Chapter 9 #2
Jamie slid out of his tennis shoes, and padded into the blue kitchen in his socks. His mom was at the stove with an apron tied around her waist, and Dotty stood at the sink in her yellow rubber gloves, doing dishes.
He set the drinks on the counter and went to his mom first, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Hello, dear,” she said, smiling up at him.
He went to Dotty next, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Can I help?” He asked.
“Sit down and entertain your mother,” Dotty said, her tone teasing. “Tyler is out with Rowan, and now she’s bored.”
“Dammit,” he muttered. He’d been hoping Tyler was there.
He’d picked up one of those green drinks for him–a matcha, he’d learned, after asking the barista for “one of those pale green frothy drinks.” He wanted to talk to Tyler, to apologize for getting him tickets to the late game, for not thinking about the impact on Rowan.
But he also wanted to ask Tyler why he’d said yes, and why he hadn’t responded to any of Jamie’s messages.
He wanted to look him in the eye again, to see for himself if he’d imagined what he’d hoped was attraction between them.
His mom turned away from the stove, putting her hands on her hips as she looked discerningly at him. “What’s that face about?”
Jamie leaned back against the counter, drumming his fingers against the granite edge. “I can’t get anything right with this guy.”
“With Tyler?”
He nodded.
“Do you want to get things right with him?”
Jamie let out a frustrated sigh. That was the question, wasn’t it? “Yeah,” he admitted, and rather than relief at the admission, he felt…Fuck. He was terrified. “There’s something there, I think. I don’t know what, really. Maybe I’m imagining it, but, I mean…Have you seen him?”
His mom raised a blonde brow at him. “We’ve got different wiring, Jamie. To me he looks like an adorable, grumpy, black kitten covered in stickers.”
Dotty snorted. “Sandy, my god,” she said, her back still turned to them.
Jamie felt himself smile, shaking his head at his mom. He pointed a finger at her. “I’m going to tell him you said that.”
“What? I like cats.” Her cheeks dimpled as she pointed a wooden spoon back at Jamie. “Also. They went to the children’s museum downtown. Do with that information what you will.”
“Right.” Jamie stood there, unsure of what to do. “So, you’re saying I should…”
“For the love of–” Dotty whirled around, her gloved hands covered in suds. “Go! Go get the cat!”
The Madison Children’s Museum was situated on a corner one block away from the state capitol, and the whole building was shaped like an elongated triangle. Jamie’d never actually been inside, but had driven past a few times.
He passed the cafe in the bright atrium, glancing up at the life-sized cow hanging from the ceiling, and the vibrant colors covering every surface.
He found Tyler and Rowan standing at the bottom of a staircase beside a wooden slide.
Rowan was in a tiny pair of Vans, tie-dye sweatpants, and a sweater with flowers embroidered on the sleeves.
Tyler crouched in front of him, a purple blouse with bell sleeves tucked into a pair of distressed jeans.
He also wore Vans, though his looked much more battered than Rowan’s.
Again, Jamie was confronted by just how different Tyler was from the people who surrounded him in his day-to-day life. He was different and vibrant and Jamie was fucking entranced.
“Papa, look!” Rowan’s eyes got big and he grinned, waving both hands at Jamie as he approached them. “It’s Jamie!”
“Hey, buddy,” Jamie said, bending down and extending his uninjured fist.
Rowan grabbed his fist, then looked up at Jamie like he wasn’t sure what to do with it. “Like this,” Jamie said, demonstrating with his splinted hand how to gently tap their knuckles together. Rowan bumped his tiny fist against Jamie’s. Jamie smiled, inexplicably proud. “Nice work.”
“What are you doing here?” Tyler asked. Jamie was relieved to see that Tyler looked more confused than annoyed to see him. There were purple bags under the younger man’s eyes, and somehow exhaustion made him even more hauntingly beautiful.
“My mom. I came to the house hoping to talk to you. She told me you were here.” Jamie took a step toward him, handing him the drink he’d brought along. “I got this for you. I hope it’s okay. I can go if–”
“No,” Tyler said, softly, taking the to-go cup and looking up at Jamie with a guarded look on his face. “Thank you for the drink. It’s…” He let out a quiet exhale, and his gaze dropped to the floor between them. “It’s good to see you.”
“Ohmygod,” a young voice said behind them. “Dad, is that Sully?”
“Honey, I don’t–” An adult voice started to reply.
“It’s you!” An older kid–probably around eight or nine years old, dressed head to toe in branded Muskies gear, stared at Jamie. “Ohmygod, it’s really you.”
Jamie shot a quick apologetic look at Tyler, but he was just watching the situation unfold with a confused expression on his face. “Hey,” Jamie said, extending a hand to the young fan. “How’s your day going?”
The kid’s hand gripped him tightly. “This is the best day ever. Dad, look!”
A man, who shared his son’s dark, feathery hair and round cheeks, approached and gave Jamie a grateful smile. “Danny, you might want to let go of Sully’s hand. Don’t want him hurting that one too!”
Jamie winced. The man paled a little. “Sorry,” he whispered. “That was…”
“It’s all good,” Jamie said, putting his smile back into place. He turned his attention to the kid, who’d let go of his hand and still stared at him like he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not. “Now, Danny, what do you say I sign that hat for you?”
Danny’s mouth dropped open. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.” This time, he didn’t have to force his smile.
Jamie fished out the permanent marker he kept in his back pocket, doing his best to hide the discomfort in his hand as he signed the brim of the kid’s hat and got the dad’s email address so he could send them some free tickets later in the season.
Rowan, who’d been quietly standing with his hand in Tyler’s, chose that moment to chime in. “Did you know Jamie is my friend?”
Be still my fucking heart.
Danny looked impressed. “That is so cool, man,” he said to Rowan with the kind of sincerity that probably meant he was used to hanging out with little kids. “He’s my favorite hockey player in the whole world.”
“Mine too,” Rowan replied.
“Okay, Danny, let’s let Sully enjoy his day at the museum,” the dad said, extending a hand for Jamie to shake. “I really appreciate it,” he said softly. “And we’re rooting for you. The whole city’s rooting for you.”
Emotion filled his chest. “Thanks, man,” Jamie’s voice came out raspy and rough.
He watched the father and son walk towards the door.
It was one of hundreds of interactions Jamie’d had with fans around Madison.
Outside the arena, at the Children’s Hospital where the team visited and volunteered, when he went to get his oil changed, or when he went to escape the midseason cold at Olbrich Gardens.
“Jamie, have you seen the snake road?” Rowan grabbed onto his hand, tugging his fingers toward the staircase. “There’s a secret entrance behind the grandmother tree. Lemme show you.”
With one last look at Tyler, Jamie turned to follow Rowan.
He knew they needed to talk. He wanted to apologize and he was still frustrated by Tyler’s silence and lack of response.
But right at that moment, Tyler was here with Rowan, and the best thing he could do was be there, in the present, with both of them.
The next half hour flew by. Jamie had crawled on hands and knees through a handmade replica of a pond with a ceiling of lily pads, had “eaten” a pizza Rowan had made in the play-kitchen, had collected yellow yarn balls of “pollen” from throughout the building while pretending to be a bumblebee, and had finally collapsed on the cushioned floor of a hollow tree beside Tyler.
Jamie was sweating.
“You and Papa need to rest,” Rowan informed Jamie and Tyler, hands perched on his hips. “You’re babies. I’m going to get you lunch from the garden.” With those parting words he marched out of the tree.
Damn, that kid was adorable. “Do we need to follow him?” Jamie asked between heavy breaths.
“There’s a pretend garden right outside. He’ll be fine.”
“Cool.” He looked at Tyler, at his angular shoulders, sharp elbows resting on his knees.
At his long fingers and the ink etched upon his skin.
“The game last night,” Jamie started. “I’m sorry if I put you in a tough position.
I wasn’t thinking about how late it was for Rowan or how loud it is in the lower bowl. ”
“Oh,” Tyler reached up, pushing his waves back from his face. “Yeah, that wasn’t ideal. But I also didn’t say anything, so that’s on me.”
Jamie shifted his legs, crossing them in front of him. “Why didn’t you?”
“Say anything?” Jamie nodded and Tyler was quiet for a moment. “You did a nice thing for us. You’ve done so much–getting us in touch with Dotty and Sandra, helping with the move. I don’t know, I didn’t want to seem ungrateful.”
“That’s–” Jamie cut himself off, smoothing a hand over his mustache. “You’ve got Rowan. That’s a huge job, Tyler. I won’t ever think you’re being rude if you tell me something doesn’t work for the two of you.”
Tyler’s gaze sharpened, his mouth turning down at the corners. “You’re talking like…” He trailed off. Tyler stared at him. Even in the dim light of the hollow tree, Jamie could make out the crooked angle of one of his incisors, and the chapped texture on his full lower lip.
Jamie didn’t look away. “Like what?”
“Like you want to stick around.”
Jamie couldn’t lie. Not then. Not with Tyler right there in front of him, not with his walls still fully in place. “I would,” he finally said. “I’d stick around.”
“I haven’t dated anyone since Rowan.” The admission was soft, almost inaudible over the muffled sounds of children playing around them.
Tyler looked up, like there was something in the air above them that was helping him make sense of his thoughts.
“But sometimes I dream about it. About having something in my life to remind me there’s more to me than just being a parent.
” He shook his head sharply. “And see, even just saying that out loud makes me feel so nauseatingly guilty. I’m not supposed to need more than this.
” He gestured around himself. “Being a dad, having a healthy, happy kid, and making enough to support our life. That’s supposed to be enough, but sometimes I’m so lonely.
Sometimes it feels like I don’t exist. Maybe it’s selfish, but I miss flirting and secret smiles and real, human intimacy. ”
Jamie stayed quiet, hanging onto every word.
Tyler exhaled, finally locking eyes with Jamie.
“I can’t think about myself yet. Not until we’re really settled in here.
” There was a shadow of worry that crossed his face.
“Because right now, if I think about letting someone into our life, and all of the things that could go wrong? It’s one thing for me to get hurt, but what about Rowan?
What if he got his hopes up and then they didn’t stick around?
I can’t silence the voice in my head that tells me I’d be a shitty dad if I set him up for that kind of hurt. ”
Jamie thought he saw a flash of moisture in the corner of Tyler’s eyes before he ducked his head.
He was hit with the desire to pull Tyler into his lap, to wrap him up in his arms and tell him he wasn’t alone.
To offer him whatever comfort as he could.
“I think you’re an amazing dad,” was what he said instead.
“You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not.” Jamie had seen countless teammates interact with their kids over the years.
He admired many of them as fathers. Others, however, who were dismissive or harsh with their partners and children, he'd barely been able to watch around their families.
“You remind me a lot of Mitch. He shows up for his kids with his whole heart. He loves them loudly, without holding back, and he puts their needs first whenever he can.”
But Mitch had Layla. He had a teammate.
Tyler? He had his mom and Dotty in his corner now. They were helping some with Rowan. But was anyone taking care of Tyler?
Tyler crawled over to the entrance, peeking his head out of the hollowed tree. Jamie couldn’t avert his eyes from the curve of Tyler’s ass, the jeans stretched taut. Jamie’s eyes snapped away when Tyler retreated, returning to his seat, an unguarded, beautiful smile curving his mouth.
“He okay?” Jamie asked.
“He’s singing to the veggies, happy as can be.”
The carefully neutral expression Jamie had come to expect from his face had slipped, leaving a playful, almost devious smirk in its place.
The quirk of his lips was the kind of lazy smile you’d expect from someone confident, who knew just how hot they were.
Like he knew everyone in the room wanted him.
This was Tyler. It was obvious, then, just how guarded he’d been up until that point. How little of himself he’d let slip through the cracks.
Jamie wanted more of this version of the man who’d accidentally stumbled into his life. He wanted all of him.