Chapter 40
WINNIE
I fiddle with my dress in the mirror and frown.
From the front, it looks like a simple black velvet sheath dress, falling to mid-calf.
But it dips low in the back, with a large silk bow settled just above my hips.
It’s vintage, and slightly tight across my waist. Thankfully, the tights I’m wearing underneath make it fit a bit better, and the bow is just large enough to be fun, without screaming nineteen-eighties prom too loudly.
It’s the accessories that are giving me pause.
The pearl drop earrings I’m wearing are too big.
And my hair. I did my usual bouncy hair, but it feels like a bit much with the dress.
Sighing, I pat my hair down and exchange the earrings for simpler studs.
I grab the opera length gloves the dress came with and slip my feet into my heels. It’s not getting much better than this.
“I’m ready,” I call out to Jonah, who has been patiently waiting for me in the living room for the last fifteen minutes.
I saunter over to him and do a little spin, knowing the dress looks particularly good from the back.
But I’m the one who’s left speechless because damn Jonah cleans up well.
Sure, I saw him in a suit at our wedding, but I think I like this version of him better.
He’s wearing a deep green cable knit sweater with wool trousers and what look to be brand new boots.
The brown leather cowboy hat I’ve seen him wear a few times is sitting on the couch next to him, along with a corduroy barn coat.
His hair is styled more carefully than usual and I can tell he’s trimmed his beard.
He takes in my silent surprise and just grins at me. “Like what you see?”
“We might not make it to the restaurant if you put that hat on,” I breathe.
Slowly Jonah picks the hat up and places it on his head. “You don’t look bad either.”
“Thanks! I’m glad it arrived in time. I’ll wear the matching gloves for the open mic night. Did you go shopping too?”
“I asked Candice for help and she told me that Nathan was the one in their relationship with any sense of style. So you can thank him. He took me shopping yesterday and I left the store pissed and a lot poorer than when I entered.” Jonah frowns.
I laugh, imagining Nathan and Jonah shopping together, one of them delighting in the experience completely and the other absolutely miserable.
“Well he did a good job. I’m impressed.”
“Honestly this sweater is the softest thing I’ve ever worn. So I’m learning to enjoy it.”
Jonah stands up and helps me into my coat, which is a red wrap coat with fur trim along the collar. He helps me out the door too, and down the steps, clearly worried that the icy weather and my heels are a bad combination.
“My mom used to have me practice my pageant routines on a wet floor. She wanted to make sure I never slipped and fell,” I tell him.
“Bitch,” he says under his breath.
I just laugh. “Honestly, it saved me from every pageant girl’s worst nightmare. One of her only good ideas, actually.”
“You never cease to amaze me, Win,” Jonah says as we pull out of the driveway in the Jeep.
“Who? Me?” I crack a smile.
“Yes, you. The woman who manages to smile and laugh about being made to walk in heels across wet floors. Your optimism is really something.”
“Sometimes I think I’m a bit too optimistic,” I say quietly. “It took me longer to realize how fucked up my life was because of it. I kept trying to smile away the pain, telling myself that things would get better, that my parents would change. But things didn’t get better until I left.”
“You’re kind, Winnie, so you expect others to be that way, too. It’s one of the best things about you. I don’t want you to become jaded or cynical. I’m pessimistic enough for the both of us, and I like your sunshine. Don’t let them take it from you.”
Jonah’s words make my throat tighten and I swallow back my tears. “Thank you. But the worst part is that some sick part of me still wants to be good enough for them. I just wish I could be a little less…needy.”
I watch as Jonah grips the steering wheel with such force his hands turn white. “You’re not needy,” he finally says, words laced with emotion. “You’re their child. Of course you want their love. There’s nothing…there’s nothing shameful about that, Winnie.”
It hits me that he’s right—I’ve been feeling ashamed for how they treated me and how badly I still wanted them to love me anyway.
“You know, for a man who doesn’t say much, you understand a lot.” I slide my hand over and give his thigh a quick squeeze.
“My mom taught me well.”
“Your mom is pretty amazing. I just hope she likes me back. Maybe now that we’ve owned up to everything, I’ll have a chance.”
Jonah laughs. “You’re a part of our family now. I know it’s not much, and it doesn’t make up for how your parents are, but…I hope it helps ease the pain.”
“It’s everything, Jonah. Everything,” I say honestly.
The food at the Eighteen-Hundred House is absolutely delicious.
Jonah has a pork chop with roasted grapes, and I have the salmon.
We also order a cheese plate and chocolate cake, and by the time we leave, I’m about to burst out of my dress and a little tipsy from the wine, but I’ve never felt happier. More alive. More in love.
Jonah and I arrive at the Neon Horseshoe after open mic night has already started. While he goes to speak with Ronda and sort out our slot, I find Candice and Jenny drinking at the bar.
“Winnie!” Jenny crows. “Just look at you. I love the gloves.”
“Spin!” Candice waves her hand at me. “I need to see the back.”
I spin for them, and pose at the end, hand on my hip, face tilted upwards. I can’t keep it together though, and the wine I’ve drunk makes me giggle.
“Do you like it?”
“I love it!” Candice exclaims. “Beats my outfit by a mile.”
My best friend is in her trademark beat up jeans, boots, and long sleeve t-shirt, but because she’s Candice, she still looks hot as sin in it. Jenny is wearing all black, which sets off the color of her hair beautifully.
Jenny presses a drink into my hand, but I shake my head and put it down. “I can’t drink anymore. Jonah and I are singing tonight! I need to be sober by the time we go on.”
“Oh my God!” Candice all but squeals. “Are you serious?”
“Yes! We decided to the other night.”
I fill Candice and Jenny in on everything that’s been going on between Jonah and I, and tell them about the lawsuit as well. I even admit that I told Jonah that I loved him while I had a fever in the bath, but instead of laughing, Candice touches her heart and Jenny gives me the biggest smile.
“I’m so happy for you, Winnie.” Candice pulls me into her side and squeezes me. “You deserve this. All of it. Winning against your parents. Finding love with Jonah. I don’t think anyone deserves love more than you.”
“Stop,” I sniff, “I’m going to cry. And I may not be a pageant queen anymore, but I’m not going up on that stage with runny mascara.”
Jenny snorts. “Did Jonah tell you he loved you back right away?” Candice shoots her a look. “What? I want to make sure he’s worthy of our girl.”
I just laugh. “Well, at first he didn’t believe me because I was sick, but he said it back anyway. And then he picked me up and put me back to bed.”
“Damn. That’s so cute it almost makes me regret my chronic case of being single.” Jenny takes a sip of her wine and frowns.
“I mean, you could...” I glance around the room and spy Beau chatting with Nathan at the other end of the bar. I remember what I heard Beau say about her after they danced last time we were here, and I decide it’s better not to mention him at all. “Date,” I finish a bit lamely.
Jenny barks out a laugh. “Who? The two of you snapped up the only good men in town. Besides, I have Lila to worry about and my—it’s just not the right time.”
“Well, if Jonah has a hot friend I don’t know about, who is also kind, respectful, and willing to wait until you’re ready, I’ll send him your way,” I tell her.
“Thanks, Win.” Jenny pushes her hair out of her face and sighs. “I never used to care about any of this stuff. I must be hormonal or something.”
“Neither did I,” I say honestly. “Until I met Jonah. I never really thought I’d end up with anyone. Mostly because of my parents, but still.” I shrug.
Candice keeps her mouth shut, though a quick glance at her face tells me that she’s dying to say something. Probably about Beau. But Jenny clearly either isn’t ready for what he’s offering or doesn’t want it at all, for some reason.
Jonah strides over to us, a beer in his hand.
“We’re up next, Winnie. Are you ready to blow them away?”
I give Jonah a salute and we walk hand in hand towards the stage.
The other performer is putting away their guitar, and Jonah grabs his from the side and starts setting up.
I perch on one of the stools and try to take even, deep breaths.
Despite the fact that I’ve been in front of much larger crowds than this one, it’s been a long time since I actually wanted to be up on stage—since the performance actually mattered to me.
Jonah settles into the seat next to me, and gives me a smile.
We run through our set list one final time, and then he starts strumming.
The crowd quiets down and their eyes snap to us.
Everyone in Star Mountain knows that Jonah is talented and worth paying attention to, and I’m sure they’re wondering why I’m up here too.
My voice is raw and wavering on the first note, and I mentally kick myself. I shouldn’t have had anything to drink and I should have warmed up. I get through the first verse alright, but I don’t sound my best. I clasp my hands in my lap and try to look anywhere but out at the crowd.
I end up looking at Jonah, and what I find on his face steadies me.
He’s completely calm, his eyes soulful and serious as always.
Just looking at him makes me feel a bit stronger.
As we enter the chorus, he leans into the mic we’re sharing and holds my gaze.
I stop paying attention to the crowd entirely, and just focus on him and the music we’re creating together.
My voice gets stronger and clearer, and I can tell that not only am I hitting every note, I sound good. Jonah lets me take the next verse on my own and I spare a glance at the crowd. They’re captivated.
Jonah joins me once more to finish out the song, and before he even strums the last chord, the crowd goes wild, clapping and whistling.
I smile, and it’s not a pageant queen smile, but a real one.
When the noise dies down, we dive into the next song, and I can tell that the music happening right now is pure magic.
From there, we’re on a roll, each song somehow going better than the last, and the crowd continues to love us. More importantly, I feel like this is something Jonah and I are going to both be proud of. And I can’t wait to record vocals for the song on his album.
It’s over far too soon, and we finish our fourth song to demands for an encore from the crowd. Jonah glances over at Ronda and she nods, letting us know that it’s up to us.
“What should we do?” I whisper in his ear, hoping the mic doesn’t pick any sound up.
“ ‘Over the Rainbow?’ It’s the one we’ve practiced the most. But only if you want to.”
“Definitely. But let’s add our own spin to it, okay? I want you with me for the whole thing.”
Jonah nods, and then starts playing the opening chords. This time, I don’t channel Judy Garland or anyone else. Just Winnie, and just Jonah. And for the first time, the song doesn’t make me sad. It doesn’t fill me with longing and painful hope for a better life.
Because I’m already here. I’m already happy.
We sing the final lines, and as the crowd starts to cheer, Jonah and I can do nothing but smile at one another. Eventually, the clapping stops and people return to their drinks. I stand up, and Jonah starts packing up his guitar. I scan the bar, looking for Candice and Jenny.
A flash of blonde hair and a tan handbag catch my eye.
I know that color blonde. And that bag. It’s the same one my mother has.
I search for the woman again, but whoever she is, she’s gone.
My heart is hammering in my chest, and I force myself to breathe.
It’s not my mother. It can’t be. There’s no way she could have known I was planning on singing tonight.
It’s not like we advertised it. And she has no reason to be here—the lawsuit is done.
It’s just a coincidence. Just a woman with the same hair and the same bag as her. Nothing to worry about. Jonah is talking to Ronda, and I feel shaken up enough that I head to the bathroom rather than back to the bar. I need a few moments to myself, to gather my thoughts and calm down.
The bathroom is empty, thankfully, and I check that my hair and makeup are both still okay, and adjust my dress around my hips. I flex my feet in my heels. They’re starting to ache, and I’ll be happy when Jonah and I are back home, cuddled up together on the couch.
I give myself one last look in the mirror, and then I leave. A blast of frigid air hits me—someone must have left the back door open. Maybe Ronda thought it was getting stuffy inside. I walk past the open doorway, head held high. And then someone grabs me by the arm and pulls me out into the night.
It only takes one whiff of their cologne for me to know who it is.