38. Mammon
THIRTY-EIGHT
MAMMON
“You look like you could use a drink.”
I look up at Asmodeus, where he stands in front of me, and shake my head. “I need to get them food.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Is that why you’re sitting down?”
Leaning back on the couch, I throw an arm over my face. I just needed a second. I want to be there for Bel and Gore—more than anything—but I don’t know how much longer I can stand by helplessly and do nothing while they suffer the consequences of my actions.
Guilt is a foreign emotion, but it’s rushing through me like a wave, and I don’t fucking like it. Guilt breeds doubt and insecurity and, now more than ever, I need to be certain of myself.
Taking a seat beside me, Asmodeus nods knowingly. “How are they doing?”
“Not good,” is all I say. I don’t think words can accurately quantify just how much shit has hit the fan right about now. “The same as it has been the last few days.”
I hadn’t thought that being back home would magically make everything okay again. I was smart enough to understand that it would take time and patience, but maybe that part of me that’s always thought us superior to regular mortals hoped Bel and Gore would be the exception.
They’re the rule.
Bel isn’t speaking. After nearly chopping off his dick and breaking down in the basement, he’s gone silent. He’ll eat and sleep and piss, but besides that, nothing . He just stays in our room, playing that dumb game I got him, avoiding the entire world.
Gore’s a different story. He’s always played it fast and loose with reality, but he’s fully cracked. He’s been running around the house, pretending everything is okay, his normally sweet self…except there’s always someone with him only he can see.
Both are avoiding the reality of their situation, opting for coping mechanisms that I’m sure wouldn’t be deemed healthy by anyone, even me, but I’m at a loss for what to do. I can’t slap them back to the present—I tried that with Bel—and I can’t make it all go away. If I had the power to, I’d turn back time, I’d…
But would I have done things differently? Knowing what I know now, would I have maintained the status quo? Would I have left the island when Sage told me to?
I don’t think I want to know the answer to those questions.
So, I’m delaying going back upstairs, where Gore will once again try to tempt me into fucking him, and Bel will grunt at me in passing.
On top of that, all the information Bel told me about the resistance is playing in my head on repeat, one particular line standing out.
There are wolves at your door.
I’m not a fucking idiot. That means that within our ranks, in the pool of conduits the false master spent years amassing, there’s a traitor among us. One who’s been here for fuck knows how long, learning our secrets, observing our routines, and that makes me want to rage.
Because it seems that, all along, the control I’ve held has always been an illusion.
Asmodeus lets me stew in my thoughts for another moment before he sighs. “Okay, then.”
It’s at that moment that Luc and Leviathan walk in. Leviathan has an iron grip on the back of Luc’s neck. I have a suspicion he hasn’t even let him take a piss by himself since Bel and Gore were returned in the condition they were in.
“Family meeting?” Luc asks.
“It’s not a family meeting without Bel and Gore,” I snap, belatedly knowing that Luc meant no harm, but feeling all sorts of trigger-happy. “We’re about to discuss what we’re going to do about the resistance.”
Asmodeus’s brow furrows. “We are? What about Bel and Gore?”
“We’re all worried, but I don’t think there’s anything we can do for them,” Luc says with a frown. Sitting down on the opposite couch from us, Leviathan follows and plasters himself to his side.
Leviathan nods. “Speaking from someone else’s experience, they’re not going to get any better until the rest of this is finished.”
Luc chuckles humorlessly. Speaking from Luc’s experience. He was on his way to accepting the parts of him I knew he had hidden from the moment I met him, but taking revenge on the two men that molested him growing up was the final hurdle. Justice for the crimes against them could be what Bel and Gore need.
Even if it isn’t, we can’t just be sitting ducks waiting for the enemy’s next move. I have to separate myself from the part of me that wants to simply put everything on hold while Bel and Gore recover, but that’s irrational and idiotic.
Especially because I want to kill Sage myself.
And to do that, I need to suck up my pride and ask for help.
“What do we do now?”
Three sets of surprised eyes greet me when I look up again. Leviathan snorts and shrugs. “Between you and Luc, I don’t do much thinking for myself.”
“You know my opinions,” Asmodeus states. “You’re the one who makes the final call.”
Luc shakes his head. “I don’t know.”
It briefly crosses my mind that bringing up my brothers in the way that I have has instilled a sort of toxic codependency. Truthfully, I’ve always wanted it that way, but now it’s coming back to bite me in the ass. Even though it pains me to say the next words, I force them out through gritted teeth. “I need help.”
My admission is met with stunned silence, which doesn’t surprise me, considering that in all the years I’ve known them, I’ve never needed anyone for anything. Except now I’ve finally been dealt a hand I can’t work through and my poker face is slipping.
“What are you thinking?” Leviathan asks, curious and cautious as he tips his head.
“First, we need to find out who the fuck is giving our information to the resistance,” Asmodeus says.
I nod in agreement. That was my first thought too, but?—
“How?” Luc questions, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Are we just going to go door-to-door and start torturing everyone in the neighborhood?”
“While that would be fun, it doesn’t seem efficient,” Leviathan mumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Damn, Mammon. Is it always this hard being you?”
I snort. “Feel like thanking me yet?”
“Oh, fuck off.” He laughs and throws a pillow at my face. “Seriously, though. Door-to-door torture doesn’t seem smart.”
Asmodeus scoffs. “Because it isn’t. News of what we’re doing will spread and the conduit we need will be gone.”
“We start from the top then,” I suggest, wringing my hands together as I nod through my words. “Take the higher-ranking conduits we have absolute control over and trickle down from there. We bring them here and to the basement, so as to not draw suspicion.” I turn to Asmodeus. “Ready to have some fun?”
Cracking his knuckles, he pretends to play uninterested, but the gleam of excitement in his eyes is difficult to hide. “I guess.”
“So that’s the plan,” Luc says, already standing. “We should start now. Better sooner than?—”
“Mammon!”
The sing-song voice calls to me from the kitchen. We all turn and see Gore waving happily at all of us, a bright smile on his face. He seems absolutely perfect, as normal as he can be.
The manic and deranged glint in his eyes tells me otherwise.
“We were just wondering if we could watch a movie downstairs!” he yells, his words moving too quickly and stumbling from his lips. “Something scary we can buy!”
I should be happy that he wants to enjoy his Saturday morning with a good horror movie…
However, the we he’s talking about isn’t him and Bel.
He looks up next to him, craning his head back, as if the person next to him is eight feet tall. “What do you think? Torture porn or a slasher film! Ooo! Both?” He addresses me again, jumping on his toes. “Can we buy two movies?”
Asmodeus, Luc, and Leviathan glance warily at each other, none too sure of what they should say, nobody certain of what my reaction will be.
Letting out a deep breath, I outstretch my hand, motioning for him to come to me. He does quickly, giggling as he wraps his pinky around mine and swings our hand between us. “Is that a yes?”
I don’t immediately answer him. Instead, I draw him closer, pressing my forehead against his. Wishing I could knock the sanity back into him, I kiss him gently. He yields under my lips, but there’s something not quite right about it, not quite present.
It tears my heart in two.
“Of course,” I whisper against his cheek, pecking him there. “You can have whatever you want. Does Bel want to join you?”
“Bel’s playing,” Gore says, no hint of worry in his voice. “But we’ll tell him all about them when they’re over.”
I nod, unable to stop myself from kissing him again, even though it hurts. “Okay. I love you, princess.”
“Love you too!” he cheers, squeezing my pinky before jumping away and rushing to the basement.
Everyone waits a beat, but Leviathan breaks the silence. “He’s definitely not okay.”
No, he absolutely isn’t; neither is Bel. They may just be broken beyond repair. I’ll love them anyways, but that won’t put their shattered souls back together.
But I’ll make sure that me and my brothers get revenge for their wounds, all of their wounds.