4. Hudson
Chapter 4
Hudson
M y sister pats my thigh as we pull up in front of my house. The scene of the crime. My stomach tightens, but I’m not about to let Chester ruin the dream house that took me years to buy.
“It’s all cleaned,” Jocelyn says. “Good as new.”
“Did you do that?”
She smiles, even though her eyes are glossy with unshed tears. “Did you know there’s no services provided through law enforcement? They just leave it.”
“Kind of fucked up.”
“It is.” She gently squeezes the back of my neck. “But it’s all good.”
“Thanks. You didn’t have to do that. I can’t imagine…”
“You would’ve done the same for me.”
I nod, shifting my gaze out the window to my front door. “It looks like fresh paint.”
“We had to have the doorframe repaired. That’s how he got in. Cops think he used a screwdriver.”
“Why didn’t I see that?” I blow out a shaky breath. “As paranoid as I’ve been, I didn’t notice anything until it was too late.”
“Hey.” She squeezes my hand. “It’s not your fault. Not any of it. If he broke a window, you would’ve noticed. He knew what he was doing.”
I nod, doing my best to believe her. I enter through the side door near the garage, not the front. How would I have noticed someone pried the lock open on the unused front door?
“I can still stay for a while. Elaina can take care of the dogs by herself.”
“I appreciate it, but I’m okay. They wouldn’t have let me leave the hospital if I wasn’t.”
“Physically you’re fine, but emotionally?—”
“Also fine. You have a life back home. It means a lot that you drove out here for me.”
“Hud…” She lifts my hand to her chest. “You don’t have to do everything alone. You could come back with me. We have a guest cottage.”
“I have a home.” I clear my throat to push back the tidal wave of emotion threatening to pull me under. I refuse to fucking cry over that guy. “I love it here, Joss. I’ll make friends now that…” A shudder rattles through me. “Now that he’s out of my life.”
She nods, forcing a smile to her face. “Take all the time you need, Hudson. Your work can wait. Your health is more important.”
“I know.”
“Come on. Let’s get you inside.”
I accept the help, knowing I’m still weak after my ordeal. I was given the police report to read and learned that after Chester decided I was dead, he blew his brains out in my kitchen. At least he bled on the tile. I wanted to replace those anyway.
Jocelyn helps me into an armchair, and as I sit looking around my living room, the emotion bubbles up again. I wouldn’t have called her, but the police found her in my phone contacts and called her. She dropped everything and drove out from New York for me.
“I should make more of an effort. I’m sorry.”
“Hey,” she says, turning to me and giving me a stern look only an older sister can pull off. “I get it. You don’t owe me an apology for chasing your dreams.”
I nod even though I still feel like an ass. “I thought I was getting away from trauma, but I walked right into it.”
“He took advantage of you, and that’s not your fault.”
“I know. I saw the red flags right away, but he wouldn’t let me go.”
She kneels in front of me, placing her hands on my knees. “The boogeyman is gone now.”
“Yeah. He’s gone.”
Jocelyn leaves an hour later, after I promise to check in daily until I’m fully recovered. I’ve got more than a few bruises and cuts, and the cracked ribs will take a while to heal, but it could’ve been so much worse.
Standing in the middle of my living room, I take the biggest breath my lungs will allow and shake my shoulders out, gritting my teeth through the pain. I love this house and I refuse to taint it with bad memories.
I was so lucky it went on sale in the midst of Chester’s stalking campaign. Two towns over from where I had been living, I thought there was no way he could find me. I took all the steps I could to keep my address private, but I couldn’t shake him.
My skin feels tight, and I know why. Everyone who knew me ten years ago thinks I overcame my tendency to fixate on a perceived problem, and for the most part I did, but enduring a stalker shifted it to a new obsession—safety. I can’t count the hours I’ve lost checking the windows and doors. Ironic since the one time I felt relaxed, I was dangerously wrong.
My doorbell rings, startling me and making my skin crawl before I remember it can’t be him. When I open it, my neighbor Melody is standing there with a wicker basket in her hands.
“Hi, Hudson.”
“Melody. Please come in.”
She crosses the threshold, holding out the basket for me with a kind smile. “Just some baked goodies and soup. All the vegetables came from my garden.” Her smile fades. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Thank you for calling the police.”
Melody nods. “I was outside trimming my roses. I think your window was partially open. I heard you.” Her brow furrows and she visibly shivers. “I’ve never heard anything like that.”
“A lot of the details are hazy for me.”
“Were you… shot? I heard the gun.”
“No. He, um, he shot himself after he thought…” I blow out a breath. “He thought I was dead.”
“God. I’m so sorry you went through that. The police told me you knew him. It wasn’t a random attack.”
“Right. I knew him.” I don’t like talking about this, but she deserves to know for saving my life. “The neighborhood is still safe. He was stalking me for almost two years.”
She nods. “My ex did that to me for a while. He tried to kidnap our daughter too. He was sent to prison for assaulting an officer and stealing a police car. He ended his life there. Hung himself.”
“I’m sorry that we have that in common.”
She smiles. “Me too, but I can tell you it only gets better. It takes some time, but you start to feel safe and trust people. You can even find love again.”
“Good to hear. Thanks for the food. I really appreciate it.”
“Call if you need anything. I’m right next door.”
“I will.”
She leaves and I dig into the basket, choosing a peanut butter cookie to munch on as I sink into my chair again. The house is weirdly silent, but I’ve lived like this for a while, choosing to keep distractions minimal so I could listen for sounds of someone breaking in or snapped tree branches at my windows. Chester made me a paranoid mess, but I’m determined to put that part of my life behind me. I survived, I’m still alive, and I plan to make the most of my second chance.
Sleeping in my own bed feels amazing. Even the familiar creaks and groans of an old Victorian house are comforting after the clinical setting of a hospital. It takes a bit for me to find a position that doesn’t make my rib cage scream, but when I do, I sink into my bedding, grateful to be alive.
I’ve often wondered what happens when we die, especially when we weren’t good people. I wasn’t raised with religion, and being gay, was never called to seek it out. I endured enough bullying in a small town; I wasn’t about to intentionally go to a place where people hated me just for existing.
Besides, I didn’t need the comfort of an unseen force. The tangible world is all that makes sense, but still, I sometimes wonder if we really do go somewhere when we die. Are there places for good and bad people? I hope there are and that Chester is burning for eternity. Or maybe he has a stalker. That would be cool.
I close my eyes, hoping sleep comes easy. The moon is high in the sky, casting its silvery light through my window and across the bed. Shadows of the big oak outside dance in the wind. My body relaxes after days of tension and I exhale slowly, surrounded by peaceful silence, with only the chirp of a few crickets outside.
My mind is blessedly blank for the first time in nearly two years. I don’t have to worry about him now.
Hudson.
What was that? It almost sounded like my name.
Huds…
I sit up abruptly, flinching with pain, and look around my bedroom. It’s empty. Of course it is. No one is here but me. Well shit. I guess I’m not as relaxed as I thought.
I lie back again and settle under the blankets, but my eyes are wide open. It takes a few minutes for me to convince myself that what I heard must have just been my mind playing tricks on me. It’s quiet again, except for the occasional creak or whoosh of leaves blowing outside.
I drift off again, the tug of sleep dragging me under. I’m safe.
It’s just gonna take my mind a little while to realize it.