66. Living
LIVING
The train ride is an experience. The last time I was at the train station was when Mum wanted to flee.
Dad stopped us before we could step foot on the train, and we went home.
This time, I sit in a seat smelling of urine.
The train is crowded, so Conner stands, offering his seat to another woman.
I cling to his hand, a grin brimming on my face.
Once we get to our stop, I notice a few dressed in punk/rock clothes, wearing heavy makeup, and moving towards the doors. I feel somewhat out of place, but in my head… the songs I know, well, I’m in my element.
We follow the group, and excitement and adrenaline fill me to the core. I clutch my bag. I’m a little wary, but overall excited about tonight.
The energy of the city is pulsating. Hot…
boiling, but thriving. The street lamps are lit, and the waves nearby are rippling from the warm, soft breeze.
I breathe salty sea air into my lungs. Cars drive past, headlights shining across the dry road.
And up ahead, the stadium is a beaker–a shiny beaker in the night.
The group follows, forming bigger until it feels like the mosh-pit is outside the stadium rather than in.
“You all right?” Conner murmurs in my ear. “You’ve been quiet this entire trip here.”
“I’m excited,” I breathe. My hand tightens on his, and I look into those brilliant hazel eyes. “I’m excited to be here with you.”
We head inside, and Conner hands the person the tickets, and they stamp them, hand them back to us, and we head inside.
From there, my eyes go to the door into the stadium, but Conner steers me away.
Surprised, I move in his direction and towards the crowd forming around the long tables.
The crowd thins, and when it’s our turn, I notice they are shirts and jumpers.
“I want two of each,” Conner declares.
“What size?”
“Size ten in women and a medium in men.”
The woman puts them all in a plastic bag and hands them to us. Conner gives me one of the T-shirts, and I slide it over the shirt I’m already wearing.
I’m excited to see them, but we aren’t done.
Conner takes me to where they have drinks and food.
I didn’t think about food. My mind is on singing.
I also don’t want to pee because I don’t want to miss a lyric.
However, Conner is kind, as he always is, and it’s one reason why I fell madly in love with him.
After they hand us our corn dogs, a bucket of chips, and bottled drinks, we head to where I desperately want to go.
And in there, it’s darker. Yet, the atmosphere is more inviting and energetic.
Here, it’s full of life. A place I’ve always wanted to be in – dreamed of, really.
They took me out of a dark place and made it better.
And now I’m here, with him, who showed me the light.
Our seats are closer than expected. My heart beats when I see the stage and the lights across the edge. I can’t sit or move when they come onto the stage. It’s immediate. The song comes on, and the music fills my ears.
And here I am, with the one person who gets me, rocking it out.
As for everything else, I’ve pushed down. Talking to Mum and Dad. Heck, even Andy. That can all wait until I’m ready to conquer those fears.
Until then, all I want to do is live life.
My life.
Life of Noya.