33. Hudson
Chapter 33
Hudson
I sit on the edge of the bed, waiting as patiently as possible for Aster to get out of the shower. He insisted he smelled like rotten eggs, but I didn’t notice. I’m too busy processing the fact that this nightmare is finally over. I can feel it too. The house feels different. Lighter. The way it felt the day I walked in before I bought it. It called to me, and now, it’s welcoming me all over again.
I wish I was relaxed but I’m not. I want to tell Aster how I feel about him and ask him to keep me. There’s no way I want to move past this without him, whatever that looks like. In my heart I know he has feelings for me too, I saw them in his eyes, but what if he’s too afraid to try? He’s new at this whole soul chasing thing. It could be overwhelming to him to navigate it with me in his life too. I don’t know what I’ll do if he’s not ready.
Maybe I’m the one getting ahead of myself. Just because I’ve never felt so safe and seen before doesn’t mean Aster feels the same. I barely know him when you break it down. Sure, we spent an intense couple of weeks together, but do we really know each other? Can I believe what a stack of cards ‘told’ my sister?
I squeeze my eyes closed and blow out a slow breath to calm my racing thoughts. I’m gonna send myself right into a panic attack.
“Hudson?”
I snap my eyes open and force a smile to my face, immediately melting when I see Aster leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. His dark hair hangs in damp tendrils around his face as water drops decorate his chest and arms.
“Are you okay?”
I nod. “Yes. How was your shower? Feel better?”
“Yeah. I can still smell it, but it might be my imagination.”
“All I smell is bodywash.”
“Good.” He walks over to me, searching my eyes the entire time. “You would tell me if something was wrong, right?”
“Yes.”
Aster sits next to me on the bed and takes my hand in his. “I can only imagine what’s going on in your head. You’ve been through a lot recently.”
“So have you. You died, like, two weeks ago, right?”
He chuckles. “I did, but for what it’s worth, I didn’t feel a thing.” His smile fades as his expression softens. “But it’s all good. My death led me here. To you.”
I have to consciously swallow to push down the lump of emotion building in my throat. “I’m glad for that part.”
“Me too. I have stuff I want to tell you. A lot of stuff.” He exhales in a huff. “But if you’re okay with it, I need to hold you and be close to you first.”
“And make love to me?”
He nods, reaching out to brush his fingers under my chin. “And definitely make love to you. You’re special, Hudson. I hope you know that and that anything that happened to you before didn’t dim the bright light that you are.”
“You think I’m a bright light?”
“The brightest. A beacon in the dark, like a lighthouse during a storm. I was lost, untethered, until I met you.” He cups my face and leans in to dust a soft kiss over my lips before pressing his forehead to mine. “I hate the things that have happened to you, but if you give me a chance, I’ll do everything I can to make you forget.”
“I don’t want to forget.” I drape my arms over his shoulders. “I want to remember so I always know how much better my life is now.”
Aster tilts me backward and we both scoot higher up the bed. As our mouths collide, I tug his towel away and manage to kick off my pajama pants, exhaling with relief when our bodies notch together. I love the feeling of his cock swelling and leaking precum onto mine, the knowledge that I turn this incredible man on so much.
He grips my chin, tilting my head to one side so he can attack my neck. I gently claw at his shoulders as he sucks, kisses, and bites my flesh from my earlobe to my collarbone.
“So delicious,” Aster murmurs. “Your skin tastes like summer.”
“Summer?”
“Mm-hmm. Like the beach. Sun-kissed, warm, ocean-y.”
“No one’s ever said that before.”
“I love summer.”
I card my fingers through his hair. “I love autumn, and that’s what you feel like in my arms. Warm, cozy, comforting. Like home.”
Aster lifts his head. “I feel like home to you?”
Smiling even as my eyes grow damp with emotion, I nod. “You know when you travel and you’re far from home?”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe you have a long flight and there’s a delay and a layover and you think you’re never gonna get home. It makes you long for it even more.”
Aster nods.
“You finally make it to your home airport, but then you gotta catch the train or hail a taxi, and there’s a lot of traffic because it’s Boston.”
He chuckles. “Yeah.”
“After what feels like an eternity, the taxi turns onto your street and your house comes into view and there’s this flood of emotions. You’re exhausted, but more than that, you’re relieved and happy. You can’t wait to get inside and be around all your things again.”
Aster’s eyes soften. “I know the feeling.”
“The first thing you do is take a shower and lie down in your own bed. It’s suddenly the most comfortable bed in the world, and there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. That’s you, Aster. There were so many delays, canceled flights, and some rough neighborhoods, but I got home. I made it.”
“Hud…”
“I don’t know a lot of things about healthy relationships or love or what’s even possible, but I know when it’s right because this is so different from all the times it was wrong. Maybe there’s a rulebook no one ever gave me and I shouldn’t be saying all of this, but we’ve been through a lot and I think you can handle it.”
Aster gazes at me with pure anticipation in his eyes. He doesn’t look nervous or afraid or turned-off at all. He looks like love and a future I only dreamed of.
“I’m falling in love with you, Aster. That’s the only explanation for this too-big feeling inside me. It’s the only thing that makes sense. For the first time in ages, I’m not afraid or nervous or cautious. I’m not ignoring a thousand alarm bells or red flags. I know this won’t be normal, but maybe I wasn’t destined for normal, average love. Maybe…” I blink rapidly to hold back the tears. “Maybe I was destined for you.”
“Hudson.” Aster pulls me into his arms, holding me so tightly it’s almost hard to breathe.
When he releases me, I’m not afraid of what he’s going to say. I know in my soul that this man has feelings for me, as if some unseen friend whispered it directly to my heart.
“I was worried it would be too much,” he says softly before pulling back enough to meet my gaze. “There’s no freaking way I’m letting you go.”
“I knew it. I saw it in your eyes.”
“You did?”
I nod. “Yeah. Before you left to deal with… that thing. It’s the first time in my life I’ve ever seen a tangible expression of love. I’ve seen lust, I’ve seen friendship, I’ve seen sibling affection, but I’ve never seen someone’s heart beating just for me until now.”
“I was told that your destiny changed the day I died. I don’t entirely understand it. I don’t know if Fate decided to play matchmaker or if there’s some otherworldly aspect to matching Soul Chasers to mortals, but I was meant for you.”
“Jocelyn told me something similar. She said she had a really clear reading that you were for me. The love I wanted so much was waiting for you to find me.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through so much to get to me.”
“I’m not. Not anymore. Life is weird, even weirder than I ever knew, but I can honestly say that the way I feel right now makes up for all the hurt in the past.” I grip his hand. “Aster, I’m not scared anymore. At all. I’ve spent almost two years afraid of my own shadow. Every time I tried to go on a date I would break out in a cold sweat. The couple of times I managed it, the guy would touch me or kiss me and I’d have a panic attack that I was letting evil into my life again.”
“And now?”
“That fear is gone, and it has been since the first night we kissed. I wanted you to touch me. I trusted you before I knew I could, and that just proves to me that this is right. You and me.”
He smiles, cupping my cheek. “I can’t tell you how many years I wanted to find someone special to spend my life with. I went on so many dates and…” He shakes his head. “I was losing hope that I’d ever have that feeling I chased. I don’t know how many times I was told I was a hopeless romantic, but it wasn’t hopeless after all, was it?”
“No.”
“All I had to do was die first.”
We both laugh as Aster nuzzles my cheek.
“Just a minor thing.”
“No big deal,” he says. His brow creases as he gently pinches my chin. “There’s a process we go through to stay together. It’s called a love bond.”
“Crash told me about it. Sort of.”
“Did he?”
“I think he wanted to make me feel better.”
“Because you were worried?”
“Yeah. I think it’s harder to hide your feelings from a spirit.”
“I think so too.”
I play with his fingers for a second. “What is the bond like?”
“I don’t know a lot about the specifics, but I know Farnsworth will do it. He’s the…” Aster pauses, half shrugging. “I don’t know his actual title. I consider him my boss.”
“Okay.”
“There are some risks. Basically, the bond ties us together in the truest sense. You won’t die, Hudson. You won’t age or get sick or anything a normal human does.”
“But we’re still human, right? Like you are right now?”
“Human, but special. Your parents and Jocelyn will probably notice.”
“I don’t talk to my parents, just Jocelyn, and she already knows about this whole world.”
“Right. The other thing is I’m still a Soul Chaser. I have to do a job that’s dangerous sometimes. If anything happens to me…” He swallows hard. “It happens to you.”
“If you die, I die?”
He nods with a somber expression on his face. “Yeah.”
“But it’s hard for you to die?”
“Hard. Not impossible. There were at least two times this Horror got close.”
“But your skills will grow, right? Like Wilder’s.”
“I would assume. Is this a risk you’re willing to take?”
“I’ve already been thinking about it since Crash brought it up. Maybe it’s crazy or dramatic, but what would my life be like now if I lost you anyway? I finally have…” I have to pause to blow out a breath to calm my shaky voice.
“Take your time.”
I clear my throat, nodding. “I deserve to be happy. I deserve a healthy, reciprocal love, and I finally have that. I don’t want to live in a world where you’re not in it anymore. If you go, I go. I accept that risk.”
Aster’s eyes turn glossy. “You mean it? You want to stay with me?”
“I want to stay with you, Aster. Whatever goes along with it, I’m in, and for once, it doesn’t scare me at all.”
He smiles as a tear slides down his cheek. “This is amazing.”
“It is. How soon can we do it?”
“I don’t know. I’ll contact Farnsworth as soon as I’m done turning you inside out. Which is exactly how I’d like to spend the next week.”
“I think we can manage that.”