Chapter Eleven Darien
Chapter Eleven
Darien
“No, for real. Everything’s going great. I even met someone.” My voice comes out sounding stupidly giddy, and I clear my throat.
“That was fast.” Kade grunts. “When’s the wedding?”
We’re finally chatting online, which is always a treat with Kade. It always seems as if he’s unaware that I can’t see everything he’s doing. Right now he’s picking his teeth and licking his fingers in between shoving handfuls of chips into his mouth.
I sigh. “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s still early days.”
Was it? I frown. It’s not like we’re doing the deed or anything. Well, maybe a little of the deed, but only making out. Mostly, we’ve been getting to know each other with him showing me all the special places he likes to hang out in his territory.
And he’s only shifted one other time at my insistence. I could sense how eager he was to be himself, to revel in his natural state. I knew he was holding back on my account, and I was having none of it. I want our relationship to enhance our lives, not limit them.
It’s been an awesome week. Even the magic aspect that he’s slowly introducing to me is now more fascinating than scary.
“Um, hello? Am I talking to myself?”
Kade’s voice snaps me back to the present. “Sorry. I got distracted.”
He snorts. “Yeah, I bet you were. So out with it. What’s her name?”
My gut tightens. Oh. I’ve never shared that I’ve been questioning my sexuality for the past few years. If I’m being one hundred percent real with myself, which I’m probably not, it’s more like since high school.
“Umm…” I fuss with my pillows as if I’m having trouble getting comfortable. Mentally, yes. “Remember last year when we were at the county fair, and Gia said the lead singer of the tribute band was hot and I agreed?”
“Random, but okay.”
“Do you also remember how much you teased me about it?”
Kade’s brow furrows. “I guess? I tease you about a lot of shit. You’re just now getting offended by that?”
I rub my forehead. Kade has been my best friend since middle school. Why can’t I open up about who I am? My shoulders slump at the realization I haven’t been honest with him for over ten years. So why do I feel the sudden urge to blurt out the truth?
Because what you feel for Rex is real.
“No, Kade. It doesn’t have anything to do with me being offended. I’m more worried that you’ll be the one who’s offended. Although I’m counting on our lengthy friendship to help you be understanding.”
Kade freezes mid-chip grab. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m trying to tell you something I was too scared to say before.”
My giddy tone has vanished.
Kade frowns and lets out a huff. “We tell each other everything.” His eyes narrow. “Don’t we?”
I drag my fingers through my hair. “For the most part, yes. It’s just…” Ugh. Out with it already. “I met a guy. And we’re seeing each other.” I swallow hard. “You know. Seeing seeing.”
His jaw goes slack, and he tosses the chip bag aside. “Is that why Gia left you?”
“No!” I press my lips together. “I never said anything to her either. And before you ask, no. That’s not why I broke up with her.
I really do tell you everything, for the most part.
” I lower my gaze and pick at the blanket.
“Being attracted to guys is something I’ve kept to myself.
” I shrug. “I didn’t think I’d ever follow through with it, so I didn’t see the point in bringing it up. ”
Kade tilts his head. “Did you think I wouldn’t want to be friends anymore, or I’d be pissed at you or something?”
I fall back against the pillows. “I dunno. I guess. I’ve always dated or had relationships with women, so I guess I figured you wouldn’t understand.”
Kade sits silently, and my stomach churns. I don’t want to lose the friendship of the person closest to me. But I can’t lie to myself any longer either. Not anymore. Not since I’ve met Rex. If Kade is homophobic, that’s on him. Not me.
At last, Kade speaks, “I feel kind of bad that you didn’t think you could confide in me.” He scratches the back of his head, his brow creasing. “I guess it’s because I’m an asshole.”
“What?” I smack my forehead with my palm. “No, I don’t feel that way about you at all.”
He hugs himself, his head hanging. This is not a side of him I’ve ever seen.
“No, for real. I fucked up.” Kade’s voice quavers. “If I teased you hard enough that you were afraid to confide in me, then I’m exactly what I said I am. A complete asshole.”
“Well…maybe not a complete asshole.”
One corner of his mouth lifts as if he might smile, but his tone stays melancholy. “Don’t give me a hall pass on this one, dude.” He finally raises his eyes. “I’m sorry. That was wrong of me. Something I need to work on.”
I smile, his words making the pressure in my chest ease up. “Thanks, I appreciate that.”
He seems to have relaxed as well. “Okay, time for more true confessions.” Kade crosses his arms. “I haven’t been completely real with you either.”
“Oh?” I wasn’t expecting this.
“Yeah, so I think I act the way I do because I’m insecure.” He winces. “And just saying that out loud makes me feel like shit. Although, I spend most of my life not dealing my feelings, so there’s that too.” He lets out a heavy sigh. “I’m a mess.”
“Hey, It’s all right. I’m sure you probably worry that you’ll be teased for expressing your emotions.” I shake my head. “That’s such a dude thing.”
Kade jabs his finger at the screen. “That's exactly it. Remember Jordan and his cronies on the football team when we started high school, all the names they called us? The way they’d follow us around, taunting us and using those slurs about women and gay guys that I definitely don’t want to repeat. ”
I gasp. Man, I’d buried that freshman experience deep in the recesses of my mind. Kade bringing it up is like a punch to the gut.
“Holy shit. I forgot about that.”
“So, no excuses, I know I was wrong. But I think that might be when it started.”
“What started, exactly?”
As long as we’re being forthcoming with each other after all these years, I don’t want to make any assumptions.
“Trying to be tough, be a so-called man. Like, I had to act a certain way so I wouldn’t be called those names anymore.”
“I understand.”
I’m so relieved we can talk to each other this way. I have a feeling we’re going to be even better friends than before.
“But I’m done being a dick.” He gives a sharp nod. “I’m going to watch what I say from now on.”
I give him a big smile. “I’m proud of you, dude.”
He ducks his head. “Thanks.” There’s an awkward pause, then he sucks in a deep breath and continues, “So tell me about lover boy…” He snaps his fingers. “Was I being a dick just then?”
I chuckle. “No, but I’ll let you know when you are.”
“Cool. Baby steps, right?”
“Right.”
He’s not the only one who’s taking baby steps. Although I’m starting to feel the urge to take grown-up steps with Rex. Why should I deny myself the chance to be serious with someone I’m so wild over?
A thought occurs to me, and it has nothing to do with revealing my sexuality. But my promise to Rex cancels out my keeping his Howler secret from Kade. Although that doesn’t mean I can’t share all his other incredible attributes.
Okay, maybe leave out how big Rex’s package is. Not that I’ve seen the goods yet, but it’s pretty obvious in his tight hiking shorts.
“Well,” I begin. “I actually met him the first time when I applied for a job at his inn.”
“Whoa. He has his own inn? That’s killer.”
“But that’s not how we started getting to know each other. He actually saved me from a mountain lion.”
Kade gasps. “Shut the front door. A freakin’ mountain lion? You’re just now telling me you were attacked by a vicious animal?” He tsks. “Haven’t I been telling you all these years that the outdoors are dangerous? This is why I prefer video games. If you die, you come back.”
I proceed to tell him the edited version that leaves out the Howler part and me crashing into a magical force field. As I share my story, Kade goes back to stuffing chips in his mouth.
All is right with the world again.