Chapter 18
GRACEN
Six months later
Malin’s laughter fills the dock as he and Emerson run to the end and jump off, hand-in-hand. A minute later, their heads pop up, and more laughter fills the air.
I won’t go so far as to say that Malin is a new person. He’s not magically healed. There are traumas and internal scars that will never go away.
But for the first time in his entire twenty-five years, he’s living his own life without Ryan Johnston in it. He’s learning what taking control of his life means. He’s learning choices.
He’s also learning what it’s like to be completely alone. He spent fourteen years under Johnston’s hand and ten years with his ghost still inflicting damage. Malin’s discovering that silence can be just as scary as having Johnston’s ghost threatening hell every other minute.
He’s not enjoying the silence, even if he is enjoying his freedom without Ryan.
What I love most is that he’s smiling now. He’s able to laugh and play with his nieces and nephews. In some ways, he’s recapturing the childhood he was deprived of. He plays with the littles often—on the lake, in the bounce houses, painting or coloring, or running around and playing tag.
Malin confides in me often. Every night, he tells me something new he’s done that he’d never been allowed to do before.
Sometimes, he’ll tell me something from his childhood.
It’s not always relevant to what he did that day.
Maybe it’s just something he remembers. Sometimes, it’s something he talked about with his therapist.
Jessica takes a seat beside me under the shade with her two-month-old little baby, Brynlee. “You did a good thing,” she says quietly.
I glance at her. My smile feels like it’s painted on. I can’t stop smiling, especially when Malin is around. He’s happy. I helped him find his happiness.
“Anyone would have done the same if they’d realized,” I say.
“We would have, but we didn’t see the same thing you did,” Jessica agrees. “He didn’t let anyone close enough to see the patterns you did.”
That’s not entirely true. Avory and Ellory were close enough. But, like me at first, they misinterpreted what Malin was telling us. They simply didn’t understand. That’s not their fault. Ellory especially feels incredibly guilty, but like me, he’s completely overtaken by Malin’s new happiness.
“He’s an incredibly strong person,” I agree. “The more he confides in me, the more horrified I am. I’ll never understand how he could live through this for so long.”
“Evil thrives in death just as it did in life,” she says quietly.
“Time for presents,” Briar calls. “Come on, Emmy. Out of the water.”
“Coming, Dad,” Emerson calls.
All the kids come splashing toward shore. Jessica and I get to our feet, and I take her chair with mine. She smiles as she heads for the beach.
I set our chairs down, and Jessica takes her seat again. “Thank you.”
As soon as I’m sitting, Malin stands over me, dripping wet. I pull the towel from where I’ve had it hanging on the back of my chair and offer it to him. He doesn’t put it around him but brings it to his face.
I bring him onto my lap, and he grins. I’ll never stop loving that smile.
“I’m all wet,” he says.
“It’s hot as balls out here,” I say. “I appreciate your being wet.”
He laughs. “Hot as balls,” he repeats quietly, voice filled with amusement.
One of my favorite things to do is find words or phrases that make him laugh. Ever since the weenus incident, he’s gotten a kick out of anything that sounds funny.
“I can’t believe he’s eleven,” Jalon says.
Malin, Jessica, and I all shift to look at him. He’s sitting close by with Greylyn in his lap and Levis at his side.
“Your first grandbaby,” Levis says. “You feeling old, Daddy?”
“Mm,” Jalon agrees and kisses the top of Greylyn’s head.
“I still think it’s funny that my nephew is older than me,” Greylyn says, eyes shimmering. “I think that means you’re not old at all, Daddy.”
“Thanks, baby,” Jalon says. He meets my eyes, a smirk on his lips.
“Such a suck up,” Novan mutters as he scoots closer to Jessica.
“I remember when he was born,” Levis says. Jessica and Jalon nod absently.
I wasn’t on the Estate for that incident, but it’s a ripple that the entire Van Doren family felt. For the first time in our very long history, one of our most vulnerable members was nearly lost to some very bad people.
It shook the family.
Emerson holds a special place in all our hearts because we almost lost him before he was even brought home. He’s the prince of the Van Doren family. Everyone knows his name. Everyone reveres it.
It reinforced the importance of family loyalty. No matter what, family comes first. We do anything to protect family.
I press my lips to the back of Malin’s shoulder as the words float through my head once more.
We do anything to protect family. Whether that’s from an outside force, from themselves, or from a ghost that won’t stop tormenting them.
If it means we need to open our minds to something we don’t believe in to free someone we love from the darkness hanging over them, then that’s what we do.
“Uncle Kairo!” Emerson shouts as he holds up a family scrapbook. “This is the best. Thank you!”
“Such a damn softie under all that malice,” Jessica mutters.
As if we needed further proof that Emerson is special, even the bitter black sheep, Kairo, has a special place in his heart just for Emerson.
Kairo scowls at all those who look in his direction.
He’s standing off to the side with his partner in his arms, his chin on their shoulder as he watches Emerson open gifts.
Their kid, Kos, is at their side in a chair with a video game in hand, though he’s watching his cousin open presents.
“You know, Uncle Noaz would look absolutely stunning with a baby bump,” Jessica muses.
We all look at her. Even the kids.
“Mom?” Novan says, frowning. “I don’t think that’s possible. Uncle Noaz has… no mommy parts.”
I chuckle, hiding it in Malin’s shoulder.
“Oh, I know that. I’m just saying. Look how beautiful they are. Don’t you think they’d look radiant with a baby belly?” Jessica asks.
Novan looks at Noaz. The rest of us do too.
Their hair is up in an elastic, curls framing their beautiful features.
Makeup perfect though light. Not covering up their face, but highlighting their eyes, lips, and cheekbones with natural contouring.
They wear a shirt, sandals, and a tank with thin straps over their shoulders and crossing over their back, which is otherwise wide open.
“Yes,” Greylyn agrees. “Someday, when I’m older, I’m going to make it so everyone can have babies. Even those who weren’t born with mommy parts on the inside.”
Both of her parents are smiling at her, though her eyes are on Noaz.
“Somehow, I don’t doubt that,” Jessica says quietly. “She’s going to be the first ruler of the world.”
“It was always meant to be a Van Doren,” Oakley says as he drops to the sand at Jessica’s feet and holds his hands out for baby snuggles. I’m not sure how much of the conversation he heard, but I don’t disagree.
Jessica shifts to hand him Brynlee. As soon as her arms are free, Novan climbs into her lap. She’s a good mom. All her kids get cuddles whenever they want them.
“Look, Uncle Malin,” Emerson calls and holds up a big box with Briar’s help. It’s a water float of some kind. “Want to play in this after?”
“Yes!” Malin calls back. “We’ll inflate it while we eat.”
“Yessss,” Emerson hisses.
“What is it?” Novan asks.
“It looks like one of those bounce houses, but it’s meant for the water,” Jessica says.
“That’s exactly what it is,” Jalon says.
“And now we know who got it for him,” Oakley says, laughing.
“This is so cool. Thank you, Grandpa Jalon,” Emerson shouts above the crowd. He’s no longer looking at the float but at something else in his lap. Both of his parents are bent over his shoulders. His siblings are kneeling in front of him, looking at it.
“What is it?” Malin asks.
“I named a star cluster after him. I tried to buy a galaxy, but NASA is a little selfish,” Jalon says.
“Ah. That explains your move to push the advancement of our space program as a priority,” Levis says.
“I don’t like being told I can’t have something,” Jalon says, shrugging. “Seems to me like a lost revenue stream not selling the naming rights of galaxies.”
“He’s not good with the word ‘no,’” Levis muses.
“Not true. I’ll accept a no in most circumstances. This is just not one of them.”
I chuckle.
We stay at the lake for hours. The sun is beginning to set when the family begins packing up.
Malin and I didn’t drive; instead, we chose to walk from our cabin in the woods to the lake.
It’s an almost forty-minute walk, but it’s peaceful as we follow the paved road around the lake and then through the trees.
“You have a good time?” I ask.
“Mhm,” Malin answers. His fingers tighten around mine. “Did you?”
“Of course.”
“You didn’t want to try the float course,” he says.
“I enjoyed watching you on it.”
He smiles and looks down at our hands. “You watch me a lot,” he says quietly.
“I watch you as often as I can,” I agree.
His eyes meet mine. “Why?”
“Because I love your smile. I love seeing how happy you are. How you’re enjoying whatever you’re doing. I love your laughter and listening to you talk.”
“Sounds like you love me,” Malin says.
“What was your first clue?”
His smile is shy as he glances away. There’s a chance his cheeks are pink, but we’re under the canopy of trees, where it gets darker more quickly.
I pull him into my side and kiss his temple. “I’ve loved you for a long time,” I admit. “Since we first met.”
Malin looks at me, his eyebrows knit together. “Really? I was so…”
“Miserable,” I supply.
He nods.
“I know. That doesn’t mean you were unworthy of love. It means you needed someone to love you enough to see that you needed help.”
Malin sighs. “I’m so grateful for you. I’m grateful to the family. For rescuing me and keeping me.” His eyes touch mine for a minute. “And bringing you here for me.”
“This is exactly where I was meant to be.”
We continue toward the cabin, my arm around his waist now as we walk. The sounds of the forest fill the space around us, and we let them remain the soundtrack to our walk home.
As soon as we’re inside, Malin turns into my chest like he has so many times. He buries his nose in my neck, taking a deep inhale. His arms are pressed between us, so I wrap mine around him.
“You okay?” I ask as I hold him to me.
His arms come down and slide around my middle. Malin sighs. “Yes. I’m good. Perfectly good.”
That means Johnston isn’t trying to force his way back. In the last six months, his ghost has tried twice. The first time freaked Malin out big time. He was absolutely terrified and nearly hysterical. Together, we went through the same banishment process that Kip taught him.
The second time, he was playing with the kids at the lake, and Johnston’s sudden appearance nearly made Malin drown. It wasn’t Malin who got rid of Johnston. It was Okello. Malin told me that Johnston burst apart like he was made of fireworks.
“I love you too,” Malin says quietly. His eyes meet mine. “I just wanted to tell you that in our home.”
I press my forehead to his and sigh. Malin is finally at peace, and I will always protect that peace until my dying breath.