Chapter 12 Gracen
GRACEN
Today wasn’t the first time I’ve watched Malin murder a cult member. It was the first time I’ve seen him talk to one, though. Usually, he’s silent. Emotionless. He doesn’t take joy in it, and he’s not disgusted by it either. It’s simply a task, and he’s indifferent.
This isn’t even the first he recognized, nor the first who’s recognized him. I’m not sure what about him prompted Malin to talk to him. But as I watch, I’m riveted to the scene in front of me.
“I’ve never seen him talk so much,” Avory says. “Ever.”
Ellory shakes his head. He looks at me. “Does he talk to you freely?”
“He talks more when we’re alone, and the more time we spend together, the more comfortable he seems to become.”
Ellory smiles and looks at his brothers. It’s the four of us—the triplets and me—with Jalon in the observation room. There are half a dozen cameras throughout the room Malin is using. One in each upper corner and two in different lower corners.
“Emily Roffleheiser,” Imry notes as Malin talks to us through the cameras. “Is that a name we’ve come across?”
“No,” Avory and Ellory say together.
“Do you remember all the names you’ve read?” I ask.
The three of them nod.
“In this case, yes,” Avory says. “Not in any other instance.”
“To be fair, we haven’t been looking for victims,” Imry says. “We’ve only been looking for those in charge. Those who are using their religion as an excuse to hurt people.”
“That’s the best thing we can do for the victims—past and present,” Ellory says. “Kill one predator at a time so they can’t hurt anyone again.”
Malin looks away from Jonathan Clark, stares at the wall, and then turns back again with a heavy exhale. I wish I knew what he was thinking.
“He’s never asked to know how Johnston got hold of him, either,” Ellory says, frowning. “We looked briefly once we were home, and he was away from that world, but our preliminary investigation turned up very little. When we explained this, he appeared indifferent, so we stopped looking.”
“I can’t decide if he’s asking because he saw the opportunity or if he’s asking because he actually wants to know,” Avory says.
“Maybe it’s the same as us with Mom,” Imry says, and I glance at the brothers. “Part of us wants to know, but not enough to look for her. It’s something that’s open. Without an answer. But do we care enough to put any effort into looking?”
The three of them shake their heads. I glance at Jalon. He watches his sons now. When they move on from their mother, who was only an example in relation to Malin’s situation, Jalon meets my eyes before looking at the screen again.
I could find their mother. There aren’t many people I can’t find. Maybe Jalon can hear my thoughts because his eyes meet mine again.
All my life, I’ve thought Jalon Van Doren had superpowers. There’s just something about him that screams that he’s far more than a mundane human being. Right now, I get that same sense again. I’m pretty sure I hear his words in my head as he tells me no. Don’t look for her. Leave it alone.
My lips curl in a half smile. I bow my head in acknowledgement and turn back to the feeds of Malin and Jonathan.
“Maybe we find the answer, so if he ever wants to know, we have something to give him,” Imry suggests.
“I’m afraid of what we’ll find,” Ellory says.
“We’ve watched every single video that we can find of that place and of Ryan.
The very definition of a cult is that all these people mindlessly follow the leader without question.
If he saw this boy with a family and decided that he wanted him, and that family just handed him over?
” He shakes his head. “I’m going to kill that family too. ”
“Are they really at fault, though?” Avory asks.
“You just said that they mindlessly follow. They legitimately believe what they’re being told.
You can show them, tell them, and make them experience the fact that they’re being lied to, and they’ll still follow that leader as if they’re a god.
We’ve seen it firsthand; we lived through it here in this country when a tyrant tried to destroy our democracy and become a fucking king.
There is no reasoning with cultists. They believe the brainwashing, which is the exact purpose of brainwashing. So… are they at fault?”
Are they? The room becomes silent as we think about this.
It’s not a matter of wanting to believe that there’s good in everyone.
That’s a silly notion. A stupid, na?ve idea.
Avory’s right. We all lived through that momentary dark spot in history.
We saw these idiot potato cultists defend his crimes, his pedophilia, his predatory behavior.
He was a fucking creep every time he opened his mouth.
Not a single sentence was complete or even a coherent thought.
They still defended him. They stood behind him. They supported him. And for what?
As someone who lived through that time, right here in the country it happened, it proved to me one thing: there’s far more hate in people than there is decent humanity. They’re the first to cry victim but are willing to take a bullet for a truly evil individual.
Yeah, Avory’s right.
But that doesn’t answer the question. Are Malin’s biological parents to blame? We can sit here and judge all the cultists as much as we’d like. Yes, they are guilty. As much as I’m comparing it to the potato cult a decade ago, this is different. Religious cults are a beast all their own.
Believers of organized religion tend to be sheep anyway. They follow a book anonymously written with different accounts of the same stories as if they’re all fact, which is impossible since they contradict each other. Yet, it’s their holy scripture.
The people sincerely believe what’s written as fact. They put their trust in their preachers without question. Because their god said they should be trusted. Not that anyone actually heard god say this, mind you. These priests say god said so, and therefore, the sheep believe.
It’s a fine line, right? Indoctrination.
Truly believing a man is speaking their god’s words through them.
If you believe that with every fiber of your being, and they tell you that the child they have is meant for something else and they must hand it over…
what then? After all, an angel came to Mary in the night and said that the child she carries is meant for greater things.
So again, I ask… are they at fault for what became of Malin?
I’m jarred out of my thoughts when Malin begins brutally killing Jonathan Clark. I’ve seen many cases where he continues to stab and shred the targets even after they’re dead, but there’s something different in the way he’s tearing at Jonathan.
“This one is personal,” Jalon notes.
That’s it. There’s passion in the way Malin kills him. It is personal. He wants to cause this man pain. He wants him to suffer.
I’d like to know what he’s thinking. Why is this particular one affecting him so much? What memories does he invoke?
Blood spatters the room in arching sprays. One of the feeds even becomes obscured by a drop as it hits the lens. Malin isn’t silent. He screams and growls and grunts as he shoves the knife past and through bone.
Blood covers the room. It covers Malin. He falls onto his knees and stays there, chest heaving as he gasps. His shoulders tense. He hunkers in on himself as if he’s trying to escape something.
I think we’re all frozen in the observation room as we stare at the bloodbath before us. Minutes pass, and the moment remains frozen in time. It takes Malin struggling to his feet before we’re moving toward the door, though Jalon remains where he’s sitting. Still watching the screen.
As soon as I reach the door, I pull it open. Malin is there. He looks at me, eyes meeting mine, and dives into my arms, where he buries his face in my chest. I’m not entirely startled. It’s not the first time he’s reacted this way.
It’s the first time he’s been soaked to the skin in blood, though. I glance at Avory, Ellory, and Imry as I slowly wrap my arms around Malin. He’s trembling. Unlike every other time, he remains stiff. His breaths continue to be a struggle. I think… he’s crying.
I hug him tighter to me. “What do you need?” I ask.
Malin doesn’t answer.
“Get him in the shower and cleaned up,” Avory says. “We’ll bring you both a change of clothes.”
I nod.
“We’ll find Emily,” Ellory says, resting his hand on the back of Malin’s head.
Malin nods.
I adjust how I’m holding him so I can pick him up as I did the first night he showed up at my house. With him tucked into my hold, I head down the hall toward the bathroom.
Once the door closes behind me, I set Malin on his feet but keep him tucked to my chest as I move throughout the space, turning on the shower, adjusting the temperature, gathering towels so they’re within reach when we get out. I pull his saturated clothes off him and urge him under the water.
There’s a wildness in his eyes when he looks at me from under the spray of water. His hands immediately cover his ears as he silently begs me not to let go of him.
“Hold on,” I assure him, unsure if he can hear me. “I just need to get my clothes off, too.”
I’m quick about discarding my bloody clothes. His eyes never leave me. I’m under the water with Malin back in my arms within two minutes. I keep him under the spray while lathering his hair with shampoo to begin washing off the layers of blood he’s soaked with.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I didn’t mean to get you covered in blood, too.”
“It’s okay,” I assure him. “Not a big deal. It’ll wash off.”
He nods minutely.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I just… That man was a bad one from the very beginning. I remember telling Ryan how much I disliked him. He just had a bad feel about him. His smile was evil. Ryan never agreed, but he never let Jonathan touch me, though he tried a couple times.”
My hands still for just a second before I continue washing him. “I’m sorry.”
Malin shakes his head.
“You know what my job is, right?”
“You find the cultists.”
“Yes. I’m a private investigator.”
“Right. You told me that, I think.”
“I think I did, too. You know, if you want me to find someone specific, I’ll do that.”
“Emily,” he says right away.
“Yes, we’ll find Emily.”
“Okay.”
“Anyone else?” I’m waiting for him to ask about his parents.
“I thought I remembered everything,” he says quietly.
“But until I saw Jonathan Clark, there were a lot of things that came back to me. Emily. The definition of sin and why cleansing was necessary. How we knew it was working and how deeply rooted sin was in us. I forgot all about Jonathan until he was right there, and then I remembered everything from back then. What else is hidden in my memories that I can’t remember?
How many more people should I ask you to look for that I’ve blocked? ”
He shivers, and I stop washing the blood away in favor of holding him close.
“Malin, it’s not your responsibility to check up on every victim.”
“Yeah, but—”
“No, Malin. No buts. It’s not your responsibility. Period. If you remember someone, we’ll look for them. We’ll make sure they get out of the situation if they’re still in it. We’ll take care of their predators. But regardless, it’s not your responsibility to rescue anyone.”
He swallows, nodding. “Okay.”
Malin shifts so his face is buried in my neck. Finally, he begins to relax.