2. Nash
CHAPTER TWO
NASH
“ W hy are there marshmallows in the fish tank?”
I tilt my head to the side, looking at the top of the water as small white fluffy marshmallows float along the surface. One of the goldfish swims toward it, its nose hitting it before it darts back down to the center of the tank.
Nova lets out an exaggerated sigh, shaking her head as she walks over and opens the lid. She plucks all three out and holds up the soggy little balls as she purses her lips. “Posey decided she wanted the fish to celebrate last night. Apparently she didn’t understand me when I told her that we don’t do this.”
Poe comes trotting into the kitchen, her feet almost slipping out from beneath her as she doesn’t have her shoes on yet. The small black dress shoes are in her hand and her face lights up as soon as she sees me.
“Uncle Nash!”
Bending my knees, I slide my hands beneath her arms and lift her into the air, tossing her up before catching her. She lets out a high-pitched gasp, followed by a string of giggles as she plants her little hands against my chest. I hold her close to my side, smiling at the warmth she provides, not only physically but to my soul.
Posey was completely unexpected for all of us, but she quickly became the most important part of our worlds. My sister Nova was the best mother Posey could ever ask for and it was amazing watching her grow as a person. I never once doubted her ability to take care of her daughter, but it truly was a joy to see her become the woman she is today.
When I found out about Nova and Lincoln, it was a little weird for me at first. Finding out that my best friend had been sneaking around with my sister took me by surprise. After the initial shock wore off, it didn’t take much for me to get on board with the idea. Lincoln knew I would ruin his fucking life if he broke my sister’s heart, but that’s not something I think I’ll ever have to worry about.
He’s completely smitten with my niece and equally obsessed with my sister. Lincoln stepped up immediately and he’s so great with Posey. I couldn’t ask for a better partner for my sister and a better man to raise my niece as his own.
“Merry Christmas to my favorite girl,” I tell Posey with a smile as I adjust her dress around her legs. “Did you already open your presents from Santa?”
“Yes!” She wiggles in my arms, attempting to get down before she points to the living room. “Come look, come look!”
I laugh softly, readjusting her in my arms as I step away from the fish tank, completely forgetting about the marshmallows. Nova walks over to Lincoln as they have some things ready to take to our father’s house. I carry Posey through the kitchen, heading toward the living room, when I see her walking through the doorway.
The air leaves my lungs in a rush as I take in the sight of Riley. She’s wearing a white sweater dress that falls just above her knees, hugging her body all the way down to the bottom seam. It’s fitted around her growing stomach, showing off her baby bump. She’s all belly and she’s glowing—radiating.
“Hey,” she says softly as her green eyes collide with my blue ones. She glances at Posey in my arms and her expression softens even more. The warmth in her irises blossoms as she looks back at me again. “Merry Christmas, Nash.”
“Merry Christmas, Riley,” I tell her, a smile pulling on my lips as I scan her face, taking in the appearance of her makeup. It’s light, just enough to highlight her naturally beautiful features. Her dark hair hangs in soft curls past her full breasts. “You look lovely.”
Her smile deepens and she lets out a soft breath that sounds like a laugh. “Thanks,” she says, the dimples forming in her cheeks. “You look lovely as well.”
I don’t come close to looking as good as she does right now, but I don’t say that. I opted out of a pair of black joggers and a sweatshirt and instead decided to dress up for the occasion today. It had nothing to do with the fact that I knew Riley would be there. A pair of khaki-colored dress pants and a dark wine sweater seemed like the easiest outfit to throw together. The tattoos on my right arm just dip below the hem around my wrist.
Posey starts to move in my arms and I smile at her as I give Riley an apologetic look. “If you’ll excuse us, someone is being so good and patiently waiting to show me the presents Santa brought her.”
“You’re in for a treat,” Riley tells me, laughing as she waves the two of us on. “Santa went all out this year.”
I catch her smile and her gaze one last time before I give in to the squirming toddler in my arms and head into the living room. She practically jumps from my arms and I carefully set her down before sitting on the floor by the tree as she shows me every single thing she got, down to the bows she saved from the presents.
She reaches for my head, sticking one to my hair before smiling brightly. “That’s better.”
“Much better,” I agree, my smile reaching my eyes before I look back toward the kitchen and find Riley watching the two of us.
She’s standing just beyond the doorway as she absentmindedly rubs her hand over her stomach. Something flashes in her eyes and the softest smile is on her lips. Her gaze collides with mine and lingers for a moment before she steps into the room.
“Poe, your mom needs you to come get your shoes on.” Riley stares back at me. “Are you ready to go?”
Honestly, I’d go anywhere she asked me to go.
I climb to my feet and Posey breezes past as she runs off to find Nova and Lincoln. I walk over to Riley as she waits for me, expecting a response.
“Let’s go, mama.”
***
Riley is quiet during dinner and I don’t miss the distant look in her eyes as she seems to tune everyone out at the dinner table. After we finish eating, the men are tasked with the duty of cleaning up and I help my dad and Lincoln as we clear off the table and file into the kitchen. We create an assembly line and it doesn’t take long for us to finish.
By the time we all head into the living room, Nonna Rose, my grandmother, already has the presents divided out for everyone and she’s instructing Lincoln how to help her. I smile at the small stack for Riley. She’s been best friends with my sister for enough years that she’s practically become another part of our family. Our father always made sure he got Riley something for the holidays or her birthday.
Lincoln sets his to the side and moves down onto the floor before pulling Posey into his lap. Nova hands her the presents from our father and she starts to pull the paper, opening them up carefully. It’s not something you would expect from a toddler, but I’m not surprised with her at all.
Posey may be chaotic and a free spirit like my sister, but she has a preference for things to be neat and tidy.
We all move through our gifts, everyone taking the time to open them. Nonna got me fluffy socks and a new bed set, claiming she panic-bought me things because I’m too hard to shop for. My father got me a few new sweaters and a gift card. The last gift I open is from Riley, and I smile as I see what’s inside. I take it from the box and lift up the baseball hat, placing it backward on top of my head. I look across the room and catch Riley’s eye as she watches me with a wistful stare.
I wink at her and watch the pink tint creep across the tops of her cheekbones. She always used to give me shit about wearing the same hat when we were in high school, so she started this tradition of getting me a new one every Christmas and birthday.
Riley has already gotten through her presents, but then I see the envelope I brought for her lying unopened on the floor next to the couch. I get up from the chair and walk over, dropping down onto my knees beside her as I pick it up and hand it to her.
“You forgot one.”
She tilts her head to the side, her eyes scanning the envelope before looking back at me. “Is this from you?”
“You didn’t think I would forget you, did you?”
She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, gnawing at it as she bites back a grin and shrugs with innocence. “I wasn’t sure.”
“I could never forget you, Riley Harris.”
Even if I fucking wanted to…
Her attention drops back down to the envelope and she slowly begins to open it. Lincoln rises up from the floor and starts to take Posey’s things out to the car. The night is quickly coming to an end and they’re getting ready to go home to get Poe in bed. I watch Riley, tuning everyone out as she slowly pulls out the card tucked inside.
It’s a blank one, since none of the cards at the store felt like the right one to get her. Riley’s eyes scan the inside and she lifts the gift card up, her brow furrowing as she sees what it is.
“What is it?” Nova questions her from where she’s standing with our dad. He’s busy putting Poe’s coat on for her.
Riley’s eyes grow wet and confusion engulfs me as I watch something that resembles sadness and worry mixing in her irises. Her nostrils flare and she swallows before forcing a smile onto her face. “It’s a gift card for a prenatal massage.”
“Oh, fun!” Nova says with excitement. “They were my favorite when I was pregnant with Posey. It really helped with all the lower back pain I was having.”
Riley nods. “I love it.” She glances at me, her smile not quite reaching her eyes, leaving me filled with an anxiousness inside. “Thanks, Nash.”
Everyone falls back into separate conversations, collecting trash and their things as they move out of the living room. I turn to Riley, watching her as she moves to get up from the couch.
I can’t help but wonder if I fucked up. A spa day seemed like the perfect gift for someone who needs to be pampered and relaxed.
“Hey, Ry, is everything okay?”
Riley glances at me, her smile appearing forced again. “Everything’s fine.”
My eyebrows lower. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, yes,” she says dismissively, laughing quietly as she waves her hand. “It’s just the pregnancy hormones.”
“I will say, it’s been many, many years and I still remember how horrible those hormones were,” Nonna injects as she walks up to the two of us. “Riley, can I borrow your florist expertise for a moment?” Nonna looks at me with a knowing smile. “Surely, you won’t mind if I steal her away for a moment?”
“Absolutely not,” I tell her, nodding. “She’s all yours.”
I find my father waiting by the front door and I head out with him as we watch Lincoln, Nova, and Posey pulling out onto the street.
“I’m proud of you and your sister,” my father says as his hand clasps my shoulder. “Your mother would be just as proud of you both.”
Emotion wells in my throat and I turn to face him, knowing how hard it is for him to talk about her. She was his missing piece and something changed in him when we lost her. It’s been long enough now that he’s starting to get back to normal, but I know how heavily the loneliness weighs on him.
Riley suddenly walks out with Nonna, my father abruptly ending his conversation with me to talk to Riley. He pulls her in for a hug and Nonna walks with her to the car as he turns back to me.
“I really do hope Mom would be proud,” I tell him, my voice sticking in my throat as I pull him in for a hug. “Christmas always sucks without her.”
“It does,” he agrees, hugging me back before we break apart. “I think she would be at peace knowing we are all happy.”
I stare at my father for a moment. “Are you happy, though?”
A sad smile pulls on his lips and the emotion lingers in his eyes. “I’m learning how to be without her.” He lets out a breath. “I think I’m going to take that trip to Ireland that we always talked about.”
“By yourself?”
He nods. “I think so.” He pauses for a moment, like he’s choosing his words carefully. “I thought about asking Susan to come with me, but I think this is a trip I need to take alone. In honor of your mother and our love.”
He never dated after our mom died, but within the past few months, he’s been spending a lot of time with Susan. She was my mother’s best friend who lost her husband last year, and she found solace and comfort in our father. I think she’d agree that they’re a good fit for one another.
Ireland is somewhere my mother always wanted to visit, but she never got the chance to go.
“I just think Mom would be happy you’re going, whether it’s alone or with Susan.” I nod in understanding. “I get why you would want to go alone.”
“I think your date is waiting for you,” he says, abruptly changing the subject as his expression transforms into a happier one. This is what he typically does. When things get uncomfortable, he switches it up to cover up the pain.
I give him a sideways glare, narrowing my eyes. “She’s not my date.”
My father chuckles, shaking his head at me before giving me a devious look. “Right, I forgot.”
An exasperated sigh escapes me and I quickly say my farewells to him before stopping to hug Nonna. Riley’s waiting patiently in the car. She closes her phone as soon as I sit down and gives me a smile. It doesn’t quite reach her eyes and the feelings from earlier are still lingering in the air around us.
She doesn’t speak a word and I let the silence surround us as I head back to her house. As we pull up out front, she turns to look at me, the engine of the car humming from under the hood.
“Thanks for bringing me to your dad’s for the holiday,” she says with appreciation mixing with emotion in her eyes. “I wasn’t sure what I was going to do since I couldn’t go visit my family.”
This isn’t the first time Riley has been at any of our family functions, so I’m a little perplexed as to why she’s acting this emotional about it. Perhaps it’s just the pregnancy hormones. I remember how Nova used to cry at the smallest things that made her sad or even happy while she was pregnant.
“Fuck,” she mutters, ducking her head as she hastily wipes a few tears away. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.”
“Hey,” I say softly, reaching for her. “Hey,” I say again as I slide my hand over hers and give it a soft squeeze. “It’s okay, Ry. We loved having you here. We always do.”
She lifts her head, blowing out a breath as she gives me a heartbreaking smile. “I know. I love being with you all.” She stares at me for a moment before her face crumbles again. Her shoulders jerk forward and she starts to full-on cry.
“Oh, no,” I murmur, brushing her hair away from her shoulder and pushing it down her back. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
“Everything, Nash,” she whispers, the despair hanging heavily in her words as her body racks with another sob. “This is all such a mess and I don’t know what to do.”
Worry inundates me, and dread floods the pit of my stomach, weighing me down like a ton of bricks. My heart pounds erratically in my chest and I stare at the side of her face, desperate for her to look at me. “Let me help you, Riley. Whatever it is, we can figure it out. I’m here for you, and I promise it will be okay.”
I don’t know if the words I’m speaking are a fucking lie or not, but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know what else to say. The way she’s sitting in the passenger seat of my car, crying, has panic flooding through me.
She lets out a choked laugh and shakes her head as she smiles through her tears. “There’s nothing anyone can do, Nash. I’m fucked.”
“Try me.”
She stares at me for a moment, a ragged breath escaping her as it shakes her entire body. The tears have slowed down and her sobbing has subsided, but she’s still visibly upset. I refuse to believe there isn’t something we can do to fix whatever the hell the problem is.
“My health insurance barely covers any maternity care. I’ve been paying out the ass because of me being high risk and if they put me on bed rest, I’m going to drain my entire savings.”
My eyes widen. “Why are you high risk?”
“Because my body hates me.” She snorts, another tear falling. “I started to have symptoms of PoTS again, so they’ve been keeping a close eye on my heart rate and blood pressure.” She pauses, rolling her lips between her teeth to bite back another cry. “They’ve been a little worried because I’ve had more swelling than they expected so far.”
My brain feels like it’s tripping over itself, trying to play catch-up as I’m blindsided by this overload of information from Riley. In all the years I’ve known her, she never once mentioned any health issues when we were younger. I knew she was pissed when she had to get insurance since she works for herself, but she never disclosed any information.
And she sure as hell didn’t tell me she was having any recent issues.
“What are your symptoms? What are the doctors saying?” The words tumble out in a panicked rush. “Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”
“He’s fine.”
My breath catches in my throat. “He? You found out?”
Riley made it clear from the start that she didn’t want to know what she was having. She wanted it to be a surprise and told everyone she’d know what to name it when she met the baby. It was pretty unconventional, but no one questioned Riley because she was always going to do what she wanted to do in the end.
Her lips pull downward as she nods. “During one of the ultrasounds, the tech made a mistake and she addressed the baby as ‘he.’” She sighs, shrugging as her face starts to crumble again. “It’s okay, it’s fine.” She laughs, letting out a deep breath as she collects herself.
“What are your symptoms, Riley?”
“If I change positions too quickly, or sometimes just randomly, I get dizzy and lightheaded. It makes me feel like I’m going to pass out and sometimes like I can’t breathe. It usually subsides after I sit down, but it’s a little jarring.”
“Okay,” I say, collecting myself as the panic starts to dissipate. My own heart still has a mind of its own in my chest, but it’s a steadier beat. Having the information means I can find a solution now. I can fix this for her. “So, we need to make sure you aren’t overdoing things.”
“I mean, I don’t know what the hell to do, Nash.” She wipes the tears away from her cheeks. “If I can’t work, I’m not going to be able to afford any of my medical bills.”
I watch her for a second, my mind running wild with a million different thoughts. There has to be something I can do to help her. Literally anything.
“I’m sorry,” she mutters, her head hanging in defeat as she stares down at her hands. “I didn’t mean to lay all this on you. The massage was such a thoughtful gift but it sent me spiraling because I don’t even know if I can get one with these issues now?—”
“Hey,” I cut her off, sliding my hand beneath her chin as I turn her head back to face me. Her eyes meet mine in a rush and I brush away a stray tear, my fingers lingering on the side of her face as I stare into the depths of her irises. “We will figure this out, okay?”
“Nash, you don’t have to help me. I’ll manage.”
“I’m going to politely ask you to shut up, Riley.” My hand stops beneath her chin. “This isn’t up for debate.”
“My problems aren’t yours.”
A smile lifts the corners of my lips. “They are now.”