19. Hudson
Chapter 19
Hudson
“ Y ou’re not hurt and pretending to be okay, right?”
“Right.” Aster brushes his hands over his shirt and jeans. “Not even a bruise.”
“How though? He tossed you like a rag doll.”
“My job comes with some protections.”
“I’m really curious about this job. How do you apply for it?”
His face screws up as he settles into the armchair across from me. “You don’t apply for it exactly. You’re chosen.”
“Based on what? Could I be chosen? Can anyone?”
“No.” He shifts in his seat, his gaze moving off into the distance before he drags it back to me. “There has to be a triggering event.”
“Like?”
Deep ripples form in Aster’s brow and I realize I’m prying too much, so I offer an out.
“Sorry. I’m a writer. Naturally curious, I suppose. If you have to keep it a secret, that’s fine.”
He shakes his head, dragging a hand through his thick hair. “It’s not that. It’s…” He blows out a breath, shifting forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “Maybe it’s a lot to take in.”
“More than being haunted by my dead ex-stalker? I think I can probably handle it.”
He huffs a laugh, nodding. “Fair point.”
I wait in silence while Otto circles the spot on the couch next to me to get comfy before plopping down, resting his cute little chin on my thigh.
“You have to die first,” Aster says, shocking me.
I open my mouth to say something but end up gaping like a fish out of water.
“I was on my way to work when there was a freak accident. A car hit me and took me out. One second I was on the sidewalk heading for coffee and the next I was in the underworld.”
“Holy Hemingway.”
“That’s when I learned I met the criteria for this role. I died prematurely through no fault of my own, I lived my life as a decent person, and I had Otto.”
“Having a dog mattered?”
“Apparently. Being a pet owner or lover is part of it. Animals play a big role in the spirit world, and I think it has something to do with your character.”
I nod, still absorbing this. “But you’re not somehow dead now, right? You’re real and living?”
“Real and living.” He offers a quirky smile. “When you meet the criteria you’re given the chance to come back as if nothing happened, but you become what I am now. A Soul Chaser.”
“A Soul Chaser.”
Aster nods. “Remember the mansion I told you about and how Chester’s soul escaped from the worst room?”
“Yeah. You call them Horrors.”
“Correct. I was assigned to this Horror. It’s my job to get him back where he belongs.”
“What happens if you don’t?”
“Not an option.”
I tilt my head. “No one ever fails?”
I notice the brief flash of concern across his features before he neutralizes his expression.
“Come on, Aster. You’ve told me this much. Tell me the rest. I can handle it. It is my life after all.”
After a pause, Aster leans back and fixes his gaze on me. The simple gesture makes my stomach flip, reminding me how long it’s been since I’ve been even remotely attracted to someone, and my attraction to Aster isn’t remote at all.
“Failure happens,” he says softly, his words slow and measured. “The spirit world is tricky, and obviously, the Horror doesn’t plan to go willingly.”
“And what happens to you if you fail?”
“I lose my second chance.”
“Your second—” I pull my head back as the meaning of his words hits me square in the chest. “Aster. You would die?”
He nods, forcing a distant smile to his face that doesn’t come close to reaching his eyes. “That’s why I won’t fail. I don’t want to die, and honestly, now that I know what you’re dealing with, I’ll do everything I can to fix it.”
“Why? Besides the obvious benefit to you?”
“I care, Hudson. Maybe that’s another part of the criteria they didn’t overtly mention. It’s compassion. You didn’t deserve this. Any of it. I have the power to make it go away and I will. I would even if my own life didn’t depend on it.”
I twist my lips to fight back the swell of emotion building in me. It’s weird, but I believe him, and there’s not a single warning bell going off in my head telling me that I shouldn’t. Am I so desperate for comfort that I’ll believe anyone or is he legit?
“What’s wrong?”
I shake my head. “Nothing. I appreciate you.”
He tilts his head. “You’re holding back. I was open with you. You should be open with me.”
I scratch the stubble on my cheeks. “You’re right. Obviously, I’m a hot mess when it comes to dealing with people. Chester really fucked me up, especially—” I stop myself, worried about how he might interpret my words.
“Especially?”
Of course he’s not gonna let it go. I want to tell him how I feel. I really want to open up to someone I’m not paying and who isn’t my worried sister, but trusting someone new feels about as good as ripping a barely formed scab off a new wound.
“If you’re worried about trusting me, I get that.”
I look up at him.
“You’ve been traumatized by a person you hoped you could trust. I can’t imagine how hard it is to believe in someone again, but what’s the alternative? Do you sequester yourself in this big, beautiful house and feed your soul through fictional worlds? If that’s enough for you, then do that.”
He rises from his seat and moves to the couch, sitting beside me.
“But I believe you want connection, because we all do. We can pretend we don’t need other people, but humans aren’t designed that way. It feels easier to build a wall and stand safely behind it, but there’s no joy there. It’s hard and it’s scary to try again, I know. I’m not pretending to understand what you’ve been through, but I can relate to shutting people out. I think I’d rather take the hits than sit alone on a shelf unscathed though. It’s part of life and a part I won’t take for granted again.”
“You’ve been hurt too?”
Aster nods. “Hasn’t everyone who’s put their heart out there?”
“Yeah. Of course. I feel so stupid though.”
“Why?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I was so desperate for romance I went out with every guy who asked. That’s how I met Chester. He wasn’t my type looks-wise, and even on our first date I found him a little cringe, but he was confident and could carry a good conversation. I convinced myself that my attraction could grow, but all I accomplished was giving him a foothold in my life so he could destroy it.”
“He didn’t destroy it though. Look around you, Hudson. Look at what you’ve accomplished in spite of him.”
“Logically, I know that, but emotionally it feels like I’ll never move past this.”
“Can’t you see you’re already taking steps? You’re talking to me. That’s a big start.”
His words resonate and I end up sagging into him with relief. He wraps his arm around me and I lay my head on his shoulder, soaking in the simple touch of another man.
“Baby steps, Hudson,” he whispers, rubbing my back. “You’ll get there.”
“Thanks.”
After holding me for a few minutes, he pulls back slightly. “You must be exhausted. Why don’t you lie down and I’ll keep an eye on things? I want to do some research too.”
“I could help.”
Aster’s eyes soften as he gently cups my cheek. “Resting and getting well is how you’re helping.”
I nod, giving up the fight. I really could use some rest. My body still hurts and all of this is taking it out of me.
“I don’t want to be alone.”
“I’ll be right beside you.”
As I study his warm eyes, a sense of calmness spreads through me, and I decide to try and let my guard down, at least with him. He came here to save me, and he has a lot on the line himself. The least I can do is put myself out there a little.
If I’m wrong about him, it’ll set me back, but if I’m right, well, wouldn’t that be something?