27. James
JAMES
Tension spread across my chest as I jogged up the steps to the Museum of Natural History for a bunch of different reasons. The primary one was trying to figure out why were we meeting here?
When Christopher had suggested the two of us getting out in the world instead of hanging in his apartment like usual, I’d been shocked.
But then again, in the weeks since his “slip up” (as Bernie called it), he’d been making all sorts of changes.
It was almost like going through the trauma had shifted the way he saw the world.
Well, that and the new therapist he’d hired.
I strode into the great room prepared to find a bench so I could wait for my perpetually late brother, but he was already there looking healthier and happier than I’d seen in ages.
“Hey,” I said, pulling him into a quick hug. I didn’t care about my stone-cold reputation or any potential stalk-arazzi around, after everything we’d been through, when I saw my brother, I was going to hug him. Hard.
“Hey yourself, right on time.” He slapped me on the back a few times.
“Yeah, you need to tell me what we’re doing here.” I gestured to the swarms of school kids shrieking around us. “This feels really odd.”
“Walk with me,” he said cryptically, gesturing me to follow him.
We wound up in a quieter exhibit hall, filled with gems and minerals.
“You looking to pick up a new hobby or something?” I asked, pointing to the display with rocks cracked open to reveal sparkly interiors. “What’s up?”
He ignored my weak attempt at an icebreaker. “Lots, actually. First, I wanted to talk to you about Amanda.”
My stomach bottomed out. Fuck. After everything he was still hung up on her?
The day she’d visited him in the hospital she’d stormed out of his room after about ten minutes, and he’d been stony and silent when I went in to check on him.
He hadn’t said anything about what went on between the two of them, and it didn’t feel like it was my place to ask.
“Okay…” I said slowly. “I’m listening.”
I pretended to be interested in the various sparkly things around us, but there was no way I could focus on anything but Christopher. I tried to be subtle as I studied him. Was I missing signs of distress again? Was he manic and hiding it?
“I said some really shitty things to her when she came to visit me,” he began. “I just wanted to hurt her the way she’d hurt me, you know?”
I nodded, secretly pleased that he’d stood up for himself and put her in her place for a change.
“I was going to leave it at that. Just close that chapter of my life, move on and be done with her. It wasn’t true closure, but I felt like I’d made my point, you know? Then she reached out to me a week later and asked to meet for coffee.”
I could feel the frown taking over my face, so I struggled to remain neutral. “Yeah but…what about the restraining order Tim threatened?”
He waved his hand and made a disgusted noise. “That was all bullshit. Tim was being an insecure dick. She was never on board with that.”
Given that he’d sounded like a puffed-up, insecure bully on the phone, I wasn’t shocked.
“At first I was stressed out about meeting her,” Christopher said, cracking his knuckles as we walked through the exhibit. “Was she going to scream at me and cause a scene? I was prepared for anything. But guess what she did?”
I snorted angrily. “The sky is the limit with that woman.”
“Right? Well, the very first thing she did when we sat down was apologize to me. I nearly passed out, because I didn’t think the word ‘sorry’ was part of her vocabulary.”
“Amanda apologized to you? For what?”
Christopher ducked his head and shoved his hands in his pockets.
“A lot of stuff. Some of it was pretty deep. The headline of all of it? This baby was unplanned. She flat-out told me that it wasn’t a case of not wanting a baby with me and wanting one with Tim.
When she said that I felt like a weight had been lifted off my heart.
I kept beating myself up, you know? Why him?
What did Tim have that I didn’t? But in the end, it wasn’t about that. ”
“Well shit, so she still doesn’t want a baby and she’s having one?” I asked. “That poor kid.”
Christopher shrugged. “I didn’t want to get into that.
It’s not my business now. And to acknowledge that fact—that what she does has nothing to do with me—and be okay with it?
It’s incredible. I feel like I have…well, I have peace.
That anger I used to feel is gone. I’m not obsessed with punishing her for hurting me.
Honestly, I walked away from that meeting and felt like a new man.
My life is about moving forward, and she’s not a part of it. I’m not stuck in the past now.”
A wave of envy rolled through me. What I wouldn’t give to feel that way.
Of course, I didn’t envy everything my brother had been through to get to this point, but I sure as hell wished I could be positive about my own future—that I could see new things on the horizon that had me hopeful or optimistic.
All I had were questions, sadness, and so much left unsaid.
“You should try having an actual conversation when you’re going through tough shit, you know? Talking things out does wonders.” Christopher gave me a pointed look that I ignored.
“Well, good for you.” I slapped his back. “I’m proud of you.”
He snorted. “As your older brother I should be saying that to you. Speaking of, how’s your leave going? Are you getting things sorted?”
I shook my head. “We’re not here to talk about me. And there’s nothing new to report. Now are you going to fill me in why we’re here?” I gestured around us.
“No, I’m going to show you.”
He picked up his pace and I followed along, still mystified, out of the gem exhibit and up a flight of stairs. We wound up at the entrance to the butterfly vivarium.
“She wanted to see this.”
She?
For the briefest moment I felt hope surge inside of me. Maybe Christopher had reached out to Natalie and arranged a neutral meeting place for us to talk? Anticipation shot through me as I craned my neck to see if I could spot her in the crowd.
“There she is,” he exclaimed.
I looked towards where he was pointing, feeling stupidly nervous, only to spot a pretty petite blonde breaking into a jog towards us.
“Julia?”
She bounced to a stop in front of Christopher, and they grinned at each other like teenagers.
“Hi!” she said with a little wave.
“Hey.” Christopher beamed back at her.
I tried not to let on how disappointed I was to see her and not Natalie, or the fact that I was going to be a third wheel for a museum date.
“Julia loves butterflies,” Christopher explained as we headed for the entrance. “I wanted to get out and see them with her, and I figured since you now have all the time in the world, you’d enjoy it too. I don’t want you to wind up like I was, cooped up in my apartment.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” Julia laughed. “I felt like I was delivering stuff to you every other day.”
He bumped against her shoulder. “Did you ever consider that I had ulterior motives for all those orders?”
I hoped they didn’t see me rolling my eyes.
One of the museum staff led us through the double set of entrances they used to make sure none of the butterflies got loose—and then we stepped into the room, full of plants and flowers and about a thousand percent humidity.
Julia’s eyes lit up with wonder, and my heart gave a little tug at the look Christopher was giving her, how happy he was just watching her.
“James, how’s Natalie?” Julia asked. “Is she meeting us?”
“Yes, how is Natalie?” Christopher locked onto me with his big brother stare. “It’s got to be a little overwhelming for her lately, since the article came out.”
What is he talking about? “What article?”
Christopher just stared at me for a second. “Are you saying you didn’t see the article in The New York Times?”
“I…haven’t really been keeping up with the news lately.
” Truth was, I’d been on a media blackout since the whole mess went down with Heidi.
Whatever people were saying about me or her, I didn’t want to hear it.
I told the press team to update me about anything directly connected to the company, but aside from that, I’d been enjoying being out of touch.
It really gave me a chance to catch up on my Netflix queue.
“It’s an expose of MG, and all the women he’s sexually harassed,” Julia explained.
“Apparently, Natalie and some other women in her design class were the ones who first came forward with their stories, but once the reporter started digging into it, a lot more came out. The #MeToo movement broke some really important stories about models being harassed and assaulted, but no one has really dug into what designers do in other arenas. Students, assistants, interns, up-and-coming designers who he ‘mentored’…he harassed all of them, alternating between promising them big opportunities and threatening them with never working in fashion again if they didn’t give in to him.
It’s shining a spotlight on how much abuse takes place in every corner the fashion world.
As a result, Marshall’s has already pulled his line, and every organization he’s affiliated with is distancing themselves from him as fast as they can.
Only time will tell if he ends up facing criminal charges, but he’s definitely feeling some consequences already.
His days of having power and influence—and using them to hurt people—are over. ”
“And Natalie’s the one who got this started? That’s amazing,” I said, honestly. She’s amazing.