Chapter 5
Anson
I pull my hand away after way too long. Hearing Jarvis's story made me feel for him, and my 'I'm sorry that happened to you' felt hollow. Sometimes, a simple touch can convey more than words.
Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, you old perv.
Shame floods my body as I shove both hands into my short pockets and stare straight ahead.
My sex drive has been near zero since the accident.
Even prior, I didn't date all that much after my divorce.
Business consumed every aspect of my life.
Physical release was a distraction, something relegated to a quick wank in the shower every few days before setting off to run my empire.
My heart starts beating so hard I'm convinced Jarvis can hear it, see it poking through my polo.
But he seems fine, taking the world in with a hint of a smile playing on his lips.
His default expression because he's a nice, young man, oblivious to the fact the guy walking beside him fisted his cock to an imaginary scenario of running his hands up and down his beefy body, exploring every square inch, desperate to turn his readiness to smile into a series of filthy groans, and shit—I need to stop this line of thinking right damn now because these shorts were not designed to conceal boners.
"Do you spend much time at the beach nowadays?" I ask.
"Not as much as I'd like. I've accepted my body. Well, as much as anyone can. I'm working on loving myself as I am. But I'm coming out of a rough patch, so my focus now is on work and helping others achieve their wellness goals."
"That's very noble."
"Don't get me wrong. I want to make money someday. Lots of it. But in a way that helps people and isn't just about profit. I'm so inspired by Robbie, how he's growing his wellness brand. And Dunlop, too. Opening up that aged care facility. And you."
"Me?"
"Yeah." He clears his throat, the easy curve of his lips flattening, and for the first time, a hint of uncertainty crosses his face. "I've been reading up about you online. How you took over your dad's business. Grew it into this hugely successful company. That's really rad."
"It came with a heavy price, unfortunately."
"Do you regret it?"
I glance out at the waves, unused to not only talking so much to someone, but to someone who just seems to say whatever's on his mind. After the smoke and mirrors of decades in the business world, and the self-imposed isolation of these past few years, it's quite a change.
"On the whole, no. I'm very proud of what I achieved. People always talk about the company, but what they fail to realize is that my greatest achievement was finding good, decent people who shared my values. It was always a team effort. I was just the front man."
Until my brothers tried to steal the company from me, but that's not something I want to get into right now.
Betrayal always cuts deeper when it's done by blood, but what can you do?
You can't change or control anyone. That's one big illusion I've let go of in life.
It kills me that my brothers turned on me since we used to be so close growing up, but what alternative do I have other than to accept what's done is done?
"I sense there's a but coming," Jarvis guesses.
"Well spotted. Like I said, success came at a cost. My marriage for starters.
Piper was a wonderful woman and a terrific mother, and she wasn't unreasonable in wanting me to be a husband to her and a father to our boys.
But I had to choose, and I chose providing for them instead of being there for them.
I'd say that's my biggest regret. I worked so hard to build a life for my family, only to wake up one day with all the money and power in the world and no family around to enjoy it with. "
"But you're close to your kids now, right?"
"I'm very lucky that I am. I hate to admit they make more of an effort with me when it should be the other way around. I'm so proud of the men they've become, all different and unique in their own ways but good, decent people. I hope I played some small role in instilling those values in them."
"I'm sure you did."
Jarvis slides his hand up and down my forearm before quickly pulling it away.
I wish he hadn't. I wish he'd kept it there for just a little longer.
I glance sideways at him. No easy smile, just teeth gnawing into his lower lip.
"That was okay," I tell him, sensing his uncertainty about the arm touch.
He chews his lip for a few more seconds. "You sure?"
I don't know what's going on with me, but there's no uncertainty in my voice when I answer. "Yes. I'm sure."