20. Riley
CHAPTER TWENTY
RILEY
M y stomach shifts, my hand instinctively moving over my swollen belly as I feel the baby moving inside again. The further along I get, the more limited his space is in there and honestly, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s becoming uncomfortable for both of us now.
For the first time in months, things finally seem to have settled down. My blood pressure has stabilized with the medication and as long as I make sure I elevate my feet, it seems to help with the swelling. Overall, the doctors don’t seem to be too concerned with the way everything is, but they continue to monitor me closely, just in case.
I’m honestly grateful. I’ve heard too many horror stories of providers not being attentive or paying close attention to their patients. Of women knowing something is wrong in their body, only to have a doctor tell them they don’t know what they’re talking about. And then when shit hits the fan and their lives hang in the balance, everyone starts to wonder how the hell the health care providers missed the signs.
Maybe I should stay off the internet, because reading some of these stories freaks me out. I’m fortunate enough to have an amazing team caring for me… and to have this man who I don’t deserve, making this all really happen.
Nash Simmons may not be mine, and I don’t deserve the kindness he has already extended. When he offered to marry me—at first, I wanted to tell him no. Who the hell gets married for something like what we did?
But now, looking back on it all, I know why people do it. It has alleviated so much stress in my life. I don’t have to feel the financial strain of paying for my own medical care right now.
Life has been so much easier because of Nash. It feels weird without him here. This isn’t the first time he’s had to go on the road for a game since he’s been staying with me, but this is the longest he’s had to go. The other times have only been a few nights at a time. This time, he’s gone for a little over a week as they’re playing on the West Coast.
I wish I didn’t miss him as much as I do right now. He confuses the hell out of me, muddling my thoughts and fucking up my feelings. There are so many things I want to ask him—to see if I’m not just imagining things—but I can’t bring myself to do it. If only I could let myself get past the underlying fear I have. I don’t think Nash would ever intentionally hurt me, but the thought of letting him in like that is terrifying.
Sure, we’ve had our heated moments, but it could always just stay like that too. If we keep things the way we have been, it’s easier for there to be a clean break. At some point, our arrangement is going to come to an end.
I’ll have this baby and be able to get my insurance sorted out and then there will be no need for this anymore. We won’t have to be married and he won’t need to stay with me. Nash will be free to get on with his life however he wants.
And then what? What’s left for me?
I don’t think anyone truly wants to be alone, but if that’s what it comes down to, that’s how things are meant to be.
Nash Simmons doesn’t owe me a damn thing. He has no commitment to me.
But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish he did.
My phone starts to ring from where it’s sitting on the couch beside me and I pick it up, my smile growing wider when I see his name. He must have known I was thinking of him.
“Hello?”
“Riley,” he says breathlessly, my name falling from his tongue in relief. “Fuck, I needed to hear your voice.”
My heart crawls into my throat as I hear the seriousness in his tone. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he admits, sounding tired. I glance at the time on my phone, realizing he hasn’t even played yet today. He must have just woken up from his pre-game nap. “I’ve just gotten used to talking to you and seeing you every day. This is weird for me.”
“If it makes you feel any better, it feels weird not having you here.”
“That actually doesn’t.” He chuckles softly. “It just makes me want to come home so you don’t have to be alone.”
The thought is honestly appealing. I would love nothing more than to have him lounging on the couch with me, laughing at some stupid show. Watching him cook me dinner because he insists that I don’t need to lift a finger while he’s around. He’s had all of us fooled for years thinking he wasn’t good at it. Turns out, he can follow a recipe pretty well.
It’s been a weird adjustment, but I also kind of like it. I like feeling like I’m cared for… even if it’s temporary.
“Thankfully you’ll be home soon enough.”
He’s silent.
“Are you there?”
“Sorry, yeah, I am,” he says, his voice gruff and half muffled for a second. “I was looking at flights for tonight.”
My breath catches in my throat. “For what?”
“To come home to you.”
My eyes widen and I slowly sit up straighter on the couch. “Nash, stop being ridiculous. You’ll be home next week.”
“Yeah, like, next Friday,” he retorts in an annoyed tone. “It’s Tuesday, Riley.”
“You cannot fly home.”
He’s silent again. “I could for the night.”
“You’re going to stress me out.” I let out an exasperated sigh, although the thought of him being home is extremely appealing. I’m almost positive it would be frowned upon with his team and contract.
“I’m sorry,” he says in a rush, the apology hanging heavily in his tone. “I was reading that there are different breathing exercises to help relieve stress.”
I’m the one who doesn’t say a word now. My mind processes and reprocesses what he just said. “I didn’t know you read.”
“I normally don’t but I saw a pregnancy book at the store the other day and thought maybe it would be helpful for me to learn some things about it and babies.”
My heart pitter-patters in my chest and my throat constricts. This man who owes me nothing is reading about pregnancy and babies. This man who doesn’t get involved with anyone yet has been staying at my house every night for the past few weeks.
He bought a damn pregnancy book.
“Are you there?”
I swallow back my emotions, willing the tears to leave my eyes at the sentiment behind it. “I am.”
There’s sudden commotion in the background and it no longer sounds like Nash is alone anymore. “Shit. The guys just came to see if I’m ready to go eat before the game.”
“It’s okay,” I tell him, feeling a bit disappointed that he has to go and I’ll be in bed by the time his game is over tonight. “Give them hell on the ice tonight.”
“Oh, you know we aren’t going to lose without a fight,” he replies, the confidence oozing from his voice as he laughs softly.
“You’d better not get into a fight,” I remind him, half scolding him as I chuckle with him. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Okay,” he says after a beat of silence. “Hey, Ry?”
“Yeah?”
“I kind of fucking miss you.”
My heart climbs back into my throat. “I miss you too.”
“Good night, mama,” he says, his voice soft and warm.
I close my eyes to the sound of his voice, absorbing it. “Good night, Nash.”
The call ends and as if the baby can feel my emotions, he kicks my left side.
“You know, maybe it doesn’t have to just be the two of us, little man,” I say softly as I stroke my stomach, a smile pulling on my lips at the thought of Nash. He really is the missing piece I didn’t realize I needed.
Maybe this doesn’t have to be a temporary thing.
Maybe he has room for the two of us in his future…