26. Aster
Chapter 26
Aster
I t’s so dark.
Too dark to see my hand in front of my face.
There’s nothing around me. Not a building or a wall or a sliver of light. I can’t hear myself breathing or the beating of my heart. Nothing. Silence.
“Aster.”
I startle when Wilder appears in front of me. I can just make out his shape.
“This is so weird.”
“Especially for your mortal if he’s watching. We aren’t really speaking here. It’s driven by our thoughts, but back home our mouths are moving. It’s quite a show.”
“Whoa. So what now?”
“Now we contend with your Horror.”
“It’s here?”
“Sort of. Come on.”
“How do I—” Before I finish the sentence, we’re in the attic of Hudson’s house, but it doesn’t take me long to realize it’s a projection of the attic and we’re not physically here. Makes sense.
The house spirits turn to face us, parting to reveal the ball of energy between them, except the Horror appears completely different. It’s a snarling mass of black gunk, hissing and clawing randomly, obviously unable to focus on a particular target.
“What the fuck?”
“We’re seeing its true form in this plane. It’s very frustrated that it’s not in control and being held back.”
“Can I get to the Below from here?”
“No, and even if you could, you’re not ready. You haven’t gotten its name.”
“Right. I have to strangle it out.”
“Sometimes, yes. I brought you here so you can learn to navigate it. Would you like my suggestion?”
“Please.”
“In this state, the Horror isn’t capable of telling you anything. It’s been reduced to its most basic form. You need it to fully manifest so it’s able to communicate.”
“Oh. I have to let it restore itself before I can tackle it?”
“Correct.” Wilder nudges the Horror with his booted foot and it shrieks and squirms. “It’s aware of our presence and intensely angry. It hates you. You’re preventing it from attacking its target.”
“It should get used to that.”
Wilder grunts an amused sound. “It doesn’t know yet.”
“Know what?”
Wilder turns to me. “What the human means to you. When and if it finds out, you’re going to have your hands full.”
“I don’t understand. Hudson is?—”
The Horror reacts to Hudson’s name, pulsing towards me and making a gurgling noise, but the house spirits close in around it, holding it back.
“Fuck. It can hear us.”
Wilder nods. “If it weren’t for your helpful house spirits, it would be everywhere all the time.”
“I see.”
Suddenly, we’re back in full blackness, away from the Horror. There’s a faint outline of light around Wilder, making him visible to me.
“This is the most efficient method to confront any Horror. Get here when it’s at full strength and get the information you need. Once you have it, return to the living realm and drag that fucker back to where it belongs.”
“Okay. Why did I get such a nasty one straight out the gate? How did they expect me to know all of this stuff?”
Wilder’s face is oddly passive, almost blank. “You don’t know yet.”
“Know what?”
“I agree it’s unusual, but there must have been a reason. One we aren’t privy to.”
“You’re not making sense, Wilder.”
“I’m not at liberty to say, nor am I certain of anything. Assignments are above my pay grade.” He claps his hand on my shoulder, which I am able to feel, but it’s weird, like almost being touched but not quite. “All I can say with certainty is that it had to be you. Your untimely demise corrected the mortal’s path. Consider yourself special.”
It takes a second for that to sink in. “How do you know that?”
“Stick around long enough and you learn things.”
“Do you regret your choice? Do you wish you had just gone on to the Below and left this world behind?”
“No. I have a purpose now. I’ve saved countless lives. I’ve seen and experienced things your mind can’t even contemplate yet. I regret nothing. Normally I would advise you to steer clear of entangled emotions with the living. Our lives are too nomadic and we must move on. We can enjoy the bounty of carnal pleasure available to us, but the wisest Chasers keep their hearts and emotions far removed.”
“You said normally. Would you give me different advice?”
He studies me with his unnervingly intense gaze before speaking. “Your situation is different. My advice to you is to focus on ridding yourself of the Horror. After that, things will fall into place and make sense. The universe always makes sense.”
I’m aware that he’s answering without really answering me, but I’m guessing that’s all I’m gonna get out of him.
“How do I get back here?”
“I’ll leave some potion for you and a recipe for the witch.”
“So a witch can be a need-to-know person?”
“Indeed. Anyone can. Just use your instinct to guide you.”
“This is helpful. Thank you for coming.”
“Thank Crash. He’s the one who connected us. He cares deeply about his chosen Chasers.”
“He’s a good guy.”
“Spirit. He’s a good spirit. Remember not to confuse the living with the dead.”
“Right. One more question?”
“Go ahead.”
“It’s about…” I pause, almost afraid to hear the answer, but if anyone knows, it’s Wilder.
“Yes?”
“The love bond. It’s about that. Do you know any Chasers who’ve done that?”
“Thousands.”
“Thousands. That’s sobering. It’s common?”
“No. I’ve just been alive for a long time.”
“Are there downsides?”
“To choosing a soulmate? I can’t think of any.”
“It always goes well?”
“As long as both souls are clear and consenting to the bond.”
“I’m sensing that’s not always the case.”
“No. There are impulsive choices. Poor ones too. Toxic partnerships. It’s really no different from falling in love normally. You just have to be clear before you do the bond because it’s forever. You can’t undo it, you can’t choose differently, and you can’t leave them alone.”
“What do you mean?”
“Breaking up isn’t possible. You will feel their every emotion, pain, and pleasure. Your heart will ache until you’re driven mad. I’ve seen a handful of Chasers driven to self-destruction to rid themselves of that pain. Let’s just say the place Chasers go when they cause their own death and that of an innocent soul is less than pleasant.”
I shudder at the thought. “I understand. Do you have a love bond?”
He literally flinches before his passive expression returns. Interesting.
“No. I’m not suitable for anything like that.” His gaze drifts past me for just a moment before it snaps back to me. “I don’t worry about you though, Aster. I can sense your devotion to your human. I feel the sincerity of your heart. You won’t make any decision lightly.”
“I won’t. It’s not that I’m even considering the bond. I just wanted to know more.”
Wilder raises an eyebrow. “You can’t fool an old Chaser like me. If you weren’t considering it, you wouldn’t have asked. It wouldn’t even be on your mind. It’s okay to deny it though. It will only make you think harder about it, and that’s a good thing. A consideration though?”
“Yes?”
“Were you told about how Fate likes to tinker with things if properly motivated?”
“Yes. Crash told me.”
“Then you won’t be surprised.”
“By what?”
“You already have the answers to the questions you ask. Follow your instinct, Aster. It won’t lead you astray.”
Damn, this man is evasive. I nod. “Okay. Thanks.”
“Ready to return?”
“Yeah. How do we do that?”
“It’s a little bumpy, but don’t worry about that.”
“Okay.”
“Consciously desire a return to your physical body. Focus on nothing but that return. You’ll know it’s working when your mind goes hazy and your body feels numb. I’ll see you over there.”
I close my eyes, focusing my thoughts on returning to my body. I imagine my legs and arms and hands, and before I know it, I sway as the air around me grows thick. My toes tingle and just as I feel faint, I’m jolted forward, plummeting like I fell from a cliff. I flail wildly but do everything I can to push back the panic and focus on my body. I expect to hit the ground with a thud, but instead, my eyes snap open and Hudson is gazing at me, concern and affection reflected in his eyes.
Otto yips and launches himself onto my lap, licking my face while I try to get my bearings.
“Welcome back,” Hudson says softly. “How do you feel?”
His voice sounds like coming through a tunnel for a second, but then, like the volume is being turned up, the world comes back into focus and I blow out a breath that feels like I was holding it for way too long.
“Hudson.”
“Hi.” He rubs my cheek. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “Yeah.” I look up to see Wilder already on his feet, smoothing down his trench coat. A wave of nausea hits me and I dry heave for a few seconds while Hudson rubs my back.
“It gets easier,” Wilder says.
Hudson helps me to my feet, and while I’m wobbly, I’m aware of my growing stability. “I’m good now. Thank you.”
Wilder taps a small bottle of the potion and whips a piece of paper out of his pocket. “Give this to the witch when you need more.”
“Thanks again, Wilder. For everything.”
“I’m happy to help. If you need me again, Crash can find me.”
He starts to walk toward the door, but pauses, studying Hudson’s face for a few awkward seconds. He nods, as if he answered a question none of us can hear, then shifts his heavy gaze to me.
“Take care of each other.”
“We will,” I answer.
“I’ll see myself out.”
And then he’s gone.
“He’s intense,” Hudson says.
“That’s putting it mildly. I need a glass of water.”
“I’ll get it.”
Hudson hurries to the sink and fills a plastic cup of cool water for me. I sip it, exhaling slowly as my equilibrium fully returns.
“Thank you.” I set the glass down and scrub a hand over my face.
“What was it like?”
“Bizarre. Dark and silent. You can’t feel yourself at all but your mind is extremely active.”
“Does it hurt?”
“No. Coming back is disorienting but not painful. I know what I have to do now.”
“Can you tell me?”
I reach out to rub his cheek. “We have to let the Horror fully manifest. I have to call off the house spirits so he can replenish his energy. Then I’ll meet him in the astral plane and choke the fuck out of him until he tells me his underworld name. Once I get that, I’ll return here and banish him.” I chuckle darkly. “It sounds so easy.”
“What can I do to help?”
“You can’t help me. Not when it comes to the actual banishment.”
He nods, biting his bottom lip. “Can anyone go to the astral plane or just Chasers?”
“Anyone can.”
Hudson reaches up and cups his hands around my face. “You look tired.”
“I am a little.”
“I have a suggestion.” His voice is breathy, with a desperate edge to it. “Or… maybe it’s a request.”
“Anything.”
“I was thinking while you were gone…” His gaze softens as he slides his hands down to rest them on my shoulders. “Before you let the Horror free, I need something only you can give me.”
“What?”
Hudson moves his hands from my shoulders to my chest, squeezing my pecs softly. “Will you fuck me, Aster?”
My jaw drops as my cock instantly swells and my stomach flutters. “What?”
“I need it. I want it to be you, and I don’t want to wait for all of this to be over, because…” He exhales shakily. “Because we don’t know what’s gonna happen.”
“Hud, are you sure?”
He nods, swallowing hard. “I haven’t been able to since things went down with Chester. I haven’t trusted anyone enough to let myself be vulnerable, but I trust you, Aster. I want you to erase the things that happened.”
I lean in and kiss him hard. He wraps his arms around me, kissing me back with such intensity I can barely take a breath.
“Please,” he murmurs. “I won’t be weird or clingy after, I promise. You’d be helping me move on. I need… this.”
“Hey.” I pull back to meet his eyes. “It would be a pleasure, Hud. I want it too. I’m not doing you a favor or helping you out. I want you.”
Hudson clings to my shoulders. “I believe you.” He makes a surprised noise. “Sorry I’m being so weird. I’ve wanted to get to this point with someone so badly, but everyone I meet turns me off quickly. I might be trauma bonding though. That’s a thing.”
“I don’t know what that is, but there’s real attraction here, real compatibility, and regardless of the circumstances that brought us together, I hope you can see how much I truly care about you.”
He nods, blinking rapidly. “I can. That’s why I want this with you. Even if I never see you again, I won’t regret it. I know I won’t.”
The words are on the tip of my tongue. Crash’s warnings about words being promises replay in my head, but dammit, I’m not sure I can hold back the wave of emotions flooding my mind.
“I don’t want to leave you,” I say, knowing I mean it. “I don’t know what happens next, but believe me, Hudson, I want to be here with you.”
He searches my eyes with his lips parted as if he’s going to say something, but instead he nods.
“One day at a time, huh? Take me upstairs, Aster, and take it all away. Replace the bad memories with good ones. Fuck me so hard all I can remember is you.”
Gripping the back of his neck, I slam our mouths together, devouring his whimpers and the sweetest kiss in existence. Is this what Wilder meant when he told me to follow my instinct? Because right now, everything in me is screaming that I have to keep Hudson close. Nothing could make me leave him right now.
“I’m going to take you apart,” I whisper against his lips, “piece by piece, and put you back together even better than you already are.”
“Please, Aster. I want that.”
Sliding my hands under his ass, I hoist him up and into my arms. He wraps around me with a burst of surprised laughter then continues kissing me. He’s not much smaller than me, but I chalk my enhanced strength up to my Chaser skills and carry him effortlessly up the stairs.
Later today, I have to tackle the problem in the attic, but it can wait. Right now, my world revolves around the beautiful, sweet man in my arms, and he has all my attention.
He deserves it.