
Flaws and all, she was beautiful inside and out.
Celeste and I continued our conversation, switching the topic to baby names.
We were laughing at something she said when I heard loud voices coming from downstairs.
I knew good and well my parents didn’t yell at one another, even behind closed doors.
Growing up, I’d never heard my dad take an elevated tone with my mother.
Knowing that, I urgently stood from the bed and headed toward the stairs to hear better.
When it registered that the voices were coming from my father and Deontay, I damn near lost my mind.
I’d given this nigga too many chances and all that shit ended today.
Deontay and his fucked-up daddy could get this work for all I cared.
Ignoring Celeste calling my name, I descended the stairs with my focus on Deontay’s ass.
“Yo, what the fuck you doin’ at my parents’ crib?”
As usual, Deontay was dripped in designer from head to toe. A huge Cuban link danced around his neck along with a massive Jesus piece. His eyes were low, so I knew he was high, and I was about to knock his ass right out of euphoria.
“Nigga, I’m here to tell your dad he needs to call his lawyer! The feds just picked my dad up from the shop in front of all of his customers because of him!” he spat as he pointed at my dad.
“You can get the fuck out because he ain’t callin’ nobody.
Did your bitch ass daddy tell you that he set my pops up?
All because he wanted to be greedy. The nigga had his own damn brother thrown behind bars on some jealous shit.
My pops was too much of a real nigga for his ass.
Tell that man to call his own damn lawyer,” I spat back, my blood now boiling.
Running his tongue across his teeth and smiling devilishly, Deontay spoke a truth of his own.
“Shane…every time I’m anywhere near you it rattles the fuck out of your nerves. What? You still mad about the Mia situation or somethin’?”
“Seeing you and Mia together don’t mean shit to me. I don’t trust either of you muthafuckas, so you can have her!”
“Oh, I had her… I been had her. You think you were the only one flying across the country to see her? Why do you think she left in the first place, cuz? I’m sure she told you it was because of her modeling, but that was a half lie.
The day she called and told me she was pregnant, I flew to New York and she told me she wasn’t keepin’ it because she wanted to be with you.
You were never supposed to find out about the baby but I’m glad you did.
You and your dad act like y’all can’t be touched.
You niggas act like y’all are above all and y’all aren’t.
Your dad got his ass sat down by his big brother and me… I fucked your bitch and got her pr—”
Before he could finish his statement, I threw a right hook with all my might and connected with his jaw.
I knew I’d broken it when I heard it crack, which only fueled me.
My parents and Celeste screaming in the background became static as I tuned them out and went in on this nigga.
All the pent up anger I’d held inside for years all came out on this nigga’s face and chest. I was so focused on making sure I kept swinging that I couldn’t tell if he was fighting back or not.
It wasn’t until his body slammed to the ground that I came back to reality.
Not thinking about anything but causing him pain, I kicked the shit out of his chest and stomped on him until my dad successfully removed me from over him.
“Shane, stop, you’re gonna kill him,” Celeste screamed from the staircase.
Remembering she’d just told me she was carrying my baby, I calmed myself and focused on controlling my breathing.
When I looked at Deontay, he was still tossing and turning in pain.
In seconds, memories of my father being locked up for half of my life crossed my mind and I knew I had to chill.
There was no way I would leave Celeste to take on her pregnancy alone.
I wouldn’t be behind bars when my baby was born over a nigga like Deontay.
“Deontay, you got about five seconds to get up and get the fuck out of my house before I call the police on your ass,” my dad said as he stepped in front of my mother.
“I ca…I can’t get up. Call an ambulance… I need help,” he cried in pain.
Roughly, my dad grabbed his arm and stood him up, just to push him out of the door.
He looked on for a few minutes until Deontay was able to drive away.
Looking at Celeste, now sitting on the steps crying with her head in her hands, I walked over and sat next to her.
My anger was still in the front seat and I had no clue if Deontay’s bitch ass would circle back with the laws.
I’d let my anger get the best of me without thinking about the trouble I could’ve possibly brought to my dad.
He wasn’t released on parole or probation, but having a domestic case at his address wasn’t cool.
“My bad, Pops. I shouldn’t have done all that. I was just pissed that he came over here on bullshit. He was too comfortable stepping in here and making threats,” I expressed.
“It’s cool, son. Hell, it would’ve been me beating his ass if you hadn’t come down when you did.
Everything will be cool. I’m about to call the lawyer and let her know what happened.
I doubt he’ll be back over here anytime soon.
Take Celeste upstairs. The last thing she needs is to be stressed. ” He winked.
Had the moment not been so tense, I would’ve called my mom out on opening her mouth about the pregnancy.
I wasn’t at all surprised since my parents were best friends and my mother told my dad everything.
Having their first grandchild was surely a secret she wouldn’t keep.
If she could scream it from the mountain top, I was sure she would.