Chapter Seven
J ost lay on his bed and stared at the clock, counting down the hours until he met Apollo for their date. When Jost had asked to go ice skating, he’d thought Apollo would refuse, but he’d appeared enthusiastic and had arranged it for during the week. They both had to work, so when he’d suggested getting something to eat after and going at an earlier time, Jost had agreed. It made sense to skate on an empty stomach. He knew he would hit the ice a couple of times. He hadn’t been ice skating in years, so was bound to take a tumble or two, and eating after would be nice.
A hot chocolate and a snack would be a nice way to end the evening.
Thoughts of his ex, Jenrick, invaded his mind, and Jost expected them. He was about to go on his first date since he’d left Jenrick, so he was bound to think of him now. Think of all the things he’d endured because he’d believed he’d loved Jenrick and that Jenrick had loved him. Obsession wasn’t love, though. Forcing someone to be who you wanted them to be wasn’t love. Hurting them when they failed to live up to your expectations wasn’t love. It had taken Jost a long time to realize what he’d gone through hadn’t been his fault. A long time, and therapy, and a loving family.
Those first few days after he’d walked away, he’d barely left his bedroom. He’d needed a place of safety to lick his wounds, to tend to the shattered remains of his broken heart, to heal the cuts and bruises Jenrick’s love had left him with. He hadn’t wanted his family to witness what he’d become, what he’d allowed to be done to him in the name of love. The way he’d become a shallow version of himself to please another.
It was strange that Jost hadn’t realized what was happening to him at the time. The shift had been so gradual he’d hardly noticed it. The odd comment about staying in instead of going out, the nights where Jenrick planned things so Jost would have to cancel, the small words that made Jost question if he was right in the way he thought. Jenrick had been a master manipulator and Jost had fallen hard. He’d wanted to please the shifter he loved. Wanted to make him happy even if it meant hurting himself to do it.
Jost stared up at the ceiling, remember the first time Jenrick had hurt him. A slap. Jenrick had apologized profusely, had blamed the stress of work and swore he’d never do it again, and he hadn’t. Not for months, until one night he’d been drinking and Jost wanted to go out. The screaming and shouting, then another slap that Jenrick had drunkenly blamed on Jost.
The next day he’d denied it, saying he didn’t remember it happening and that he would never lay a hand on the shifter he loved. How could Jost accuse him of that when he’d promised to never hurt him? And stupidly, Jost had believed him, because he’d loved Jenrick and wanted to build a life with him.
Looking back, Jost was grateful he’d never gone into heat, which had been unusual for him. Every six months he’d had a heat, but for the entire time he’d been with Jenrick, he hadn’t had one. Jenrick had hurt him for that too, because Jenrick wanted cubs and had expected Jost to provide them. He’d been looking forward to fucking Jost repeatedly through his heat. Something he’d told Jost gleefully one night.
Now, looking back, Jost could see Jenrick for who he was. A shallow, insecure shifter who needed to be with someone weaker than him, so he could be in charge. Jost had been weaker physically but not mentally or emotionally, so Jenrick had worked hard to break him down, and in the end, he’d succeeded. Now, though, Jost was regaining what he’d lost and now he had a date with a gorgeous shifter who was his mate.
Scary, but it also made him warm inside knowing this shifter was his. His nerves rose up, his stomach fluttering, his palms damp. What if he wasn’t good enough for Apollo? Apollo was the alpha of his dazzle, a strong confident shifter, someone many looked up to. And from what Jost had heard, he was an excellent teacher, somehow managing to engage his students in English. Jost hadn’t been fond of that class when he’d been in school, but then again, his teacher hadn’t looked like Apollo. Maybe if he had, Jost would have been a better student.
His phone ringing pulled Jost from his thoughts, and he picked it up, seeing Tam’s name on the screen. “Hey.”
“How are you? Ready for your date?”
Jost nibbled his bottom lip. “I’m nervous,” he murmured.
“Don’t be!” Sed shouted.
“Sed!” Tam admonished. “Sorry. I have you on loudspeaker. We’re both here for you and if he does anything to hurt you, we’ll find him and rip his nuts off!”
Jost giggled as Sed shouted, “Twist them off and make him scream!”
“We’re here for you. Go out and have some fun and make him pay!” More laughter from Tam and Sed had Jost chuckling along with them. “Seriously. Have a good time,” Tam said. “Tell us all about it when we see you at work.”
“I will and thanks.” Jost hung up, shaking his head.
“Jost, love.” Jost looked over at Ella, where she stood in the doorway. “Are you ready?”
Sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, Jost nodded, then shook his head. “I want to go, but at the same time, I’m nervous.”
“Nerves are normal on a first date.” Ella came over and sat on the bed next to him, taking Jost’s hand in her own. “I know you’ve been asking about Apollo and what kind of shifter he is, and I also know you’ve been told how he’s a good shifter. That he’s strong and fair but won’t put up with silliness within his dazzle.”
“I’ve heard there are a couple who don’t like him and want him out.”
“The Helmers. They weren’t happy when we all came here, but the others have been welcoming to us. The Helmers don’t seem like nice shifters, and he does have his hands full dealing with them.”
“What will they do when they find out we’re mates?” Jost chewed his bottom lip, and Ella squeezed his hand.
“Not much they can do. Mates trumps everything. If they don’t like it, they can move to a dazzle where their prejudiced ways will be accepted. You have nothing to fear. Plus, you have the pride behind you.”
“I do.” Many in the pride had congratulated him on finding his mate and it had made him feel warm inside knowing his pride members cared for him.
“Now, let’s get you ready. You’ll need to wrap up, so get a nice sweater and some gloves, otherwise your fingers will be cold.”
“Mom. I’m not a child.”
“I know, but you’re my child.” Ella kissed his cheek. “Do you want a hat?”
“I’d better, yes. You know I tend to feel the cold more than others.” Standing, Jost opened his closet and grabbed a sweater. Putting it on, he made sure he had his woolly hat and gloves and went downstairs into the living room. His entire family was there, and all looked at him as he entered, making him stop. “Er, yeah?”
“Oh, you look so cute in your sweater.” Freya grinned.
“Thanks. I think.”
“No, you do. Red suits you, but it makes me look so pale. Why don’t you do something with your hair? Make the curls stand out.”
“I like my hair as it is, Freya. I don’t have time to spend an hour teasing it into a style that looks like you just got out of bed.”
“It’s an art, I admit.”
“You look alright.” Otto looked him over, then shrugged. “It’s just a date. Nothing’s going to happen.”
“And what would you know about that, Otto?” Anslem arched an eyebrow at him. “You’re fifteen. Too young to be knowing all about that.”
“Me! I’m innocent. Totally. Not even kissed a girl.”
“Yeah right,” Freya muttered. “What’s her name I caught you behind the school with?”
“Freya!” Otto jumped up after hitting Freya on her arm. “You told me you wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“I didn’t tell anyone. I told family.” She gave him a smug smile. “You and whatshername seemed very friendly.”
“I hate you! Why did you have to be my sister? You’re so annoying! And what were you even doing at school to have caught me?”
“I had to pick up some work that I could use in college.” She made kissy faces at Otto, who growled at her.
“Otto. Something you want to tell us?” Ella asked, hands on hips.
“No. I only kissed her.”
Jost sat on the chair and grinned as Otto glared at Freya, who smiled back at him. “I kissed a girl behind the football stadium, too. Stella. She’s engaged to a nice guy who is in the army now.”
“Jost. You do surprise me.” Anslem chuckled. “I never heard of this Stella.”
“There was nothing to tell. We kissed a few times, then it kind of fizzled out. We talk when we see each—” A knock on the door had Jost freezing. He stared at the front door, then slowly stood. “Apollo,” he whispered.
“Do you want to introduce him to us, or would you prefer to leave?”
“You know him, Dad.”
“But he isn’t meeting me as the leader of the dazzle. He’s meeting me as my son’s mate.”
Jost wrapped his arms around his waist, then straightened. He went to the front door and opened it. “Hi.”
Apollo smiled and Jost wanted to melt into a gooey mess of ‘oh my god my mate is gorgeous’. “Hi. Are you ready?”
“Do you want to come in for a minute? I need to get my coat.”
“Sure.” Jost stepped to one side and Apollo entered, walking into the living room. “Hi Anslem. Ella. How are you?”
“Apollo. Good to see you again.” Anslem stood and shook Apollo’s hand and Jost felt awkward, so grabbed his coat and waved to Anslem.
“Ready Jost?” Ella asked.
“Have fun skating and don’t fall over,” Anslem joked.
“Well, I have two left feet, so Jost will be holding me up as we go around the rink. I don’t think much skating will be done.”
“You can’t skate?” Jost asked. “Really?”
“Nope. My sister found it amusing when I told her we were going there. She said I should pay you danger money or something for having to cope with me on the ice.”
“She sounds funny.” Jost gave Apollo a small smile, fighting the nerves running riot in his stomach. “We can go somewhere else.”
“Nope. I’m ready to spend more time on my butt than on my skates. I can watch you from the ice.”
“Oh.” Jost smothered a smile, then saw the twinkle in Apollo’s eyes. “Are you really that bad?”
“I am and you’re about to find out I’m probably worse than you can imagine.”
Jost waved goodbye to his family and followed Apollo outside. Once they were alone, the nerves began to get the better of him, and he struggled to breathe until he felt arms around him. “Take deep breaths. Take my scent in. We’re mates. My scent will calm your lion.”
Jost did, and once he felt relatively normal again, he lowered his head. “Sorry.”
Apollo stepped back and Jost immediately missed the feel of being wrapped in Apollo’s arms. “Don’t ever apologize for feeling this way. I understand. Are you ready to go, or do you want to rearrange?”
Apollo smiled at him and Jost felt some of the tension ease. “Let’s go. I’m looking forward to hot chocolate after.”
“I’m looking forward to not spending the entire time on my ass.” Jost followed Apollo to his car, his eyes dropping to his ass. Sighing softly, he smiled when Apollo glanced over his shoulder at him, his dark green eyes soft as they looked at him. “I haven’t made any plans for after. I thought I’d leave that up to you, but somewhere with hot chocolate and nice food would be good.”
“There’s a small restaurant nearby. We could eat there, if you don’t mind.”
“As long as there is food, then I’m good.” Apollo opened the door to his car. “In you go, or would you prefer to drive?”
Jost hesitated, then licked his lips. “Thank you.” Climbing in, he waited for the door to shut, and when Apollo got in the driver’s side, he said, “Are you ready?”
“More like are you ready?”
No, Jost wasn’t ready at all.