4. Riley
CHAPTER FOUR
RILEY
P icking up a rose stem, I slide it into the arrangement, shuffling a few of the flowers that are already positioned inside the vase to make room for the additional one. I take a step back, scanning the flowers as I squint my eyes, attempting to assess whether or not it is missing something. There are a few different prearranged bouquets people are able to buy from my online store and one of my favorites is florist’s choice .
When they select the florist's choice option, we get free creative rein and at the same time, it's also a fun surprise for the customer. As I look at it, I realize what it is missing. It's an arrangement with red roses and pink carnations, my favorite flower, but it's missing something to balance out those hues. It needs a touch of something white. Baby’s breath would look perfect with the combination.
I walk over to the fridge and lift up onto my toes, my arms outstretched above my head as I attempt to reach for the small bundle of baby’s breath. My mind quickly fast forwards, making a mental note that I need to order more, when the feeling hits me like a ton of bricks. In an instant, my heart shifts to a faster pace and I'm acutely aware of the pounding feeling in my chest. My lungs constrict and it becomes impossible to take a deep breath. It's a weird thing that's been happening to my body since I entered the third trimester and I know it has to do with my heart and the blood flow.
The reasoning behind it doesn't help to alleviate my symptoms.
Stars dance around the edges of my vision and everything on the outskirts gets blurry. My head swims, my heart pounds, and my lungs restrict how much oxygen I can get into them. I drop back down onto my feet in a rush before I reach for the chair behind the desk. Moving my arms back to the sides of my body helps, but it doesn't take away the pain completely. I feel like I'm going to faint or pass out right here on the floor of my flower shop.
I prop my elbows on the counter, dropping my head onto my hands as I force my eyes shut. My nostrils flare as I suck in a deep breath, attempting to breathe through it to get my heart to calm down. To my left, my cell phone starts to ring and I peel one eye open, glancing at the screen when I see it's Nova. I leave it lying on the counter and answer it, turning it on speakerphone. Words fail me momentarily as I attempt to catch my breath.
"Hello? Ry, are you there?"
My lungs finally expand and I'm able to take a deeper breath. "Yeah, I'm here. Sorry."
"Are you okay?" There's nothing but deep-rooted concern in her voice. "What's going on? Is it the baby?"
I half choke out a laugh that could easily transform into a cry. "The baby is fine." Something being wrong with the baby would be unfathomable, but it doesn't make it any easier that I'm having issues of my own. I never imagined getting pregnant and doing it alone, but this is quite literally the icing on the cake. The fucked-up, falling-apart cake. "Can you come pick me up?"
My best friend doesn't hesitate. "Yes, of course."
Closing the flower shop this early in the day when I have other arrangements I need to do isn't the best thing for my business, but I have to. My body is giving me no choice. As much as I want to power through the day, I know my limitations. I also know the doctor said I'm on the brink of having to be on modified bed rest and overdoing things will put me on the shortlist for that.
"I'm getting ready to leave the museum now, so I will swing by and get you. Are you okay waiting for me?" She pauses for a moment, the concern evident in her tone. "Is everything okay, Riley?"
Rolling my lips between my teeth, I bite down and nod even though she's not able to see me. "I don't know, Nova. I mean, yes, I'm okay to wait for you."
"I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Thanks, love you," I tell her, my voice barely audible as I end the call without waiting for a response from her. Relief floods me as my heart begins to calm in my chest and I lean forward, pressing my head against the cool counter. My hand instinctively finds my stomach and I slide my palm over my shirt, feeling him kicking inside.
"Sorry, baby boy," I murmur, rubbing my swollen stomach as I close my eyes. "I can't imagine any of this is fun for you either." He moves again, as if he can hear me and agrees. "I don't know how we're going to do any of this, but we will figure it out. You and me, always, little man."
What a mess all of this is, but what a blessing his little life is.
If I can get through the rest of this pregnancy, everything will be okay. I'm a firm believer in things always working out in the end, even if I don't see it at the moment, it will.
It has to.
***
"When the hell were you going to tell me?"
Nova's facial expression says it all, but the disappointment in her voice might be worse.
I lift my head, looking at my friend as I sit in her living room on her couch. "I don't know. I wanted to get things figured out before I told anyone. Your brother finding out was an unexpected accident."
"Nash knows? And he didn't tell me?"
I shrug with indifference, attempting to push away the uncomfortable feelings. "I asked him not to say anything to anyone."
Nova looks like she isn’t sure how to feel and I can’t help but feel bad for keeping something like this from her. It’s more of a private matter and something that hurts my pride. For the first time in my adult life, after working my fucking ass off, in a way, it almost feels like it was all for nothing. Sure, I have my own business and my own home, but what am I going to have when I have to spend all my savings on my medical care.
“What are your options?” Nova asks me as she settles on the other side of the couch. “There has to be some kind of assistance or emergency insurance because you’re pregnant.”
“I don’t think there is,” I tell her, my voice quiet as I pick at the skin around my thumbnail. “Because I have insurance, I can’t get any assistance.”
“I can’t believe your insurance barely covers maternity costs.” She lets out a frustrated sigh, her nose scrunching as she shakes her head. “There should be a law against that or something.”
I let out the softest, most pathetic laugh as tears sting my eyes again. “Unfortunately, there isn’t.”
“Did they talk to you about what it might cost?”
“Not really. My insurance only covers a small percentage of things and there are too many variables for them to give me an accurate estimate.”
The back door opens and the sounds of voices fill the kitchen behind us as a small pair of feet comes trampling through the room. “Shit. I didn’t think they’d be home already.” Nova glances over her shoulder, a smile pulling on her lips as she sees her daughter coming into the room. Posey heads straight for Nova, climbing onto her lap before she turns to face me.
“Hey, baby,” Nova murmurs, planting her lips against her daughter’s forehead. “How was school?”
Posey goes to the local daycare, but she likes to call it “Princess School” instead. “It was good.” Posey smiles at her before she looks at me. She scoots across the couch to me, wrapping her arms around my stomach as she presses her head against the bump. “Is the baby awake?”
I smile down at my goddaughter, laughing softly. “I’m not sure, but if you talk to the baby, they might let you know if they are.”
Posey starts to talk softly to my stomach, her hands holding either side as she stares at it and then presses her cheek back to my belly. The third time she does it, I feel him move, part of his body pushing against where she is, and she lets out a shrill giggle, her face bright as she looks up at me.
Lincoln comes walking into the room, Nash following behind him. Lincoln walks over to Nova, pressing his lips to the top of her head before glancing at me. “Hey, Riley.” He looks between the two of us, his eyebrows pulling together. “Is everything okay?”
My body internally shakes and I fight the urge to break down as I plaster a fake smile to my face. “Everything is fine. I got tired earlier so Nova picked me up from the shop.” I look back at Nova. “I should probably get going soon.”
Nash stands in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest as he stares at me on his sister’s couch. The sleeves of his sweater are pushed up, revealing half of the tattoos covering his right arm. “I can give you a ride.”
“Are you sure?” Nova asks him as she stands up. Posey gives my stomach the softest kiss before she climbs down from the couch. She breezes past Lincoln, grabbing his hand as she pulls him into the kitchen with her. “I can drive her.”
Nash shakes his head at her as he pushes away from the wall and steps toward me. “I got it.” He holds his hand out to me, helping me off the couch before he takes a step away to give me some space. Nova pulls me in for a hug and asks me to call her later before I let Nash usher me out of the house to his car.
He doesn’t say a word until we’re both sitting in the front seats. He turns on the car, blasting the heat while he looks over at me. “When was the last time you ate?”
My eyebrows pull together. “What?”
“Food, Riley. When did you last have it?”
My mind plays over my day and I realize it’s already dinnertime and I haven’t eaten since earlier in the day. I had an early lunch, about forty-five minutes before my episode. “I’m fine, Nash.”
“I didn’t ask if you were and clearly you’re not.” He lets out a frustrated breath as he grabs the steering wheel and begins to pull out of the driveway. “We’re going to go eat and you’re going to tell me what’s going on.”
“Nash, seriously,” I scoff, shaking my head at him. “I’m telling you, I’m fine. Everything is?—”
“Fine,” he cuts me off, rolling his eyes as he lets out a harsh breath through his nose. “Yeah, I know, Riley." He pauses at a stop sign, using his turn signal to exit his sister’s neighborhood. “Except it isn’t.”
Emotion hits my chest and I swallow roughly as I glance out the window, directing my eyes away from his. Silence settles around us as I give myself a minute to get my shit together so I’m not a ball of tears in his front seat again. “Enchiladas.”
“Huh?” Nash asks as he glances over at me.
“I want enchiladas.”
He lets out a soft chuckle, shaking his head at me as he whips the car into the turning lane. “Well, I just so happen to know of a place that makes the best enchiladas.”