Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CALEB
“Hey Coach,” I call out to Coach Landry as I step into the hall on my way to the rink. The rest of the guys are already on the ice, which is where I’m supposed to be. Except here I am, about to drop a goddamn bomb on him.
I originally planned on approaching him after practice, but as soon as I saw him, I panicked.
“What’s up?” he asks, not taking his eyes off his tablet as he falls into step with me. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah,” I say, pausing to chew on the inside of my cheek as I nod. “I-uh-I wanted to talk to you about Mia.”
Coach’s footsteps slow as he turns his head to look at me, arching a brow. “Okay . . .”
I mull over the words in my head, unsure of the proper way to get them out. I should have rehearsed or had some kind of a script to follow because now I’m just floundering.
The last thing I need to do is say something out of line or even just the wrong thing.
“I’m not sure how to say this and I know it’s probably something that would really be frowned upon.”
“Caleb,” he says, his voice stern as we both stop by the boards. “Spit it out.”
“Mia has really been helping me with Tella and just to work through some of my own shit.” I pause and blow out a breath. “I would like your permission to date your daughter.”
He stares at me, his face giving nothing away. The sounds of the guys on the ice fills the air, but I can’t hear any of it, not with the way Coach Landry is looking at me right now.
“You are interested in dating my daughter?”
“Well, yes,” I say in a rush, half stumbling over the words.
“And if I say no,” he starts, raising an eyebrow. “Would that stop you from pursuing her?”
I chew on the inside of my cheek, shifting my weight on my skates. “If I say yes, I will be lying.”
He clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “Make good choices, Ford. You have my permission because she is an adult who is free to live her life how she chooses. However, if you hurt her or this turns into some kind of scandal, I will not hesitate to have you traded at the first opportunity.”
“Yes, sir,” I say, nodding my head as my heart accelerates inside my chest. “I understand.”
He lifts his phone, his eyes diverting away from me as he glances at the screen. His face contorts, eyebrows tugging together. “I need to take this.”
He doesn’t give me the chance to respond as he immediately answers. When I turn around and open the door to the rink, I hear him say, “Hello?” After a pause, “Yes, this is her father.”
Just as my foot touches the ice, he calls out.
“Caleb, stop.” His voice is demanding. “We need to get to the hospital.”
I spin on my heel, my stomach tumbling to the floor. “What?”
“Mia and Tella,” he whispers and his throat bobs on a hard swallow. “They were in a car accident.”
The glass doors barely slide open before I stride through them, entering the waiting room with panic rolling through my body.
I straighten my spine, every vertebrae stacking over top of the other as my eyes scan the room.
There’s a handful of other patients and family members sitting, but my vision refuses to focus. They’re all blurry, all insignificant.
A vise-like grip tightens around my chest and neck. It feels as though there’s barely any room for air to pass through my trachea. Sweat clings to my skin as my heart beats to an erratic, unsteady rhythm. My strides lengthen, my feet carrying me directly to the front desk.
“Hello. What can I do for you?”
“My daughter is here. She was brought in from a car accident.”
According to Coach Landry, another car hit them, but only hit the front. Tella was left uninjured and they determined Mia had a concussion.
My body is operating on autopilot. I’m not so sure how I’m even standing here right now. The last time I was at this hospital was when Amelia was killed. Another car accident, except that one had a different outcome. Amelia didn’t survive. But supposedly, Tella is completely fine.
I can’t wrap my mind around it and refuse to believe it until I see her.
“May I have her name please?”
“Estella Ford,” I blurt out, my voice hoarse and thick with worry as I shift my weight. There’s movement beside me, but I don’t bother looking over. I hear Coach’s voice as he talks to the other woman at the desk, giving her Mia’s information.
Mia . . . fuck.
I’m torn between the two, desperate to know if Mia is okay, but knowing that my daughter needs me. Estella is my top priority, as she always is.
Coach Landry glances at me, worry etched in his expression.
“Mia’s okay,” he tells me softly. “I have a friend in the emergency room here and he said it’s just a concussion and they don’t plan on keeping her except for observation.
” He lets out a breath, grabbing my shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “They’re both okay, Ford.”
The muscle in my jaw tightens, my throat constricting with emotion as I dip my chin at him. There’s a touch of relief with his assurance, but it doesn’t chase away the panic. It doesn’t eradicate the deep seated fear I harbor inside my heart.
“Mr. Ford, come with me please,” the woman behind the desk says, immediately severing my thought process.
I step away from the desk, following her as she holds her badge up to a pad by the next set of doors.
They slide open and the moment I step across the threshold, I’m transported back in time to the worst day of my entire life.
The ticks of the wall clock echo throughout the small family room. My body is rigid, my heart barely beating, my lungs hardly expanding as I dig my fingers into my thighs, gripping onto them for support. The air filling the room is cold and laced with a sterile, chemical smell.
I can still hear the phone conversation with the police officer ringing inside my mind. Tella had just fallen asleep and I was waiting for Amelia to get back from running errands. Carson came over for a beer and I can’t get the look on his face out of my head.
The way the color drained from his flesh as he heard the police officer speaking urgently to me.
Amelia was in an accident. She was hit head on by a drunk driver.
The other driver died on impact, but when the ambulance left the scene, Amelia was still alive.
It didn’t look good but she was still alive.
I was on my feet within a fraction of a second, rushing out the door to get to her. Carson told me to go, he told me Tella would be fine with him, so I got in my car and raced here in the hope that this was all just a cruel fucking joke. A nightmare I can wake myself up from.
Because I’ve been sitting here for the last five minutes, preparing myself for the worst from the doctors. When I got here, they immediately brought me back to this room and told me that someone would come talk to me about my wife. The last five minutes have felt like a fucking eternity.
“Mr. Ford.”
My eyes slice to the door as a man in dark blue scrubs enters, pulling a surgical cap from his head.
I don’t rise to my feet as I stare at him, his shoulders sagging in defeat.
My heart begins to crumble inside my chest, ice settling through my veins as I know what he’s going to say before he even speaks another word.
“I’m so sorry, but we did everything we could to save her,” he says, his voice low and quiet as he comes to sit in front of me.
The floor falls out from under my feet. My surroundings fade, the noises, the smells, even the light above me no longer feels real.
“She coded in the ambulance and they were able to revive her, but she sustained significant internal damage and massive blood loss. We lost her again in the emergency room as we were getting ready to transfer to the OR and unfortunately, we were not able to get her back.”
I stare back at him, completely paralyzed and frozen in place. The edges of my vision begin to blur and I can’t form a single fucking word. The pressure on my chest is insurmountable. The loss rips my beating heart directly from my chest.
This can’t be real. She can’t be gone.
“Mr. Ford.”
I blink my eyes rapidly, turning to look at the woman as she stares at me with concern in her eyes. “Sorry.”
“She’s down this way. We have her in one of the pediatric bays, but that was just as a formality until you were able to come get her.”
She pauses when we get to the small room toward the end of the hall.
“The nurse will be in with her discharge papers because they did look over her just to make sure she was okay. I’m happy to report that they found nothing wrong, not even a scratch.”
Relief floods me. Tella is okay. This is nothing like Amelia’s accident. Tella isn’t hurt and I get to take her home with me.
The woman pushes back the curtain to the small bay and tears spring to my eyes as I find Tella sitting on the center of the bed, watching a small TV screen on the wall across from her. Her head whips to the side, her eyes widening when she sees me.
“Daddy!”
Tella climbs off the bed and I rush into the room, catching her as she runs into me and lifting her up into my arms.
“Hey, baby.” I choke out the words as I wrap my arms tightly around Tella and hold her flush against my chest. I pull her away so I can quickly scan her, making sure with my own eyes that she’s unharmed. “Are you okay?”
She nods, reaching for me to pull her back against me. “It was just really scary, daddy. And you weren’t there.”
Burying my face in her hair, I breathe in her familiar comforting scent, reveling in the fact that she is okay.
She’s in one piece. “I’m so sorry, T,” I murmur, holding her even tighter.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to keep you safe, but I’m here now.
I promise I will never ever let anything happen to you, okay? ”
“What about Mia?”
Emotion wells in my throat as I pull away from my daughter again, tears blurring my vision as I scan her face. There isn’t a single mark. “We can go see her before we leave.”
“Her head was bleeding and she fell asleep on the ground after she got me out of the car.” Tella frowns, tears welling in her eyes. “Can you keep her safe too?”
“Yes, of course, baby,” I murmur without a single beat of hesitation.
It’s not the truth though. I can’t keep Mia safe anymore than I could have kept Amelia safe.
The thought alone sends a spark of panic through my body.
My chest hurts at the thought and my heart fights against the conflicting feeling.
Falling for Mia happened without me even realizing it but I don’t think I can do this again. I barely made it through losing Amelia and I know that there’s no way I could survive it again. If something happened to Mia, it would destroy me.
I have to let her go. She deserves to find someone who can love her without fear.
Because I know now that I can’t.