Chapter 21
Chapter
Twenty-One
Every Holiday Inn Express looks the same as the next one—and the last one—but the Columbus, Ohio version has a stain on the ceiling above my bed. I can’t really see it anymore because the room is dark, but I imagine I’m staring right at it. It looked a bit like a map of Italy, or that was my impression, anyway, before we turned out the lights.
Trying to get comfortable, I roll onto my side and tuck my arm under my head. Cooper lets out a tiny snore. At least one of us can sleep.
My mind is stuck on a loop—switching between replaying all the mistakes from our game against the Buckeyes tonight and all the moments I shared with Natalie last week.
Either way, all I can focus on is my screw-ups.
I haven’t been able to meet her gaze since the night of the Halloween party. After beer pong, I had to pee. I was doing all the drinking for our team. When I got back, she was gone. All I had was a text, saying it was time for her to leave. I thought she was into it, but why did she bounce so fast without saying goodbye if she was having as much fun as I was?
That night was the best I’ve felt in weeks. Months, maybe. I wasn’t thinking about hockey. About the team, or my dad, or my future, or second-guessing my mistakes. I was just flirting with a pretty girl. I wanted to kiss her like I wanted oxygen, and I almost did. Was she uncomfortable? That would explain why she left the moment I stepped away.
God, I can’t seem to get over her, though. I’m drawn to her like a magnet. Whenever I’ve seen her this week, all I want to do is put my arms around her. Talk to her. Smell her hair.
Pathetic.
It would be one thing to sleep with her, have a fun little fling. But I don’t think that’s her speed. Plus, she works for the team. I don’t want it to be awkward. And I won’t force myself on someone who’s not interested. She was clearly just being nice by not flat-out rejecting me.
I couldn’t even look at her tonight. On the bus and in the arena, whenever I wanted to drink her in, I’d force myself to glance away. I need to focus on hockey and hockey alone. Hockey is life. No distractions. Plus, whenever my eyes wandered towards her, she was never staring at me. She was busy doing her job. Professional and absolutely off-limits.
My arm under my head gets all tingly and loses feeling. I try shifting onto my stomach, but that feels weird, too. Huffing out a groan, I toss off the blankets, then pull them back up.
Cooper rolls over and his breathing changes. Shit, I’m going to wake him up.
Grabbing my phone and earbuds, I pull on joggers and a warm-up jacket and give up on sleep. I pocket my keycard and close the door softly behind me.
Insomnia is nothing new for me. My dad insisted I see a sleep therapist to keep me at the top of my game, so I’ve tried everything—wearing my body out with physical activity, orgasms, melatonin, meditation. Limiting caffeine and alcohol. I’ve kept a notebook by the bed to write what’s bothering me so that I can get it out of my head and rest. It doesn’t work, either.
All the sleep experts agree—watching TV or scrolling on my phone won’t help. But I’m up and I know from experience, I’m not falling back asleep. So I might as well stop bothering my roommate and admit I’m awake.
I ride the elevator down to the lobby. If this Holiday Inn Express is like every other one I’ve stayed at—and that’s a lot after four years of college hockey—then the lobby will be brightly lit but deserted.
Yep. The doors open on the lone desk attendant, who looks up at me and waves a finger before going back to his phone. The TVs are on, showing Sports Center, with the volume turned down low. Three of them, facing a weird green couch, and—
I stop, my mouth drops open.
Natalie looks up from her perch on the sofa and raises an eyebrow. “You following me again?”
I expect censure in her tone after the weirdness that’s developed between us, but she laces the question with amusement. I take it as an invitation.
“Being creepy doesn’t rest, you know.” I flop down on the hard vinyl surface next to her. “I wouldn’t want you to get comfortable.”
“Oh, no need to worry about that.” She yawns, triggering one for me, too. “I’m decidedly uncomfortable.”
“Yeah? Is that why you’re in the hotel lobby at…” I glance at the large farmhouse clock on the wall. “Three a.m.?”
“No, I just really like this spot.” She pats the couch, giving me a sarcastic smile. “I’d much rather be here than asleep in my bed.”
“Can’t sleep?”
Natalie shakes her head. “It’s weird. You’d think it would be great, not sharing a bed with Jace, but… I’m just used to his feet in my stomach, I guess. You?”
I wince. “Reliving my mistakes in the game tonight.”
I don’t mention the other things I can’t stop reliving.
Cocking her head, she stares at me. “I didn’t think it was too bad.”
“And ‘not too bad’ is what we’re really going for, so…”
Sitting up straight, she crosses her feet underneath her. Peeking out of pajama shorts, her long legs are bare, tan, and smooth. I want to run my fingertips along them. Why does it turn me on when girls sit like that? She must be flexible to twist up like a pretzel. Trying not to linger on her legs, my eyes bounce up. She’s wearing my gray sweatshirt. Does it smell like her now? It makes my mouth water, and all I can think about is that moment when her lips were inches away from mine.
“I mean, I’m not a hockey expert, but you guys didn’t play terribly. They got one up on you, and you didn’t have time to come back. You’ll face them again tomorrow, and I bet you’ll win that one.”
The guy who is the hockey expert—my dad—sent me a lengthy text, detailing everything I did wrong against the Buckeyes and told me to play better if I want a contract next year. I know Natalie’s words don’t carry as much weight as his, but her encouragement lifts some of the burden off my chest.
“Thanks.” Scooting closer, I peek at her phone screen. “Wait, are you watching Mock the Week?”
“Oh my gosh, you’ve heard of it?” Her voice rises in excitement.
“Heard of it? It’s hilarious!”
“I know, but since it’s British and off the air, I don’t know anyone else who appreciates it. How did you find it?”
I shrug, then steal one of her earbuds and pop it in my ear. I lean against her shoulder so we can watch together. “A lot of nights I can’t sleep. I watched a British comedian once and YouTube recommended this. Now I’m hooked.”
“Ah, the algorithm.” She nods. “I love it when it recommends good things. I wish there was a better way to watch than fuzzy YouTube streams.”
“Right? The U.S. doesn’t know what it’s missing.” I’m close enough to inhale her citrus scent, and she doesn’t seem to mind that I invited myself to hang out with her. She moves nearer and holds her phone up so I can see better.
“Half the time I have no idea what British thing they’re talking about, but even when I’m clueless, it’s still funny.”
Looking at me as she presses play, we share a smile. We’re close enough to kiss, but I refuse to make things weird. I want to kiss her, more than anything, but I fist my hands in my lap and force them not to touch her.
I survive forty-seven seconds before I can’t stand it any longer. I pull the earbud out and stare at her. She follows suit, raising a brow.
“What’s up?” she asks.
I clear my throat. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable at the Halloween party.”
She frowns, and a little wrinkle appears between her eyebrows. “Um, no? Why would I have been uncomfortable?”
“Oh, I just thought maybe I was coming on too strong, and that’s why you left.”
She blinks. “I texted you. It was time for me to go home.”
“But…” I trail off. Does she have a curfew? I don’t get it. She must sense my confusion because she continues.
“My mom had to leave, so I had to get her the car. We share.” She winces. “I actually told her I needed to go to the party for my job. I felt so guilty, when she asked me to come home early, I had to say yes.”
Oh.
“So you didn’t leave because you weren’t having a good time?”
Natalie has the audacity to laugh in my face.
“No!” She gives my shoulder a playful nudge. “Beer pong was cool. I’m undefeated.”
“We’re undefeated.”
She scoffs. “I’m pretty sure I carried us.”
I roll my eyes. “You remember this night differently than I do. I guess we’ll have to play again soon and see what happens.”
She meets my gaze, hers full of promise. “I guess so.”